What is Reddit's opinion of The Definitive Book of Body Language: The Hidden Meaning Behind People's Gestures and Expressions?

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Hey man, fellow former-religious-conservative-turned-liberal here. I resonate with a lot of what you're saying in your post and comments. A thing that helped me was identifying some steps I could take to be more physically present/inviting to people and then just...doing those things, even when I felt weird/uncomfortable about it. I had to accept that what I felt about physicality had nothing whatsoever to do with reality, and so I focused on external actions I could force myself to take regardless of how I felt about doing those things. I started incorporating brief touches into my conversations with women I was interested in (e.g. when I met her and her friend at a gathering, reaching out and touching her arm as I greeted them), as well as more open and confident body language (I have no idea how body language works, I just took this book on faith).

It felt very weird and awkward at first. I felt like I was being invasive, inconsiderate, and going out on a very shaky limb. It was not perceived that way. I just had to accept that, thanks to the background I was raised with, my social intuitions were sources of very bad information when it came to physicality.

Also, therapy helps a lot. Your insurance may cover a good part of the expense (look for "outpatient mental health" or similar language).

I found The Definitive Book of Body Language to be helpful! Does a good job of breaking down to specifics. Helped me a lot with picking up on clues from eye contact/movement, posture, and body positioning. Never though of the importance of where someone's feet were pointing until reading this book haha

you need self confidence my dude. this is what you lack, you get scared, you clam up, you technically shut down.

Body Language - Barbara and Allen Pease https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553804723/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_STMQMM6XHZ6J2BY05E3V?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

if you have the time, read this book. im not saying you'll become a 007 by reading this. However, you can at least give youeself at edge. As they say, actions speaks louder than words.

you need self confidence my dude. this is what you lack, you get scared, you clam up, you technically shut down.

Body Language - Barbara and Allen Pease https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553804723/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_STMQMM6XHZ6J2BY05E3V?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

if you have the time, read this book. im not saying you'll become a 007 by reading this. However, you can at least give youeself at edge. As they say, actions speaks louder than words.

> I really do not grasp social skills, nor do I notice I've said/done something wrong until someone points it out, usually hours later.

Have you ever read any books on body language? this one is good. While I am not autistic, I really struggled with body language partially because the body language my mother uses is really wonky - so I would get the wrong messages. I still sometimes do.

It was amazing how much more sense other people made once I had some sort of rules to go off of. Maybe it would help you in a similar way? A good part of social skills is not just your ability to express yourself, but also your ability to read the people around you, and engage in social mirroring. I did not do social mirroring very well until I read that book. I realize it won't be perfect, but it might give you a few more tools.

That book actually goes over this exact style of handshake, deeming it "The Socket-Wrencher" on page 62.

The book goes on to say it usually indicates one of three things: first that the initiator is insecure, second that the initiator is from an area with small areas of personal space, or third that the initiator is trying to exert control upon the recipient.

Source book

> I want to make a good impression on most people and exude power but still be feminine, especially in professional settings.

https://www.amazon.com/Definitive-Book-Body-Language/dp/0553804723

this book has a lot of insights for how women should behave in business settings, what to wear, how/when to talk, etc... but it's kinda written "between the lines", there is no separate chapter for that. But it's a pretty good read anyway

You are good looking, maybe can change your haircut, but definitely are handsome and will get more handsome as time goes on. What is probably pulling you back right now with the ladies is posture and body language. May I recommend this book: http://www.amazon.com/Definitive-Book-Body-Language/dp/0553804723

It gave me great confidence and made me think about what I look like to others. It helped a LOT with the ladies.

Didn't really like it. He gives some useful profiling insight but the main theme, basically the credo of his book is: My book is bullshit, you actually can never reliably read people more than 50% of the time.

This was very off-putting, because he called me - the reader - a fool by repeating this nonsense on multiple occasions. Like he didn't even trust his own book and teachings.

If you want a book on body language, I can recommend you The Definite Book of Body Language. Great book sprinkled with evolutionary theory and humor, dissecting the likes of Prince Charles and Adolf Hitler.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Definitive-Book-Body-Language/dp/0553804723

I've read this book a handful of times and reference it from time to time. Covers a lot of body language topics and ties things together well. I recommend it, pretty quick read.

You could try reading this book on body language.

It might put things in a more pattern like manner for you.

Also, a question please, if things are presented to you in a cause-effect style is it easy/easier to understand them ?

From what I've read it's my understanding that it's hard to you to handle topics/situation with a lot of subtle, implied, non-written rules... am I right ?

But you could start off by reading the book by Allen Pease: https://www.amazon.com/Definitive-Book-Body-Language-Expressions/dp/0553804723

No it's not. I took great interest in it a few years ago. Within 10 years, there will be face recognition, and body analyzation software that will be able to tell how you feel, or what you're about to do before you do it.

Did you know that globally across the world, there are specific facial gestures that represent emotion? This instinctively tells us that these are born with these. It's inherent, not taught/learned.

I definitely think the doc posted here is amplified in bullshitness for viewing, but it's no pseudo science.

Check out this book on amazon if you're interested.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Definitive-Book-Body-Language/dp/0553804723

and this one by former FBI agent Joe Navarro

https://www.google.com/search?q=fbi+agent+body+language+book&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8

After reading the book and apply principles, it's no psuedo science. I took great interest is just watching people in every day situations as well as experiences with me included.

For flere sjove facts om kropssprog kan jeg anbefale https://www.amazon.com/Definitive-Book-Body-Language-Expressions/dp/0553804723 Det er egentlig ret fed læsning, især for redditors og andre autister.

Do yourself a favor and buy this

https://www.amazon.com/Definitive-Book-Body-Language-Expressions/dp/0553804723

OK, dear. Take a look at a book about body language. Clueless. Try this one. https://www.amazon.com/Definitive-Book-Body-Language-Expressions/dp/0553804723

Might help to pick up a book on body language! This is the one I had in high school:

The Definitive Book of Body Language: The Hidden Meaning Behind People's Gestures and Expressions https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553804723/

Fair, and to some extent, necessary. I agree with you. Interviewing, you don't necessarily need to be charming, just well prepared. Job interviews are formulaic, and it's not hard to look up common interview questions and prepare for them.

One thing to suggest; confidence. While confidence won't stop social awkwardness, it can help cover for it.

So how did I gradually build greater confidence?

One way was comptent Therapy. This helped a lot.

The other is maintaining the illusion of confidence. Take a page from the NT playbook, and lie through body language.

So what does a confident person look like? Well, there are a number of different types of body language for this, but I usually fall back to "the drill sergeant" as I call it. Back mostly straight, neck straight, eyes forward, feet pointed forward, about a shoulders length apart, knees slightly bent, hands tucked into the "small"of my back (just above the pelvic bone), shoulders rolled slightly back. You can thrust your hips forward as well, slightly.

Example from behind.

Example from front.

This exposes your belly, while clasping your hands behind your back shows you're not afraid of a frontal attack. It is a common stance for reflecting confidence. If it works for you, practice it, master it, and feel the confidence.

This is a great resource for learning the how's and why's of certain kinds of body language. I recommend it, though there are plenty of other great books about body language.

The definitive book of body language. Recommend reading it.

Great book!

https://www.amazon.com/Definitive-Book-Body-Language-Expressions/dp/0553804723

Lots of great suggestions here. Just want to point out that The Definitive Book of Body Language is a tremendous help.

https://www.amazon.com/Definitive-Book-Body-Language-Expressions/dp/0553804723

I highly recommend you to read this book. It gives you an excellent overview of the body language signals and non-verbal communication. While humorously written it is a science based, no bullshit approach to the topic, backed by many examples and pictures to properly understand the dynamics behind body movements. We learn how to detect our own body language missteps and also why Hitler liked to cover his crown jewels with his hat, as well as cultural differences.

The Full Facts of Cold Reading is another great book, unfortunately I don't have it listed in the books Machiavelli would read, so I can't provide you with a link.

If you're really interested, check out this book. I read it, it's fantastic.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Definitive-Book-Body-Language/dp/0553804723

Man, I feel like I have to interject here. I feel like I used to be you but before the whole internet dating thing and tinder, etc. If you're just approaching any woman you find attractive and chatting them up, then asking them out, you're going about it wrong, imo.

First, just make friendly talk with women, don't ask them out. Make a point of just talking and getting used to talking with women. They're just people. They aren't special.

Then, learn to recognize the signals that women send out to you that let you know they are attracted to you and want you to talk to them. Get a book on body language. I used the linked one and I thought it was pretty good. It definitely helped me decide if a woman was interested while flirting with her. I could tell when a woman was into me while on a date. While on a date that was even easier than flirting.

I also read this book on how to go about meeting and just being with women. (the examples in the book are atrociously obviously made up but the advice in the book is solid) The big secret? Be a fucking man. Have some self respect. You're out and met a girl who's into you and wants to party all night long while you have shit to do the next day? Get or give her your number and go home to live your life. Think she'll have any respect for you if you hang out all night and buy her drinks?

Be a man, pursue your job and hobbies, live for yourself. Never let your life be about a woman. Do that and women will want to come along for the ride. If you've got that attitude around your friends and single girls, one of them will see you've got your shit together.

YMMV but women want a man they respect not someone who puts them on a pedestal.

First you'll want to take care of your non-verbal language, that's probably the most important thing. In high school I went from being physically awkward to "normal" and people just started being more comfortable talking to me, even though my ability to small talk or whatever was exactly the same.

So, to do that focus on posture first, then learn about body language by also watching every video.

That will give you a lot of interesting knowledge and you'll have a lot of fun learning, trust me.

To add to this, meditating helps you be aware of your body and getting rid of a lot of anxiety that you may have, so do it every day.

Then, when you can make people comfortable just by the way you you look at them and interact with them, small talk is so much easier (still tedious and hard at times but you won't feel like you're the only one trying to make conversation) and you'll feel so normal.

I was right where you are a few years ago when I was finishing up my undergrad college degree. In my senior year, I was already not doing too well as the school wasn't really for me due to a variety of reasons, but I had decided to grit my teeth and just power through.

Around this time, my ADHD started getting worse and worse without me realising it. I have a mild case of Aspergers so had spent so much time focusing on managing it, that ADHD seemed like a minor thing; something in the corner that I could easily take care of. It was a shock to me then when things started to fall apart. My concentration became worse and worse, my grades fell, then stagnated as I worked myself to the breaking point. I couldn't understand how everyone around me expended so little effort to get great grades and papers. Because of this and the complete lack of tutoring/psychological resources at my school (I DO NOT recommend attending a very small college), I developed situational depression and eventually thought that I was fundamentally worse and stupider than everyone else.

This downward spiral could have been a stopping point, but thanks to a great deal of support, I finished college, got a job, and am now in a place where I can use my ADHD as an asset. I don't know how old you are, or what you have tried, but I urge you to consider doing the following steps:

1. Take a step back, breath, take a long walk. Focus on what's around you and what you're seeing, not on those thoughts crowding your mind. If a thought takes over and you start to panic, come back to the present. You can also do this while sitting, I recommend doing it in a spot with a great view.

2. Come back to whatever work you have and do the simplest task possible. It could even be doing the dishes, as long as you get that done.

3. Get through the rest of this week and don't forget to breathe. Use this community to ask for support, please pm me if you want some support. Believe me, we've all been through this before.

4. OK, you've gotten through the week. Now its time to start focusing on the bigger stuff. Do you see a psychologist who specialises in adults with ADD? If not, I highly recommend finding one in your area. When I started seeing one after college, it completely changed my viewpoint on ADHD and allowed me to develop skills better suited to the ways I think, as well as break down unhelpful coping mechanisms/bad studying strategies I created earlier in life. If you find one, try to meet every week. This is not something that should be thought of as short-term, but as a refuge to reflect on what works and doesn't work for as long as you need it.

5. Do you see a psychiatrist for your meds or just a doctor? If its the latter, I recommend getting a psychiatrist ASAP for your meds. They are not the end-all, be-all solution to ADHD, just another part of your tool-kit for managing it. Eveyone will have a toolkit that works best for them, and you deserve to have the kind of medication that's exactly what you need.

6. The social stuff? It gets better, believe me. Are you in high school or college? For me, it was only towards the end of college and especially afterwords that I started developing good social skills. Find a counselor at your school and ask them for social skills resources, they're a good starting point. I also HIGHLY recommend finding an ADD support group if any exist in the area you live. There's also great book/online resources for social stuff, though they can be a bit dense. I recommend this for body language and this for more general social stuff.

7. There are many more steps, but those are steps you create. YOU have the power over these steps and can do great things with them in your life.

ADHD like life is a journey. There will be ups and downs. But the experience can be amazing instead of crushing if you get the help.

The Definitive Guide To Body Language

I've been reading here and there for years but this is the only book I have. I think it's far from definitive, but it has a lot of good stuff in it. You will probably find that you already know more than you think you do and you will become more perceptive just by becoming aware.

I've also heard good things about What Every BODY Is Saying. I haven't read it yet but it's on my list.

Also, because this is an MBTI subreddit I will include this. Facial Expressions Of The 8 Functions. I noticed a while ago that each type looked a certain way but was never able to fully break it down until I found this website. I find Ne users to be the most obvious.

Get this book. It explains pretty much everything there is to know.

For all the oblivious men out there that need help. It is VERY OBVIOUS when you read a book about body language whether a woman is open or actively flirting with you. I use to play poker very seriously in the casinos and I read a few body language books for poker tells and a great byproduct of that was it helped my sex life. I reccomend http://www.amazon.com/Definitive-Book-Body-Language/dp/0553804723/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1440003818&sr=8-3&keywords=body+language

Must read: http://www.amazon.com/Definitive-Book-Body-Language/dp/0553804723/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1393378330&sr=1-1&keywords=definitive+guide+to+body+language

I have this one here http://www.amazon.com/Definitive-Book-Body-Language/dp/0553804723 found it to be quite informative.

This is in fact not true. According to The Definitive Book of Body Language, "By folding one or both arms across the chest, a barrier is formed that is an unconscious attempt to block out what we perceive as a threat or undesirable circumstances. The arms fold neatly across the heart and lungs regions to protect these vital organs from being injured, so its likely that arm-crossing is inborn."

Later, they mention: "Research conducted in the United States into the Crossed Arms gesture has shown some worrying results... ...The results showed that the group with the folded arms had learned and retained 38% LESS than the group who kept its arms unfolded." The chapters goes on a lot about the Arms Folded gesture. Including what it does for the speaker when the gesture is shown. Its a good read.

I can honestly say that this book helped me a lot in getting started http://www.amazon.com/Definitive-Book-Body-Language/dp/0553804723 . It's very basic stuff, but it's easy to apply in daily situations. In order to apply it, it takes practice: I don't know how old you are, but college parties are Wonderful for practice. Restaurants (or anywhere people are on first dates) are also great for seeing very blatant body language. People blocking, arm crossing, facial modifiers and body orientation are very easy to see when there aren't many people vying for their attention. Microexpressions can be learned online or through a few (possibly torrentable) programs such as SETT. What micro/macroexpression training you want depends on what you're looking to do with it: things like FACE (all derived from dr. paul eckmans work) are really basic overviews, whereas something like understanding FACS (facial action coding system) take a while to get. You can get psuedo-certified through humintell.com, and they have a decent online course as well.