Here's a pre-order link: https://www.amazon.com/Great-Sex-Rescue-Recover-Intended/dp/1540900827/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=the+great+sex+rescue&qid=1610661223&sr=8-1
Don't know if you know who she is but she's the writer of the To Love, Honor, and Vacuum blog and her stuff lately has been really good. Probs a little heavy on the religious aspect for you, but I know you don't let that deter you from gleaning the good info.
I am confused why many comments seem to indicate "there's no purpose to being friends with women when you're married.." What? What about friendship for the sake of friendship? My wife and I have plenty of rewarding relationships with people of the opposite sex.
Consider that a lot of these comments put your neighbors sex (that is, class of person) above who she is as an individual. That you should see her as a temptation before seeing her as a human. Seems like not the greatest way to view the world.
There's a whole chapter on this sort of stuff within The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Gregoire, I'd highly recommend reading that book.
Practically speaking, this is a great conversation to have with your wife. As others mentioned, it's a boundaries thing. Should you be allowed to have one-on-one conversations or hang-outs with women? My wife and I think so for our marriage, though you ought to chat through it and respect your wife's opinion.
I'd highly recommend reading The Great Sex Rescue by Shelia Wray Gergoire et al. It's new, and an incredible book. read it with your spouse if he's up for it.
Despite being very much a Christian book, I know a couple non-believers that have read it and found a lot of value. Basically, it sounds like reframing sex would be good for your relationship. He might see it as a purely physical release, and I'm not sure if you're getting much joy out of it. It should be different, pleasurable for both people, and an expression of your love rather than just orgasming for the sake of an orgasm.
Hey OP! Might I suggest you get this book?👇
https://www.amazon.ca/Great-Rescue-Sheila-Wray-Gregoire/dp/1540900827
It’s a book written and researched by Christian women, and you and your spouse could work through it together. It’s been immensely helpful in my marriage!
God Bless you both, as you walk together through this time.
If you want real data, the people at Bare Marriage surveyed 20,000 Christian and secular women and wrote a book on their findings.
I suggest reading https://www.amazon.com/Great-Sex-Rescue-Recover-Intended/dp/1540900827 really good book that looks at a survey of 20,000 evangelical woman, their beliefs about sex and the impact it has on sexual satisfaction, frequency of sex etc.
Well worth exploring underpinning belief systems etc.
I don't think this book can replace some solid abuse recovery/therapy, but it is exceptionally healthy material. I found it very helpful.
There is a chapter (10) that could be triggering for you.
https://www.amazon.ca/Great-Rescue-Sheila-Wray-Gregoire/dp/1540900827
This book helped me understand how “purity culture” had given me a twisted sense of gods view of modesty and purity. And gave me the words to put to the confusion I had felt for so long.
I would be happy to Venmo you the money to buy yourself a copy. PM me if that’s not too weird.
The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You've Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1540900827/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_navT_a_HKFWV2HSS455FEB23690
It sounds like you think you are obligated to have sex for your partner’s sake and not allowed to “withhold” sex for any reason. These are not healthy views and I’d dig into that. Do you orgasm even though you’re pushing through the pain? I could maybe understand that.
I can’t speak to negative outcomes if you choose to ignore the advice of your care provider, but id definitely recommend reading The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Gregoire.
For that, I'd recommend The Great Sex Rescue by Shelia Wray Gergoire et al. There's a lot in it and it hits a quite a few topics, but it's great.
Read "The Great Sex Rescue" with him.
That new book the making of biblical womanhood might be a goer.
Also the great sex rescue which is specifically about the effects on women's sex lives.
https://www.amazon.com/Great-Sex-Rescue-Recover-Intended/dp/1540900827
On top of the needing counseling, he needs to look into porn addiction. There is more than enough data out there that proves that porn addiction causes so many problems.
Here are a couple of books to look into: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1540900827/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glc_fabc_CDWPP9MVFA4P1GE13H6C
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0310334098/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glc_fabc_A9GYBBBZP20PKZVFF3BT
Well said. It reminds me of some of the core messages in Sheila and Keith Gregoire's book The Great Sex Rescue, which goes into detail on how harmful purity culture is to young women (and men) and marriages. I don't think some of the people in this thread realize how harmful purity culture is - it destroys marriages and causes a level of psychological damage in women on par with sexual abuse. Not to mention destroys the faith of millions.
Highly recommend Christian Youtuber apologist InspiringPhilosphy's video on this topic.
I recommend you guys look into some resources about sex and Christianity. Maybe the two of you will find something that helps. The Great Sex rescue and Pure are two good ones.
https://www.amazon.com/Great-Sex-Rescue-Recover-Intended/dp/1540900827/ref=nodl_
https://www.amazon.com/Pure-Inside-Evangelical-Movement-Generation/dp/1501124811/ref=nodl_
If you want to stay married and want to stay faithful, you will have to accept that sex is not central to your relationship. Obviously there are many other aspects to having a fulfilling relationship, and the chances of checking all the boxes with someone are slim. Focus on what is good and how to make it better. Shifting the focus off of sex might relieve some of the tension that she feels for not being able to satisfy you.