Have you ever read about Sensory Processing Disorder? Some people with SPD are sensory-avoiding, some are sensory-seeking. Craving really strong flavors is a common thing with people with SPD.
Most of what I know about SPD is from a book called The Out of Sync Child, which is geared towards parents and teachers. But it might be something interesting for you to look into.
This may be sensory processing disorder. Ask your pediatrician for a referral to an occupational therapist familiar with SPD for therapy and a home program.
In the meantime, check our these books:
https://www.amazon.com/Out-Sync-Child-Recognizing-Processing/dp/0399531653/ref=nodl_
These kids often need a sensory “diet” which is basically just frequently scheduled sensory breaks throughout the day and access to calming sensory items as needed.
There is also something called the Wilbarger Protocol which is a sensory brushing program that helps calm an overactive nervous system - sounds crazy, but it works.
A “crash pad” (google it) may be a good investment, as would a small exercise ball, sensory putty or slime, stress balls, water beads.
Good luck.
First, you're doing so good. I know it doesn't feel like it, but just recognizing his issues and trying to help him without pushing him over the edge is HUGE. It's honestly so much more than many SPD parents do.
Second, I would absolutely call your insurance & see if they will authorize OT. Maybe start with your pediatrician, explain the issues & ask if they can do a referral for you.
Third, OT is going to be great once you get in there, but there might be a long waitlist & you're still going to need to do a lot at home. I'm going to put some book recommendations at the bottom. Once is the SPD "bible" that goes into detail about the different aspects of SPD. The other is a workbook that is much more practical. My take-away from that one was really pick your battle. Does underwear matter? no, don't force it. Does wearing your seatbelt matter, yes, figure out how to approach it without trauma.
The thing that made the biggest difference for us was incorporating a "sensory diet" into our day. It's not a food diet, but an input diet. The idea is that by pro-actively giving them some of the input they need you don't get to the meltdown point b/c they are craving it. Some is research, reading up how to meet their needs, some is trial & error. For example with how your son sleeps, maybe he would do better in a stretchy sleep sack or with a weighted blanket. Maybe he would do best with a stretchy sheet that provides pressure. Maybe if he gets that pressure need met more during the day he won't need it as much at night.
Examples:
https://specialsupplies.com/sensory-body-stretchy-sensory-sock-new-snap-closure?msclkid=b55475a4e0fb1a55024e17b697cfe300&utm\_source=bing&utm\_medium=cpc&utm\_campaign=Shopping%20(D)&utm\_term=4575961257327181&utm\_content=All%...
https://specialsupplies.com/sensory-bed-sheet-for-kids-compression-alternative-to-weighted-blankets-blue?msclkid=edf9fa3a555514f874069828221ab8b6&utm\_source=bing&utm\_medium=cpc&utm\_campaign=Shopping%20(D)&utm\_term=4575961257327...
Also, the more you can meet his sensory needs at home the less anxiety he will most likely have. and an important thing, this does not mean that his anxiety is your fault b/c you're not meeting his sensory needs. You're doing the best you can, and you're doing great.
When my kids were little (both SPD) reading blogs from parents who also had SPD kids or ASD kids was really helpful. There often was ideas that we could DIY, like a home-made crash-pad for them to jump into instead of the couch.
I wish you the best of luck. I also want to say, it gets way better as they get older & the more that you work with them. They get to where they can express that a environment is getting overwhelming or what they need to regulate. And their nervous system matures. My oldest basically shed his SPD needs around 8, which was insane because it had dominated our lives for a long time. But he just didn't need the stuff anymore. We were told that it will probably come back in the teen years, but we'll be prepared for that.
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Books:
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Out of Sync Child (the bible about SPD, skip the early chapter that's all doom about them being adults with SPD):
https://www.amazon.com/Out-Sync-Child-Recognizing-Processing/dp/0399531653
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Workbook:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1466263539/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
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List of kids books to read with him:
https://sensoryprocessingdisorderparentsupport.com/25-sensory-processing-disorder-books-for-kids.php
Here are links to the books I recommended, in case you're interested: