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Oh man, that’s really hard. I wish I knew more, I wish I could be more helpful.
There’s a book a got in lieu of therapy called The Feeling Good Handbook that I bought because of its section on communication, but the rest of it was great too. Maybe give it a shot.
Good luck out there, I truly do hope you find happiness.
If I remember correctly, there was the first book call Feeling Good which was the earlier version. This one is the revised addition with more interactive exercises you can apply. I’d go for the physical.
The Feeling Good Handbook https://www.amazon.com/dp/0452281326/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_PHZoFbW3T3P65 or you can probably find it under 10 on eBay
I’m working my way through it right now and it’s been great to practice and refresh every day vs going to therapy once a week and then kinda neglecting what I’ve learned until the next appt.
David Burns is the main CBT guy. He wrote "Feeling Good: The New Mood Science: which is a CBT Bible.
He also has created a workbook that takes you through CBT.
A number of studies have shown that using a workbook for CBT is very effective.
Not as effective as working with a qualified professional,but worth doing nonetheless. Which was a pretty big deal in the therapy world.
Our local library has the work book. Most do. And the download is available on some of the library systems too.
So it can essentially be free.
Here is the workbook:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0452281326/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_Zc1-Fb5AQK88E
First, it sounds like your dating struggles are just the manifestation of a lot of anxiety and negative self-talk. I have personally responded very well to the written exercises - particularly the daily mood log - in The Feeling Good Handbook by Burns. You can buy used copies for cheap on Amazon. Maybe try photocopying the worksheets so you don't have to prop the book open while you reference those specific pages.
Those CBT exercises are basically a tool for examining our negative thoughts and self-belief and then replacing them with something more rational. It's not about skipping through a field full of wildflowers and puppies, but more about noticing when we're sliding into irrational thinking patterns and then performing a course correction.
Second, you mention you have both male and female friends, but are you comfortable socializing with new people? I know folks who have been hanging out with the same crew for 15-20 years. The ability to maintain close friendships is incredibly important, don't get me wrong, but it's a slightly different skill from interacting with new people who aren't friends yet. If you suspect that part of your dating anxiety might be new people anxiety, you might try shaking things up by joining a recreational sports team, taking a dance class, or joining a book club. Something organized or even supervised can feel "safer" than just meeting people randomly in the wild, but it can still improve your confidence when meeting new women.
> I ... have a ton of anxiety. ... I feel so defeated and I can’t understand why I feel so uncomfortable. I feel like ... everyone is making fun of me behind my back because I don’t know what I am doing.
Please consider reading <u>The Feeling Good Handbook</u> by Dr. David Burns. The book is old but good. If you speak with the staff at your local public library, they can almost surely have a copy delivered to your local branch at no charge. The book will likely help you much more if you fill in all the worksheets.
If you work at a hospital which is on a university campus, the university library might have their own copy as well.
If the book doesn't help, or if you struggle to bring yourself to read it: Consider talking with a therapist who has experience dealing with anxiety. It's best if the therapist has at least a master's degree. Your insurance might cover the cost of therapy.
You're worth it.
Pretty much anything by Dr. David Burns. Feeling Good, The Feeling Good Handbook, *and When Panic Attacks* were all recommended to me in my outpatient program years ago. I had a great deal of success with them.
There are a lot of great suggestions here. I am gonna add a minor one that helped me.
I am not one for self help books but I was in a situation where I could not afford mental health care and this came highly recommended. It's not a quick read. It has exercises in it and you need to do them for it to be effectual. But I help3d me see some things in myself that I was able to better quite a bit and improve as a whole.
Better situation now, have seen psychologist and therapist, and honest to God this book was a bigger help than most of the talky stuff, meds helped more than anything. Working out is also incredible if you can have the discipline to do it, which is super hard depressed.
Good luck.
Pm if you need something.
One idea: get a notebook, go someplace private, and just start writing. Get down every terrible thing you’ve ever done. Not a bad idea to write down all the good you’ve done while you’re at it.
Then, categorize them as follows: if they show serious harm to others (murder, poison, etc), a plan to kill yourself (suicide plans but not simple thoughts of suicide), or an abuse situation.
Counselors only have to report things in those categories.
Everything else, you can tell your counselor without any fear. If you’re concerned, you can burn and dispose of them after writing it down.
In terms of your future: look at family history. Does your family have a genetic pattern of depression/the issues you are having? If so, have any successfully recovered with medication?
There’s also a book that can be a helpful supplement to therapy, TheFeelingGoodHandbook.
In that case, check out the The Feeling Good Handbook. It’s evidence based, so you won’t have to deal with a persons bias.
Don’t forget - therapy isn’t about fixing a broken person. It’s about giving you the tools to process the difficulties of life. It’s not saying you’re wrong in how you treat abusers, but it is saying you don’t have to suffer the hangover of that abuse for the rest of your life.
Besides therapy and medication?
I understand not wanting to resort to medication, but I see nothing wrong with therapy. I've gotten some great improvement thanks to therapy.
Sure, you kind of have to "buy in" to the whole therapy idea. And yes, there are terrible therapists just as there are terrible barbers and terrible mechanics.
But for the most part, I credit therapy with helping me through tons of personal issues.
Don't discount it too readily.
And "therapy" doesn't have to be a licensed psychologist. It can be a trained counselor, or a support group, or even someone in the clergy. There are even self-help therapy books which are damn good at what they do.
The Feeling Good Handbook https://www.amazon.com/dp/0452281326/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_876EVFSS3XSTDM4SD85X?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1 I agree that a finding a therapist who is trained in co-occurring disorders (has a SUDP certification in the US), would be the ideal first step.
This book helped me. Personally, I’ve seen addiction often as a mask for not knowing how to deal with uncomfortable feelings. It starts with fixing your own negative self talk. Good luck. I say you are ahead of the game because you have realized that you are operating in a pattern, this is the first step towards change! You can do this.
I'm exploring this topic myself lately. There's a whole genre of mental health topics around negative thoughts and being cruel to yourself. I just started this book, as it comes highly recommended by others experiencing similar problems.
The Feeling Good Handbook https://www.amazon.com/dp/0452281326/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_81AEP0BFC34W2W6ZKNVF
I can't say myself how much it will help yet, because I'm just getting started, but it should at least give you a better understanding of why you feel this way. That alone should give your brain something else to consider...and there are exercises and mechanisms in the book to work through to defeat that mindset.
Hi Aloha, I came for the German Shepherds and saw this post. You remind me of my wife, she loves GSDs and would totally have an awesome pack like yours if she could (we only have two, for now...) This post, however, reminds me of me. I too want to fix me so I can be happy. I'm fed up with myself and am finally putting down my foot to work on my issues. One of my therapists recommended "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David Burns, MD and I'm slowly making my way through it. What I've read so far has been pretty helpful as a way to process my thoughts and feelings in a structured and methodical way as guided by the book. It won't replace a good therapist, I'm sure, but might be a another good tool for you to have. I wish you the best of luck!
I was plagued by negative thoughts, my doctor advised that I read the Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns while I waited the couple of months until I could get in to see a social worker. Going through the exercises in the book and learning to identify and label thoughts made them subside, or at least room for more useful thinking.
Sorry for what you are going through. It seems like you could benefit from working on loving yourself more. Can I also suggest you explore some kind of therapy? That can be using self-help journals to start. He said you are negative. You are talking about your feelings and emotions which is absolutely fine. He might not be used to hearing it all the time and the emotional burden is weighing on him. If you are anxious and depressed, I really think you should focus on getting yourself to a healthier and happier mindset first. One of the self-help books I like is this.
I think we can agree that you would be better off without those horrible thoughts and feelings. If it's financially reasonable, try reaching out to a professional (it might take awhile to find someone, so even more reason to get the ball rolling now in case things get worse).
If you're cash-strapped or you just want a DIY solution for now, I highly recommend this workbook!
My husband and I are both depressed, so the situation is a bit different, but I've found that working through The Feeling Good Handbook together has really helped. It's a bunch of exercises that highlights some of the cognitive cycles that can cause depression and since we're doing it together, we can call each other on it when we see it.
Other than that, we've found going for walks together and generally being active together in nature has helped. One or the other of us sometimes needs extra motivation to do it, but we're both happier once we have.
It can be really tough, so good luck with this. I hope he's open to working on it because things can get better. Cannabis can be helpful if you use it to relax into meditation or other soul-work kind of things, but just blazing and sitting around definitely makes both my and my husband's depressions worse.
When I had my faith crisis a couple years ago I found a really good counselor named Ford McBride. He is Mormon but we focused on cognitive distortions and I had a lot of success with him - in a sense he helped put me back together and find a happy middle ground - and really define my own faith path.
But, he is not cheap..sorry.
I would also recommend you start with the book The Feeling Good Handbook. It is a workbook that will take you step by step through identification of cognitive distortions and developing healthier reactions not just for yourself but also when dealing with the cognitive distortions of other people.
https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326
While not a counselor you can PM me and I will try to help you out - my experience probably has some commonalities with yours.
Me too! There is a really good basic CBT book, ages old, called "the feeling good handbook" - it's a really good go-to self help book if you're so inclined.
it's super cheap on amazon:
https://www.amazon.ca/Feeling-Good-Handbook-Step-Step/dp/0452281326
The DBT book mentioned below is a good one. I'd note that it's a LOT of different exercises so it may seem kind of overwhelming at first, so maybe just try some and focus on a couple that work for you. Not everything will work for everyone, but do try to practice and experiment and I think you'll make some progress. I find many of the mindfulness techniques helpful in bringing the focus to the present moment, instead of worrying about what may happen in future or feeling sadness and regret about bad experiences in the past.
For CBT, I always recommend The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. Robert Burns. Basically what it helps you do is to reframe your thinking, identify distortions in your thoughts, and allow you to kind of 'talk back' to your negative thoughts. I recommend the handbook because it really helps to put pen to paper and go through the steps in the book.
With both these books, you'll get out of them what you put in. If you just sit and passively read it, you won't get much out of it. But if you really WANT to change and try to follow through with what it says, I think you will see improvements.
CBT is known to be very effective for treating depression and anxiety. But the therapist needs to be trained on it, and more importantly practice it. Most psychologists / psychiatrist do learn about it as it is taught as part of their course while getting their degree. But all they learn is the basics, along with the basics of all the other different therapies. So unless they take additional training specifically on CBT, they won't apply it effectively while treating someone.
Speaking from personal experience - I did one of the exercises mentioned in the "feeling good" book, and identified a root of a dysfunctional thought I had, and when I explained and outlined all the weirds thought behind it it to my therapist, she didn't recognize that I had had a breakthrough and instead said. "Wow, you really have low esteem to have such thoughts and we need to work on it." She was a good therapist, and that's when I realised that while she knew the basics of CBT, she didn't know the current techniques of CBT, and was still treating me mostly with behaviour psychotherapy (that she was comfortable with and understood well).
There is a book called the "Feeling Good Handbook", by Dr. David D Burns that can be used with your therapist. (But be sure to read the first book I recommended, from the same author, first to fully understand CBT). See if your therapist would be willing to use that with you - it requires a little bit of commitment from the therapist too as she will have to read the book, to understand the exercises that you will have to do.
Not a situation I've dealt with personally, but some friends have been helped by going to Al-Anon. It's free and great if you think you'll be helped most by talking and listening. Not every alcoholic is a narcissist, but many are.
If you're looking for more cognitive-behavioral guidance on identifying and eliminating/controlling negative thought loops she's set up in your head, this is a pretty cheap alternative or supplement to therapy.
The psychiatrist can get you stabilized while you work on therapy. Is buying books an option? Most psychologists will have you buy books to work through, and this is something you can do on your own. This one is the gold standard of CBT. It requires dedication and work but it teaches you a new way of processing your thoughts. Practicing that while the psychiatrist gets you stable can potentially turn your life around. You don't need to live with that fear smoldering in your gut.
It's not a habit. It's an addiction.
Reflect on your relationship with food, and see if looking at it through the lens of addiction changes the way you think about it, or the way you see yourself.
Ask yourself, "Am I an addict? Do I lack control? Am I driven by the need to fill a void?" It is much easier to effect change once you understand the nature of what you are dealing with. How do you develop a strategy for dealing with something before you know what it is in the first place? You don't, and that is why you probably feel like you've been failing for the last 20 years.
A good resource is "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David Burns. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a highly effective treatment for changing the way you think about depression, food, relationships... pretty much anything in your life that is causing you emotional distress.
Addicts need support. Search out an overeaters anonymous group in your area. Seek therapy. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family, and cut unsupportive or destructive ones out of your life. Find diet partners, workout partners, life coaches, whatever works for you. Any of these things will help.
Ask yourself if you are ready to make a life-long commitment, or if you are looking for a quick fix and just want to go back to your old ways as soon as you're "done" losing weight.
I'm off medication currently. Buspar is what I used, and I only used it when I was getting really uncomfortable.
Yes the lifestyle changes have helped a lot. It helped with my focus on concentration, too.
My doctor recommended this book on CBT. Might give it a try.
Edit: Link correction
If anyone is following my posts- I tend to be a broken record sometime, but I totally recommend getting this despite the dorky cover. I still use it years after therapy whenever I get twitchy: http://smile.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1445105037&sr=1-1&keywords=the+feeling+good+handbook
You're welcome. :)
We have friends and family to help ease our burdens when ours become heavier than we think we can bear. He's not going to be able to fix you. You know you can't lay that at his feet. But having another human being in your orbit who loves you, who knows about what you're going through, is sometimes enough to help you fan the embers of hope. If not him, then any trusted friend. Let someone know. Well, you did let us know, but I find it helpful if someone flesh-and-blood knows, too. :)
Therapists keep evening hours. Many many. Some even keep weekend hours. They know that their clients have day jobs. Don't let scheduling keep you from exploring that option. There's a chance that your work will help cover the cost, and you can ask a HR person about that, if that sort of thing is available to you. I don't know where you are, but sometimes there are crisis hotlines that serve specific cities that can also help point you in the direction of a counsellor who can serve your needs.
If you really think that counseling isn't available to you, then you can do what I did before the Affordable Care Act: read a book. The Feeling Good Handbook is written by one of the pioneers of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It has many many exercises to help untwist distorted thinking (outlined in the summary pdf in my first comment). Having a face-to-face therapist is the best bet, but going through the book can be a decent second plan.
Hey. Brainstorm. I can make book recommendations all day long, but I should ask. What books do you like to read?
Remember you're not alone. Sometimes that knowledge is enough. Keep waking up.
Seconding reading Feeling Good as a form of self therapy, although I'd recommend purchasing the next edition The Feeling Good Handbook. It essentially covers everything from the first book and includes more information on specific situations. Either one is a great read.
I freelance from home, so I certainly can't afford specialized therapy right now. Reading both editions, even through my thick veneer of skepticism ("PFFT how can a book help me? MY brand of depression and anxiety are SPECIAL"), has helped me get a grip on my killer negative attitude and crap self esteem. It's an ongoing process, it takes work, but I started to feel a significant mindset shift within 2-3 weeks.
I am perhaps an outlier here on r/Stoicism, but I think ancient Stoicism has the correct principles but not the psychotechnology to implement the principles effectively.
Contemporary CBT is a good start, and there are several excellent self-help books on the subject such as The Feeling Good Handbook. Personally I'm into a different set of tools from a field called NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming).
You could try this for starters. More affordable than therapy, and lots of therapists recommend it anyway.
Why do you think being a controlling bitch is such a bad thing, for that matter? I'm married to a controlling bitch and I like it.
Granted, if I were rich people would call me "eccentric," but since I'm not they call me bonkers.
I know it may sound like I'm making light of your situation, but I'm not trying to be rude. I have battled depression for my whole life. I used to hurt myself, too. One day, I made a conscious choice to get better, and this book helped me do it. It's a little goofy, but CBT saved me.
If you need to talk and think I could help, don't hesitate to send me a message. I'm a good listener!
You say that you want people to use you?
Why do you want people to use you? So you can be accepted? Your observation has some validity to it, yes, men treat pretty girls exponentially better, but do you see how some pretty girls treat each other?
I suspect that you /haven't/ been truly used, and why? That's because you have some self-esteem.Assuming that you won't be going through surgery or a sex change to become a pretty girl, you'll have to live with accepting yourself. It won't be easy, as everyone has their insecurities, but please, being used is one of the worst feelings I've ever experienced. What about thinking instead of "oh now they can use me" and then resenting them when they take unconditionally, with "I can bring something to the table" that we can all share?
You might find this book helpful. http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326
This book has an anxiety diagnostic test ( among many others )
http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326
Anxiety always depends on the situation and it's definitely something you can manage as you get better at handling your anxiety. It doesn't ever go away for anyone, it's a natural feeling.
If you're not willing to go to therapy to explore some of these things, at least read this. This will help you to explore the root causes behind your emotions that are bothering you.
Congratulations! You suffer from Clinical Depression!!!
The good news is that the little voice often lies. If you want to learn the ways the little inner voice distorts reality cannot recommend this book enough. It looks like a cheesy-ass self-help book, but it is actually extremely useful for analyzing your patterns of thinking.
The fact that it's mentally taxing and time-consuming means that it's likely working exactly as intended!
CBT saved and changed my life when I was at my darkest about six years ago. I've gone through some CBT here and there since then, but a lot of the lessons I learned the first time around have stuck with me and have helped over the years. To my understanding, CBT at its core is ultimately about learning to identify, catch, and fix your distorted thinking as it's occurring. This can be quite uncomfortable and exhausting at times, but it's 100% worth it in the end.
Also, if you aren't clicking with your therapist, find a new one! If you don't click with them, try another. That's not to say that you haven't found a great one already - just don't get discouraged if you don't feel like you mesh well. That's just part of the process, and therapists truly want clients they think are the best for each other.
Finally, I would really encourage you to stick with it for at least 8 sessions. It's tough but it's worth it if you really need it! (Although, I firmly believe that anybody could benefit from CBT - even perfectly healthy people who don't have any mood disorders.)
If you're looking to learn more about CBT and maybe try out some therapy in conjunction with what you're doing with your counselor, I would highly recommend The Feeling Good Handbook. This book is all about working through CBT on your own and provides a ton of extremely helpful exercises and overall informs you very well on the whole process. Keep in mind it's best used in conjunction with an actual therapist, especially if you're going through an episode of particularly bad depression or anxiety.
Welp, this ended up being a lot longer than I expected - I guess that's because CBT is very important to me, scientifically proven to work very very well, and I'm super excited for you to begin your journey with it. Keep at it, friend! In any case, good luck with your endeavors, and feel free to ask if you have any other questions. :)
>In that year alone, I must have rejected/turned down at least two dozen different women. I'd usually feign interest in them, then ignore/dump them quickly thereafter. To this day, I have no idea why this is. I don't know why I felt so angry towards women.
I wonder if it's because you view the world through a framework of hierarchies and inadequacy.
You've put yourself under tremendous pressure to excel, to be worthy, only to repeatedly fail to reach your own standards. So along come these attractive women who want to be with you, which must feel very validating. Also, they're more or less strangers, so there's no consequence if you dick them around. Basically, rejecting these women gives you the opportunity to be the one doling out disapproval rather than the one experiencing it. Instead of feeling contempt for yourself, you can project it onto others and then watch from a position of emotional safety.
>Oh, another thing that I enjoy doing is hating myself, or self depreciation. Again, I don't know why I do this. But when I try to answer these questions, I'll tell myself things like: "You'll never get married, nobody could ever love you the way you are. You're a loser, you can't do anything right, you fuck everything up, just fucking kill yourself".
I used to verbally beat up on myself when I was younger. It's fucking miserable but it's also very satisfying. Plus it even feels virtuous in a sick way - look I'm not being a jerk to others, I'm being a martyr by being a jerk to me!
One of the most useful things ever said to me was by my ex boyfriend after witnessing me berating myself again. He looked me dead in the eyes and with a voice that was gentle but also clearly over my shit he said
"You know, when you beat up on yourself you are the most self important person in the world." It stopped me cold because I immediately knew he was right.
To be frank, there's a lot of ego involved in self hatred. Casting someone down in a ditch is just the flip side of putting them up on a pedestal. Seriously, compare the following:
- "God, I'm so incredibly fucked up. I'm just epically fucked up. No one is more inexcusably fucked up than me. I'm just so purely, irredeemably bad! I should just die because there's nothing I can or should do."
- "I have some real issues that I have let go on for far too long. I really need to address that shit, and if it's beyond my power to do it alone, I should reach out for help."
One of those lines of thoughts makes you the Chosen One of assholes and absolves you of the need to make changes because change is impossible. The other one makes you just another person who has to sort out their issues, even if it means some really uncomfortable work.
I'll echo what others have said about therapy. It sounds like you've spent a long, long time living with your self-imposed judgement, anger and shame. Originally it was meant to spur you on to improve yourself, but it's really just held you back. I think that having a third party to both hold you accountable while also offering you a more even-handed perspective could be immensely helpful to you.
Since it sounds like you have struggled with a perfectionist mindset, you might also find this article interesting. I read it maybe 10 years ago and it helped to articulate some of the self-defeating attitudes I'd held about academic achievement. Carol Dweck's work is worth checking out if you'd like to develop a more resilient response to setbacks.
I have also found the written exercises in The Feeling Good Handbook by Burns to be very helpful. They're designed to help you examine your self-talk and develop a more accurate view of yourself and the world.
But first and foremost making an appointment with a university therapist is a good step. I suspect that once you address your mental health, your dating life will sort itself out. From what you write, you're aware that you need to work on your issues and that you have an amazing opportunity to begin a new chapter in your life.
Good luck OP. Change can be hard, but sometimes it's actually easier than continuing to tread water. There is no reason you can't create a better life for yourself, and no reason you don't deserve to.
There may not be an article on that exact rate of sessions. Offhand, I would agree that it is too low for someone who still has acute symptoms (might be okay after the person recovers as occasional "booster" sessions, what therapists call "maintenance").
I found a few articles on frequency of sessions and effectiveness. They're mainly behind (very expensive) paywalls, but you can access the abstracts:
1x/week sessions are better than 1x/2 weeks: The relationship between session frequency and psychotherapy outcome in a naturalistic setting!
This article shows that 1x/month is enough for maintenance after you've recovered from your acute symptoms: Randomized Trial of Weekly, Twice-Monthly, and Monthly Interpersonal Psychotherapy as Maintenance Treatment for Women With Recurrent Depression!.
This article found that the actual amount of psychotherapy doesn't matter, but the frequency of sessions does matter: How much psychotherapy is needed to treat depression? A metaregression analysis!. That might seem weird, but findings like that are common in the treatment of depression because being ready and motivated for treatment often matters as much as the treatment itself.
You absolutely have a point, and 1 session per 1.5 months is far too low. Unfortunately, you may not be able to get Kaiser to budge.
The good news is that bibliotherapy (teaching yourself new skills with a book by a competent therapist) is actually quite effective for depressive symptoms. Despite it's dumb name, the Feelin' Good Handbook! is really effective and has a lot of evidence to back it up. If that doesn't feel right for you, browse your local bookstore's self-help section. Anything that lists "cognitive behavioral therapy" as its main basis will probably be helpful.
Good luck!
I'm probably the last person to ask about mentoring (unless you're talking about software engineering, lol), but I can recommend Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which has some awesome principles for personality development. Dr. David Burns has some really good material on this stuff, such as The Feeling Good Handbook and Intimate Connections.
In addition to the things others have said, this is the sort of thing where I find CBT a helpful adjunct to trauma therapy. There is a chapter in David Burns' book <em>The Feeling Good Handbook</em> called "How to Give a Dynamic Interview When You're Scared Stiff" that I found really helpful. There's also a chapter in <em>Feeling Good</em> called "Your Work Is Not Your Worth."
You can find these books online at b-ok.org or cheap used copies on Amazon. Your library also probably has at least one of them.
You're drowning in negative thoughts and self-hate, but there IS a book I've read that helped me with those same issues.
The GOOD book. Have you accepted Jesus Ch--nonono I'm just kidding.
There is a good book on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that turned a lot of things around for me. Here's the link to it on amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326
You DO have it within you to become loveable, smart, successful, beautiful, and wanted. Definitely not all at once, and a lot of those aspects will need to begin inside of you. You need to love yourself before others will see how much there is to love you about you, too. You can do this. It takes work and commitment. Learning to love yourself when you've got a past as dark as yours, a past that didn't teach you HOW to love yourself, is a hard road to walk. I'm walking it still myself and I'm nowhere near the end, but I do know I'm better now than when I started, and tomorrow I'll be a little bit closer to the end of the road because I'm not done walking, I'm not giving up.
About the book: it's cheesy as fuck, and the author (if you see his picture) has a seriously disturbing abundance of forehead...but what he says about depression, and how it's primarily driven by our own negative thoughts, is just completely mind blowing. I understand the exercises may seem silly at first, but do them exactly as he says to do them and you may be surprised at how light you feel afterwards.
PM me if you feel you need any help with the book, or anything else. Hope things improve for you, stranger.
​
Those are all good exercises.
Full-body strength training is good too. The 7-Minute Workout isn't very easy, and many people can't do it at first, but you can modify it and make it easier.
Books:
- <u>The Feeling Good Handbook</u>, by Dr. David Burns, is old but very good.
- <u>Mind Over Mood</u>, by Drs. Greenberger and Padesky, is newer and also good.
Both books discuss cognitive-behavioral therapy. If you don't do the exercises, they won't help you as much.
> I have been to a therapist in the past but it's been around 4 years since I have seen one. I just felt like I couldn't be as open with a therapist.
I encourage you to post in /r/TalkTherapy and/or /r/AskATherapist about this. If you do, please provide me with a link to your post there.
Hello Kotori,
This is always a tough one, and sadly a problem for way too many people out there.
Therapy can definitely get expensive and is sadly out of reach financially for a lot of folks, even if they are using insurance. If someone doesn't have any funds for therapy, there are still some things they can do; (just bear in mind this is all very general and not as a replacement for therapy or healthcare treatment)
- Books, there are some great books out there related to mental health. (and sadly a lot of not so great ones.) Some that I often recommend to clients:
- The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns. This is considered the book for mental health self-help. It's kinda old school, but there's a lot of great stuff in this book, it's been around for decades and is highly regarded in the mental health community.
- Miracle Morning: While not written by a mental health profession (just bear that in mind), I have recommended this book to many clients and gifted it to clients and family members as I find it's very practical and has had a very positive effect on both myself and those I've recommended it to.
- Here's a list of top self help books from Psychology Today (the feeling good handbook is number 2). https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-art-self-improvement/202112/the-12-best-self-improvement-books
- The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns. This is considered the book for mental health self-help. It's kinda old school, but there's a lot of great stuff in this book, it's been around for decades and is highly regarded in the mental health community.
- Support groups: Here's a resource for finding a support group in various topics, including free and donation based groups: https://www.verywellmind.com/find-a-support-group-meeting-near-you-69433
- Depression Anon:https://depressedanon.com/meetings/online-depressed-anonymous-meetings/ This is also listed on the verwellmind list I mentioned above. Offers both in-person and virtual free support groups for depression.
- Nami Support Groups: https://www.nami.org/Support-Education/Support-Groups . Nami offers free support groups related to mental health, and has a hotline for general support or how to deal with a mental health crisis.
- Depression Anon:https://depressedanon.com/meetings/online-depressed-anonymous-meetings/ This is also listed on the verwellmind list I mentioned above. Offers both in-person and virtual free support groups for depression.
- Annual physical: If the person has access to other medical services, like a primary care physical, I would recommend they get their annual physical, and these are generally free under almost all insurance plans. Things like undiagnosed medical conditions, vitamin deficiencies, hormone imbalances, etc, can have a big impact on our mental health and when treated can often improve mental health symptoms.
I really hope this helps! Take care
My psychiatrist told me to look into getting two books at a time when I was first really delving into CBT.
The Feeling Good Handbook. This seriously helped me learn about the root cause of my anxieties and how to measure them. The biggest thing here was that it helped me to realize that whenever I would get really upset about something, there was usually some deeper underlying trigger. And to feel better, I had to understand that root trigger, confront it, and resolve it. I learned a lot about myself through this book and came out the better.
Attached. This book specifically looks into romantic relationships, but it actually helped me to also learn about relationships in general. Mainly, people have different ways of handling certain situations and it helped me learn that often a conflict with someone is because you two just handle things differently and incompatibly. As a former people pleaser, this helped me a ton to realize that often times, the issues are because you two are simply incompatible.
Two books that my doctor recommended and were awesome for me.
The Feeling Good Handbook (provides some insightful tools into CBT) and Attached (centers on romance based relationships, but can be applied to all relationships, which include family, friends, and professional relationships)
It's always worth checking to see with your folks - they might be able to figure out something or just generally support you.
If it turns out you can't access therapy right now, there is some solid research that self-directed CBT can be effective for mild depression: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/think-act-be/201609/therapy-without-therapist . It's not going to be enough if you're severely depressed, but self help can get you started without a therapist.
CBT is a super common style of therapy that identifies and helps you fix misconceptions and distorted thoughts that can lead to depression. The ABCT keeps a list of approved CBT books you can use on your own: https://www.abct.org/sh-books/ . "The Feeling Good Handbook" is a classic and might be a good place to start: https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326 .
Mostly, good luck and be kind to yourself. If you are feeling depressed, it's so easy to get down on yourself for not doing enough. Just take it one step at a time, know that you're not lazy, crazy or broken, and know that as frustrating as this feels now, these dark times can end up being turning points towards something good.
Read this book and be honest about your answers in the workbook. Life changing stuff.
The Feeling Good Handbook https://www.amazon.com/dp/0452281326/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_1Q20C2YJC6J5VNEDMCHW
You could try cognitive behavior therapy (cbt) techniques. That is where you try to write down your negative thoughts and replace them with positive. I think people with social anxiety are thinking a lot of negative thoughts. They say that shyness is a fear of rejection.
I like the book "the feeling good handbook" by David Burns.
You can see a preview of it here. http://faculty.fortlewis.edu/burke_b/personality/readings/Burns.pdf
You can buy the book here: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0452281326/
You can get a copy much cheaper on ebay if you don't mind it being used: https://www.ebay.com/itm/274294032505
It's possible they might also have it at your local library too.
Like I responded in another comment, I can't recommend Dr. David Burns' books highly enough, such as The Feeling Good Handbook and Intimate Connections. He lays out an entire therapeutic methodology around "creative engagement". In fact, he says that the best way to find someone is not not bother trying. The more you try, the more you will chase people way. But the more you work on yourself and making yourself happy, the more you will attract people.
The Feeling Good Handbook worked best for me, really helped me reframe my thoughts by recognize the distortions in them
What makes you think you won't make it to 18 living at home? Is your family physically abusive to you? Unless you feel like your life is in danger by staying at home then I wouldn't recommend running away just yet especially since you seem very unsure about it. Life on the street is very dangerous especially if you're a female. Back when I was going through depression, I would just distract myself by playing video games and watching tv. That way I wouldn't have to focus on all the stress that I was feeling. You could try to get lost in fictional worlds inside of books or maybe even create your own fictional stories inside your head about a better world/life and write about it. Or you can write fan fiction about your favorite characters in tv shows, anime, etc.
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Sometimes the way that we talk to ourselves in our own heads can make life feel even more hopeless and depressing than it really is. http://faculty.fortlewis.edu/burke_b/personality/readings/Burns.pdf
The lessons in that book helped me when I was really shy and depressed during my high school years. That was just a sample of the book. The full version is called "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David Burns. It's a book about positive thinking and combating negative/unrealistic expectations. https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326/ You can find it for free at your public library or on amazon.com. Maybe the lessons in that book will help you too.
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If you believe in God, I would also recommend reading the bible. Start in the New Testament. The stories and lessons in that book will help to give you hope for the future. There are some free bibles that you can download to your phone.
Here is a classic guide:
https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326
I used it and it was helpful.
Nowadays, I have a "scoreboard" on my mirror of various healthy habits & depression indicators. Like, exercise, seeing the sun, talking to friends, talking to family, meditating, sleep quality, subjective mood, etc. If my scores are low, I make an effort to do more healthy habits for a while, tell somebody about it, schedule more therapy, etc.
I still have depressive episodes but I feel like I know what I need to do to (slowly, painfully) pull out of them.
Sounds like you are recommending mindfulness, but that can be really hard for someone with anxiety or depression. I tried doing that for a while and I felt like it was going crazy because I couldn't stop all the depressing thoughts I had. Mindfulness is great, but I think a better approach would be a focused meditation. This guy has a lot of really helpful videos on meditation. Out of all the different resources for meditation I feel like this guys been the most helpful to me, I even used to do Sam Harris' meditations for a long while but they didn't really help me all that much. Therapy is also really helpful, especially with CBT as an approach. There's also a book I bought which the other commenter mentions which goes into some of the cognitive distortions: this one.
The Feel Good Handbook. I've just started reading it, and it is very very highly rated and recommended. In fact, I dropped my crappy VA psychologist when he himself said that book is the backbone for everything in therapy, and if I use the lessons taught it would probably work faster than him guiding me through it. Which is good, because I do not like therapy at all. https://smile.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326/ref=sr_1_3?crid=1JH859G1XIL8P&dchild=1&keywords=feel+good+handbook+david+burns&qid=1601186231&sprefix=feel+good+handbook%2Caps%2C167&sr=8-3
Thanks :)
If you haven't tried this book, it's the one that really worked for me https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326/ref=sr_1_1
I noticed meditating once a day for 10 minutes really helped to boost the effects of CBT, I also read some ACT
https://www.amazon.com/ACT-Made-Simple-Easy-Read/dp/1684033012/ref=sr_1_3
If all else fails wouldn't hurt to try a few different therapists and see what works for you. I actually just got a therapist for the first time recently to like just make sure I'm like tuned up and shit.
I don't know, sounds like a lot of work but I really feel like the reward is really huge.
I’m glad you’re no longer with your former partner. Like, what would he have done if you were paralyzed, or had a hysterectomy, or took an SSRI that saved your life but killed your libido or ability to orgasm? Would he have wanted you to leave if, I don’t know, his penis fell off? Sometimes people can’t have sex, or don’t want to have sex. It’s not the end of the fucking world. Also, pressure makes it harder for people with vaginismus to have/enjoy penetration, so he wasn’t very smart, either. Assuming you’re a decent person, you deserve to be with someone who likes you the way you are!
Two very cheap assignments from my therapist:
1) My therapist has me do an exercise by David Burns: Daily Mood Log. I draw the table in a notebook. Here’s the book. Haven’t read the book. I only use the table. It’s powerful to identify the things I tell myself and then recognize that they’re not true.
2) She had me write positive qualities about myself on a piece of paper, put a picture of myself on it, and hang it up in my bedroom. I thought it was silly, but it’s been really nice to look at when I feel bad about myself!
First, the hard part: accepting that grinding takes time. Please not think, “I know, I know!” I can’t say this enough. Start thinking about the 5- and 10- year horizons. That’s how long this will take. My point is this: you have to be at peace with that.
That doesn’t mean you are wasting time playing the game right now. Funds may be an issue now, but that doesn’t mean a lot can be done for a couple levels until that changes.
You can work on your avatar. The avatar’s gender is important, but is not the only part of the avatar you can improve. You want to optimize ALL your stats before changing the gender.
- If therapy is too expensive, please read: The Feeling Good Handbook https://www.amazon.com/dp/0452281326/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apip_RmoEFeTLVdGiO
Also, recognize that your avatar has different “parts”. Only one part wants to deactivate right now. https://link.medium.com/YMxcodzPW8
Career. What you want to do with your avatar will require money, as you know. But after the gender change, you will still want and need a financially secure, happy, and fulfilling career for your avatar. So think about what your newly changed avatar will want. Put your energy into going the best you can academically to create a dream future for the new you.
Smaller changes. I’m not sure what your avatar’s current gender is, but there are smaller changes that don’t require surgery.
For example, if your avatar was born male, hair removal can take a long time (hair grows in 3 phases, and you have to capture the hair at the growth phase for electrolysis, and it is a slow process). That is something you might be able to start now.
The exercise you do (for example, if your avatar was born male, you’ll want to focus on your hips and thighs; if born female, your shoulders, chest, and back).
Other things might include experimenting with different hair styles to find the one that best suits your avatar, learning tasteful makeup if born male (try Sephora), and hobbies that appeal to you (knitting, sport, or anything in between). Also, going by your new name and gender.
- Perhaps the most important: mentorship. You need to find someone in the community who understands what you’re going through and can talk to you about it. Someone who cares. Or just a support group - most are free!
The book is called "<em>The Feeling Good Handbook</em>" but yeah trying not to predict what will happen is a sure fire way to lower the amount of anxiety you have.
You don't need a therapist to do CBT. I highly recommend checking out this workbook if you'd prefer to go it alone for the moment. Best wishes.
Read up about cognitive behavior therapy. It’s easy to understand and follow. You can analyze your thoughts by considering cognitive distortions. I’m not sure what your underlying issues are, but there’s a good workbook for anxiety.
Work through this book. It is based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
I very recently discovered this issue, so I can't really offer any advice on the physical side, but have you sought the help of a therapist to address these anxieties? Cognitive Behavior Therapy, in particular, can be a great tool. I have found it very helpful and recommend learning and applying some of the techniques to everyone, not just those who are suffering from depression/anxiety. I am sure there are a lot of very good resources online, as well, which can serve as an introduction (if you're not already familiar) which may prove helpful.
I also highly recommend this book. It was recommended to me by my psychologist and despite it's somewhat cheesy title, is very informative. The book was written by a gentleman who is a MD and I believe also a PysD.
https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326
Hey there again, I figured I would share a few more things that have helped me out a ton.
The Feeling Good Handbook - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is gaining a lot of traction as it focuses on directly what we discussed: thoughts leading to negative experiences. Having a book like this is huge, and great for "Bibliotherapy", especially between sessions. It's been great for me to realize when I have been focusing on something negative or blatantly unrealistic (going crazy, having a heart attack, etc) and being able to look at what I'm experiencing more realistically. Realizing that anxiety and panic are not you, and don't define your experience is huge! I'm not sure what type of session you're going to next week, but it could be worth mentioning CBT if it sounds like something you think would help.
Headspace - This app changed my life - daily meditation (even as little as ten minutes) has significantly lessened panic/anxiety's impact on my life, and I cannot recommend this app enough for that. Before Headspace I don't think I had ever developed a 'practice', even in things I love, and now I'm more confident that I can apply these mindfulness concepts to all areas of my life, especially panic and anxiety. While it is subscription based after you get through the first three packs, it is (in my eyes) highly worth it, and if you're interested I have a code for a free month I would love to send to you. There's a specific pack they have called 'Managing Anxiety' that has helped me immensely as it focuses on 'noting' (acknowledging anxious thoughts for what they are - anxiety - thus helping us be able to let things go), and understand when I might be letting panic take the wheel. There's also a single "Panicked" meditation that I have found helpful, though I think that one is much more impactful once you have a firm foundation in some of the other concepts.
The last thing that comes to mind is pretty simple, but really difficult because I know how terrible panic is - telling panic and anxiety to fuck off (literally, I have found myself telling anxiety to f off out loud), and telling yourself/saying outloud "I can cope. I have been through this before, and I have survived, and I will survive again, so come at me anxiety, I can take it". This took me a long time to build up to, but once I stopped letting the fear of panic induce panic in me by accepting it, I noticed a significant drop off in the intensity of the emotions, and sometimes that has been enough to alleviate my panic/anxiety in the moment.
I believe in you, and it sounds like you're doing all of the right things to work through this. I know how difficult this all can be, so you are incredibly brave for starting the process of speaking with someone. It will get better and easier to manage in time. You're not alone in this. Panic and anxiety - for better or worse - are part of the shared human experience, and that can often be a comforting thought when experiencing those heavy emotions. I have found some relief in reminding myself of that.
DM me if you're interested in that month of Headspace, and thanks again for sharing your experience. :)
A lot of good suggestions here, but I recommend working on yourself from the ground up. Specifically, addressing your depression and low self-worth. Your parents have seemingly caused you a great deal of pain and muddied your self-perception and your perception of the world. Counseling is a no-brainer. But what I have found to help me most significantly is reading self-help books that help you work through the challenges of your toxic way of thinking. The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David D. Burns goes into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and teaches you to overcome the warped thoughts that plague many of us. Formal therapy can absolutely help, but for me self-education and working through the concepts described by CBT on my own were extremely beneficial to me in my 20s.
I'm sorry you're going through a rough spot. There is excellent advice in here already.
For the medium to longer term (you were mentioning 2-6 months is too long to wait) look up the Feeling Good podcast. There is also the book The Feeling Good Handbook. If that's too expensive, I've found copies in the mini-libraries around town on more than one occasion. They also usually have them in used book stores.
It seems you're very worried about your mental well being and it consumes a lot of your energy worrying about it. The nice thing about the podcast is it gives you something upbuilding and positive to focus on and you can listen while you're doing something else with headphones or in the car.
Start with this video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5jADnNpx3R4
Then read this book
https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326
CBT and Stoicism will get you moving in the right direction again.
Yeah, I'm going to focus on my strengths, not my weaknesses.
And I'm sorry your health care is garbage there :/ There are a lot of ways to start on your own! "Self-help" books (I say "self-help" because they aren't like shitty self-help books lol), online sites, worksheets, workshops.
You can try and see if there is a CBT work group in your area run by a therapist. They might be free or charge a slight fee. If you're not interested in that you can find tons of websites that are free.
This site is great because it has a guided program type thing and it has a toooonnnn of worksheets for all sorts of problems. It might be a little overwhelming at first so I would suggest following the steps and taking it slow.
Also, not exactly CBT but The Feeling Good Handbook has a lot of steps and helpful exercises to help with procrastination, depression, anxiety, anger, etc. You might also look at something like this (though I've never read this exact book myself, it looks good).
I've also used the CBT for Dummies book, surprisingly a good introduction.
Definitely give it a try! CBT has helped me so much with my SA. If you have any other questions feel free to ask :)
(for what it's worth I'm going into therapy as a career so I've researched this shit a ton, beyond just my own interests lol)
I've had depression for the past few years, and never thought things could get better. These are just my thoughts, you are free to do whatever you want with them.
Weed's a good way to press pause on your emotions, but it doesn't address them. Depression's remarkably common and once you're in it, it can take some help to get out. If you can afford a therapist, I highly recommend trying to find one - Psychology Today's website has a Find a Therapist search that's really good.
If you can't afford therapy, try buying a copy of The Feeling Good Handbook - my therapist uses it as a complement to treatment and it's very helpful. I've gone from nihilistic self-defeat to finding some happiness in my days again.
See friends and/or family face-to-face, if you can. It helps to talk to people.
lolol oops. I meant this.
That dog is always a relevant expression of my personal experience, however.
> a simple, specific, step by step process for controlling your subconscious, written in plain language
There are a lot of methods for that, but Stoicism lacks the step-by-step that you are looking for.
A Stoic-inspired school of thought is found in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. For some step-by-step exercises, you could pick up the popular The Feeling Good Handbook. Yes it was designed for anxiety and depression, but it works generally for many things.
Personally I prefer other methods from NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming). It's a big topic and too much to get into here, but I'll give you a suggestion for a book as well which is Transforming Negative Self-Talk by Steve Andreas. You'll find a bunch of step-by-step specific processes in that book for working with self-talk.
You may find what you are looking for in those books. If not, PM me and I can suggest others.
One of the big ones that a lot of therapists will recommend is Dr. David Burns Feeling Good Handbook. He has a few other good ones, but the handbook has exercises that if you do will really help shift the way you think. He also has a website with more resources: http://feelinggood.com/.
Another good resource is anything by Richard Bandler, father of Neuro-Linguistic Programming. He teaches a number of techniques that can really help with building self-confidence. NLP gets a bad rap thanks to the Pickup Artist community, but in and of itself NLP is not a bad thing, it is simply a tool that can be used for persuasive speaking (think Bill Clinton's public speeches) or for reframing and helping yourself think differently. Reframing is probably a good place to start. NLP is incredibly effective with self-affirmations. They do make some rather large claims in that book, so take it with a grain of salt - expect smaller, slower changes.
Dr. Paul Dobransky has something called "Mind OS" that has been an incredible tool for me, he does a lot of seminars and has directed a lot of his focus at relationships but his work is useful for so much more. It's a large part of what helped me begin setting boundaries and shift my thinking to build confidence. I recommend hunting down some of his seminars or reading Mind OS (also goes by the working title of The Tortoise and the Hare Quit the Rat Race, both are equally tough to find). For some reason it costs $200, which I'm guessing is because it may be out of print (I'm sure you can find a solution online somewhere #cough#PDF#cough#).
That's all I can think of off the top of my head. Have to head to work, I may update this later if I think of anything.
The depression is worst in the first few days. That's not helpful in the moment, but it's true for many of us. I never had 2-3 week hell. Things never again got as painful as those first few days, though there were times that were tough. They still didn't compare to day 1-3. If you can't get past the first few days on your own, I agree with whoever suggested you try inpatient just to get through that time.
Try therapy. Therapy doesn't require meetings with other alcoholics or a love affair with Jesus. I'd recommend a therapist specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy. Dialectical behavior therapy is also pretty great, though that usually requires group therapy. Both will require insurance. If you don't want to go anywhere or you don't have insurance, try The Feeling Good Handbook for CBT or The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for DBT. Probably try both. I benefit both from CBT or DBT, but many people find only one of the two helpful.
Last, since I have to throw it in but didn't want to open with this since you want to avoid AD's -- what kind of antidepressants did you try? (That's a rhetorical question.) If just SSRI's (selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors) like Prozac, Celexa, Lexapro, Zoloft, etc -- maybe find a psychiatrist who will help you try some others classes at some point (ie after you know what your baseline is when you've been sober a few weeks -- which, again, doesn't sound helpful now, but). SSRI's are the go to but they have their own problems, too. Sometimes one antidepressant will be useless, but then someone switches to a different type and it's exactly what they needed. Besides, you might discover you don't even have unipolar depression. I was shoved onto SSRI's for years and it turned out I had a different illness that needed different meds. Turns out SSRI's were literally the opposite of what I needed, and instead I needed a mood stabilizer. Important Note. You can't say AD's did anything specific to your brain unless you were sober the entire time taking them. If you were drinking, you don't actually know what they do for you.
One last last thing -- anti-anxiety meds cause depression for me. It's not weird that you've found a bunch of medications that don't help you. It's an unfortunate fact caused by how young psychiatry is as a science, and it's normal.
Okay, I know where you're coming from. I'm 23 and I've only been coming out of it in the last 2 years or so. First of all, I highly recommend this book.
As for dealing with the loop of pointlessness, I've been there too.
It helped me to directly confront it. Existence is absurd. There is no meaning or point to anything. But that fact is not something to mourn or lament, it is a great thing--it is so freeing! There's no way to mess up life because you're not being judged and there's no way to fail.
Actually you've way ahead of the crowd! Most people never realize this and squander their lives thinking they have to fill roles or acquire certain things or compare themselves to the people around them. They try to fill their lives with consumerism and possessions without even realizing it or why.
Everyday is hilarious if you take a step back and pretend you're hiding in a bush to make a nature documentary on humans. One thing is people take themselves way too seriously. Go to a store and watch some.
Another thing is that feeling depressed makes me feel more unhappy because I don't feel like I have a reason to be unhappy. It's okay to feel feelings. Moreover feelings are feelings--they just happen and they aren't always logical.
Something that definitely helps me feel better is exercising, which can be as simple as going for a bike ride for an hour.
A big thing that makes me feel bad without realizing it is stress. When I get stressed out, if I don't realize it, I start to feel especially nihilistic.
Do you know if you have something like social anxiety? I didn't realize that I did. Once I confronted that, lots of things got better as well. The level of alienation I felt greatly diminished.
Lastly, the economy is crappy. Might as well not worry about things you can't control. Volunteering is a good suggestion. Is there something in your town you can get into? Something I unexpectedly fell in love with was making newspapers. I got into a student newspaper for a few years and I was a generic engineering student amongst a bunch of poly-sci's. It could be as simple as photography--does someone have a camera you can regularly borrow? You can learn about the mechanics of cameras, which are everywhere, and then go for walks and find some cool photos.
Finally, 99.999% of humanity has been little drops, but the amazing thing is that the complex and productive world that we find ourselves is the result of thousands of years of their everyday decisions.
What do you mean by "giving up"?
Suicide? Apathy?
I would suggest counseling, especially with a therapist trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques. At least check out Dr David Burns Feeling Good Handbook.
The problem a lot of us have is that we think about the world in unrealistic ways, and this often results in negative feelings about ourselves. However, unless you have a chemical imbalance, you can train your brain to alter your thought processes so you look at things more realistically. It may make you feel a little better!
You sound exactly like me (24/m). In social situations, i'm tense and fiddle with my shirt, shake my leg (if sitting), or some other nervous habit. Many of my friends are by internet association only, because of fear of judgment, and the allowable time lag in conversation. I often suffer from excessive rumination as well.
I've found "the feeling good handbook" helpful (based around principles of CBT). However, i am still very much of a recluse, and at this juncture find it enormously difficult to believe i could ever have meaningful relationships (whether romantic or deep friendship)
I had horrific social phobia for years, starting in my teens. I finally went to a psychologist for depression and she put me on Prozac, which also took away the phobia. It didn't happen all at once, but between that and cognitive-behavioral therapy, I eventually got over it. People don't realize how painful it is; I am extremely grateful to done with it. One good resource if you're interested in CBT is Dr. David Burn's Feeling Good Handbook: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326
As for the sweating, it could be a condition called hyperhidrosis. There's a treatment for it. https://health.google.com/health/ref/Hyperhidrosis
COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY
also probably norepinepherine reuptake inhibitors, as per recent studies.
also exercise for an hour a day. if your therapist doesn't suggest this, drop him/her and move on.
also get your thyroid checked out. all it takes is some quick blood work.
CBT has the most peer reviewed research in its favor of any non-pharma therapy.
I've been told many a times that this is an excellent self-help book:
http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326
Give it a shot and see if it helps. :)
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