What is Reddit's opinion of The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive?

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Of course! It’s called Mindful Self Compassion. The book is by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer. It’s not too long. And it walks you through exercises to help you create practices. But really what I liked is it uses your own words to help you through this feeling. And it’s more like a peer to peer vs someone commanding down.

Hope it helps you too! Here’s a link

The Mindful Self-Compassion... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1462526780?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

Last year I had the fortunate experience of being laid off due to an acquisition, not the pandemic, and so I got severance pay.

What did I do with that time?

• Rode my bike everywhere, all around NYC
• Did some social distancing hangs with friends
• Worked on music
• Hung out at the park reading
• Spent a lot of time working on my resume and interviewing

Also, MOST IMPORTANTLY, I had been going to therapy for about a year and a half at that point and worked on all sorts of stuff, but mainly negative internal dialogue. At one point I realized that I'm a good person and that was a super intense and amazing moment. By the time I hit last summer, I didn't even care that I was single. I was really happy to be.

Also, I read and do exercises from this book from time to time - The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook. The language can be a bit foofy sometimes, but the things in the book are actionable, work well, and might be what you need in that moment. Also, they anticipate your pushback and explain everything in a way that helps you understand why you're doing the thing.

I also struggle with this quite often. Therapy appts are just too short.

What I found to help is to know that I need more mindful self compassion. For me shame shows up as a loud, but tiny voice of my negative upbringing. Knowing that the shame is not mine, but it’s been handed to me from generations of trauma has helped a lot.

Kristen Neff and Christopher Gremer have a good workbook on this. I’ll link it. But it’s short and written in a peer like way. Therefore I found there’s less shame in learning the skill to be compassionate to that inner you who learned shame. And the workbook gives you a process/ideas to find that mindful self compassion.

And oh man whether you’re a self care person or not - adding extra support before and after such hard sessions has helped me a lot. Shame is a deep emotional wound so I need like two baths or double the amount of relaxation to cope with that inner work.

The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive https://www.amazon.com/dp/1462526780/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_5PQCAD842VTS1Z9V0JXJ

Exactly- I think there’s a link just being told I need to do “x” different because I’m wrong shame.

I’m trying mindful self compassion and it’s starting to help. The workbook by Neff and Germer let’s me talk how I want to talk to myself. Therefore I don’t have that same - you’re bad at everything self Monolog. Like if you can console your friend, why not yourself type of thing. Plus it gave me more tools like somatic or other movement. This helps me as it’s like I don’t have to use mental talk, but move my body in a different way to show internal care. Self compassion isn’t just one thing - so this meme helps me a lot as it’s more. I’ve just been pushed Into a form self compassion that doesn’t work for me , but there’s other ways!!

Best luck and I hope you can find a system that works for you /doesn’t make you feel shame/guilt whatever. 💕

Btw - here’s a link to the workbook I’m talking about. No worries or whatever if you’re finding your own path. Just putting it here if anyone reading this is interested.

The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive https://www.amazon.com/dp/1462526780/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_MWPE851PDXYM1XGQR5YC?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

Sorry, that's the wrong book.

Try this: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1462526780/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=selfcompassio-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1462526780&linkId=0ef7d4127d25166a4c010cb49ec1b047

My recommendation is a workbook for self-compassion by Neff and Germer because it will really help you support yourself as you do the work to find your authentic self.

https://www.amazon.ca/Mindful-Self-Compassion-Workbook-Yourself-Strength/dp/1462526780/ref=sr_1_2?crid=3FFH38510K81E&keywords=The+Mindful+Self-Compassion+Workbook%3A+A+Proven+Way+to+Accept+Yourself%2C+Build+Inner+Strength%2C+and+Thrive&qid...

I think as you figure out what you like, you'll start to learn what you want and who you are. There are a million resources for self discovery and I encourage you to go down that path. When you know better who you are and you practice loving yourself, you'll have an authentic and awesome personality.

All the best to you, OP. You are about to have a great adventure.

Yup, about six months ago somebody posted to this sub about a research study on infertility and mental health and asked for participants. It consisted of weekly self paced readings from a workbook called The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive https://www.amazon.com/dp/1462526780/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_H6V1HG42XP1Y04WNS1T0 If you Google the book you'll find that it comes with free downloadable meditations that walk you through each technique. The program was to do a 30 min meditation daily and complete 3 chapters of the workbook weekly (they collected data weekly on your mental health and I fear I screwed up their results cause when I started I was doing quite well but towards the end I had a series of delays/issues and my mental health actually got drastically worse). I did enjoy the meditations though.

Hello! I haven't read this one myself yet, but in one of my mental health groups someone recommended The Mindful Self-compassion Workbook to help with self-esteem

The best revenge you can take on your bully is to live your life like they didn’t exist. Undermine them by removing emotional response to their disgusting behavior. They can’t do any better. It’s not your job to make them better. You would rather spend your time living your own best life.

1. Meditate: there are free resources on Coursera and YouTube

2. Seek therapy if you can, especially EMDR

3. Read this life-changing workbook: The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive https://www.amazon.com/dp/1462526780/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_F9HEYWV8CDPBYY0YVF5J

As an engineer, you are definitely logical. So hold on to that clarity. You WILL get through this. Relationships are tough but you will find your person and people when the time is right for you. Keep the hope.

I’m sorry that you went through this nastiness. Look into EMDR therapy for traumatic events. I also highly recommend this life-changing book: The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive https://www.amazon.com/dp/1462526780/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_ZQJPFJKCBJ2WCD8RNBT7 Godspeed!

Glad to be helpful, of course you can! Thank you for asking

You could add the whole Kristin Neff's workbook if you want, it has other chapters on how to control anger during conflict

https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Self-Compassion-Workbook-Yourself-Strength/dp/1462526780/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=2JFHFDI0IIUFE&keywords=mindful+self+compassion+workbook&qid=1636380971&sprefix=mindful+self+com&sr=8-1

I can’t suggest this workbook enough - The Mindful Self-Compassion... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1462526780?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

Self compassion is what you need and will he vital in your recovery process. A large part of acting out is to compensate for the void we have within ourselves that is there because we don’t love ourself completely. Please look into it 👍🏽

Oh I am right there with you! Most days I feel like I’m trying to soothe all day and it’s rough. Sorry I don’t have much more! Other then mindful self compassion since you mentioned shame. That’s been helping me with the shame stuff which is such a deep hurt. My therapist recommended it since it’s written by therapists who also are dealing with shame. So it uses peer to peer language vs talking down which helps me feel less shame.

The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive https://www.amazon.com/dp/1462526780/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_7YHQA9Y0WVEF9PZFGF9H?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

But yeah it just all sucks we have to deal with this - so big support to you and hoping you can find something that makes you feel better

So sorry about your neglectful family. We all deserve support and kindness growing up. But unfortunately that’s not sometimes the case. You’re not alone and there’s resources out there to help.

For me Mindful Self Compassion has helped me a lot to find that inner comfort and support I so desperately needed. I’m a work in progress but from where I was when I started I’ve had a lot of improvement. Try to Google or YouTube it . But there’s a short workbook recommended to me from my therapist which gave me actionable steps to move forward. Perhaps it can help you too. And of course - therapy helped me a lot too in addition to the workbook. But yes, there’s a future beyond neglect. And I hope you can find a source of healing out there!!!

Here’s the workbook. I like the authors a lot as they utilize your language vs some other person. That helps me feel more at ease and not shamed for being unable to connect to guru talk.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1462526780/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_X1BeGb9RA18SB?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

Here’s the workbook if you’re interested

The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive https://www.amazon.com/dp/1462526780/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glc_fabc_Gzb0FbEP6K9QT?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

Not OP, but my therapist has me working on this book:

https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1462526780/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_emjRFb0DAB1NC?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

Like anything good in life, you have to put in the work, but I feel like I'm seeing results where I don't shit on myself as quickly or as often.

I will private message you the details, as we are in similar situations. But, in case others here need some guidance as well, I have some advice.

If your mental health is as precarious as mine, and you need to get a job fast, you need to do primarily two things:

• Work on your mental health (and thus your confidence)
• Apply to stable jobs with less responsibilities (do this in parallel)

I grew up in a abusive home and was heavily neglected. I have a double genetic mutation that leads to having MDD. I also heavily abused substances and attempted suicide a couple times.

In short, I understand how mental health issues can affect your ability to work. It can affect your confidence and your desire to feel integrated with society.

So what to do? Simply put, focus your entire life on your mental health.

You need to strategically relieve the financial pressure from your family in favor of gaining more time to improve your health. Think of it as a brief period of immense self growth as an investment for entering back into society.

Relieve the pressure of paying your mother back ASAP. I am assuming and hoping you could pay her back in the future. But, the fact is this: if your mental health isn’t worked on, you can’t ever pay her back... Some people might not agree, but when our depression is so severe, no amount of will power to work will work.

This is why you need to form your current life around your mental health as an investment for your future and your family’s future. You are doing this not to be selfish, but because you know you need to improve yourself before you can stabilize yourself back in society.

Now that we understand you need to form a sanctuary of mental health and healing for yourself, we also understand that we can place aside our guilt and self pity. We will not be able to function if we are constantly plagued with self pity. You need to focus all your attention on improving yourself from within.

The Stoics believed that improving oneself from within is the only thing that we have control over, and, I truly believe this.

You need to focus within and:

• Start meditating
• Start journaling about how you feel
• Start going on walks in nature
• Fix your sleep schedule
• Cut out processed foods and sugars
• Get on the appropriate medication
• Purchase this book, or something similar
• Find free local meditation sessions

After you establish a good routine of the above (can take months), you will move onto this next stage:

• Start running, cycling, hiking or swimming
• Establish your life goals and values (google self authoring)
• Fix your microbiome (low carb, GF, probiotics)
• Read a book, I suggest “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck” (as it is a fun read that encapsulates most of what I have written) or Man’s Search for Meaning

After you have honed in your routine further with the above, move onto this final stage:

• Creating strict weekly routines and monthly goals
• Weightlifting and intense cardio
• Extensive journaling regarding mental health and daily routine
• Begin reading more books, such as 12 Rules for Life, Philosophies for Life and other Dangerous Situations, The Power of Habit, and Deep Work

As you move through these stages, you will proportionally ramp up your desire to maintain or seek employment. You will sense more space opening up inside, freed from feeling bad about yourself, and you will be able to confidently work or apply to jobs.

I hope this information was helpful, I understand it is a lot to take in. So, please understand that I listed these out in stages because this will be a year long process.

If you have any questions to any of these points, please feel free to PM me and I will be happy to give you advice.

Best wishes

Mine focused on my abuse and my dream of getting a college degree (I succeeded, I have a master’s degree now), so Children of the Self-Absorbed by Nina Brown, and On Course by Skip Downing. On Course has so many great self-esteem projects in it, but it’s written for students.

I also like a lot of self-compassion meditations, like these: link . She actually wrote a workbook too that’s on amazon, that might be something to look into if you like her mediations as well: link

For those really stressful feelings that come up while healing, I recommend ACT mediations: link

I’ve also been thinking of picking up a DBT workbook just to learn more about other self-work projects that I might be able to weave into my teaching. You might like to look at it too: link

Thriftbooks also has some options! link

Hope this helps :)

Hi!

Ugh - this is hard. I know the feeling very well. I am going to try to share some things that have helped me, but ultimately I have found it is a multi-faceted approach involving learning to love myself, removing unsafe people, boundaries, and self-compassion.

If you haven't done this workbook yet, I highly recommend it: https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Self-Compassion-Workbook-Yourself-Strength/dp/1462526780

- I will say, take it slow. Maybe a chapter or two a week at most.

Also, https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Updated-Expanded-When-Control/dp/0310351804/

Typically when this happens to me now, I turn to self-compassion and self-soothing. For me, this looks like curling up in a weighted blanket, lighting candles and incense, surrounding myself with my buckwheat pillows, and if I am up for it turning on a tv show that makes me laugh. Otherwise, I may just stay cuddled up and cry for an emotional release.

I hope this is helpful - you're not alone.

I can tell you what worked for me.

I can't afford therapy on my own, and didn't trust therapists either due to really bad experiences with them, so I mostly relied on self-help books for help with my mental issues.

I've read a lot of self-help books, but nothing seemed to "click" because, as I learned later on, most of them were just feel-good trash that were best-sellers not because they worked the best, but because people felt really good after reading them and gushed about how wonderful the book was.

Honestly, most of self-help is actually feel-good entertainment, and not actually help.

Finally, I got frustrated and decided to read psychology textbooks used by top psychology universities (you can actually look up the curriculum of many colleges on Google) to learn psychology so that I can tell apart good evidence-backed, science-based help from pseudo-science.

It's only then that the books that I read started to "click".

If I could do it all over again, and could read only 2 self-help books, these are the ones I'd choose.

• The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer: It takes you step-by-step through the process of developing self-compassion.

• ACT Made Simple by Dr. Russ Harris: Not really a self-help book, but everything is explained in such a simple EMLI5 way, that anyone can read it, so it might as well be self-help. It teaches you how to handle your thoughts & emotions, set realistic goals, and live your life based on your values. After reading this, you won't need any self-help book for a VERY long time, because there's just so much actionable advice here that it'll take you AT LEAST a year to implement it all.

While the above 2 books aren't textbooks, nowadays I mostly read psychology textbooks about whatever issue I'm interested in, not books written for the general audience because...

a) I've developed an interest in psychology and hence can read really dry books because I just find the subject really interesting

b)There is zero fluff so the time spent vs. knowledge gained ratio is so much better.

Bonus book:

• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk: Not really a self-help book, but it's very well written and extremely readable. It helped me realize that I may be suffering from childhood trauma. And, it talks about several ways to heal trauma and their effectiveness, so it was very helpful in showing me the path to recovery. Also, reading about how life can affect people's psychology made me more compassionate towards people.

For the situation you've described above, I think you've been (trauma bonded)[https://youtu.be/kmB9fpHVd2o] with your romantic partners. Realizing this pattern helped me figure out that I never wanted a part of this again. Dr. Ramani is a revered psychologist regarding the topics of codependency, narcissists and abusive relationships.

Patrick Teahan's videos helped me realize what past (childhood trauma)[https://youtu.be/EBpF8sWycQQ] contributed to me being codependent.

Codependents can benefit entirely from (mindful self compassion)[https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Self-Compassion-Workbook-Yourself-Strength/dp/1462526780]. This workbook has been amazing for forgiving myself. Self esteem is volatile. Self compassion is adaptable.

As for CoDA, I saw that you're in the USA. Check out the below link to find a codependents anonymous meeting local to you. Most of them are online but it's nice to meet people nearby in case you want to become friends with them! Friends from CoDA are a great way to practice healthy relationships.

https://coda.org/find-a-meeting/

Meetings will be marked as closed or open. Closed doesn't mean you can't join. It just means you have to know/wonder if you're codependent to join. Open means anyone can join - nurses, doctors, social workers, authors are all people who may join a meeting if they're open.

If you like the meetings, go regularly. If you want to "work the steps", you'll need the CoDA blue and green book. You do not need to speed through the steps. You can start off by printing out and working through this scale:

https://codacanada.ca/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/Recovery-Patterns-of-Codependence-Progress-Scale.pdf

Your meeting should have some sort of group chat to keep connected and talk about the work.

These meetings are refreshing. People are not trauma dumping (as that would triggered a lot of us), they're sharing realisations and discussing what they're working on, or sharing their old patterns vs new.

If you don't like the meetings, that's really okay too. You can work the steps alone, and there's other (more secular) workbooks and worksheets.

This is not going to be easy, but this is the best thing you'll ever do for yourself. I am so happy you're beginning your journey.

The Mindful Self Compassion Workbook: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1462526780/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_KC3N4870NZCR6SEBFWD7

https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Self-Compassion-Workbook-Yourself-Strength/dp/1462526780/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=self+acceptance+workbook&qid=1625095749&sprefix=self+a+ceptance+&sr=8-4

Maybe try this one

The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive https://www.amazon.com/dp/1462526780/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fabc_yIJYFbYYDXRD6?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

So here is some experience that I can share with you. For me it was the combination and mindful self compassion that helped me over come this at least to the point where I can take action and rise it out further than I would normally feel comfortable.

Here are two books on mindful self compassion to ease that self talk that is bringing you down https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1462526780/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_QYavFbQ56B023

https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1472135903/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_BZavFbYVYCYQQ

Both are the workbook versions of the books. Hope this helps. Good luck! Would love to hear an update.

This may be tough because there’s a bot here that auto deletes comments with links in them. (I’ll ask the mods to reinstate it.)

Definitely check out self-compassion.org. Taking a class on this helped me tremendously, and the site has free meditations you can listen to. There is also a workbook, if classes are inaccessible. I have always been intensely self-critical to the point where I’m more critical of myself than anyone else. If you beat yourself up for your mistakes (as most of us do), I HIGHLY recommend it.

The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive https://www.amazon.com/dp/1462526780/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_3g4dFbK3Q0KWB