First, PLEASE call the suicide hotline immediately and/or any time you are feeling this way. PLEASE.
+1 800 273 8255
Please do not hold it against her. She does NOT understand. Perhaps she will with time but you cannot expect her to change. You need to surround yourself with the right people and stay away from the wrong people.
If you can afford this, i'd suggest checking out this book. It is written frankly and directly with real tools to help deal with the lot you were given.
Hang in there.