A healthy way of thinking (and somewhat directly linked to Stoicism, which I'm finding more and more invaluable to my work with each passing day as a product manager) is that you aren't sometimes a product, but you actually are a product. In a biological sense, you are the outcome of your parents and their respective sets of ancestors, over multiple generations.
As a result, the best way to spend your life is by devoting yourself to doing good, perfecting your craft and yourself. If you're interested, I'd highly recommend getting this and reading a page a day and really thinking about the contents of each page you read for a few minutes each day. It might seem trivial at first, but when it all clicks it begins to make so much more sense.
There are literally 19,885 reviews on Amazon, OP.
You will not find any new opinions here than that which has already been said among them.
Most of us like Ryan but his writing is fairly generic self-help; we prefer you read the originals like Aurelius, Epictetus, and Seneca.
I don’t know how I forgot this last night but one last thing. One thing that really helped for me even before I fully understood the doctrine behind it all was “The Daily Stoic”. Just essentially a book with a quote for each day of the year and and the author elaborating on how it’s applicable today and how to apply it. This alone helped jumpstart my process a ton.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0735211736/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_QT75KGM7QTKQ1Z3KHP8H
This is something you can learn my friend!
I recommend you start here:
The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0735211736/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_1NJM0Z796QHN7KQFP1R5
A good friend of mine recommended that to me and it was a game changer.
Reading, thinking, and following the Stoic Philosophy and Stoicism can help you in positive thinking and can change your life tremendously. I am starting my day with The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday and it is helping me in positive thinking and affirmations.
This is the easiest way to read daily and learn lessons from all the above materials. I read it everyday
The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0735211736/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_VMDN86QP7Z1MD7779PYM
For anyone interested, Meditations (Marcus Aurelius) is of course a great read, but this is very digestible also pretty solid imo.
I have found The Daily Stoic to be very helpful. It has meditations from various stoics and modern/real life applications that make things easier for me to understand and use everyday.
I've never read Meditations or any of the Stoic books, but I have The Daily Stoic, and it contains quotes from them along with some commentary. I read it most days, and I get a lot of it. What I like about it is how practical Stoicism is. It's pretty straightforward, or at least that's the impression I get from the daily readings.
The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living https://www.amazon.com/dp/0735211736/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_fxGiBbDH1J35B
i feel you. weed, fap, munchies, video games - in that order, is my favorite thing to do. it's amazing, but you gotta have it under control. limit yourself to what you feel is acceptable. i think this book will help you: the daily stoic by ryan holiday
The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living https://www.amazon.com/dp/0735211736/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_tkLKAbBRAT9FF
> good life decisions should supersede religion always
this, and you don't need all the guilt, shame, control, authority being given away (from them as individuals to their "priesthood leaders") to raise good humans; and the big benefit, they will learn to think for themselves critically and accept others without judgement, and grow into their own selves, whatever that may be.
Parents should teach their children empowering values and clear thinking. For a good guide see: The Daily Stoic
i'm not usually one to push books, but this one has a huge impact on my life for the better. If you don't like the book just look up stoicism. It more or less follows that tenet.
To go a bit of a different way then what you are asking the translations in The Daily Stoic are very comprehensible and it has quotes grouped by topic into different months which also helps. It also includes quotes from all the "classic" stoics so it could be a good starting point if you wanted a little bit of everything.
https://www.amazon.com/Daily-Stoic-Meditations-Wisdom-Perseverance/dp/0735211736
This is a very important post.
I'd recommend to anyone reading this to look into philosophies like Stoicism, and make study of that sort of thing a part of your daily routine. It doesn't take much time, just 10-15 minutes each day can be very beneficial.
In fact, there's a book designed for that: The Daily Stoic. One page a day, all year long. It really can help you get control of yourself, ground you, and keep you focused.
Philosophically speaking, this is a really loaded question but I think you're halfway to resolving it. It might take only a little reframing.
It is true true that we're only specs of dust in the grand scheme of things. But take a smaller scale and it can change dramatically. You can be a whole world to your cat. You can be half a life to your partner. You can be a great influence to your friend. You can be a noticeable life improvement to many people in your community. But most importantly you are the whole of your own life. So you can pick whatever scale is most comfortable to you. It doesn't have to be "the grand scheme of things".
I suggest you star small and build up. Start with the smallest scale. A little self-care and self-love goes a long way. Buy a nice shirt. Lose a pound of weight. Work out once in a while. Read a book you like. Have a coffee/tea/whatever you like in a park on a sunny day. Take a nice bath. Allow yourself to not feel guilty about unwashed dishes for half a day. Small thing like that.
Once you're comfortable with yourself start expanding. Reach out to a friend. Or if you don't have one try making a new one. Go to a place you enjoy and try talking to a stranger for 3 minutes. If you have a hobby attend a local meetup. If you don't try finding one.
The value of things comes from "inside". There's no intrinsic value to anything. So yes, you're quite right that "everything is worth nothing in reality" but you also have noticed that it's us who "value everything". And since value is inherently personal it's up to you to decide what to value. There are more universally valued things out there: shelter, food. But it's still you who decides what food to value: pizza, sushi, or both. Maybe your favorite is pickles with orange jelly. It's up to you to decide. There's no universal, absolute value. You'll have to work a little to find what's valuable to you.
Fortunately, there's a safe low effort default. You can start with whatever people around you value and then explore other options to see if there's anything out there you might value more. Do people around you eat seafood a lot? Great, start with that and when you feel like having a new experience try a burger. Did you like it better? Awesome, now you value burgers more. Not really? Not bad, too. Now you know you value seafood more than burgers.
This is trivial example but this is how it works. This is the general approach to finding your set of values.
I wish it was easy but since the dawn of man we try to find answer to this and haven't found the definitive one yet. a few approaches stood the test of time but not everyone if quite happy about any one of them.
Wouldn't it be good to be satisfied with who you are? Maybe. Well, Stoics some 2000 years ago proposed just that. Be content with what you have right now. Which is a powerful strategy if you can do that. But as you rightfully noticed it's a little at odds with "truly happy life". That comes mostly from the discrepancy between your expectations of what a truly happy life is and your present situations. And that comes from your values.
For instance, you value nature. But you live in a big city with hardly any trees around. One option is to move. The ideal option would be a cabin in woods but it might be too drastic a change so maybe to an apartment near a park. This will require some effort and maybe would clash with other values you have (maybe you value quite weekends where you live now and you know that the park would get crowded on weekends). Another option is to accept your situation. On the face of it it seem like it doesn't need any effort. You don't have to hunt for a new apartment, you don't need to pack, move, unpack, and settle in a new place, you don't need to get used to the new neighbours. But it does require mental effort. You'll have to live with the discrepancy between your ideal and actual situation. That tension will need some kind of resolution. Most likely, changes to your values. And unlike discovering what you value, it takes a lot of effort to change your values.
So some effort is required anyway.
Good news is that you don't need to spend a lot of effort. You're allowed to half-ass pretty much everything. In every situation you can do as little as possible to improve your situation as your values allow.
Let's get back to the nature in the barren hellscape of a big city. Ideally you'd move to a cabin in the forest. But that's too far from your school/friends/family. There are hardly any dining options. And internet is probably a little slow. With those other values taken into account the next best option is moving next to a park in your big city. But that requires a lot of effort. So maybe try approaching the problem from the other end of the effort spectrum. Half-ass it. Buy a plant or two for your current apartment. See if it works. If it does but 5 more. If it still works and you still feel like spending more effort build a little indoor garden in one corner.
Like with the scale, start with the smallest possible thing you can do and do it. If it feel like too much effort still, make it even smaller.
If you feel like taking care of a plant is too much, that's fine. Go the nearest visit a flower shop and marvel at flowers for a few minutes. You don't have to buy a plant to enjoy it.
One thing many people get wrong about happiness is that it's a permanent state and that it can be achieved once and for all.
You can imagine your ideal home, with ideal family and friends, and you do your favorite thing and you convince yourself that's how happiness looks. You're doing a great disservice to yourself for more than one reason.
For once, that reason is unattainable. You can in theory get close to it but if your target doesn't match your actual situation and you're not allowing yourself to be happy you'll be miserable. You can imagine you're unhappy because you're on a public bus with that smelly dude behind you on a hot day and a nice car would make you happy but Jeff Bezos can be as unhappy in the most luxury nice spelling airconditioned car because he's stuck in the same traffic you are. So allow yourself to be happy before you get to your ideal.
Second, your dream might be not what would make you happy. You might imagine whatever but it might not match your actual values. You have a lot of them and as much else in human nature they are most likely not coherent. That is, some of your values might conflict with other values in some way. Or they can not be satisfied in reality. For instance, your favorite color is blue and you love cats. Unfortunately, it's quite hard to come by a blue cat. So instead of aiming for a specific ideal situation instead go with your gut feeling and try improving your situation incrementally. That way you get to be happy about every improvement instead of unhappy all the way until you get to your ideal state.
Third, you don't have to wait for the ideal state to be happy. You can be happy about very small things. Actually, that is the essence of happiness: it's a series of happy moments. You've got a funny meme fro your friend — you're happy for a few minutes. You've got a new plant — you're happy for half a day. You've caught a sun ray on a grey day — you're happy for a few seconds. You went for a vacation overseas for two weeks — you're happy for two weeks. You've stumbled upon photos from that vacation — you're happy for a few minutes. Aim for these happy moments. They're easier to achieve and they help you maintain positive mood to work towards more effortful bigger happy moments.
Now, this turns out to be a long post. But if you're still here I have some recommendations to read more.
Hope this would help. Wish you all the best.
The Daily Stoic is a nice entry book https://www.amazon.co.uk/Daily-Stoic-Meditations-Wisdom-Perseverance/dp/0735211736 Quote a day with modern day explanation
Title: The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living
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I recommend daily stoic: 266 mediations by ryan holiday
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<strong>https://www.amazon.com/Daily-Stoic-Meditations-Wisdom-Perseverance/dp/0735211736</strong>
https://www.amazon.com/Daily-Stoic-Meditations-Wisdom-Perseverance/dp/0735211736/ref=nodl_
Get this book and read a page a day (or more).
The Daily Stoic really helped me.
It took a while, but reading one page every so often and reflecting on it built up over time.
First of all, love the you that you are. This is how you are currently wired, accept that and accept yourself. This doesnt mean you dont make an effort to improve, it just means dont think you are 'broken' right now. Based on your description, it sounds like you could benefit from learning and practicing Stoicism. Look at this book and read the excerpts on amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Daily-Stoic-Meditations-Wisdom-Perseverance/dp/0735211736/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1551078323&sr=8-1&keywords=stoicism
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I want you to really focus on self love/self respect (the core of what it means to be confident and secure with yourself). We must understand that as humans we can NEVER be perfect, so therefore perfection should never be the benchmark for our worthiness. Learning from mistakes is the only way that we can evolve our souls. Feeling a lack of worthiness will only result in self sabotage. While feeling worthy and deserving will attract good circumstances and happiness.
You can do this because your life is sooooo with it :)
Just to add on to this: I do think it’s natural for men to gradually become “less passionate” as they get older. I just don’t like those words to describe it. I think it’s more of a maturity thing. Rather than framing your mindset as less passionate/depressed, see it more as more stoic or more rational minded. Three things I would recommend the most: meditate, read, and hike. I already stated another comment how hiking as reinvigorated me and given me a new fresh perspective on life. Meditation: I’m not just talking about the cliche sit in lotus position in silence mediation. I’m talking completely changing your perspective on life through mindfulness. It’s so easy to go into autopilot mode and let life blur past you. PAY ATTENTION. Be mindful of everything around you. Look people in the eyes and focus on them when you talk to them. Focus all of your energy on every task you do and find the calm satisfaction that comes with completing a task. Find the little joys in life that seem trivial: how green the grass at the local park is, how blue the sky is, how beautiful the architecture of your local city is. Being present in the moment helps to shut down the monkey chatter in your brain but also helps to wake you up from the autopilot that depression so often causes.
Lastly: reading. Read like crazy. Read everything from the ancient philosophers to the modern day self improvement gurus. Read classical literature. Gain as much wisdom as you can from these works. Embrace getting older and wiser. Some books to start you off: The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living https://www.amazon.com/dp/0735211736/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_QUIBFb3KQFZFW
Meditations: A New Translation https://www.amazon.com/dp/0812968255/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_tVIBFbVHFJHD3
I've heard good things about The Daily Stoic, pretty easy to digest, and something he could keep in his desk to read at lunch/between classes.
Your best bet would be to understand and practice Stoicism. Book:
The Daily Stoic
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This will teach you how to me mentally strong in a way that is doable and real. Its not about being a super tough guy (or tough lady) or bad boy, is more about be emotionally mature so you can have thick skin and not be controlled by your emotions and rather you control your emotions.
Read the preview on amazon.
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Already on a 5-day streak and don't plan on stopping at all. Probably the next time I'll fap is maybe in 10-20 years for fun. But anyway, a little bit of myself and why I'm doing this.
A while ago I purchased a book called <em>The Daily Stoic</em> which gives daily quotes on how to live life in accordance to Stoicism philosophy. I've always wanted to become a Stoic and so I quickly picked up this book with almost no hesitation.
Every page begins with a quote from a Stoic philosopher e.g. Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, Seneca, etc.
It wasn't until I came to the quote of February 13th, Pleasure Can Become Punishment, when I was really struck:
"Whenever you get an impression of some pleasure, as with any impression, guard yourself from being carried away by it, let it await your action, give yourself a pause. After that, bring to mind both times, first when you have enjoyed the pleasure and later when you will regret it and hate yourself. Then compare to those the joy and satisfaction you’d feel for abstaining altogether. However, if a seemingly appropriate time arises to act on it, don’t be overcome by its comfort, pleasantness and allure - but against all of this, how much better the consciousness of conquering it.”
~Epictetus, Enchiridion, 34
After reading this particular quote, I suddenly reflected back on the days I would jack off and realised that I was not a very energetic person. I also came to realise that I was not reaching my full potential as a student and I could not get in the university that I truly wanted. Then I suddenly thought of another thing: there's a subreddit called NoFap.
I went on my computer and read about as much as I could on NoFap. Once I began to find out about the benefits of NoFap was when I soon started to see how all of this made sense. I was drained of energy, tired all the time, had trouble getting up in the morning, had minor social awkwardness, barely studied eventhough I knew I had to, received sort of mediocre grades, among many other things that I felt was wrong with me. I decided at that point that fapping was the main culprit of most if not all of my life's problems and decided to abstain from PMO altogether.
Note that everything I've said above was during my holidays. Later towards the end of this month, I'll be joining a new college with another chance to enter the university of my choice which I previously failed to. I'm gonna have a better social life there and I'll have much more energy to study and become a better person in general.
I've relapsed twice so far and 5 days ago was the last one for as long as I live.
That's why I'm here.
I agree with /u/emof - get a modern book that gives context. I like:
The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living
https://amazon.com/Daily-Stoic-Meditations-Wisdom-Perseverance/dp/0735211736
This is a wonderful and relevant book by Ryan Holiday: The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living
The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday is also a great resource on stoicism and life lessons. I listen to it often for all the great material within.
Can you suggest to him to doing some reading up on Stoicism? Great book is https://www.amazon.com/Daily-Stoic-Meditations-Wisdom-Perseverance/dp/0735211736