>The coming from behind at the neck has a nonverbal feeling significance for me.
Back of the neck is scary, Vulnerability. But also how an Abusers can take over a person's self-worth via self-narrative. <https://www.amazon.com/Mind-Intimate-Male-Abuser-Gets-ebook/dp/B009ZW08ME/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1VFBOLKH3IBZR>. Their verbal is confusing, entrapping, and can terrify the prey. St. Paul wrote a lot about the tongue, how it drives a life like a ship rudders steers a ship. The tongue gets infected with hell fire which changes your destiny in a bad way. There's a lot to feel about a wolf at the back of your neck.
A necessary third is this book for professionals who work with abuser-abused couples:
"The Mind of the Intimate Male Abus@r - How He Gets Into her Head" -
https://www.amazon.com/Mind-Intimate-Male-Abuser-Gets-ebook/dp/B009ZW08ME
It has a brilliant breakdown of what to watch for *in yourself* as you interact with these men, as signs that you yourself are being groomed by him.
I'm a big big big fan of the headline.
Unfortunately, the book also gets into how they need to be alert to "violence perpetrated against men by women." Which historically means that women's responsive violence (often scratching his arms while he str@ngles her) is going to be noted and penalized far more frequently and harshly than that of the actual abuser.
Only an approach that takes them into the power imbalances in the relationship - what are they? Who controls the money? Who does all the childcare? Who's social contacts have withered away? - will truly identify the abuser and allow services to adequately support the victim.
I wish we would pass a law requiring everyone working with abusers to read this book: https://www.amazon.com/Mind-Intimate-Male-Abuser-Gets-ebook/dp/B009ZW08ME It's written for professionals *outside* of the abusive relationship, looking in, and gives a clear checklist of what to look for as you interact with the couple, both in them and in yourself / your reactions to each of them.