Hi Verundanir,
First and foremost, I’d like to tell you that you are loved by God. He chose you right from the beginning and you are his beloved. It is perfectly normal that you feel lonely. This being said, as Christians, we must remember that our loneliness (feelings) is not the truth. The truth is that God is always with us. Christ gave us the Holy Spirit to comfort us in times of need. The living God is present in us.
Your feelings are valid. No one gets to tell you that they are not. I have a practical suggestion for you. They are book recommendations. Read Henri Nouwen’s The Inner Voice of Love. (Link: https://www.amazon.com/Inner-Voice-Love-Journey-Through-ebook/dp/B0046A9JA2/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=inner+voice+of+love&qid=1624005734&s=digital-text&sr=1-1) This is a book he wrote when he suddenly lost his self-esteem, his energy to live and work, his sense of being loved, even his hope in God. Although he experienced excruciating anguish and despair, he was still able to keep a journal in which he wrote a spiritual imperative to himself each day that emerged from his conversations with friends and supporters.
The Inner Voice of Love is suitable for the countless men and women who have to live through the pain of broken relationships, or who suffer from the loss of a loved one, this book about the inner voice of love offers new courage, new hope, even new life.
So I urge you to look it up. There’s another book, known as Life of the Beloved: Spiritual Living in a Secular World. (Link: https://www.amazon.com/Life-Beloved-Spiritual-Living-Secular-ebook/dp/B011H5ISKA ) It’s also by Nouwen. This book is extremely important to us Christians for claiming our identities as God’s beloved. Do not overlook it because this is the book I always turn to when the night gets too dark. Sometimes, it’s better to have a seasoned Christian who has been through it all to encourage us. This man is extremely good with words and you will not be disappointed.
In the event that you are unable to afford these books or find a free copy, I’d love to buy them for you. Please contact me through chat. I’m also available if you’d wish to have someone read the Bible with you on a consistent basis.
Best wishes.
theBlessedone