You must read Happiest Baby on the Block
It's a phenomenal book: our newborn cries 15 minutes a day, tops, and is absolutely crushing milestones and growth percentiles. Congratulations on yours coming soon!
Also, your game looks very cool. I'll grab a copy. :)
Oh man awesome I remember like it was yesterday when we only had one. It’s not easy but Kids are the best and now I couldn’t imagine my life without them. Congratulations An author Dr. Sears wrote a book called Happiest Baby On the Block, invaluable book for new parents.
The Happiest Baby on the Block; Fully Revised and Updated Second Edition: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553393235/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_AZJBADA60GXAC96G79FV
Dad of two kids here.
Buy these two books -
https://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Block-Revised-Updated-Second/dp/0553393235
https://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0553394800
...read them twice and commit to them.
"Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" is sometimes difficult to put into practice, but once you do, your kid will sleep through the night. If you don't believe me, believe the Amazon reviews.
The other thing I would suggest is if you have the money and space, bring the gym home. I have a rowing machine at home. You don't need a gym to do pushups, sit-ups and burpees.
1) fed baby is better than anything. If breastfeeding is hard be supportive and introduce formula. Don’t wait for dehydration to set in on baby remember the pinch test if you can pinch skin and it don’t go right back they are extremely dehydrated.
2) learn the 5 s of sleep from Dr.Harvey Karp. If baby is crying feed it.
3) get an ubbi diaper pail to use regular trash bags. Buy diapers ahead of time in bulk to save money and grief. Use Amazon. You don’t want to be overspending at 3 am on convenience store diapers.
4) get a Libby account and listen to the following books. You need to man up quick, prepare for the time ahead and strengthen your mental resilience. https://apps.apple.com/us/app/libby-by-overdrive/id1076402606 The Happiest Baby on the Block; Fully Revised and Updated Second Edition: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553393235/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_XAT3VKN3J8T5T2MJ73QC Hero: Being the Strong Father Your Children Need https://www.amazon.com/dp/1621575020/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_Z7H0TW04E83TGZP1K1FC The Lost Art of Listening, Second Edition: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships https://www.amazon.com/dp/1593859864/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_9VB4DM5EDZE6HP74EMWS Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Principles of Becoming More Flexible, Effective, and Fulfilled https://www.amazon.com/dp/1683644689/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_A9NEWZNPD6WB3373RZE7
5) Join a father’s group. Meeker will link to some. Contact the hospital to ask for a support group for after birth.
Yeah, I remember those days, the first 3 months. They call it the "4th trimester" for a reason. We humans, because of our large heads, and limited delivery size (due to being bipedal), get born developmentally much earlier than other mammals. Think of all the cows and antelopes who are born and then have to be able to run away from predators. We're just helpless practically-still-a-fetus babies.
The only close one to us is the kangaroo, and the joey spends a whole trimester in mama kangaroo's pouch.
We're just not very mature at birth. Anything you can do to simulate the womb environment as closely as possible is good (where it was warm, there wasn't much space to move, and it was loud as heck with heartbeat and digestive noises). We found the techniques in Dr. Harvey Karp's book useful: https://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Block-Revised-Updated-Second/dp/0553393235/
In fact, we weren't doing them perfectly, but our lactation consultant helped correct us on swaying and shushing technique, and doing it all at the same time. Oh, and one last thing. This white noise video was a miracle for us: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oewj_XEM1js
We tried so many different white noise recordings, and that one worked better for us than the others. Shushing with your mouth accomplishes the same thing, but my mouth gets really tired after a minute.
Hang in there. You've got this.
Happiest Baby on the Block - Five Ss - Swaddle, Side, Swing, Shush, Suckle ... until they are thirty. No kidding, it works for everyone.
Parent Effectiveness Training by Thomas Gordon
https://www.amazon.com/Parent-Effectiveness-Training-Responsible-Children/dp/0609806939
Train them when they are young because when they hit ten, they are out of control]
Okay here’s a few things to speed up your readiness to have a baby:
1) don’t feel bad about the space. Baby should sleep in the same room as you for the first year of life to prevent SIDS. SIDS will become a major concern in your life once they are born.
https://safetosleep.nichd.nih.gov/safesleepbasics/faq
2) fed baby is better than anything. If breastfeeding is hard be supportive and introduce formula. Don’t wait for dehydration to set in on baby remember the pinch test if you can pinch skin and it don’t go right back they are extremely dehydrated.
3) learn the 5 s of sleep from Dr.Harvey Karp. If baby is crying feed it.
4) get an ubbi diaper pail to use regular trash bags. Buy diapers ahead of time in bulk to save money and grief. Use Amazon. You don’t want to be overspending at 3 am on convenience store diapers.
5) get a Libby account and listen to the following books. You need to man up quick, prepare for the time ahead and strengthen your mental resilience.
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/libby-by-overdrive/id1076402606
The Happiest Baby on the Block; Fully Revised and Updated Second Edition: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553393235/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_XAT3VKN3J8T5T2MJ73QC
Hero: Being the Strong Father Your Children Need https://www.amazon.com/dp/1621575020/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_Z7H0TW04E83TGZP1K1FC
The Lost Art of Listening, Second Edition: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships https://www.amazon.com/dp/1593859864/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_9VB4DM5EDZE6HP74EMWS
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Principles of Becoming More Flexible, Effective, and Fulfilled https://www.amazon.com/dp/1683644689/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_A9NEWZNPD6WB3373RZE7
Join a father’s group. Meeker will link to some. Contact the hospital to ask for a support group for after birth.
Do not complain to your spouse, you aren’t allowed. Your girlfriend is about to have her body turned inside out then torn open. Then her breast’s bleed and crack as a small creature chews her nipples and she will get no sleep. And she will have trouble going to the bathroom because of pelvic floor issues and that’s if she’s lucky. She could very well die. Birth is often difficult so you need to treat her like she is sickly and on her deathbed essentially. You don’t want to regret saying something foolish or doing something foolish.
Okay onto the baby. Right now the baby is developing and you are both young so you need to have a good calm baby. Which means cognitive development is essential. The following advice is based on institute of medicine recommendations and will have an impact on cognition, health, and behavior. You need to get your girlfriend the nutrition she needs every single day every meal.
Focus on:
1g per kg body weight of protein Daily choline 500 mg- calm, smart, happy baby Daily dha- same Daily folic acid, if your girlfriend is Hispanic then folate and avoid folic acid. Her genes won’t likely process folic acid correctly and you still want to avoid neural tube defects and cleft palate. Daily calcium Daily vitamin d, especially if you’re locked down
Some foods: eggs, lentils, bone broth, boiled ginger tea, peas, lots of fruits lots of vegetables. Always thoroughly cook meat/ eggs and check temps to avoid diseases. Make her an egg sandwich every morning with a slice of cheese. Make her broth when she feels sick to her stomach. Use lots of lentils to get folic acid if you can. She may hate something so find the nutrients in something she will eat. Don’t make her miserable.
Foods to avoid: licorice, which is in some teas, can send her into labor early and your baby will be premature Indian food, similar issues in some spices used Italian food spices like can reduce breast milk No Coffee or any caffeine No alcohol No pate or organ meat No raw fish
Your family needs your patience and support. Avoid alcohol at all costs. Stop smoking. Switch to decaf for your patience/ anxiety levels.
Foods for breast milk: dill, nettle, moringa.
Good luck.
Yeah, it really, really sucks for a while. It's okay to feel overwhelmed. But always remember you and your wife are a team; stick together and you will get through this.
A couple random pieces of unsolicited advice that helped me:
-It's okay to put the baby down for a few minutes in her crib, close the door, and collect yourself. Even if she's crying. Give yourself five minutes, breathe deep, get yourself into a better state of mind, and then go back in and soothe your kid.
-The book The Happiest Baby on the Block (you can get the gist here) was super helpful. It's not a cure-all, but the methods in the book absolutely worked for me. My kids responded differently to different parts (my son was a BIG sucker (but only my pinky, never a pacifier) and swinger, while my daughter was a sucker (but only pacifiers) and swaddler).
-It will pass. When? Man, I wish I knew. Every kid's different but one day will be easier than the last, and then the next day, then the next, and then you'll be like, "Honey, I just realized the baby's napped on schedule for like a week straight!" It sucks, and it's not helpful to say, "One day it will be better" but...it will.
-Sleep deprivation is one of the ways the break Navy SEALs in training. Those are tough people who go into the program with their eyes open, and most recruits still wash out. Don't feel bad that you're struggling while getting very little sleep.
-Do you have extended family that could help a bit? I know it's really hard during the pandemic, but even an hour or two so you BOTH can get some sleep on a regular basis could do wonders.
This app was a life saver for us. It synchronizes, so we each had it on our phones and it helped us record sleep, feeding, diapers and stay on track. I highly recommend: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/baby-tracker-newborn-log/id779656557
'The Happiest Baby on the Block' comes in paperback or audible. Another great resource of information. https://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Block-Revised-Updated-Second/dp/0553393235/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2WV8JINJ349FO&dchild=1&keywords=the+5s+baby+book&qid=1595607796&sprefix=the+5+s+bab%2Caps%2C180&sr=8-1
Here's a simplified list I've compiled of the basics for newborn care. We LOVED using the Moby wrap, especially in the first few months but used it throughout the first year+. It's great for bonding, babies are comforted by being able to hear your heart beat, and the steady motion of your breathing. It was the easiest way for my husband to be able to calm her and help her sleep. It's also great for being able to be hands free around the house. Out and about it's usually easier than lugging around a stroller. We eventually switched to the Ergo 360 as she wanted to face out into the world. But as a tiny baby the wraps are awesome!
Baby Books
Basic Baby Essentials
Good luck with everything!