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> of which I love more than the world
You are showing to much emotions, that's is not healthy, women hate it and it's unattractive to them!
> was like a dream come true for me
This is where you disaster starts!
You showed her that she is the best you can do!
That you are always available.
That she is your only option!
> I also find myself comparing myself to those 4 mouth-breathers that are nothing compared to the man I am.
Buddy, women want to chase love, and work for it, or else it will be a boring relationship for them, unattractive to them, you are just too available, those 4 mouth-breathers knew how to push her buttons and be attractive to her!
But you can maybe solve that problem!
You answer is in this Amazon top rated book (Read it, and don't let her see you reading it):
The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 - By Athol Kay
Work on the MAP (When you read this book you will know what it is!)
Good luck buddy and update us after you read the book!
This book is even more important. The book is mis titled, it is not a manual but a relationship guide for men. I guess the publisher thought the title might increase sales. LOL https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8/ref=sr\_1\_1?crid=38J85GEU41G33&keywords=Married+man+sex+life+primer&qid=1645883685&s=books&sprefix=married+man+sex+life+primer%2Cstripbooks%2C325&sr=1-1
May I make a book recommendation? It's called Married Man Sex Life You don't specifically cite sex as the problem, but the fact that you complain about the lack of affection leads me to believe that's part of it, and anyway, the advice in the book is good for a lot of relationship problems, not just sex related ones.
You may not agree with everything that's in the book. It's okay if you don't. Focus on the stuff that you do agree with.
Hi OP,
Have you considers reading: The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 - By Athol Kay
This book is for you only, it saved my sex life!
Dude, this right on in "get a divorce" territory.
If you want to know WHY this happened, read "Married Man's Sex Life" by Athol Kay. He has few chapters on why women cheat.
https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8
It's not for everyone man. There is a good book you should check out it goes over alot of what I said but much better than I ever could.
Married man sexlife primer 2011
That book has concepts in it that have turned it around for a lot of men.
Good luck man, dont stop searching and dont stop trying shit.
Your story is not unique at all. Read this book:
https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8
Your providing her comfort and feels. Your behaviour generates zero sexual desire.
Her libido would come right back once she's back out on that dating scene again and trying out this tinder thing all the kids are using.
You need to make yourself into a man that other woman want to have sex with. That's what will make your wife WANT to fuck you.
She dosent want you to cheat, but she would LOVE it if you could.
Your wife's sexdrive will come right back the second she's out looking for another chump like you to provide resources and support for her.
She wants to have sex, just not with you.
What she will never tell you is that one of thoes 16 men before you fucked the stupid out of her but she couldn't get him to commit. You can never be that man so her enthusiasm for fuckig you is zero. She can get in the mood once things get started because she's thinking about being railed by that other guy.
You are just the only guy dumb enough to commit. If she could have gotten one of the better men before you to commit she would be with one of them. You are just filling a roll for her, you could be any man, it has nothing to do with you. That's why she dosent give a fuck about your sexual experience.
Don't listen to her words, watch her behaviour. She won't ever initiate and the sex is getting worse and worse. Thats the message, she dosent care about long term of her relationship. I bet she's just buying time untill she eat-pray-loves your ass into divorcecourt.
If a woman wants to have sex with you she will find a way.
If you still want to work on this failed marriage your going to have to put in a lot of work on YOURSELF.
Read this book and you have a chance.
The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B004W0IRQ8/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_3XRLBbHW7X4SS
I don't know if you read this comment so I'll quote it here for you.
This is what's going on for you.
>I think a lot of women marry men for the wrong reasons. Instead of marrying a guy they really love and are physically attracted too or desire/lust after, they marry the safe security guy with a good job who will be a good provider. They marry the nice guy or the boring guy. The guy their not attracted to so much but know he will treat her right. So from the beginning they never have these desires for their husbands. >I never wanted to settle or just marry a guy because he was a safe choice. And I got lucky because my SO is someone I truly desire and want. From the beginning our sexual and physical chemistry was always 100%. I always valued physical attraction and looks, and to this day I truly truly find him to be crazy attractive and want him. >But I know a lot of women don't value looks, dont care about attraction, they just want a guy who can provide or at least be a stable partner. Also, a lot of women want to get married and have kids before a certain age, so they settle even if its someone their not crazy about. And then you end up in a bad loveless marriage. >
OP, you need to turn yourself into one of the fun men. One of the attractive ones.
You have to make OTHER people attracted to you. That makes your wife want to fuck your brains out. The more woman that want to fuck you the more desirable you are to your wife. It's the opposite of what the world says.
Check out this book, it's perfect for you.
https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8
Good luck man.
I hate to be the one to tell you this but if you actually did knock her up, you would get even less sex. Actually after the second kid, your sexlife will go backwards and you will have to stuff some of thoes slow swimmers back into your balls and have a reverse orgasim via a toothbrush up your ass. The instructions are on the Internet, I can send you a link. It takes 2 people, 2 toothbrushes, and a q-tip, one toothbrushe is burner.
Listen to your intuition, you are correct, having a hart to hart with her about this will only make it worse. Talking about a lack of desire kills off any remaing desire.
Read this book:
https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8
Good luck man.
Your not a sex addict, your just male.
Your wife is not attracted to you anymore.
Her zero libido would magically resurface if she were back out on the market trying to find another guy to replace the work you are doing so she can not have sex with him later.
Assuming you don't have issues with pride, this will solve your problem.
https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8
I say issues with pride because all the work will be you. Expecting change from her before change from you will never work.
I had a similar issue and the only solution was to have my wife sleep in the basement with earplugs in for a months.
I had to sit there In my son's bedroom and just endure it. It was brutal. He eventually gave in but fought hard.
Your losing a battle to a child. Here is a good piece of advice I read about this that helps. What you want is for your kid to sleep by itself. What you want right now (at night in the moment) Is for the kid to just go to sleep so everyone can function.
Stop sacrificing what you want for what you want right now.
Fight the kid.
One more thing. If you think getting your bedroom clear of the kid will all of the sudden make your wife want to fuck again you should go have a MRI done because you have a brain injury.
Read this book :
https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8
You are enabling her. Stop. Be your own man. If she follows, she follows. If she doesn't, you have improved yourself to a level that will attract a new woman.
Give him a copy of this http://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1420726216&sr=8-1&keywords=Married+man+sex+life+primer
Then make damn sure he reads it. You're a guy, so if you go to him and tell him frankly that the relationship is in danger and the sense of comfort he has created is smothering the passion, it's going to mean more coming from you than it will coming from your sister (or pretty much any woman).
MMSL is the best book I've read on balancing alpha traits and beta traits to maintain a relationship's stability and closeness while also maintaining desire and carnal attraction.
Caveat: As your sister's boyfriend steps his game up, his SMV runs the risk of getting to the point where he may be able to pull better women than your sister. Tread cautiously, make sure she's ready to keep improving herself too.
Yes! I had this problem about 7-10 years into my marriage. That’s when we were having kids, and my once receptive wife had gone fairly cold. I was tired of (what seemed to me) constant rejection, so I just stopped initiating unless she was obviously in the mood. Being told no made me angry and hurt, so it was better to go to sleep blue-balled than hurt, angry, and blue-balled.
It came to ahead when I planned a 3 day getaway for us and we didn’t have sex once the whole trip. I realized later that I’d only actually tried to initiate once, and that the other days I’d held off because I assumed she wasn’t in the mood. I was pissed and hurt, but I couldn’t really be THAT angry because she’s never actually said no. I realized I was being a big pussy, and if she wanted to say no, then from now on I was going to put that burden on her rather than me.
This isn’t a popular approach, but I’m a data guy, so I started keeping a daily sex spreadsheet. I broke it down to:
- I Initiated & sex.
- I Initiated & she Rejected.
- She initiated
- Nobody initiated.
What I found from the spreadsheet was that my success rate was actually a lot higher than I expected now that I was initiating much more often. She still declined sometimes, but we were having a lot more intimacy.
That was all about 10 years ago. I think what works best for us now is that we talk about and plan sex ahead of time. It sounds dumb, but it somehow makes it less stressful and more fun. We’ll text or brush up against each other in the kitchen and just say something silly or sexy to let the other one know what we’re thinking. She usually says yes, but if she says no in the kitchen, it’s somehow a lot easier to deal with than when I’m laying beside her with a boner.
One other thing I’d highly recommend is reading this book. It helped me a lot.
The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004W0IRQ8/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_XJTZ29SKWFD79049T399
I would highly recomend this book.
It recommends many "seduction" type techniques but for those in a loving committed relationship
The Married Man Sex Life Primer
​
I would highly recommend this book.
I found this book very helpful. Now she initiates. The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B004W0IRQ8/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_9ZX5D31WCM6HZWESQB47
If you want to fix this, you need real help right now. Here's a video (Sexless Marriage Triage) to think on. Chances are you
- Married Man's book (nsfw title - ironically most of this book is not about Sex)
- Nice Card Mean Card (How to stick up for yourself)
- What Women Want when they Test Men (how to pass her tests)
- No More Mr. Nice Guy
- The Charisma Myth- how to build your charisma
- Empathy -
- Sex God Method - you can find this free on Scribd.
Hopefully we will have something Christian on the Sidebar soon. In the meantime, I would check out Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011. This is a super-practical book about the truth in male / female dynamics in marriage.
After that, check out The Way of the Superior Man. This book goes deeper into the finer points necessary to successfully calibrate and internalize things imo.
Neither of these are Christian books, so read with discernment. However, I have found both to be EXTREMELY helpful.
First google "the sex god method" PDF. Download that shit and read it pronto.
Next, buy this book:
https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8
> She said that she was tired of being in control all the time, at school, with the kids. She told me she just wanted to be submissive and wanted me to take full control in bed.
When a woman resorts to direct communication like this she is at her wits end. Also, it's as rare as finding a gold bar in a box of lucky charms to have such direct honesty in a woman like that. She told you the 100% honest truth. It's actually refreshing to read.
You might not be able to fix this, if she's at the point where she has another guy in mind, your fucked. He is most definitely somone in her social circle and proablly earns like she does.
Your a man and a father. All that stuff you put out about your parents death and your depression means absolutely fuck all to your wife. Suffer in silence. Why do you think we (men) are killing ourselves in record numbers? You think we are just more crazy?
It dosent help that you let yourself get fat and proablly have tits.
Get thoes 2 books and sit your depressing fat ass down on an exercise bike at the gym and kill 2 birds with one stone. Throw yourself into losing that weight. Don't stop there, get audible and each audio book you consume is a good 6 hours worth of cardio. Whatever the future has in store for you will be much easier to deal with if you are the strongest version of yourself physically and mentally (audio books). Fitness has some theriputic effect on depression however I'm kind of ignorant about depression.
Ask yourself, what are woman attracted to, what makes their vagina tingle. Is it a fat depressing man that stays at home, dosent earn?
Read fifty shades of gray.
Read any romance novel at the drug store. Are they about fat stay at home dad's? How about you fire up one of these dating apps. Would you be a catch?
The best part about the bottom is there is only up left to go.
Work on you.
Become a man she wants to fuck, because wineing about it, won't work.
> I am 6'1, 340 lbs. She is 4'11, 180 lbs
4'11, 180 is not a China doll. That's a rotund woman. If you really are 6'1, all you have to do is lose 140 pounds.
That should be your mission. Take a picture of yourself naked and say goodbye to the version of yourself that put you here.
If your wife hands you this book, your fucked. just give up. If shes crusing the manosphear wishing you were also, it's never going to work.
He has to be doing it.
You know this. Your cannot negotiate desire.
Read this book:
Then
She wont read books, but you can.
This book will give you everything you need to know to become a man she's always intrested in. This book is required reading for married men and it works 1000x better if it's implement proactively instead of reactively.
https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8
Good luck man.
>What do we do??
This is what you do. You read this book and try it out:
https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8
If it dosent work? Divorce!
You only have lead in that pencil for so many years. You want waste them all jacking off in the shower?
Congrats on losing the weight!
>I am a young man ready to get married early next year, or so i think!
Why would we spoil the surprise?
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Here, let me give you a leg up.
https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8
Have fun. See you here in 7 +/- 2 years.
No, you are perfectly normal. This is how it usually plays out. This is the script:
From /u/bluepillprofessor
>Step 1: Get married.
>
>Step 2: Try to satisfy the wife by following the advice given by every one of our mothers, sisters, cousins, ex-girlfriends, our current wife, our college professors, the psychotherapist we consulted, and every single Mainstream article and book on the topic published in the last 40 years.
>
>When you see it in that light it is easy to understand.
>
>
>Step 3: Have kids. This puts the wife in complete charge, AND cuts off sex for at least 2 months. Probably close to 1/2 of men never recover their manhood from this event. This is the source of all the divorce stories after kids. It isn't that you are tired. It is that you gave away the power of sex to the wife and now she has a little creature to cuddle so she doesn't need you. So with no power, there is no sex and the resentment grows on your part even as the disrespect and arrogant, even cruel behavior spikes on her part.
>
>Note how the wife takes control by following the advice of every one of her mothers, sisters, cousins, ex-girlfriends, college professors, the psychotherapist we consulted, and every single Mainstream article and book on the topic published in the last 40 years.
Your at that second kid where the /r/dedbedrooms starts. Go ask them. If you are begging now, it's over for you once she has that second child.
>They've recommended I communicate with her, be honest with my expectations, fill her "emotional tank" with compliments and appreciation... I've tried everything.
And that's exactly how you ruin your sexlife. Here is the thing pal. This whole world is telling HER that she should want to fuck your brains out based on all that mushy shit I quoted above. Your already doing everything WOMAN tell you to do. All that stuff generates comfort, NOT sexual desire. You are begging and needy. When you try and "communicate" with her, she is probably overwhelmed with shame because she feels no sexual desire for you, and she knows telling you this will crush you. She still loves you, loves your life together, she just doesn't want to fuck YOU and shes torn the fuck up about it. Every time you try and talk to her about it your wiring her brain to associate negative feelings with you and sex.
There is nothing wrong with your wife, shes behaving just as shes programmed. This whole world that we are living in has only existed for about 100 years. The arousal cues that make a woman want to have sex have not changed at all.
If you were hit by a car tomorrow and she was back out looking for your replacement, her libido would come back with furious vengeance.
You have time every night seeing as you are not having sex. Next time, initiate once, aim to get shot down, then DONT get butthurt, laugh it off, leave and start reading.
https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8
Lots of men have turned this around. I have. Read that book and try some stuff.
Good luck man.
Your story resonates with me.
PS: wipe your ass with the 5 love languages. 100% of the people in deadbedrooms have tried it. It doesn't work.
Classic mistake. Your going about this the wrong way. All your doing is putting pressure on her and having her associate your sexual advances with the opposite of sexual desire, sexual disgust.
The only thing that will make her WANT to fuck you is other people wanting to fuck you. She has it in her head that she can say no and there are zero other people that would touch your dick. Your such a perfect husband you would never do anything like step out.
This book is written for men just like you. It's saved some deadbedroom marriages.
https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8
Stop trying to communicate with her about this. You might as well throw sand in her vagina.
Your doing it all wrong. That's like trying to stick it in her ear.
Read this book while your not getting laid.
https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8
Yes, you come across as needy and pathetic. You are behaving in a way thats very unattractive.
Read this book, see if you can fix you.
https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8
She's not attracted to you because she has no respect for you.
Read that book and fix yourself. If the contents of that book wont fix this, it puts you in a better place for the next woman.
Don't talk to her about it, it will make it worse. You will come across as weak and needy and that drys the vagina right the fuck out.
Read this book see if it helps, it's helped a lot of men.
https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8
She's lost her attraction to you and it sounds like she's starting to feel contempt. That's not good.
You can turn this around. Your proactively looking for answers and this problem is in its infancy. Read that book.
Belive it or not, if you ignore her and just focus on improving yourself. Eventually, after you have made a bunch of progress, she will become attracted to you again.
Improve your brain first by feeding it books. Start with the one I linked.
The answers you seek are located here:
The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B004W0IRQ8/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_AC-HBbEH1R2X3
Who there boss, hold trigger on the divorce. To answer your question, yes, men have divorced their wives over this. And yes, if you leave your wife as an in shape, well adjusted, financially stable, 40 year old man you can get laid left right and center.
I'll proablly get banned for this but I don't care.
Everyone tries marriage counciling and it's a one way trip to divorce land. Your story is not unique AT all. It's been told a thousand times.
Try this before you divorce:
https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8
Here comes the bannable offence:
If you have thick skin, head over to /r/marriedredpill and lurk for a bit. Read some of the sideboard.
Men have turned your situation around. The solution is tough work, it's all you. It's the hardest thing In the world to own your shit.
Post this exact post over there. You will take harsh criticism, but its there to weed out the weak men. Own it.
Take the red pill.
It's all up to you.
Red pill fixes the man. Your wife can either come along with the new you or who gives a fuck.
>Dates, massages, little cards out of the blue, a glass of wine when the kids are at my parents’, overtly asking ... I have talked with friends, coworkers, a therapist, her friends, anything to try and spice it up a bit. We have a healthy marriage, communicate well
None of that generates any sexual desire. Zero! It's all comfort. This is your problem. You are doing what everyone does and your getting the same result. Your doing it to yourself.
Try this:
https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8
What do you have to lose?
It's been 2 years man, these people telling you Its PPD are silly.
You wife has lost all attraction for you. It happens all the dam time after having a child. It usually happens about 7 +/- a couple years in after the second kid.
If you head over to /r/deadbearooms you will see a version of your story day in day out. The more you try and do what this world tells you to do, communication (yuck), active listening, more help around the house, date nights, compliments, give her more space, it dosent matter, none of it will work.
Everyone trys communication, it's shoved down our throats but it's ineffective for this. If communication actually worked this would never be an issue. In dead bedrooms they have language like "the talk" and it's almost always a disaster. Communication only comes across as begging and it makes you look needy.
Check out this book, it has helped a lot of men turn a situation just like yours around. I warn you though, it's a lot of work. Have a read.
https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8
He also has a blog married man sex life. Check it out.
If you want new behaviour to come out of your wife (more sex) then something new needs to come out of you. More of the same is not going to work.
Improve yourself, stop thinking about sex and your wife.
One of the core tenets of this book:
https://www.amazon.ca/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062641549
It explains how pursuing things that we want like sex only demonstrates to us a lack of sex.
Forget about sex and work on yourself.
And most of all, NEVER COMPLAIN.
The secret to a great sexlife is more complaining. Said Noone EVER.
I'm leaving the typo on deadbearooms because it's hilarious.
> Hello,
Sup.
> I'm not sure where else to go with this. Maybe I need to go back to my counselor again, but I wanted to run this by you guys because I know you all are honest in your advise.
Your counselor is a moron, they told you to just cope.
>I'm a 48M and my wife is 44f. Today is actually our 25th Wedding Anniversary and we've been together for 28 years.
That's a long time.
>For most of the time we have been together, we have had this on going issue where she is so standoffish that it makes me wonder if she loves me.
You dont love yourself man! And you are making her responsible for it. That's pretty much the same thing as filling her vagina with Frank's redhot.
>I can't count the number of times we talked/argued/fought about it. Her response is usually "Well, I'm here so... I love you" When I bring it up she automatically gets really pissed off and won't talk about it unless I bug her about it.
Yet you still keep arguing with her. 28 fucking years man, 3 decades. You got married in 1991!
>I should probably leave hear alone, but I want to fix it. When she does finally talk, it more her trying to to prove to me that I'm wrong in how I feel and accuses me of trying to change her.
That's such a man thing we all do. Try and fix shit. You are right you should leave her alone. You are what needs to be fixed.
>I just want to feel loved and I want her to be an active participant in our marriage.
Yuck! Love yourself. Making her responsible for you feeling loved is childish. Be a self contained, self validating man. It's very attractive to them.
>My heart aches to feel loved by her, but when I tell her that, she gets really mad at me.
That's because you have been believing all the nonsense the world has pumped into your head with romcoms. That behavior makes her skin crawl.
"My heart aches to feel loved by her". When has that type of behaviour EVER generated feelings of sexual desire.
Legions of woman got wet reading 50 shades of gray. Was Christian gray a lovely mushy idiot? No! He had them sign weird contracts and he tied them up and stuffed things in their ass.
The way you behave and talk has never made a woman say "I can't wait to fuck this guy". No, that type of behaviour is "ahh you are so sweet".
>Last night I had a romantic night planned to celebrate our Anniversary. I made sure we had everything taken car of, bed made, we where showered, ready to go to bed early for an epic night in bed.
Yup and she was dreading the whole thing. Your 29 year strategy failed in 91 and its still failing in 2019.
>We get into bed and I start kissing her as romantically and passionately as possible. She just lays there. She kisses me back, but only if I come to her.
She doesn't want to have sex with you because shes not sexually attracted to you. She cant tell you that because of all your feelings, and then she will have to deal with your litany of questions.
>She seems so uninterested so I ask her if everything is ok. She said Yes, why do I ask. I said, I'm just checking, and start kissing her some more.
This is cringey.
>She just lays there. Make no effort to show me return any affection. This is the usual night for us. She says she wants me, but she just lays there and 99% of the time makes Zero effort.
This is like smoking for your sexlife. Forcing her to have sex with you when she doesn't want it fucks them up bigtime. You do this enough and you can never have her feel sexual desire for you again. She would rather have starfish sex then blow up her life.
>After 20 plus years, I guess i'm just done. I just don't know what to do and I don't know how to deal with this any more.
Stop doing what is not working.
>My counselor says that I need to work on me, and work to accept her how she is.
Your counselor suxks but they are half right. Work on you.
>(She won't go to counseling with me. She doesn't' feel like there is anything wrong on her side, and she's happy, so she doesn't see the point in going, so I go alone)
Shes fine, it's you that's a mess.
>I really try to just work on me and accept her for how she is, but how do I do that on an ongoing basis. The thought of going through the rest of my life with a woman that says she loves me but doesn't show it is not very appealing.
As long as you NEED it you will be disqualified from getting it.
>I want to feel wanted for a change.
You need a lot of things.
First things first. Do you look like someone that a woman in her 40s would want to fuck? No you dont.
Do you behave in a way that generates feelings of sexual desire? No you dont.
You want your wife to want you? If no other woman want you why the shit should she.
This book has helped a lot of men fix their shit. Read it and try what works for you.
Married man sexlife primer 2011
Good luck man.
> Little love notes all over the house, flowers, gifts, cards, romantic dinner by candlelight back rubs, you get the picture. Not just on Valentines day, but all week.
That's your problem.
If you were to anonymously ask 40 year old woman what makes their pussy wet, it's never this. They can't say they think about a dominant man who dosent ASK permission, he just fucks them hard from behind and pulls their hair. They can't say that out loud.
You doubled down on the same failed game every man does.
Stop complaining about your wife not fucking you and become the man she wants to fuck.
Read this book:
https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8
You are doing it wrong. She has to want to do thoes things. You can cajole her into behaving a certain way but you cant make her want it. A perfect example is the new clothes you bought her. She has zero desire to look good for you. Zero.
Talking to her about sex makes you look needy and drys up her vagina. Its counter intuitive because we are problem solvers as men and we want to logic it out. This is based on feels not logic.
You are really nice and accommodating, and patient. You behave this way because you don't want to lose her. Shes disregards you because shes not afraid to lose you.
You need to generate sexual desire, not feelings if comfort. You need to figure out what arouses her, not what shes attracted to. She will never tell you any of this because if she did, you are only doing it because she told you. If she has to tell you, it's not you. She might not even be conscious of it.
Here read this book:
https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8
It actually has actionable stuff that works.
Good luck man.
You have tried everything this world tells you to do and it's not working.
Try this:
https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8
> I have constantly tried to reach out to her with romantic poems, stories, cards, attempts to initiate sex, non-sexual physical contact, etc. Almost every single thing I wrote was ignored, and every in-person initiation I made was rejected. I wrote her emails about my feelings toward her and our marriage, and she refused to answer them or address my concerns because they were "overbearing". Of course, she had always complained in the past that I never opened up about my emotions and wasn't romantic enough, so this is extremely frustrating for me to be rejected after finally doing what she wanted of me.
Look at all that communication and feelings. All it did was dry up her vagina. What she says she wants and what she really wants are 2 completely different things and communication dosent work. If she has to tell you how to behave then you are only doing it because she told you.
Read that book I linked, what do you have to lose, Knoledge is Power.
Well seeing as how you are not getting laid you have a bit of time on your hands. If you ever get around to reading the book the art of not giving a fuck, the main take away is this.
If you focus on what you don't have (sex) all you will experience is a life lacking in sex. So talking to her about this will only make it worse.
It very well could be she lost her attraction to you and feels terrible because she dosent know why. And that is depressing her.
Head to the gym and jump on a piece of cardio equipment. I suggest the bike because you can read. Have a read of this fantastic book.
https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8
Good luck man.
>I cook I clean I take care of our son I take care of our dog and I do whatever else needs to be done.
That nonsense only generates feelings if comfort NOT sexual desire.
>I asked her what she wants and needs from me and she said nothing that I'm a great husband and father.
She can't tell you what she wants, she might not even be aware of it. Even if she was, and she told you, you would only be doing it because she told you to, that's compliance and obligation, or as I call it vagina quick sand.
You are already doing everything the world and woman tell you that you should be doing to make your wife responsive, you cook, clean, take care of the kid. I bet you have even read the 5 love languages. This the part that's so dangerous for you. You keep doubling down on this behaviour that doesn't generate sexual desire.
What's even worse is the whole world tells you communication is the answer but it really isn't. Taking to her about this will destroy your ability to recover. She probably feels HORRIBLE that you are what the whole world tells her she should be wet for but she isn't. Its tearing her up inside, she probably feels so guilty. Every time you bring it up you are wiring her brain to associate guilt and bad feelings about sex and YOU.
She is still kind of initiating so you haven't ruined it yet. You need to make yourself attractive to OTHER people, not your wife. The only thing that will make her WANT fuck you is other woman wanting to fuck you. No wife wants her husband to cheat but they ALL want one that could.
This book has helped many men turn this around. I have. Read it and try some stuff, see if it works for you. It's not for everyone.
https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8
Your wife WANTs you to make yourself into a more attractive valuable man. It will make her heart sing.
Just keep your mouth shut and work on yourself.
Good luck man.
Lurk a bit on /r/marriedredpill, it might resonate with you. Its not for everyone.
Your story is cliche over there. We have all heard it a million times.
This book has helped a lot of guys in this situation.
Good luck man. I hate reading these.
Your story is not unique AT ALL. If you have thick leathery skin and can take criticism in the masculine check out /r/marriedredpill and see the other men dealing with the exact same thing. Your already close to divorce what do you have to lose.
Look, you are doing everything the world tells you a good man should do. You handel everything. You are looking for proactive solutions to your marriage problem. You have tried "communication" (i just threw up in my mouth) and are considerate. Yet her pussy is as dry as the Sahara desert. Arnt you a bit confused why it's not working?
> But i carry 90% of the household with the cooking, cleaning and general housework. I carry 100% of the bills.
Do you know how hard that is to replace for her? You can find another dry vagina in 2 seconds. Your the prize here, not her.
At the very least check out this book and try athol Kays MAP. Try everything before a divorce because a divorce is like chemotherapy, avoid it of you can.
https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011-ebook/dp/B004W0IRQ8
If that book dosent help this relationship it will put you in a better place for the second. So this won't happen again.
Good luck man.
>I’ve (32M) been married for 10 years to my wife (33F), and we have a 3 year old son together. I was very happy in our marriage for the first 7 years, and I would say it was a very complete and fulfilling. 10/10 happiness. The problem occurred right after my son was born.
This is cleche. This is very common in relationships where the woman thinks shes settled.
>The best way to summarize it would be to say that she views me more as a co-parent and not a husband. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I’m a touchy feely kind of guy, I love affection and kisses, that kind of thing.
That makes a woman say "awww your so sweet, you will make another woman happy someday. Just not me"
That behavior DOESN'T make her want to RIP your pants off and blow you. In the history of passionate fucking "touchy feely, hart on sleve, affection and kisses has never made a pussy wet.
>She’s more a reserved type and kind of the opposite of that, but in the early of our relationship it was very good, but now it’s like she turned off the water. She’s not interested in sex anymore.
She still wants sex, just not with you. She cant tell you that because breaking that heart on your sleve will stain the rug.
>We didn’t have sex for about a year after my son was born and then when we did she just didn’t seem very into it. We have sex about 5 times a year if that. She also has become MUCH less affectionate, doesn’t hug, kiss or hold my hand hardly at all. It feels like there is no passion from here what-so-ever and it really is making me feel miserable.
That's because no other woman want you why should she?
>Now I know what you might be thinking here, and that she’s cheating on me or I’m an asshole or something and it’s not that.
It's none of that. You behave in a way that generates comfort not sexual desire.
>We have a very good relationship built on trust and understanding, and are very much best friends.
That's what you think but you are projecting your decency onto her. If she loves you then she would want to provide that release for you. She doesn't, she thinks sex with you is work.
Take all her words and write them down on a piece of paper and stuff them up your ass. What does her behaviour tell you? She says she loves you and you are the one for her yet she cant be bothered to touch your dick? What's that behavior tell you.
>I’ve talked about these issues with her multiple times and she knows that she isn’t the same but doesn’t know why. So if she doesn’t know why it makes it very hard for me to figure out why.
She will never tell you shes not sexually attracted to you because she feels horrible about it. Look, you doubled down on all the behaviors the world tells her she should want but she feels nothing for you. What makes matters worse is when you talk to her about it she feels shame that she should want you but she doesn't. That associates feelings of shame with you and the topic of sex.
>She said she has 0 interest in sex, but says she is still attracted to me, she says she is numb, whatever that means.
That's a half truth and shes lying by omission. Shes attracted to you but shes not aroused by you. Thoes are two very different things.
>I know that sometimes after a women gives birth she can loose her sex drive for a long time, and sometimes it doesn’t come back but I’ve never heard of it being this long.
Ya that happens if she had a bunch of fun sex and short term relationships before you with men that are poor candidates for a husband and father. You will never make her feel the way thoes men did so her desire to fuck you is reduced to zero after about 7 +/- 2 years.
>I have tried everything I can think of for the past 3 years and nothing works. From what I’ve understood from the past years with her is that she feels no sexual desire for me, hence the lack of sex or lack or passion. Dates, gifts, quality time, you name it I’ve tried it, nothing seems to be able to bring back her passion for me.
You confuse passion with arousal. You dont arouse her because dates, gifts, and quality time generate comfort not desire. A woman doesn't lie in bed at night lusting for date.
You are such a nice guy she knows dam well she can do whatever she wants and you will just cope.
She expects celibacy and fidelity at the same time and you have accepted this behaviour.
Do you look like someone a woman her age would ravish naked? Are you fat?
This book has a lot of good stuff in it. It will help you distinguish between comfort and sexual desire. Use the parts that work for you and toss the rest.
I have been in the exact same place you are and I have tuned it around. Hang in there and keep searching.
Her libido would come back In 2 seconds if she were single again and looking for a new guy to satisfy her happiness script.
It's so hard for men to accept that when their wives say they dont feel like having sex what they really mean is they dont feel like having sex with them! She can never say that out loud.
I'm willing to bet my right nut you have been doubling down on behavior that doesn't work, negotiating, and comfort.
You need to generate sexual desire! That's something very different.
Many men have been where you are. I have been where you are. This book has information in it that can turn it around.
Give it a read:
Married man sexlife primer 2011
It stings me like a fissher in my ass to read these stories. Good luck man.
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