What is Reddit's opinion of The Emotional Incest Syndrome: What to do When a Parent's Love Rules Your Life?

From 3.5 billion Reddit comments

Also this book might go a long way towards explaining why your parents only love a certain "picture in their minds" of you - and not really you. Same for your brother.

(And don't be put off by the overly-sensationalist title... there's actually some pretty good wisdom in that book that could help. :)

> just trying to ruin a fun time with thd kids.

That sounds sketchy.](https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/emotional-covert-incest-when-parents-make-their-kids-partners-0914165). You and your husband should be on the same team as parents. Any other issues:

• One parent coaching a child how to deal with the other parent rather than directly approaching the other parent themselves.
• Having a “favorite" child and a “less favorite“ child (golden child/ scapegoat)
• Parents have emotionally closer relationship with the kids than with three spouse
• Parent feels jealous of other spouses connection with the kids

Growing up in a covert emotional incest home is setting your kids up for a lifetime of relationship strife and seeing their partner as a shitty partner. Do you find yourself crossing the parental line and taking your son's side? Do you find yourself comparing your husband to your idealized version of your dad? Do you find yourself feeling closer to your kids than to your husband?

If you're emotionally incesting your son, you'll also need to be careful that your husband doesn't revert to the “anger discharge" form of emotional incest (getting mad and yelling at the kids). That's ultimately his issue to deal with, and his responsibility, but it is a common issue if he's dealing with an emotionally unavailable spouse.

Not only that, but if you don't deal with it now, your son will grow up without a model of a healthy intimate relationship, an idealized vision of you, and am inability to connect with his future partner. That can often lead him to then pass on the emotional incest to his own kids. It's a shitty situation all around. It will leave him prone to depression and anxiety as well, which is a shitty gift to give to your kid, even if you're giving it out of love.

You need to model a solid relationship to your kids, even if you didn't have a good model yourself growing up.

Can I just leave this here?

The Emotional Incest book

Adult Children of Alcoholics (surprisingly relevant regardless of alcoholism)

Yeah. And it was hell when I disconnected. My mother is just so needy that I couldn't grow any farther with her in my life.

A good book on the subject. http://www.amazon.com/The-Emotional-Incest-Syndrome-Parents/dp/055335275X