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The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD: A Guide to Overcoming Obsessions and Compulsions Using Mindfulness and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook)?
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Please please please buy the OCD workbook, available on Amazon. I suffer a lot of what you are describing. It is eye opening and comforting and hard and triggering but relieving all at the same time. It has given me good tools to deal with the anxiety and OCD. It is around $25.00. If you can’t spare the cash now, I am happy to gift it to you.
Try this out:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Compulsions/dp/1608828786
I have Pure O OCD and have been meditating for about 6 years. It has helped me a lot. Subtly at first. It isn't a lightswitch, but it can be a huge help. Your brain is right now a fiend and an enemy, but it can so easily be turned into a friend and give you insight.
I know it sounds fluffy, but I have had similar situations as you. Recognize your mind as mind, your thoughts as just thoughts, like clouds in the sky. You are not them. You are not your compulsions.
Also consider a new therapist, one who REALLY knows OCD.
It's excellent that you're seeking therapy; I hope you get a lot out of it. In the meantime, you could read books about OCD self-help - there are many great ones out there. Eg. https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786
If the thoughts caused you a tremendous amount of anxiety that you desperately wanted to alleviate through other thoughts or actions then yes, it very well could be. There's lots of literature on OCD, this book is amazing:
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https://www.amazon.ca/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786
Hey man, after reading that first post, I can confidently say that is not grounds for being gay. In fact boners aren't even grounds for being attracted to whatever it is, as anxiety and fear can cause those types of groinal responses.
That being said, reassurance seeking only helps short term and honestly makes things worse in the long run! I would suggest talking to a professional to get some additional help! In the mean time, I suggest breathing meditation like the other guy suggested.
ALSO, theres this AWESOME book on OCD that has a whole chapter dedicated to HOCD. The book has helped SO MUCH during my journey with OCD. Here's the amazon link:
https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786
Op, my top pay veteran OCD specialist recommended this workbook above all other self education/treatment.
https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786
The book covers exactly what is going wrong with your situation. Here is my best advice. Get an ocd specialist if you seek professional help. Do not settle for anything else. This book alone will do wonders but it definitely helps to expand support to therapists
OP you are in luck. Your problem is actually completely fixable. I will show you how. So, who am I? I have received among the most privileged OCD therapy that you can have. My therapist is a top pay veteran OCD specialist. He let me know of an OCD educational workbook that he recommends above ALL others in his OCD career. Additionally I have education from him
I will now share the workbook that changed my life. It will game change in the first chapter alone, And I will talk about how this workbook will cure you. If OCD tries to make you think you won’t ever figure out this book, trust me you will.
https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786
Oh, and if you haven’t already and you can afford it, seek a ocd specialist. Anything else won’t do. They’ll give you professional reassurance. The book by itself can be enough however.
So let’s look at your post OP. I’ll go into some of this book now. You say that you fighting this OCD for hours. So you believe you are in an experience of you and this OCD going at it. That when you fight, that it is presently occurring. You could say to me “yes, right now as I read your post, I am battling the intrusive thoughts as I read this” So here’s the thing. That battle isn’t going on in the present. What is happening is that this experience of the struggle itself is distracting you from paying attention to the true present. Any attention placed on OCD distracts you from the real present into the ocd present.
I highly recommend this book. It's helped me a ton over the years and is very encouraging.
Well as I said I don't have OCD and I'm only still learning about it so I can't really say either way. The main thing I wanted to share is that it is a lot more manageable for her when she has everything together and isn't overly stressed! So I think that it's still a good idea to pursue those goals. Also she recently started reading this book and she's finding it helpful.
Second book: The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD: A Guide to Overcoming Obsessions and Compulsions Using Mindfulness and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (New Harbinger Self-help Workbooks) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1608828786/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_IqfpAbZS39RFY
Yes, it's not a bad idea, but it likewise pretty difficult to just 'make yourself happy' on cue. It's more of a habit, a pattern of thinking, that changes your mind in the long run? Also, there are other mind-states that are good for lowering OCD symptoms, not just excessive cheerfulness, but also just being generally compassionate, or trying to cultivate a calm attitude, or having flexible, open-minded thinking can all help as well.
Maybe you could try something like a mindfulness-based technique for your OCD? Many people say this workbook has been helpful: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786 People who practice mindfulness (the proper way, that is, not just the modern trendy version that's a bit half-arsed :D ...) tend to report having a calmer, more balanced, more cheerful mind-state, because they've trained their mind in a lot of healthy habits that tend to make you feel more positive in the long run. Like for example, focussing on how you can be kind to others around you when you're having a bad day, tends to lift most pople's spirits, or adopting a mindset where you're trying not to ruminate excessively over worrying things from your past.
At the very least, mindfulness practice is unlikely to do you any harm, and it's likely to help lower your OCD symptoms, so maybe it'll make you feel happier too as a nice bonus :)
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Do you work with an OCD specialist? Have you ever done CBT/ERP to learn how to manage things?
One of the best (read: shittiest) things about OCD is that it can always find a new theme, a new set of obsessions and compulsions, to burden you with. But at the end of the day, OCD is just OCD - the content doesn't matter, the treatment and coping methods are the same for all the various themes you could think of. So if you've ever gotten professional help before, you can employ the things you worked with then to help yourself now.
I've you've never seen an OCD specialist, that's my first recommendation. If that's not an option, there are some great self-help resources available. I personally recommend Hershfield and Corboy's Mindfulness Workbook for OCD.
Good luck!
I'm really sorry! I should have elaborated more!
In the beginning, My therapist recommended that I go into full meditation mode (eyes closed, laying down) For 15+ minutes in the AM and PM, so that I could get into the habit of recognizing the sensation throughout the day.
The best way I can explain it: when an anxious thought invades your mind, try to view it as just a thought. In a book I read recently, the author explains that one should view their thoughts as a train, moving in and out. When the thoughts come, don't try to shut them automatically out; don't try to toy with them either. Just try to be in as much peace as possible, and watch the thought run from one end of your mind to another.
It is going to be very hard in the beginning, but stick with it!
I would reccomend reading The Mindfulness Workbook. It has a lot of great material on the subject.
I was browsing because I wanted to ask a question about Christianity (that I ended up posting in another subreddit). Not a Christian, but I'm interested in religions.
I am not saying this to take away from the benefit you get from your religion, but as someone who has severe OCD, it sounds like you have a subtype of OCD that is sometimes called religious OCD or scrupulosity OCD. I don't have that particular type so I can't speak to it a lot, but all OCD involves not trusting yourself and needing constant reassurance. OCD involves checking. And you can never check enough to satisfy yourself.
There are books that deal with OCD that include sections on dealing with scrupulosity/religious OCD that don't at all try to talk you out of your religion.
EDIT:
I use a workbook that has a section on scrupulosity. I don't know if the preview will work or not, but I'll try to link to a section on scrupulosity. You have textbook symptoms of this:
EDIT 2:
Link doesn't take directly to preview. Click Look Inside, and go to the Table of Contents, and click on the Scrupulosity section.
BTW, OCD is a real neurological disorder. It's like having a finer mesh net in my mind than most people do. For many people the net mesh is wide and many things pass through. People notice the things, but they don't stay with them. OCD is like having a net that catches a lot of details that pass many people by, and those details don't leave you.
I deal with very similar obsessions to the ones you are mentioning here, so I can definitely relate.
/u/yeahmynameisbrian gave good advice. The first trick is to try to just sort of let these thoughts exist without reacting to them. This is talked about in a great book I recently went through with a therapist that I'd recommend for you: Mindfulness Workbook for OCD. That's not easy but it is a step towards teaching yourself that not every thought you have is important just because it seems scary.
What I worked on after that (and I'm still working on, sometimes succeeding, sometimes failing) was exposure and reponse prevention therapy. In this case, what that means is going a step further and directly exposing yourself to your fear. That might mean, for instance, not changing your clothes if you feel they are contaminated and going out in public and not doing anything to relieve the anxiety. (That's just an example, of course I would recommend you work with a therapist on what the best things for you would be). The idea is to learn to live with the anxiety, and over time, get used to it, until those thoughts don't really even scare you anymore.
What I try to remember is that any time I avoid something because of my OCD, I am not really keeping myself safe. Instead I am teaching myself that whatever I am avoiding is scary. I reinforce the fear and make it even more real. So, you have to stand up to it to keep it from ruling you. It's so, so hard, I know, and I fail all the time too, but it is a good mindset to try to hold on to.
Sorry to hear that. I'm in my late 30s and have dealt with OCD and depression for the better part of my life. OCD is a chronic disorder but it can be managed so your quality of life is much better. What has worked for me is Exposure and Response Prevention(ERP), medication, exercise, enough sleep, good diet, and meditation / mindfulness.
Have you done ERP before? If you have then you can skip this paragraph, otherwise I'll give for a quick breakdown. It is the best treatment for OCD. This is a rough outline:
face the intrusive thought
allow it to linger in your brain, like background noise from a TV
resist performing the compulsion
I've done 12 years of it with a specialist and is immensely helped me. You probably don't have to go this long as avoidance is my worst compulsion. If needed, I wrote a guide on how to find a therapist that has experience with OCD and ERP here.
Medication helps make ERP and OCD generally easier. Basically, it helps to take the edge off and make intrusive thoughts less sticky. SSRIs are the first-line treatment with zoloft, lexapro, and prozac having the best benefit vs side effect profile. Here's my current regimen:
Prozac - 40 mg. Use for OCD, depression, and anxiety.
Memantine - 15 mg. Add-on to SSRI that affects glutamate. Use for OCD.
Gabapentin - 200-700 mg per day as needed. Use for anxiety and sleep.
Mirtazapine - 7.5 mg. Use for sleep.
Some good books for self-directed ERP or as an adjunct with a therapist:
The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD by Jon Hershfield
Everyday Mindfulness for OCD by Jon Hershfield
Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder by Jonathan Grayson
The OCD Workbook by Bruce Hyman
Brain Lock by Jeffrey Schwartz
The Imp of the Mind by Lee Baer
Meditation allows you to separate the OCD voice from you so it's easier to not get stuck on intrusive thoughts. This also teaches you to treat yourself with compassion and forgiveness. OCD is tough enough so being gentler towards ourselves helps. Mindfulness is a state of being that allows you to view yourself as an impartial spectator. By accepting intrusive thoughts and letting them be, they won't take up so much of your attention. Cultivating a non-judgmental view with an awareness of the present moment takes you out of your OCD state and helps you to refocus on something more productive.
Some meditation links:
- Free guided meditations from UCLA that I like
- Apps: Insight Timer, Calm, Waking Up with Sam Harris (my favorite), Headspace, 10% Happier, Buddify, The Mindfulness App
- YouTube: The Honest Guys, Michael Sealey, Eckhart Tolle, Sam Harris-9 min, Sam Harris-26 min, Tara Brach-Smile 10 min 25 min
General OCD info that may be of value:
https://www.intrusivethoughts.org
Edit: Thanks for the Gold and Silver kind strangers!
Finally, a thread where I can contribute! Let me take my gloves off. And first of all, excuse my English as I'm self-taught (but getting better!)
First off, you are not alone. I was first diagnosed with OCD in early 2018, and later other professionals dismissed that diagnosis. So, according to many, I don't have OCD, but I have traits of it. My first advice would be to seek treatment, which you already have, so my first actual advice is to go to a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy center and have some tests run on you. You say you have a weird form of anxiety/OCD. Well, maybe you don't have OCD at all. I don't want to give you false hopes, as you did not detail what is "weird" about it, but I've had several professionals tell me that there is not such a thing as "a little OCD". You either have it or not. With that out of the way, and with the best wishes, here's your arsenal, which will help you whether you do have OCD or you have traits of it that interfere with your life, like I do.
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First, I wouldn't be answering your actual question and wouldn't be on this subreddit if I didn't recommend "The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD" (https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786/). This is really, really good. Then there's "Everyday Mindfulness for OCD" (https://www.amazon.com/Everyday-Mindfulness-OCD-Tricks-Joyfully/dp/1626258929/) which I have not read but heard great things about, and, in the same venue, there's "The Mindfulness Workbook for Anxiety" (https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Workbook-Anxiety-8-Week-Solution/dp/1641520299/) which is not just for OCD but for anxiety in general.
EDIT: I have not ignored your comment saying that mindfulness has not been effective for you, but I would stay with it. Maybe you can supplement it with loving-kindness meditation which also has been great for me, but mindfulness is mainly what I do. But yes, it is hard, and OCD or OCD-like traits are sometimes going to suck no matter what you do. You just have to learn to live with them, or despite them!
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Now, with meditation out of the way, I HAVE to recommend these books, because they have been great to me. The best of them all has been this one: "The OCD Workbook" (https://www.amazon.com/OCD-Workbook-Breaking-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder/dp/1572249218/). It's so helpful. Contact me if you can't get it. You are not going to be sorry, I promise.
The second best is "Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts" (https://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Unwanted-Intrusive-Thoughts-Frightening/dp/1626254346/). I can't recommend this one enough. Once again, contact me if you can't get it.
There is also a new one which I have not read but have bought (again, contact me if you can't get it) that is called "OCD: A Workbook for Clinicians" (https://www.amazon.com/OCD-Workbook-Clinicians-Obsessive-Compulsive/dp/1559570504/). I have it in my to-read list but have heard only GREAT things about it, and it's a very short book.
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Now comes the memoir section. This is for when you don't want to feel alone (you're not). There's "Is Fred In The Refrigerator?" (https://www.amazon.com/Fred-Refrigerator-Taming-Reclaiming-Life/dp/1732177007/) Which I absolutely love. It's very motivational, at least to me. There is also "Pure OCD" (https://www.amazon.com/PURE-OCD-Invisible-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder/dp/1634919912/ maybe you referred to this as your "weird form of OCD"?) which is great but I had to put down because the girl started to talk about suicidal thoughts and it made me feel bad because it reminded me of my own struggle, and figured that for the time being, until I'm in a better place, I needed to stop. And then there's also this one which is pretty "funny" (without trying to be rude) that is called "Because We Are Bad" (https://www.amazon.com/Because-We-Are-Bad-Thought/dp/0062696165/) in which the author has a form of OCD that I have not heard of anybody else having.
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And if you need to talk, feel free to message me. I love talking to other people who have to face mental health issues, because it makes me feel that I'm not alone, and it makes me feel that I'm contributing a little. Maybe we can even do some Skype sessions and endure the struggle together.
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Stay strong over and over again (heh)
Sure, you have a couple types of resources you can check out. Here are the categories you can find in order of ascending detail and descending ease of use:
- Therapist created personal websites and workbooks. You can find plenty of these just by searching “OCD” and related keywords on Amazon and Google. They’ll usually feature a therapist’s specific take on OCD and can offer you different perspectives to consider the condition from. There’s no “one size fits all” perspective that works best here, although I highly recommend that any advice you take from them should come from someone with either an MSW, PhD, MD or related credential. In addition, the therapists should mention that they have specialty in OCD and utilized either Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), or Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), the gold for standards for OCD treatment.
https://www.amazon.ca/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786/
- For more reliable, but more clinical information, I’d seek out the major advocacy groups and professional organizations out there. These groups typically publish guidelines and documents that deal with the condition and specific complexities in a more objective manner. They can be awesome resources that you can rely on.
- For those of the bookish variety, don’t be afraid to get down and dirty with laws, insurance guidelines, and academic articles. Yes, they can be a pain to read, but they can give some really important insight about key points, like school accommodations, different ways that OCD can manifest, how medications (like SSRIs) affect OCD, and how the healthcare community is currently developing treatments.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
Of course, Wikipedia is also a great place to start, as well! :) I personally like the 2nd type of resource the most. Feel free to reach out if you need any more help.
This is one of my biggest OCD symptoms. What I am working on right now is stopping the though immediately before I get into mental compulsions (I.e. replaying the memory, changing the memory, imagining what I would do differently, etc.) by reminding that 1) anytime we imagine a memory we are entering a cognitive distortion because by recalling the memory we are altering; therefore, it is not reality, and 2) telling myself that I welcome the anxiety my mind is trying to put on me but that I will not engage in the thought and refocusing my mind on what I’m currently doing. This technique has helped me immensely!! Additionally, I tell myself that maybe I should have reacted/said something/etc. differently but that I’ll never know what would have happened and that I can accept the uncertainty of that. OCD lives in the past/future and thrives on trying to force us to find certainty. The problem is that we will never be satisfied not matter how hard we try to find certainty in a situation. Therefore, instead of accepting that you did your best, that we all make mistakes, etc. you need to learn to accept the feeling of uncertainty and be okay with not knowing if you should’ve done differently. Reasoning and logic will never work to calm the anxiety you need to accept the the uncertainty and reset yourself in the present moment to kill the OCD. I still get the thoughts ALL the time but now they don’t cause me to spiral and get super anxious. I really recommend the following books:
Another great book for teaching you how to accept uncertainty
Good luck and I hope this helps!! I know how hard it is!
Resources posted by u/backhaircombover - Six months ago
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCD/comments/euv3bi/how_mindfulness_relates_to_ocd_as_described_by/
Books by Jon Hershfield:
- The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD
- Everyday Mindfulness for OCD
- Overcoming Harm OCD
- When a Family Member Has OCD
OCD Stories podcasts with him:
- Jon Hershfield & Shala Nicely - Meditation & Mindfulness for OCD
- Jon Hershfield & Shala Nicely - Everyday mindfulness for OCD
- Jon Hershfield - Existential themed OCD
- Jon Hershfield - Overcoming Harm OCD
- Jon Hershfield - When a family member has OCD
Some meditation links:
- Free guided meditations from UCLA that I like
- Apps: Insight Timer, Calm, Waking Up with Sam Harris (my favorite), Headspace, 10% Happier, Buddify, The Mindfulness App
- YouTube: The Honest Guys, Michael Sealey, Eckhart Tolle, Sam Harris-9 min, Sam Harris-26 min, Tara Brach-Smile 10 min 25 min
Resources posted by u/backhaircombover - Six months ago
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCD/comments/euv3bi/how_mindfulness_relates_to_ocd_as_described_by/
Books by Jon Hershfield:
- The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD
- Everyday Mindfulness for OCD
- Overcoming Harm OCD
- When a Family Member Has OCD
OCD Stories podcasts with him:
- Jon Hershfield & Shala Nicely - Meditation & Mindfulness for OCD
- Jon Hershfield & Shala Nicely - Everyday mindfulness for OCD
- Jon Hershfield - Existential themed OCD
- Jon Hershfield - Overcoming Harm OCD
- Jon Hershfield - When a family member has OCD
Some meditation links:
- Free guided meditations from UCLA that I like
- Apps: Insight Timer, Calm, Waking Up with Sam Harris (my favorite), Headspace, 10% Happier, Buddify, The Mindfulness App
- YouTube: The Honest Guys, Michael Sealey, Eckhart Tolle, Sam Harris-9 min, Sam Harris-26 min, Tara Brach-Smile 10 min 25 min
The goal of meditation / mindfulness isn't to reduce anxiety but to view your thoughts in an impartial way. Reduction of anxiety is a dividend from this. The brain is like a muscle, it takes time to train your attention. I've been meditating for several years now and can view my thoughts with less judgement. This allows for them to become less sticky so I can refocus my attention elsewhere. You don't want to let go of the thoughts but let them be. Allow them to exist, almost like background noise from a TV and they'll eventually fade away.
Meditation helps you to separate the OCD voice from you so you don't identify with intrusive thoughts. It also teaches you to treat yourself with compassion and forgiveness. OCD is tough enough so being kinder towards ourselves gives relief. Acceptance and staying more in the present moment are other benefits.
Some meditation links that may be useful:
- Free guided meditations from UCLA that I like
- Apps: Insight Timer, Calm, Waking Up with Sam Harris (my favorite), Headspace, 10% Happier, Buddify, The Mindfulness App
- YouTube: The Honest Guys, Michael Sealey, Eckhart Tolle, Sam Harris-9 min, Sam Harris-26 min, Tara Brach-Smile 10 min 25 min
A few good books on mindfulness and OCD:
The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD by Jon Hershfield
Everyday Mindfulness for OCD by Jon Hershfield
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786/
https://www.amazon.co.uk/OCD-Workbook-Obsessive-Compulsive-Harbinger-Self-Help/dp/1572249218/
These are the gold standard, but more affordable ones will give you similar information if you're on a real budget. Just search OCD workbook and preferably 'ACT' and 'ERP' to ensure you're getting the best info.
Yes totally :) I have Pure O that often manifested in needing to 'check' online about things, and of course I couldn't be panic googling round my friends house, so if I got triggered I was able to hold off. In fact being around people and out and doing things and noticing how your urge to perform compulsions can be acknowledged without being acted upon is a great start for working towards recovery.
If you can notice your ability to not check/obsess etc around other people you can start allowing yourself to not perform compulsions in private too. That's how I started getting better - noticing how I was able to sort of absorb the compulsive feelings in public and practising that in private!
side note: withholding affection begets withholding affection.
I've been seeing a therapist in Orem for the past three years. I've managed to get a pretty good handle on it all. I was constantly afraid of getting into trouble at work or at home. I would use google to check laws all the time, seek out reassurance from co-workers and family, only to land myself back at square one. Looking back on my life, it's always been there though, it just came to a head three years ago. I can vividly remember being told , as a teen, that masturbation could lead to homosexuality, it was murder, and one could possibly contract STD's (AIDS mainly) present on your hands. Freaked me the fuck out. I remember finding a 1-800 number for an AIDS hotline and asking them if I could contract AIDS through masturbation. They of course said no, but I must have called them back 20 times that week to "check." I also remember once being told that I would no longer be sealed to my family if I sinned too much. Being an only child, I, of course, felt like that if I fucked up too much, I would no longer be with my parents for eternity, and how much it would break my moms heart. So, the hyper-responsibility and scrupe kicked in.
You are far from alone. My therapist indicated that he's seeing more and more people of my demographic being treated for OCD revolving around perfectionism and scrupulosity, who are also current and former members of the church.
If you haven't already, please get help. If you are unable to, please use these resources. I am not being hyperbolic when I say they saved my life:
Amazing workbook that covers all major themes of OCD: https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1506268535&sr=8-2&keywords=workbook+for+ocd
Companion book that I bought my wife to help me deal with the hell I was going through: https://www.amazon.com/When-Family-Member-Has-Obsessive-Compulsive/dp/1626252467/ref=pd_sim_14_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=708TGTKDB2JFQ982YMFY
To help manage depression. Absolutely brilliant. https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1506268610&sr=1-1&keywords=happiness+trap
Also, are you currently in Utah County?
Well, your symptoms only started 3 weeks ago, so definitely don't panic about the length of time recovery is taking just yet...! The average time many people with OCD go on suffering for before they get properly diagnosed and get help is about 12 YEARS (can you believe it? I couldn't have lasted that long, myself). It's amazing and really positive that you've managed to figure out what the intrusive thought about stabbing yourself in the eye was so quickly and have already started doing the right kind of therapy for it. This is a REALLY positive start. So congratulations on taking the problem seriously and on doing such good research so quickly :)
OCD can have a really long recovery time, in some cases. Some people get lucky and find they get on brilliantly with medication, and find their symptoms clear up within a day or two of medication, others see good results after a 12-week course of therapy or a 1-week intensive course, but for most of us who've had bad OCD long-term, it can take 6 - 18 months of practising the therapy exercises to re-wire our brain properly and really knock the symptoms out. In your case it probably won't take this long, because you've caught the symptoms really quickly, before they've had time to sink in and get really entrenched. You will probably start to feel better within a few weeks, maybe sooner. It's unfortunately slow and frustrating. It can get delayed, too, if you end up on the wrong medication or you don't do your therapy for a bit etc. So please don't panic about quick results! I know it's awful to experience these dark thoughts and we all wish we could make them go away ASAP, but at the same time be comforted by knowing that you're not doing anything wrong or slow when it takes this timespan.
8 days is the blink of an eye when it comes to mental health recovery. We don't know exactly what makes the brain malfunction in OCD, but we think the brain has a problem learning to switch your 'fear circuit' into the 'off' position. The switch is broken in OCD, it seems. You can see the difference clearly when you compare people wih phobias vs people with OCD. The people with phobias can often mostly recover in a single day, because all they need to do is face their fears until the fear circuit naturally switches to 'off'. And it switches off quickly for them, and it STAYS 'off'. For OCD it takes lots of repetition and practice to get the brain circuit to finally switch 'off', because it doesn't learn and take a cue properly. So...it's annoying, but it does explain why OCD is slower to fix than other kinds of fears.
If you can't afford ERP (which is often considered a subtype of CBT), that should still be ok. There are studies suggesting that people who DIY their own course of therapy (provided it's the RIGHT therapy...!) for OCD can still get good results. And there are definitely resources you can use to guide you in this, like books, free videos, blogs, podcasts by professionals. If you want to mix in any ERP type techniques with the mindfulness ones you're already using, they work very well together. You might like to try a DIY workbook like The Mindfulness Guide for OCD ( https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1505126167&sr=8-1&keywords=mindfulness+ocd ) or the OCD Workbook ( https://www.amazon.co.uk/OCD-Workbook-Obsessive-Compulsive-Harbinger-Self-Help/dp/1572249218/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1505126202&sr=1-1&keywords=ocd+workbook ). You might also like Ali's OCD podcast series, as she helps many people with OCD and uses the medically- approved methods, and advocates mindfulness-type approaches of just letting the thoughts go: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgnHNAAzb1E&t=5s
The main reason people go for proper ERP therapy with a professional is because they can guide you and check you're doing the techniques right. And offer emotional support, because OCD therapy can be tough and scary. So it would be a good idea to check you're using the techniques correctly. In particular, make sure that you're not doing any kind of covert mental compulsions. When the unpleasant thoughts about sexual things happen, just leave them entirely alone. Really, drop it like it's hot. Don't touch them with a bargepole, reply to them, answer them, debate them, neutralize them, try to 'replace' them with a harmless thought, flash up a mental image in response to them, deliberately try to fight or forget them, or anything else. Just mentally take a step back, let them be, without judging, and grit your teeth against the unpleasantness.
It's normal for the thoughts to suddenly spike up worse when you start trying to just let them be, ignore them and not judge them. OCD is like a monster and it wants your attention. It is very convinced you NEED to hear what it is saying, and if you don't give it attention it just thinks it needs to keep yelling at you harder until you give in. In the long run, it WILL eventually calm down and get the message that there's no need to keep sending you these creepy thoughts and images and yelling about them. It just can take a while for the message to get through, because, like I say, the OCD brain is slow to learn new signals about what is and isn't scary.
Be kind to yourself whilst you're in recovery :). It's hard, and you're doing hard work. Whilst you shouldn't avoid situations (avoidance is a compulsion), you can take it easy, try and aim for more low-impact social situations and work assignments if you can, don't pile extra stress ontop of yourself at this time by taking on a new tight deadline or offering to plan a big party. Gentle socialising with understanding friends, and some work to keep your mind busy can be really helpful to recovery, but there's no need to add too much extra stress.
Ultimately I think you're in a really good position to recover. I wish you all the best! If you don't find you're making progress at all after a few weeks, it might be time to cry contacting a professional briefly (rather than for a full course of therapy) to just check if you're doing anything wrong.
I'm doing phenomenally better than I've ever been in the years between 18 and 26, yes.
For getting over the "silliness" of meditation: understanding the scientific research behind it can help arm you with knowledge to fight against the negative inner critic. Here's a few useful articles to get you started: One Two Three
If you're worried about looking silly, than make time when you can be alone. If you're living at home with your parents and don't feel comfortable going "hey, don't knock on my door for a while because I'll be meditating" then try going for a walk, to a park, or someplace else where you can sit comfortably alone for 5 to 20 minutes without being bothered. You don't have to do the traditional meditation poses, simply sitting upright with your hands folded in your lap is fine. You can also do it when laying down before bed, but I suggest making that an EXTRA meditation session, not your main one, since generally (at least for me) it usually makes me fall asleep pretty fast.
I really do absolutely suggest you give the Everybody Has a Brain channel a watch, both for the fantastic guidance Mark offers as well as the general "I'm not alone in this feeling" thing that happens that's a real relief when you hear people talking about things that you've been keeping bottled up inside for years.
As for talking: listen, I know it's extremely difficult. And certainly not everyone you know or are friends with is someone you feel you can trust. BUT. OCD is an insidious disease that does everything it can to keep you from talking about it, because the easiest way for it to stay so large and scary is for it to build up in your brain and never be spoken of. It's seriously like Voldemort that way. You've got to say its name, and tell people what its doing. When you do, it starts to lose power. It is definitely one of THE HARDEST STEPS that you will have to take on the road to recovery. But it is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. That's why I said that if you don't want to talk to others at first then at least start talking to yourself OUTLOUD about it. Because putting real words to it outside of yourself is an essential part of stripping your fears of their power over you.
I'd also highly suggest you find a talk therapist. If your financial situation is prohibitive, then find a local school and ask them if they have a program for their grad students to earn hours in. That's actually where I go-- my local area has a counseling center where grad students (overseen by licensed professionals) do talk therapy sessions on a sliding scale basis dependent on income. My income is extremely low so I only pay $10 per 1 hour session, and I completely credit my counselor with helping save my life.
You can also start yourself off while looking for a talk therapist. Pick up The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD. It's just an all around excellent book. Doesn't replace therapy or your own hard work but it can be a nice guide when you're alone and are still looking for help.
Lastly: about being "pitied" or people thinking you're "crazy". That was 100% my fear for 8 years. It's what drove me to bury my feelings and hide my anxieties from sight even while it was literally eating me alive from the inside. I thought that as long as I looked alright on the surface I wasn't really "crazy".
The most freeing thing I learned from finally being unable to hide my disease is that being honest about it, owning it, and controlling the conversation about it and about your experiences is one of the best ways to take at least half your burden off yourself. Like I said earlier, its terrifying. And at first I could only tell my close family and my therapist. It's like coming out as LGBT (which I've had to do too). You spend so much time fearing what other people will think that it becomes This Thing, but once you get over the first couple hurdles and deal with the reactions as they come, it becomes easier, and eventually you never ever want to go back to a place where you deny that part of you.
OCD is a part of you. It will always be a part of you, even when you're 100% in the recovery zone you will still have OCD because it's a chronic life-long disease, just like any other chronic disease. But that's not something you have to despair about. Don't get me wrong, there will definitely be people who react negatively. When you find them, cut them out of your life. You don't have to shun them, but you don't ever have to give someone who can't respect you full access to you once they've proven untrustworthy. It's hard, but oh so worth it. Surround yourself with people who love you and respect you and move those who don't down a few tiers in friendship, and you'll realize just how much the people that love you are truly there to support you through your hard times.
At this point in my life, if for some reason it ever comes up, I will tell literal strangers about my OCD. Three years ago I couldn't even imagine that without a panic attack. Now I can't imagine not being upfront about it. Especially considering the amount of harm that misinformation does to people who struggle with OCD, and how that misinformation makes non-OCD people view those who have it. Talking about it is the only way we can combat that. I know you're absolutely nowhere near that kind of thing right now, and maybe you never will be, and that's ok. But it's just something to consider.
Hope that helps.
I can really relate to a lot of what you've written here. Know that you are not alone. Congrats on taking the (huge) first step in deciding to get help. The good news is that you can totally change your life and make it how you want it to be!
Some things you can get started on:
Find a therapist/psychologist/counselor that specializes in treating OCD with a specific kind of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) that is called ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention). Not just any therapist will do. You need to find someone who has experience with treating this disorder. It can sometimes be a bit challenging to find someone in your area who specifically treats OCD. Check your list of available providers who are in contract with your insurance (if you have insurance), and then call everyone on the list and ask if they treat OCD and if they do ERP therapy. You can also look up ERP therapists in your area on the OC Foundation's website. I've gone to ERP therapists in the past who did not take any insurance, and I paid out of pocket. It was pretty pricey but it really helped me. Now I go to a therapist who takes my insurance, isn't as experienced with ERP therapy, but I know enough about what I need to do that I use her as someone to hold me accountable.
You can try medication to assist you in therapy if you like. You can either find a psychiatrist or go to your general practitioner to talk about your options. They'll likely prescribe you an SSRI (like Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, etc). This type of drug increases the amount of serotonin available in your brain, which can dramatically decrease your anxiety, OCD symptoms, and depression. A high dose is generally prescribed for OCD, higher than what would be prescribed for depression. This medication can be very effective when combined with cognitive behavioral therapy. Think of it as a tool to help you get where you want to go, not as a band-aid.
Read as many books as you can about OCD, anxiety, and mindfulness. I have found that the more I learn about how OCD works the better equipped I am to change it. You can absolutely train your brain to work how you want it to. There are many great resources out there, here are some that I really like: The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD, Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom, and Overcoming Compulsive Washing: Free Your Mind From OCD. You might be able to get these at the library if you're short on cash.
Check out Mark Freeman's videos! He is amazing and has lots of great techniques for recovering from OCD.
Focus on your overall health and well-being. When our bodies are tired, run down, and we aren't feeling good, anxiety and OCD tend to take over. Focus on getting enough sleep, exercise, eating healthy nutrient-dense foods, and limiting caffeine and alcohol.
Good luck! Just taking that first step and getting into therapy is huge. You will find each small step you take very motivating. It's certainly not easy, but it's definitely worth it to get your life back. Don't get discouraged if you have setbacks or things get difficult. Take it one thing at a time, break it down into small pieces and you will do it!
I wrote a huge response, then deleted it... Im stuck myself in a weird pattern at the moment, which makes me too uncertain for a longer response. Sorry.
But you really should watch those Vids.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=laeYq51SYA0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h62vlSj0KNg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmUOyG3k10A
And dont send this Email. Don't, don't, don't! It will only make everything worse. Stop responding to your brain or the troll in your head will grow stronger and stronger. Don't fall for the "just fixing one more obsession" trap. It wont work. The next obsession will come for sure and then your brain will demand the same fix again and again and again. You really can train a brain more and more into ocd.
And dont get afraid about the weirdness of your ocd. Ocd can get really bizzare. That's just how OCD works.
You seem not really familiar how ocd works, and how you can treat it. I can only recommend to educate yourself as much as possible about this hellish disease. Knowledge about Ocd is the very foundation for getting it under control!
One of the best books about OCD: http://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1446075608&sr=8-1-fkmr0&keywords=mindful+workbook+ocd
Good Luck
I suggest "The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD: A Guide to Overcoming Obsessions and Compulsions Using Mindfulness and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy," ideally coupling this with a mental-health professional if you can afford it.
Speaking of affording things, here's a free sample-PDF
I applaud you on taking a huge step when it comes to battling your OCD! You are right! Finding someone is a complete pain in the backside, but don't give up!
/u/backhaircombover/ is correct that the IOCDF is a great resource. I also have occasionally found some listings on the https://www.psychologytoday.com/ site.
If you have insurance, they will often have a list of professionals they work with as well. Unfortunately you will likely find that a lot of the folks with a great deal of OCD experience tend not to take insurance. Still, sometimes you can find both!
Definitely do what you can to research people on the net and also make calls and talk to them in person. It can be a good idea to write down your questions and concerns so you don't forget anything when you are on the phone. Also, be willing to give someone a try if it sounds like it may be a fit but you aren't positive. There is no reason you have to go back if it just isn't clicking.
In the meantime, you might also benefit from going through a workbook on OCD. I recently did this one with my therapist and I did find it helped in some ways: The Mindfullness Workbook for OCD.
Good luck!
Edit: Forgot to add, different professionals specialize in different things (ERT vs CBT for instance) so keep that in mind as well. My last Dr was experienced with ERT and I found it helped a lot.
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