How I act at one is not how I act at the other, or was that the subtely that you just can't catch?
There is a fundamental difference, I have to put up with a certain amount of employers/customers shit to a point of civility at a day job, I don't have to put up with it as an IC because the control is mine.
Enjoy your position as a doormat cause you can't tell the difference.
I recommend this book for your further edification and education.