I was in your shoes, only it sounds like you may have more time than I did. While you have time, if you want to save your marriage, stop whatever it is that you're doing. Whatever it is, it obviously hasn't been working. I read a book that I thought was pretty useful - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0684873257/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
It was too late for me, but it might help you.
Get marriage counseling.
If she asks for the divorce, give it to her and you have to move on with your life. You have to fight for yourself and your kids.
I know you won't want to, you'll want to give her everything in hopes she'll change her mind. She won't.
Once a woman is done, they're done. She'll put all her unhappiness and the blame for it on you, instead of on her own choices and unwillingness to communicate. Not that you're absolved of any "blame" but blame is worthless. Either you work to fix it or move on.
Read up on this to see if it helps: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/
This book might have helped me if my wife had ever actually loved me, it was a great resource: https://www.amazon.com/Divorce-Remedy-Proven-Program-Marriage/dp/0684873257
Good luck, I hope for your and your kids sake the two of you work it out. But remember this, you can't fix her unhappiness, only she can and most importantly you can't love her into loving you back this is totally under her control (whether she will admit to it or not).
Been through two shit marriages, I'm pulling for you . Hugs.
Tell him if he won't do marriage counseling and work to improve your leaving.
His love language might be different than yours too, figure out what each other's is and commit to loving the person the way they want to be loved, not the way you want to be loved.
Send him this thread and tell him you're done if he won't meet you half way, but realize also that you need to find your happiness within yourself, your life, your friends, and everything else, not solely your marriage.
Best of luck, I hope he turns it around if you give him a choice. I liked the book Divorce Remedy, but sadly I didn't get a chance to try. Another is the Gottman Seven Principles Making Marriage Work
https://www.amazon.com/Divorce-Remedy-Proven-Program-Marriage/dp/0684873257/
https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797
Hugs, I hope you find happiness either way. Don't beg though, it's time for him to put up or get the fuck out.
Absolutely. My wife told me she wanted a divorce 2 months ago, and it was awful the first couple of weeks. I kept running to help control my emotions, and saw a marriage counselor several times for advice on what to do to save my marriage. It's been really hard, but it's getting better. Where I was 2 months ago vs today... I'm a better me. It's so easy to fall into self-destructive behaviors. Being aware is one thing, but gathering that inner strength to build the willingness to change and be strong... That's a whole different thing altogether.
I read a couple good books over the last two months: