I recommend Julia Ross’s book “The Mood Cure” which is specifically about amino acid supplementation for mental health, like 5-HTP. Cheesy name, but it’s very practical to use.
It contains a thorough questionnaire covering your symptoms regarding depression / mood, to help you figure out if your symptoms correlate with low serotonin, low dopamine, low GABA, or other types of neurotransmitter imbalances. It then discusses and explains what amino acids are most appropriate to take based on what type of depression pattern you have (which is to say, not every type of depression is associated with low serotonin, which is what 5-HTP increases).
The book discusses many other lesser-known types of neurotransmitter-raising amino acids and what they do.
I looked it up and it is a specific serotonergic antidepressant. Since it effects serotonin so much, you can have the feelings your having. Serotonin is powerful, more so than people think. I recently started 5HTP to help with my serotonin production so I can ween myself off of Zoloft. Similar feelings as you're describing. I found out that's what serotonin feels like. If you've never had a good level of serotonin in your body, you wouldn't have known how it feels.
Also, check out the book The Mood Cure. It talks about how to get your body to be more level on producing serotonin, GABA, etc. Great information. My husband and I changed our diet as well, more protein and fewer carbs, and that helps with mood too. Your gut biome is very important in serotonin production, so you want to eat well also.
I had TERRIBLE PMDD. You described exactly how I was 3 weeks out of every month. The pill helped the cramping, but ultimately I think it caused the PMDD by screwing up my hormonal cycle. I now work with a neurochemical nutritional therapist, who has been a LIFESAVER (literally, cuz I was suicidal). She's put me on a diet of 120g protein per day, progesterone cream 15 days before my period to help hormone levels, and about $70/month worth of herbal/vitamin/mineral supplements. I HAPPILY spend the money because it helps so noticeably. I still have more "ups and downs" about a week before my period (like, my dog being super cute might make me slightly teary in joy), but no more suicidal/depressive thoughts.
There's a book on it (LINK TO THE MOOD CURE on amazon), but I found that I couldn't figure it out on my own with the book. The therapist did a series of quick tests and took quick action that made me feel WAY better.
Good luck. I know what you're going through is brutal. You're gonna get through this.
I went to a therapist for a couple months once. LOTS of suicidal ideation. The first day he asked me about my diet. Then he told me to promise to count and get at least 75 grams of protein a day. On top of that he pointed me to Julia Ross' book The Mood Cure. The first couple sections were very helpful for me and deal with the supplements 5-HTP and L-Tyrosine. After that it devolves into a fairly worthless discussion of catecholamines and blood-type diets that have been debunked. For me, 5-HTP is a wonder pill. It perked me right up. However, I wasn't on any medications. SSRIs and 5-HTP don't mesh at all. This isn't intended as a treatment recommendation, but maybe you can find a professional who uses nutritional therapies like Amino Acid supplementation?
Could try 5htp - I take a boatload of supplements that is one of them it helps with all the post PMO feels. My supplement therapy is taken from a book called The Mood Cure. It might help http://www.amazon.com/The-Mood-Cure-Program-Emotions-Today/dp/0142003646
if melatonin didn't work for you, you might want to try 5-HTP (it is the amino acid that we use to create melatonin). And if that doesn't work, try L-tryptophan (one more step back from 5-HTP). I have had great results with those. And while I am at it, for the anxiety, you might want to try GABA.
I know some people are not into supplements and think you should get what you need from diet, but I am in the process of repairing many years of damage I did to my own body, and these amino acid supplements are supposed to help you get a jump start- after a few months you should no longer need them (in theory, I am not there yet).
I highly recommend the book The Mood Cure, chapter 12 in particular (it is about sleep problems). It has changed my life.
You can't rush this. Look into serotonin production, how our bodies use serotonin, and how strong serotonin is. You need to allow your body the chance to readjust after each taper or the next will feel even worse.
There are a couple things you can do to help. Read The Mood Cure. It has a lot of good info on how our bodies, diets, exercise, etc effect our moods (and neurotransmitters).
You can also try adding in 5HTP. Serotonin is 5HT and 5HTP breaks down into 5HT in our bodies. This will also come with some withdrawals as it's effecting your serotonin levels, but I've noticed the withdrawals are much easier to deal with and usually just some nausea for me.
For my diet, I eat a TON of protein. I'm also working out a lot more, so I need more protein. Try to get at least half your body weight on protein (if you weigh 150lbs, shoot for 75g protein each day). I also exercise minimum 3x/week and that seems to help a lot. And drink lots of water. Staying hydrated makes it easier for your body to do what it needs to help you out with this.
For my 5HTP, I take 1/2 pill 2x daily (25mg). When I'm getting ready to taper, I go up to 1 pill 2x daily a couple days before the taper. I usually take my pills before breakfast and before dinner. I let my body tell me when I'm ready to go down to 1/2 pill 2x daily. I also let my body tell me when I'm ready to taper again. I'm still on 1 pill 2x daily, so I won't do another taper until I feel like I could be down to 1/2 pill 2x daily.
I also have stayed at 1/2 5HTP pill 2x daily for a month before doing another taper if I know I have stressful events coming up. That way, I can go up to 1 pill 2x daily if the stress is getting to me.
I know it feels like it will take forever, but you don't want to push yourself too hard. Withdrawals can be suicidal thoughts and severe depression. You need to let your body take the time it needs. Everyone is different too, so just because what I do works for me doesn't mean it work the same for you.
Feel free to DM me if you have any questions, needs to vent, etc. This is a tough process and it helps to have someone to go that has gone through it. My husband did this before me, so he has been a tremendous help during this.
This book helped me develop my daily stack to manage depression and anxiety: https://smile.amazon.com/dp/0142003646/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_W5XpFbYQXASTH.
Lady:
Medium term: brain neurochemistry support & nutrition feeding using things like amino acids, herbs, from a clinician who treated people for decades and found these methods to be helpful (for depression, anxiety, lethargy, etc.):
Long term use supplement support:
www.RxStress.com > GABA Max powder (not capsules) 750 mg morning & evening
Ashwagawnda 400 mg. morning capsule is fine (www.SwansonVitamins.com)
Acute need: Kava Kava powder or tinctures extract from the health store,
both are legal & very affordable & are not controlled substances.
alternatives: chammomile, valerian, vetiver herbs powder or extract frankincense essential oil & Bach's Flower Essences, Daily Rescue spray.
Also the orgone generators at http://www.OrgoneCrystals.com may be of use supporting your space from electromagnetic frequency radiation, like WiFi & cellular & wireless phone & microwave ovens, which does have an effect.
and if you can people, don't buy from amazon they obviously are the walmart mom & pop, main street store killer of america now, or at least another one.
Oh man, that makes me super nervous about my next cycle! I'm on Cymbalta which helps a ton for fibro, but my docs refuse to prescribe any narcotics. So if its bad (which I'm afraid it will be) I'm going to have to hope the Tramadol will handle it.
I actually have a friend who has fibro and a lot of hormone issues (not Endo or PCOS like I have, but her cycles are awful too) and said reading this book explained a lot about how her hormones might be messing with or causing her Fibro. She can't take Cymbalta or Lyrica (or the Gabawhatever other one) because of bad side effects so she's trying to do more homeopathic treatments and its working well for her. Anyways, I haven't read it yet but might be something to look into. Also, there is a suspicion that a lot of fibro might be caused by progesterone, but I'd recommend doing some research and reading things like this before trying anything on your own!
Read these & see if applying these techniques helps you. This is assuming you aren't currently being treated using anti-depressant meds.
If those don't help, see a doctor my man.
EDIT: I see that you posted that you are on meds. I won't delete my comment but these might not be the right solutions for you.