What is Reddit's opinion of The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT?

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Zuko's hilarious but interestingly enough if you look at the basic principles of mindfulness and therapies based on mindfulness there's a similar idea ie. to learn to defuse from your thinking self and more often be in tune with your observing self.

So you accept your thoughts, urges, feelings as they are but not fuse with them and instead move in the direction of the things you value. There's a girl you're interested in, you feel anxiety at asking her out, you don't struggle with that anxiety or let it define you, you accept it but ask her out because it aligns with your values of love, connection, intimacy. The thinking self would run rampant, "I should ask her out. But she'll reject me. What if they laugh at me. I'm not gonna do it, she'll think I'm creepy. Okay here she comes. Damn, I missed my chance. I can't believe I missed my chance. I'll never be in a relationship. I'm going to be lonely forever. I am unlovable. I am a useless piece of human garbage."

As for your other self, your observing self, you get more into tune with this through focusing on the here and now and defusing from the thoughts of your thinking self. You've taken thousands of showers in your lifetime and while you have the option to think about how behind you are in school during your shower, you also have the option to revel in it for what it is and just enjoy the experience.

For anyone more interested in Uncle Zuko's wisdom, https://www.amazon.ca/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841

I miss Avatar. Are they ever gonna do another series or was Korra the last one?

Absolutely. I was like you, always concerned with "what if." I would then kick into high gear with reassurance seeking and checking, feel better for a bit, and then repeat the cycle, over and over again. You need to learn how to sit with uncertainty, and it's sooooo much easier said than done. This book also helped me, too, as I learned to allow the feeling of uncertainty to expand, and to observe it non-judgementally. I recommend this book for anyone who is struggling with anxiety and depression. It will get better. Be patient with yourself, and do the work.

You might benefit from this book “The Happiness Trap”. It’s a how to book on applying acceptance and commitment therapy, one of the only forms of cognitive behavioral therapy actually backed by scientific research. No therapist needed.

I think the concepts in that book could be useful for most people but seem highly applicable to your situation.

I would advise you to try other things before resorting to anti depressants. Anti depressants can work for some people but they can also cause major problems. A lot of people are on this sub because anti depressants ruined their ability to feel pleasure.

When I warn about anti depressants here I’m referring to SSRI medications which are the most commonly prescribed type. If you have a doctor who will prescribe other types (maoi, tricyclic, or atypical types) there seems to be less risk of really bad side effects.

Working on the basics can also help a lot even though it’s not usually what you feel like doing when depressed. Exercise, quality sleep, and good diet help a lot.

Meditation is also very helpful. I recommend the app “Waking Up” as a good no woo no religion straightforward guide.

If you want a clinical perspective on it, The Happiness Trap talks about this and how to deal with it. I read it (well at least like the first half) and it was pretty useful to me.

I've just started reading "The Happiness Trap", and it addresses just what you're talking about. Amazon link. They suggest (based on research) that it is how you (we) look at life and react to it.

I'm seeing a therapist that specializes in ACT and it's made a world of difference in managing my panic attacks and anxiety. I highly recommend The Happiness Trap for a self-help guide for ACT.

I'm a little bit older, and I definitely think there are a lot of legitimate things to worry about, but I think the internet has also really contributed to both a greater sense of isolation and a sense of always being "on". I remember as recently as the 90s it really felt like there was a lot more down time where you weren't answering texts/emails, checking updates on social media, and 100 other things. You could just exist and maybe chat with a neighbor for a couple hours.

I don't know about a solution on a societal level, but I really recommend exercise for anyone struggling with anxiety. The biggest barrier is just getting into it, but once you realize how much exercise also benefits your mental health, you'll start looking forward to going.

If anyone wants a really good book about dealing with anxiety, but you're worried about some BS unsourced self-help that isn't based on solid research, I'd really recommend The Happiness Trap . It's heavily based in research, written by a qualified psychologist, and was recommended to me by two completely unrelated therapists. It has really helped, along with a therapist, to deal with unpleasant emotions in a healthier way and learn to just relax and enjoy being in the moment.

Yes, my low point was 3 months at which I was by definition depressed. I posted here asking for advice and the best advice I got was: "There is no substitute for time"

We have to give our brain time to heal and new neural pathways to be developed. I started to feel better soon after the 3 months period and it has progressed positively since then.

But part of the reason also was I started working on developing the skills to deal with strong emotions. This is the second time I've posted this recommendation on this sub today but Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) helped me tremendously on learning the emotional intelligence skills. Finding a certified ACT clinician could be very helpful. Or you can start by reading the book The Happiness Trap which is a layman's guide to ACT. I can't really stress enough how eye opening and helpful this book was to me. It doesn't directly address addiction but I saw that my inability to handle my emotions were resulting in my behavior. And, the techniques and methods ACT teaches were very freeing. It changed my relationship with my emotions and how I view them.

The issue you are dealing with is one I dealt with. I didn't have any skills to deal with stressful emotions after drinking because drinking was how I dealt with stressful emotions.

The amazing thing about sobriety is it gives you a chance to build these skills. But, the techniques are often counterintuitive.

I can't recommend the processes behind Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) enough. It is the newer arm of behavioral psychology and helps participants navigate difficult emotions. Seeking out a therapist that specializes in ACT could be very beneficial. Also, the book The Happiness Trap explains ACT for the every day person and helped me tremendously on my sober journey. It was very freeing.

>For the first time in years I was able to really have fun with friends and actually enjoyed myself, and I wished that this feeling would last forever.

I think it might be wise to start meditation. A lot of our suffering comes when we attach too strongly to our experiences.

Also I'd suggest reading Happiness Trap, it explains very well how we get miserable chasing good feelings, and also suggests a way out of this race.

I've read, and I am rereading now The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris which is helping me.

If you like to read for new ideas, I recommend the book highly.

A kto Cie oklamal ze musisz lubic swoja prace? Musisz jesc i do tego potrzebne sa pieniadze. A zeby miec pieniadze trzeba pracowac (pomijam patologiczny socjal). To sobie przeczytaj: https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841 Zostalismy my nauczeni ze musimy lubic prace. Gowno prawda. Idziesz bo musisz, lubic to mozemy swojego psa.

Diagnosed with social anxiety disorder years back, along with other stuff. Now "living my best life", as it were. I've mentioned this book on this subreddit previously and forever will: The Happiness Trap. You talked about buddhist philosophy, the author of this book actually mentions how close the ACT therapy model is to buddhism (though it wasn't inspired by it). The bottom line is that you're never gonna not feel anxious. But anxiety never has to guide your actions anymore if you accept it mindfully, with the help of some of the exercices and reframing methods used in ACT therapy. I recommend doing the exercices and questionaires in the book as they can be really really fun and edifying, even if it feels corny sometimes.

I think societal changes are important. People stayed in desperately unhappy, even abusive marriages until the day they died because they “had to.” It was to the detriment of the kids, both adults, and probably everyone else in their lives. Divorce is never the end goal of the marriage, but neither is a lifetime of bitterness and resentment. I know multiple divorced couples that function better as a family unit in raising their kids than they ever did as a married couple.

The positive self talk stuff works well in changing your heart when you do it long enough. For example, I was desperately in love with a man who quite simply didn’t love me back. I wanted to be with him with my whole being. He was my everything, and I was just...not his. Unfortunately it wasn’t a relationship I could just walk away from, and life had put us together in such a manner that I had to lie in (my own) bed at night waiting for him to come home and knowing he wouldn’t. Cognitively I knew it was never going to work because you can’t make someone love you. Realistically I knew there were other men out there that actively wanted to date me. I was well aware that he was not in a place in his life where he wanted a relationship, and even if he did, it would not be with me. Just because I understood these things didn’t make me hurt any less. I used the positive self talk to change the narrative in my own mind.

Speaking of which, I highly HIGHLY a recommend the book The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT. I think you would get a lot out of it.

The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris (link to amazon is a great resource for helping to deal with some of this anxiety.

Acceptance and Commitment therapy (ACT) has been a really helpful tool for me and a few of my coworkers who have all struggled with this modern problem.

One option is The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris: https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841

This book takes the ACT perspective, which is trying to incorporate Buddhist teachings and western evidence-based treatment. It’s a pretty straightforward and helpful read.

Ooh I have good advice. This book, The Happiness Trap, was recommended to me by a therapist friend. It uses ACT and basically teaches you how to distance yourself from your thoughts.

So instead of telling yourself, “I’m so stupid”, it will be “I’m having the thought that I’m so stupid.” It sounds simple but it helps.

There are plenty of other methods for distancing your thoughts: turning them into a silly song, personifying the thoughts (oh there goes Dave again telling me I’m stupid), etc.

The book has some fluff in it that can be annoying, but once you find a method that works for you, it’s not that hard to start training your thoughts that way.

Bottom line: a thought it just a thought and you don’t need to (and shouldn’t) take every thought as the truth.

Loved this book. I would also recommend (sorry, not sure how to make a text link) https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1515988743&sr=8-1&keywords=The+Happiness+Trap

It taught me that the "happiness" paradigm sold in Utah County (and media, in general) isn't the default human emotion, and to constantly chase after it is a futile attempt. While this book emphasizes mindfulness and acceptance/commitment therapy (ACT), I highly recommend it to anyone who grew up in Utah County and is struggling. I'm not being hyperbolic when I say it (along with counseling) saved my life.

I’m assuming you have obsessive thoughts that go with the compulsions? If so I suggest checking out The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. The book itself is only an okay read, but the Strategies for distancing yourself from your thoughts work fast and they work well.

But chasing it and expecting is to be a constant state of being is making you unhappy, because it's a fleeting emotion. Only way to be in a constant state of bliss/happiness is through drug use.

https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841 recommend read

I took for granted Burn's writing style. I've been reading The Happiness Trap recently... I would recommend the book as the material is very helpful. However, that recommendation comes with the caveat that the writer's style isn't for everyone. It comes off as patronizing for the first 2 chapters at least. After that it does get better.

I've been thinking of getting this book, maybe you could beat me to it. I also don't have hardly any friends though... it's hard. I do live in Utah, but not for too long hopefully.

By this point, I've tried them all, and I don't want to overwhelm people. But here are a few of my favorites:

Surfing the urge (MP3) -- An audio-based exercise from the University of Washington that helps an individual develop the practice of dealing with cravings or urges to behave in a certain way.

The Happiness Trap -- This is a good intro to Acceptance and Commitment therapy.

Mixmax -- Among other things, it allows you to delay email delivery--which can help you control your inbox.

Sanebox -- They analyze your email habits to determine future email importance and auto-filter/organize those emails so that the most important ways get the attention they deserve. It also comes with the SaneBlackHole feature that ensures you never see emails from a particular address ever again.

X.Ai -- An AI personal assistant who schedules meetings for you.

Facebook Newsfeed Eradicator -- A personal favorite, and it does what it says it will do: makes your newsfeed disappear, so you can use the best of Facebook without getting pulled into the vortex.

Distraction-Free YouTube -- Similar to the Newsfeed Eradicator -- this scrubs ads and recommended videos, so you watch what you came to watch on YouTube.

That's just a few, and I'm happy to share more if people would like!

I feel like what you're experiencing is happening to a lot of people as we have had too much time to ourselves to mull over our plans with covid this year.

I think it's fine to call yourself depressed, as long as you don't claim you're clinically depressed without diagnosis. You feel what you feel man. I have felt the same way, and it's rough to get things together when you're not fully there. I really recommend you read The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living. Work on your mental health. Reading books on these topics really helped me.

It's fine to have no clue and feel like you aren't passionate. People who are living their dream jobs in middle age mostly found that job at around 27. You don't need to have everything figured out.

Just find things you're interested in and build skills related to that. You like music? Learn music production. Reading? Write stories. Do you like using apps? Learn to build apps. Do you like the idea of speaking multiple languages? Learn a language. It's only important that you move forward in life bit by bit. Meaningful hobbies will help you find balance and greater meaning in your life. Also exercise and get out as often as possible. For more on finding your passion read this.

You don't have to be passionate about your future job anyway. If you think it's interesting enough, that's fine for now. You have to remember you aren't going to work a 9 to 5 job in a few months. It will be in a few years. And if the idea is that unappealing to you, find jobs where the transition to freelance work is more easily possible. You will grow into someone who can do what you cannot now.

You also said you have no passions and that equals no direction. I respectfully disagree. You've worked hard and have a path to uni in front of you. That leads to a path to a job with security. Learn as much as you can and do as much as possible in this time to have as many options as possible later in life.

Screw finding your passion for uni. I'm going so I have the most options available to me at 30. And so I am financially secure. I'll figure out the rest along the way.

Good luck mate. We'll all figure it out in time.

I'm not a therapist but to me, it sounds like you would benefit from trying Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Among other things, it covers mindfulness (something you're already experiencing on your bike rides), exploring what your values are (which you've mentioned here: freedom, not having a boss, etc) and setting goals that align with your values. Pick up a copy of The Happiness Trap and see if it appeals to you.

Do you know what, exactly, is triggering your anxiety? Like... are you anxious about finding bugs or mice? Are you just overwhelmed? Did you have a really bad anxiety attack while cleaning one time and now it's become a self-fulfilling prophecy?

If you can determine what's causing it, you could try to diffuse the anxiety through therapy worksheets. You could self-medicate with wine, weed, whatever you think will work for you (I personally use a low dose of Benadryl). You could look into mindfulness techniques where you learn to allow yourself to feel anxiety, make room for it in your body and know that it won't overwhelm you.

https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841

One minute in heaven is better than no minutes in heaven...

But the key to being able to have more control over when you cum is learning to control your attention, focus, and muscle tone. Fort that regular meditation is the only thing I've heard of that works

The other thing that can help is to make sure you're partner is fully aroused, wet, and engorged before starting PIV. Many people worry that waiting that long might make them cum even faster, or make them more likely to lose their erection, but the opposite is usually true.

And finally, of you're going to be having sex with the same person over a long period of time, it's probably best to switch to a more satisfying style of sex that's still goods even if you lose your erection of cum quickly.

In any case, you've already done the hard part which is deciding you want better sex add looking for answers. Way to go! Your partner is lucky to have chosen you!

hey don't beat yourself up about it. Therapy is hard and it requires a LOT of stuff in your life to be STABLE to even think about trauma therapy. Nor is recovery a linear thing and because it is a RELATIONSHIP you gotta find someone you can RELATE with. My motto for clients is "if you don't feel like you still wanna be here with me in 3 sessions you can look for someone else". Because if i'm not right for you you shouldn't waste your money and time with me.

​

Therapists are people too. I happen to be good at working with CPTSD....cuz well I have it myself lol. And not every therapist can work with every issue. Not every modality works well with every person!

​

I wanna recommend two books to you when you feel ready to re-engage in self work. You can audio book it too.

The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT

I like this book because it's basically a no bullshit approach to life. LIFE SUCKS YOU WILL SUFFER YOU WILL FEEL PAIN YOU WILL HAVE DEPRESSION. Now how do you live a meaningful and maybe even worthwhile life despite that?

CPTSD from Surviving to Thriving its basically a step by step guide for processing trauma with yourself especially if you don't have or can't afford a therapist.

What works for some people may not work for others so I can only relate what has worked for me in this aspect.

I have been in a very similar situation. Some of my close friends and family are millionaires and I'm working a job that is nice but isn't going to make me rich. Social media is awash with past acquaintances that post amazing pics of their life.

Some things I have done over the last few years that have really changed my life.
1. Stopped Drinking - My drinking turned into self medication. I was unhappy with a lot about my life and unfortunately I wasted years drinking instead of enjoying what life provides. This single act changed my life and everything that came after it was a result.
2. Did a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction Course - This course was developed by University of Massachusetts Medical Center. You can find the course offered in most major cities and I would recommend taking it that way. It is a few hundred dollars generally. You can take it free here if you can't or don't want to pony up the money but are self motivated. I did the free course and it was still beneficial. It changed how I view life.
4. Found ACT - ACT stands for Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. It is the newer arm of cognitive behavioural psychology and deals with how we deal with thoughts and emotions. It also gives an outstanding method of moving forward in life by helping one discover what is valuable in life and then acting toward that. A good intro book into ACT for the non clinician is The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT. There is also an 8 week course offered here.

My life has changed dramatically over the last four years. I'm happier, more confident, and more financially secure.

I continue to read a lot about the mind and how it works as it fascinates me that happiness has little to do with what a person has. But, if having things is important our mind can hold us back or make it happen. Books that delve into performance psychology can help with this. An example for the layman is "You are a badass at making money" Our mind can work for us or against us. We choose.

Good luck.

First question: are you in thyroid replacing hormones and are you seeing an endocrinologist regular?

There are many type of therapy: psychoanalytic, psychodynamic, cognitive behavioral therapy, etc. Some therapy focus on trauma and don’t provide coping strategies but will help patients recognize their trauma and work through it. That can take a long time for some people. If you’re not clicking with your therapist, maybe look into getting a new one. If your really want goal oriented therapy I would look into cognitive behavioral therapy or acceptance and commitment therapy. I would recommend this book or this book to learn more about both therapies.

Use whatever approach feels best to you.

I've read books on Stoicism, Nihilism, Absurdism, CBT, Psychotherapy, childhood trauma, Carl Jung and many others.

My personal philosophy tends to be a blend of all of them and i will pick and choose a thought or idea for a problem i'm having, you don't have to have one philosophy or approach for everything.

For the problems that you are having, personally i would read about CBT and ACT. This book really changed my outlook when i felt anxious and down during lockdown: Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy It helps you recognise and challenge irrational thought patterns that you might get stuck in. Make sure you actually do the written excercises, writing them down makes such a big difference.

I've also heard a lot of good things about this book: The Happiness Trap I haven't read it personally however.

Do you have anything in particular that you are not happy about with your life that you are discussing with your therapist?

Your husband is caught in a vicious cycle. As a overweight man in my 50s with sleep apnea, I clearly recognize this behavior. It is extremely difficult to break out of the vicious cycle on his own but nearly impossible without dealing with the sleep apnea first.

He needs help and not from you, even though you love him and have been willing to try anything. I suggest you buy a copy of the Happiness Trap by Russ Harris and read it for yourself. It will help you even if you can never get him to read it.

However, if you can find a way to get him to read it (please find a way if you want to save his life), the book contains concepts that can help him to break the vicious cycles.

Next, he must go get a sleep test and they will almost certainly put him on a CPAP. I know this because he sounds a lot like me. I had a lot of resistance to the sleep test and the CPAP until a doctor friend of mine explained to me that was I was really doing was starving my body for oxygen dozens of times per hour, all night long, every night. Both the short and long term effects of this would be catastrophic in so many ways to my health but particularly to my heart. I decided I did not want to die early from a preventable heart attack just because I was being stubborn.

Once I got my CPAP and slept through the night with it, I was truly amazed at what it felt like to have a restful night of sleep. My energy picked up so much, I was able to face my problems head on and I was able to lose over 75 pounds. My professional performance improved (even though I had always worked hard before) and, needless to say, my relationship with my wife has been improving ever since. What a difference!

Grab him by the ear and make him read this post. I totally get where he is and he can turn this around. I'll bet he loves you and wants to do better but he simply hasn't had the energy to face his challenges. He has to break that vicious cycle or it will break him and your relationship together.

Good luck to you both!

Hello OP:

Male here, married for 35+ years. My wife and I are in our early 60s. Our kids are now grown and gone and we had a pretty solid marriage until financial stress hit us with the collapse of real estate financing in 2008. Then, in 2013, she suddenly and unfairly lost her job adding more stress as she had to change careers completely to find work. We've been in particularly tough straits as a couple, up and down, since then. The financial insecurity and the loss of her job hit her self-esteem hard and she took her frustration out on me.

We've done couples therapy together with a really good counselor (via Zoom) and I've been seeing a life coach on my own but I've recently come across two books that have been very helpful to me. One is the "Happiness Trap" by Russ Harris suggested to me by my life coach and the other is "The Deadbedroom Repair Manual" by Melody Parker which was recommended to me by the author who I came across on Reddit.

Both books are excellent and both are helping me rebuild my relationship with my wife in different ways. There is way too much in these books to cover here but if you get them and read them and consider the concepts, they may help you similar to the way they are helping me.

My wife is now reading the "Happiness Trap" for herself since I've been quoting it so much and I'm enjoying our conversations about the material. Our conversations on "The Deadbedroom Repair Manual" may have to wait for a bit of healing in other areas of the relationship first but the concepts are still very helpful to me in providing a better understanding of the challenges we are facing.

I have always loved my wife. She is beautiful and smart and very kind to others. I continue to love her through the good times and the bad and I'm committed to doing all I can to make our relationship work. After that, the chips will fall where they may. It takes two people to make a relationship work but it only takes one to break it up.

Best of luck to you in your own relationship!

Stress does make symptoms worse, for sure. For me though, I get quickly diminishing returns from trying to reduce stress in my life.

If there are obvious stressors that you can eliminate like toxic relationships or an unhealthy diet, then of course do what you can to eliminate those stressors. But for me, the worst part is the meta-stress. That is, if I judge stress as bad, then the presence of stress itself becomes a source of stress. And if I judge exhaustion as bad, then that too becomes a source of stress, which leads to more exhaustion, which leads to more stress, and so on.

The antidote, I think, is to accept that it's ok to feel stressed and it's ok to feel exhausted. That may be easier said than done, but it is possible. So, yes, I still feel tired most of the time, and some days I feel really tired. But if I can catch myself before I start judging those experiences as bad, then the intensity of those experiences will dissipate relatively quickly. The exhaustion doesn't go away, it just doesn't bother me as much.

I'm not sure if I'm explaining this very well. I learned this idea from a book called The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris, which I strongly recommend. The premise of the book is that the expectation of happiness actually leads to greater misery, and the book provides some useful strategies for noticing when you fall into this trap and for getting yourself out of it.

A similar book that I've also found helpful is The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer.

I've read so many self help books, but my two favorites for learning to deal with negative emotions and getting a handle on bad habits are:

The Happiness Trap and Atomic Habits

Do the homework in both books. Take your time. It's a journey, not a sprint.

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I'm also a huuuge fan of ACT, and that one does have a "self-help" version that has been recommended to me by every provider I've talked to who has heard of ACT:

• Russ Harris - The Happiness Trap
• https://thehappinesstrap.com/

I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles. Hang in there. While this book has no characters, it was a part of my therapy to manage anxiety/depression, and I'm not being hyperbolic when I say it saved my life. Give it a shot.

https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841/ref=sxts_sxwds-bia-wc-nc-drs1_0?cv_ct_cx=the+happiness+trap&dchild=1&keywords=the+happiness+trap&pd_rd_i=1590305841&pd_rd_r=f88ad587-d538-4d6a-9adc-ca3639ab9a11&pd_rd_w=3oO30&pd_rd_wg=m1CZN&pf_rd_p=84ce0865-d9ca-42e3-87ed-168be8f93162&pf_rd_r=MNFH23BYMW0WAFAHQK2V&psc=1&qid=1607303249&sr=1-1-88388c6d-14b8-4f70-90f6-05ac39e80cc0

I've found this book helpful, maybe you'd enjoy it too.

The Happiness Trap

So, if your fraternity brothers are family to you and you want them in your life, but your current dynamic is toxic/not good for you and you need time to heal, just see them less frequently and for shorter sessions and see how that goes. Reasonable?

It can be normal to fear being kind to yourself. It's normal from all the pain you are in now, to think that if you are going to have some self-love, you'll go right past a sensible moderate level that helps you be a decent, interesting, healthy and balanced human being and right into a different unhealthy egotistical extreme.

I'm guessing that you likely are the meanest to yourself than other people are. If you hit yourself the hardest and fastest, then no one can really touch you. Whatever they have to say can't hurt (much) because you've hurt yourself far worse. This may seem like a good coat of armor, but really it's a double edged sword and the price you pay for it in your day to day life is too high.

The alternative is developing your inner sense of self-worth that is balanced. I think you can think of some people who like themselves but are pleasant to be around. They accomplish things like cooking a good meal, painting a nice painting, being proud of a work accomplishment, without being ego-maniacal nightmares? That's the goal. I know that you worry that you'll shoot right past that and end up in a different bad place. So here are some ways to get started that should be easy reaches and not too extreme:

Easy places to begin:

• be thankful of 1-3 things every day. Write them down, if that helps you remember to do it. Building up the ability to have daily gratitude will help you heal. It can be anything, like you are thankful for your car, the song you are listening to is really great for your current mood, you like your shirt, you are happy the road has been repaved. Whatever comes to mind.

• 1 act of kindness a day - expect nothing in return. Hold the door open for someone. Compliment someone on a job well done, let someone go ahead of you on line. Notice someone's watch or haircut and (only if it is genuine) compliment them. As much as you crave acceptance and kindness - so do other people. Give it to others freely without any expectations.

Nothing will happen or change the first time, or the tenth time. But over weeks or months it will build into an inner strength, deeper positive connection with the world around you and happiness that you didn't have before.

Next level would be to:

• try sitting in a park for a minimum 5 minutes. No music, wear sunglasses if that feels better. Just sit with yourself, look at some nature

• go for a short walk in nature/outside/around your neighborhood. Just look at things and try to be present in the moment

• try meditation

• Journal, write out all your feelings. It can also help to tear up the pages you wrote if you feel like you are stuck on something and wish you weren't.

Again nothing much happens the first few times, just practice, and try. The worst thing that happened is that you wasted some time. So it's all quite low risk.

Above that would be reading about different approaches (all of these are books that helped me a lot, your milage will vary):

This is Water, by David Foster Wallace

The Happiness Trap - free youtube videos also available

Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life

Beyond that I'd explore if there is any group therapy for you. I'd consider anger management as a possible one. I (too long a story) ended up in an anger management session (by accident) instead of my usual group and I was surprised to learn it was a better fit for me - even though I didn't yell at people or throw things etc.)

ETA: better formatting

Try reading <em>The Happiness Trap</em> for some methods of dealing constructively with your emotions and recurring thoughts. I found it very helpful.

(Edit: I didn't read the whole post and didn't know you weren't looking for self help books. Maybe these will change your mind though.)

Here are two fantastic books that can help you deal with depression and the fickle human mind. One focuses on mindfulness and the other focuses on reason. Enjoy!

The Happiness Trap (mindfulness)

https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1541600072&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=the+happiness+trap

A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy (reason)

https://www.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/0195374614/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1541600123&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=a+guide+to+the+good+life

I hope these help, I can answer any questions you have about them as well.

Wow this helps me so much right now... Thank you very much. I would also recommend this book : https://www.amazon.ca/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841

I recommend reading the book The Happiness Trap if you feel this way. https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841

Dr. Russ Harris: youtube channel; online program; the book

I've got decent mileage out of https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841 though not sure if that's what you are looking for.

16.) Alternative Medicine (speak to a dr!!

There are a few alternative medicine options out there for depression and are currently being studied as cures for depression.

I am not a doctor and I cannot give medical advice. Please speak to a doctor or professional before considering any of these options

A lot of these can’t be mixed with medication because it can cause serious harm and make things worse. You can get serotonin depletion and all that. I am not trying to scare you all but I want people to be safe. Please talk to doctors and and research

St Johns Wart

st johns wart is natural and there is a lot of conflicting info online about a proper dosage. A word of caution ** talk to a medical professional about the dosage. I found a dosage after extensive research online that I thought would be good. and after speaking to a dr it was way too much. The issue that came about was the dose I was taking gave me heart palpitations. Pretty much your heart skips a beat or something. What it feels like? mini heart attacks when I was sleeping. Scared the sh**t out of me. So talk to a doctor. Also get a good quality brand.

I did take this for a bit and did see a good increase in mood but I did stop. It does increase anxiety a bit too which was too much for me. and you can’t mix with alcohol and I believe you can’t mix with caffeine.

5-htp

From what I read it can also help and people usually move on to this after trying st johns wart and not getting a result. I didn’t move on to this, and forget most of the research. But do your own research and talk to a doctor.

Magic Mushrooms

psilocybin mushrooms is being studied a bit for treatment of depression and may be an option. for you. it was a conflict whether or not to include it or not because it is illegal and looked down upon by most. but it did help me greatly. actually pretty much cured my depression even though i still have anxiety. so leaving this out would be just as bad in my eyes. again I can’t recommend and will not give advice. but do your research. erowid ( not a typo) is a good place to get some research but don’t believe everything you read, and approach with caution. there is a great amt. of people on there who try and push the limits which is not good. just cus someone else did it doesn’t mean you should.

not all shrooms are the same and each dose will be different from the last. some strains are much stronger than others. and just cus 1gram is good does mean 2grams is twice as strong. it doesn’t work like that and gets strong and intense quick. And if abused can be dangerous. I have had friends take too much and go to a psych ward. There is no rush take your time and go slow. To avoid getting hurt. Theres a great deal of info online and people you can talk to with advice. do tons of research. start small. its not a game and each trip is a learning experience, even bad ones. Ive had bad ones. Just please be safe!

16.) additional resources

Theres are tons of resources out there forums hotlines and the such doctors that kind help. Do your own research and sees what helps you. The point of this lengthy post is so that you don’t have to do all the searching and sifting through the noise like I did. So that maybe you can spend less time searching for a solution and focus on working on overcoming this battle. Now I do want to note that what works for me may not work for everyone. That everyones situation in itself is different and unique. That medications may work for some and not others. I don’t dismiss and look down upon on anything that may help someone overcome depression.

If you do choose meds or alternative meds start small and work your way up to to the dose. don’t just dive into the deep end. and when you start to feel better slowly work you way down decreasing the dose and not just go cold turkey.

Suicide Hotline —> 1-800-273-8255 offers confidential help for free

School counselors

Also I would like to list a book that has helped put things into perspective greatly and I think many people suffering any time of depression and anxiety can benefit from.

https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841

I do recommend reading through it slowly and work through the exercises as you go. I rushed through it and didn’t get to get the most out of it so I’m reading it again (:

Disclaimer** i do not receive any compensation for the book or referring the book ————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Do I still feel depressed at times?

Yes. It is now more infrequent and less intense than before but it does still happen. To describe it... its just one of the days where you wake up and are just like "ugh" about everything. Idk if that makes sense. But what has happened is that the depression has been replaced with more anxiety. Like yesterday I just woke up and had bad anxiety all day. Idk why either. Nothing bad or stressful is occurring in my life at this time and I just have to realize it happens and Ill fully heal over time. ————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Why didn't you ever try prescription meds?

I never went to speak with a dr, because I was afraid they'd just shove pills down my throat. ( I want to clarify that theres nothing wrong with medication, it does to wonders for some people but thats not the route I wanted to go). And that it is covering the problem rather than fixing it. At a young age, 12 i think, I remember have a school lunch monitor who was always super nice and friendly but at times she was very airy for a lack of a better word. One day I spoke with my mom and she basically told me she was on medication. I believe antidepressants if Im not mistaken. A lot of kids and adults talked about her at the school. So I never wanted to be that guy. There is also the bad things Ive heard that stuck out in my mind that you have a couple people snapping off of antidepressants in the pas tthat scared me, and then I had a cousin who I was not so close with going through through depression, which I found out at a funeral. But what turned me off was that he carried around all these pills and he was taking so much of them and thats literally all he can talk about was his pills.

Which is not a big deal. I understand now that he didn't have a very supportive immediate family, he wasn't working, didn't have any hobbies, and all he really knew was the pills so that was his way of talking. In a different light I think its similar to the guy who always works and when you meet up with him to catch up, work is all he talks about, because thats all he's around all the time. Finally, theres the whole business aspect of me where I know big pharma are ultimately companies and need to make money and don't care about the lil guy scenario.

I found Jordan Peterson's future authoring program helpful. It's nothing too complicated. It just helps you make a vision for what you want your future to be like and set about 8 specific goals for the next few years. It's $15 to use online which I think is a little more than its worth, but overall I think it's worth it. It will probably take about a few weeks to complete, but I think it's time well spent.

https://www.selfauthoring.com/future-authoring.html

Jordan Peterson is a psychologist that posts a lot of lectures and interviews on youtube. A lot of No Fappers find his perspective helpful. Here's his channels if you're interested.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCodkb-qBktJI5NrUsPYpf7g

https://www.youtube.com/user/JordanPetersonVideos

Learning Acceptance and Commitment Therapy was helpful for me too. There are lots of therapists that use this method, but the book I read was, "The Happiness Trap" by Dr. Russ Harris.

https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841

It's a pretty simplified approach, that teaches you the thinking patterns and habits that allow you to live more in the present and future oriented towards action in the direction of your values, rather than stuck in habits of escapism and avoidance whenever you feel uncomfortable from things like boredom and loneliness.

I also think is very helpful to set habits that put your daily life into a healthy rhythm and balance. Simple things like waking up early and going on a walk in the sunrise can make a big difference. Circadian rhythm plays a huge role in balancing hormone and neurotransmitters, so the more time you can spend outside in the brightness of the day the better especially in the morning.

Making sure you have regular positive social activity is extremely important for satisfying the brain's need for oxytocin. If you don't get it through healthy social experiences, the brain can sometimes come up with some dysfunctional ways of obtaining oxytocin release like preoccupation with porn and fantasy. So whatever you can do to make your life social. Do it. It's really not optional for humans.

Did you know Amazon will donate a portion of every purchase if you shop by going to smile.amazon.com instead? Over $50,000,000 has been raised for charity - all you need to do is change the URL!

Here are your smile-ified links:

https://smile.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841

Never forget to smile again | ^^i'm ^^a ^^friendly&amp;nbsp;bot

https://www.amazon.ca/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841

The first noble truth that the Buddha taught is that life is inherently dissatisfaction. Life is fairly ironic in that seeking happiness ensures you wont find it.

Should give this book a read. Gave me some good perspectives on that.

The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris is about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. It's kind of a users manual for the mind, something I feel everyone needs to learn (I wish it could be taught to all children or young adults).

By Phillip Moffitt: Dancing With Life: Buddhist insights for finding meaning and joy in the face of suffering is a great book, very oriented to Buddhist teachings, but also very practical for people living in modern Western culture. Emotional Chaos to Clarity: Move from the Chaos of the Reactive Mind to the Clarity of the Responsive Mind is his recent book, really amazingly chock full of super useful tools. Another users manual for the mind.

The Practicing Mind: Developing Focus and Discipline in Your Life - Master Any Skill or Challenge by Learning to Love the Process by Thomas M. Sterner.

This is the central idea in Acceptance and Commitment therapy. https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1465829075&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=the+happiness+trap

http://www.amazon.com/The-Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Living/dp/1590305841

This book is a good introduction into ACT.

I think this book might help in addition to your training: http://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841

No, but I did read through <em>The Happiness Trap</em> by Russ Harris and discussed it with my therapist who recommended it to me.

That sounds like a really lovely and interesting book! I will put it on my "to read" list.

At the moment I have on the list:

The Happiness Trap - haven't started this yet though

Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child - started this but just pissed me off because it made me realise my husband is a permissive parent and I wish he weren't.

Brain Rules - haven't started this but has a lot of science backing it up.

Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life - this book was used by my counsellor, it has some great activities on ACT/Mindfulness.

I am spending way too much time binge watching shows in my uni holidays - I ought to get reading!

Both men and women have a great ability to fake happiness in order to make it seem like they are doing better than the next person. There will always be a number of couples who will call it quits even when they seemed like the happiest couple ever.

Read this book called The Happiness Trap and you will realize that happiness is the biggest illusion out there.