hey thanks for sharing. our stories are incredibly similar and i'm at the same point you are right now. to say i'm fed up is an understatement.
have you reached out to anyone irl such as a therapist? i am working on getting a therapist as well as a nutritionist atm.
i just purchased a workbook on amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Workbook-Bulimia/dp/1572246197/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1544555472&sr=8-3&keywords=bulimia+workbook
someone recommended that to me. hoping that will help. i'm so scared of going back to where i was.