I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Lord knows, most of us have been in your shoes. I found help in reading books. Seemed like a stupid suggestion from a friend, but there are alot of self-help books out there. One in particular really seemed to resonate with me, and i recovered faster because of it. I'll hotlink it below but it or another one like it might be worth a read. You can get cheap used editions usually too.
I can relate. Took me so long though to get out of that funk. And there is this book which helped me a lot: https://www.amazon.com/Journey-Abandonment-Healing-Surviving-Recovering/dp/0425273539/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1485086376&sr=8-1&keywords=susan+anderson+journey
Oh and there's a book I've read: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Journey-Abandonment-Healing-Surviving-Recovering/dp/0425273539
I can see how the lessons could be useful if only I could get myself to care enough to try them out.