This is a very detailed and - unfortunately - truthful book on how to get women. If you want to get into the seduction game, with whomever, then this is a go. (noting that you should practice)
https://www.amazon.com/Mystery-Method-Beautiful-Women-Into/dp/0312360118
The book is ridiculous. Gross. But I know some guys that read it and became the "chick pickers" of the college.
no, but my understanding is that it's chock full of advice on how to seduce and sex sad and/or insecure women who seek validation by being whores. and then leave them.
Kind of disgusts me, but if you're into that kind of thing...
ok, that's not totally fair because it's actually about the subculture as opposed to a guidebook. I should have linked to this, but it wouldn't have had the same effect.
It's not for everyone, so I'm almost hesitant to even suggest it, but I have male friends who've made a lot of progress with it - ever considered reading a pickup book or getting involved in a pickup community? There's a whole community/discipline/series of materials out there specifically to help if you are bad with women. Being smooth with women is a skill that can be practiced and learned, it's not entirely just, either you've got a natural knack or you don't. If you're at all interested, the best starter book is this. I think it's a worthwhile read whether you buy into or decide to try out any of it - even if you disagree, it's great food for thought.
Check out The Mystery Method, it goes into hired gun game a bit in that book. It's a complete classic, it basically started the whole seduction community.
It is a bit out of date, was written before smartphones etc, but the concepts in that book are completely timeless. They still work, you just have to be able to understand the underlying principles and apply them to modern-day things like texting or dating apps.
I'm not even sure if you can get his old DVD programs anywhere anymore, but they're classics man. That was where it all started. You could probably find torrents of them. He had some pretty extensive hired gun game lessons in those too.
EDIT: just found a youtube vid with Mystery teaching a bit of hired gun game. Check that out for a taste.
Have a look at mystery method which breaks down the interaction- and gives guidelines of how to move her from attraction to comfort to intimacy.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mystery-Method-Erik-von-Markovik/dp/0312360118
There is a manual - mystery method
https://www.amazon.com/Mystery-Method-Beautiful-Women-Into/dp/0312360118
If you are looking for something a little more in-depth than reddit comments, this concept is covered in pretty good detail at one point in the textbook on game: https://www.amazon.com/Mystery-Method-Beautiful-Women-Into/dp/0312360118
Well for starters, Edward Norton is hot. I've had a mild celebrity crush on him for a while.
Also, please keep my perspective in mind with what I said in my first post. I am trying to combat the fairly common perception guys have, that girls who brush them off are "bitches". We aren't! We're just vulnerable and trying to protect ourselves. But that was the only point I was making - is that if a girl seems to be rude, please realize that to her friends, to people she meets in neutral situations, at work, at home with her family, etc, she is likely to be an incredibly kind, caring, friendly, helpful, generous person. It's the circumstance causing her to be rude, not some inherent character flaw within her.
The argument I was NOT making, was to suggest that guys who approach women are somehow doing something horrible to us. I am not saying this at all. I'm not calling guys who try to talk to women stalkers. I'm not accusing you of frightening us or stalking us just because you talk to us. I just hope that if you do come talk to us, and you find us to be rude, that you don't blame women, but instead you blame the situation and the awkward dynamics. I just don't want more men becoming bitter towards women.
So in short, don't let my little rant stop you from trying. In fact, you've got to keep trying! And when you encounter a setback, when you get rejected, just try to internalize the message of "who cares?" Nothing truly bad happened, and nothing is damaged except your ego. In fact I know of guys who try to get themselves past that approach anxiety by setting out trying to get rejected on purpose, so that they can get used to it. Like, their goal in making an approach is to get the girl to reject him, and they consider it success when she does. A weird way of looking at it, but actually not a terrible idea. You are your own worst enemy, there is nothing to fear but fear itself, etc etc.
But, while we're on the subject of repeating cliche and trite sayings, I remember something my mom said to me as she was trying to force me to take piano lessons as a child. She said, "Remember, practice doesn't make perfect, practice makes permanent." The idea is that practicing the same thing over and over is only helpful if it's a good habit. If you're practicing the wrong thing, you aren't going to get better at all.
So, in approaching women, it's a good idea to have a certain level of understanding of what attraction is and how it is created, so that you are actually practicing the right things.
Here's a brief thing I wrote up on the topic, which many people found helpful, about how to approach women in public. Read it, it's the shorter version of the advice I would give you.
The longer version takes a whole bunch of disclaimers. Because here's what I've noticed. Guys who don't know how to approach women - well, they are spending years with a very real and deep need, and they are consistently deprived of what they need. And it is women who are depriving them. It is women who are withholding. It doesn't take too long before this turns into bitterness towards women. The guy feels that women are evil because women are holding back from giving them what they need - not only that, but you don't have to look for long before you hear stories of terrible guys who keep getting girls. And to see that women keep chasing horrible people, yet here you are, a perfectly good guy willing to treat a girl wonderfully, and none of them will give you the time of day - it's not hard to let that turn into an attitude of bitterness and disgust towards women as a whole for making what you see as a very big mistake.
It's somewhat of a social sickness - guys without social abilities with women, who then become bitter and even misogynistic because of it. But it's a disease with a cure. And the cure is to teach the guys that it is within their power to change the situation - it is within their power to learn different strategies and approaches and behaviors which will open up success to them with women. If these men can learn that they are not the helpless victims of evil women, but instead it's fully within their power and ability to do things differently and create the success they want so badly - then this can often eliminate the bitterness that they feel.
Here's the problem. There's really only one movement out there with the cure. There's only one group, or one school of thought, trying to teach guys how to have success with women. At least, there's only one which is actually based in real-world experience and real-world results rather than just people spouting untested ideas off the top of their head. And that movement is the pickup artist community.
Ok so that's my disclaimer. There are many, many, many things about the pickup artist movement which I really dislike. It's a cure that might be worse than the disease. It might be taking one set of bad attitudes and replacing them with an entirely new set of bad attitudes. I hate the objectification of women, I hate their singleminded focus on sex to the exclusion of all else, I hate their willingness to deceive and use. And I hate to suggest to guys who are sincere, nice, caring guys, that they expose themselves to all these terrible attitudes.
But no matter what I think of pickup artists, the fact remains - they are the only ones. They're the only ones who are actually walking the walk and not just talking the talk. They are the only ones giving advice based on what is actually working for them, rather than what a middleaged female therapist on a couch thinks might work. So when I mention pickup to you, I don't say it because I think it's a good solution - I say it because it's the only solution.
But it is a solution. And I respect results. And it works. It sounds to me from what you are saying, that this is a big deal to you. It sounds like you are saying that this is of the utmost importance to you, to solve this problem, to create a breakthrough and have some success with women, and that it's important enough to you that you are willing to devote significant amounts of time and energy to making some progress here and figuring this thing out. Ok, well, if you've got all that time and energy to give, go find the pickup artist community, because they can channel that in the right directions. Just make sure that whoever you listen to among the pickup artist groups, that they are the real thing and not some spinoff. Make sure they can back up what they offer with real results. There's a million "keyboard jockeys" out there - guys who have read enough pickup material that they speak the language very well and can sound very convincing, but who still haven't mustered up the courage to speak to a woman. Don't listen to these guys, go for the real thing first and foremost. And that's why, although I am going to tell you that we do have a pickup community right here on reddit - r/seduction, please don't rely too heavily on anything you find there, because it's full of guys who talk the talk but don't walk the walk. Instead, use it as a place to find better resources.
Pickup artists have local lairs. Yes, they call them lairs. If you are near a major city, there's a pickup community near you. Find it, and get involved, because what you'll find is a supportive group of guys that will go out with you on the weekends and "wing" you (help you approach women) and will give you constructive ideas about what you did right and what you can do better next time. If you join this social group, you'll have a focused place to channel your efforts.
But before you do any of this stuff, read this book - Mystery Method: How To Get Beautiful Women Into Bed. It is pretty much THE definitive starting point for anyone who wants to know what pickup is about. But again, with the attitudes I hate - right there in the title, it's like it's all about the sex. I don't like this. Please do not make this book your bible, please do not follow it to the letter. But read it. It has interesting ideas and it's a good introduction. Please leave out the parts that feel wrong to you, and make it your own. But, read it, and from there if you want to go further, I've given you a few starting points, or you could even contact me back again because (as you may have guessed after reading all this) I have a few male friends who are very into pickup and who can answer any of your questions about how to start out.
Holding a girl's interest is a major challenge for men.
> Act with Moxie > > "Moxie" means "inventive courage." The Venusian artist must always be leading the interaction. He has no choice. Women seldom take responsibility for what is happening. > > For example, it is necessary to keep things interesting during the opening phase of the game. If you don't work to steer the conversation onto interesting topics, the woman may accidentally raise her own boring topics—and then she'll feel bored and blame it on you.
--The Mystery Method (Page 29)
This is a book that was true eye opener for me. I never used to be able to understand why the fuck all the pricks were getting all the hot chick and I never was.
http://www.amazon.com/Mystery-Method-Beautiful-Women-Into/dp/0312360118
Yes, I know it sounds cheesy and seems too good to be true. I've been just where you are right now. Just read it and then see if it helps you with your problem. Good luck bro
And by reading this book I learned that attraction, for women, isn't a choice.
You don't need a "just do it!" pep talk from me. You're quite self-aware and thoughtful, but you lack the experience to know where to even start.
I think you need a two-pronged approach.
For one, get a therapist. Talk to the therapist about issues relating to confidence, self esteem, insecurity, your childhood, your mother, your beliefs about yourself, your beliefs about how others view you, better understanding about the ways you strive to be liked and accepted by others, etc. I think you have the potential for some great breakthroughs in these areas. Also, this may help you when it comes to the erectile issues you have, which are purely psychological - aka, you are psyching yourself out through the stress/pressure of the moment. There's nothing physically wrong with you.
Don't talk to the therapist about how to have "game". Therapists are bad at this, and there's lots of bad advice which can set you backwards as much as it sets you forwards.
In fact, there's no source of help with having "game" and being more effective when it comes to dating, that is free from bad advice. So it's with some great hesitation that I recommend the second part of what I think will help you - This Book= Mystery Method, by Mystery. It's a pickup artist book. Pickup arts is a very controversial topic. Some people swear by it, some people loathe and detest it, but say what you will about pickup artists, this much at least is true - it is the only "field" out there that is attempting to learn and teach how to effectively attract women, which is based in actual field experience rather than just untested theory. And the scientist in me really appreciates any material which is backed up by actual field tested real world results. Pickup arts are the only ones in the field of dating advice which actually have results to back up their claims, and as such, they have some respect from me.
Mystery Method is commonly regarded as the entry book into pickup arts. If you want an introduction to pickup, this is the book you start with. It's simple, clear, concise, easy to read, and packed with info. No matter how you feel about pickup, it's a great read, and very interesting/informative.
There's a lot of stuff in there that you'll likely skip ("wear fuzzy hats when you go out"), but it is also a really great explanation of the reason why certain approaches work better than others (things you do which send her the message that you have low value compared to her).
A good follow-up book is "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Once again, no matter how you feel about pickup, this book is a great read, very entertaining and well written. But where Mystery Method is more of an instruction manual, "The Game" is a novel. It's Strauss' story with pickup, how he got into it, what happened when he did, how out of control it got when he took it too far, and how he left it behind to settle down with one woman. It just fills out the mental image you'll have in your head of what it all is and how it all fits together. And, it's an entertaining story.
Your next step after reading, is to find your local "lair" (yes, they actually call them lairs) of pickup artists, and go out with them. Be a skeptic, and don't let any of it turn you into someone you don't feel yourself to be. Some guys take it way too far. But it will do more to give you specific ideas about specific things to do, that actually work and have been tested to work, than anything else you could try.
And beyond that, if you want pickup advice from a female perspective, hit me up. I've helped out my guy friends who were learning pickup, but I can give you a female perspective on the whole thing.
Read this book. Seriously, it's the best, most concise answer to your question found anywhere.
Buy this book and you’ll never have to go that long without again
https://www.amazon.com/Mystery-Method-Beautiful-Women-Into/dp/0312360118
Trust me.