What is Reddit's opinion of The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing?

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Therapy is you can afford it.

Here's a recommendation: https://www.amazon.com/Emotionally-Abusive-Relationship-Abused-Abusing-ebook/dp/B000PY4IKE/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwnoqLBhD4ARIsAL5JedJgDZYaJln1CXcvr4FH_IW0tcM5CbqmVLyIC-NLnZzhQnCl1HJsJqcaArrdEALw_wcB&hvadid=409946597176&hvdev...

I saw your comment earlier, discovered this book for myself, and returned with the hope that it offers healing help should you read it: Emotionally Abusive Relationships

This one might be a bit better - Beverley Engel - The Emotionally Abusive Relationship. It's less gendered than others and might be more helpful.

 

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I have just recently found that I had been emotionally abusing my girlfriend for the previous 10 years of our relationship. I was in denial, my abuse went unchecked, it led to a moment where I became a physical threat. Our first thought was anger management. My first though was couples counseling. I am not saying that anger management is not the answer nor am I saying that couples counseling won't help. I am under the firm belief that my behavior was learned at a young age though negative psychological abuse (unbeknownst to my parents). I am not blaming my parents I am only trying to piece things together to deconstruct my behavior and repair it.

To the abuser: I know the love is real but you aren't being the person you thought you were being. You need to change. Your partner (if they are still with you) needs you to change. This is not something that your partner can help you with so you need to change yourself.

1. Constant criticism or attempts to manipulate and control // You just want to get your way

2. Shaming and blaming with hostile sarcasm or outright verbal assault // Hostile humor: "I was only kidding"

3. The use of shaming and belittling language

4. Verbal abuse — name-calling // especially in public

5. Withholding affection

6. Punishment and threats of punishment // to anything animate or inanimate

7. Refusal to accept him/her part in the dynamic

8. Mind games, such as gaslighting // pretending something didn't happen or if it did it was not a big deal.

9. Refusing to communicate at all // silent treatment

10. Isolating him/her from supportive friends and family // you don't like his/her friends or family members

In my quest to seek help I was distraught to discover that many resources mainly focus on the survivors and demonize the abuser. But what happens to the abuser? With no tools to fix their own problems wont they simply repeat their abuse? The stigma needs to be changed. From my experience I did not intend to be the monster that I am told I am. I did not mean to control, manipulate, and cause pain to the woman I love. I just did not know any other way to love and that is on me and I know I can change. I've read the books and I have appointments set up with multiple therapists. I am filled with such shame. I will be the person I always intended to be.

Here is a book that really helped me understand the damage inflicted on me during early development and my subconscious need to repeat the damage onto my loved ones. https://www.amazon.com/Emotionally-Abusive-Relationship-Abused-Abusing-ebook/dp/B000PY4IKE

Here is a book written by the gentleman in the video. https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Abuse-Silent-Marriage-30-Year-ebook/dp/B00BAKH56G/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1518320530&sr=1-1&keywords=austin+james&dpID=51nMKdy0c8L&preST=_SY445_QL70_&dpSrc=srch

Good luck everybody. You will have moments of denial but it helps to write down your feelings so you can look back and remember who you are and who you want to be. Please be kind.