{"product":{"product_id":"0609805797","title":"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert","price":"32.49","image_url":"https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/515KiXbdCbS._SL500_.jpg","url":"https://www.amazon.com/dp/0609805797"},"comments":[{"body":"By making it a point to actively love her and I never stopped wooing and courting her. Love is a million small choices everyday, most of them aren’t even conscious, but you can consciously decide to love and put your spouse first. If you are lucky she’ll do the same back. Also I really like Gottman’s Seven Principles:\r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797\r\n\r\nIt’s exactly right - communicate, turn toward one another, always view charitably, give the benefit of the doubt. Admire her, NEVER EVER go nuclear or fight dirty. Be generous, she’s your team, you win and lose together, her losses are yours, your wind are hers.\r\n\r\nI suppose it’s easy for me, I’m an hopeless romantic. I tease her that I’m the chick in this relationship. I flirt with babies. I like rom coms, not action movies, I love kissing, snuggling, holding hands or just being in the same room reading.","subreddit_name":"Marriage","author":"FrankFlashman"},{"body":"Check out the John Gottman institute. https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0609805797/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_fm-uFbMJTCF6R\r\n\r\nHe has been studying marriage for many years. All of his books are science-based. He runs a marriage institute in Seattle. \r\n\r\nMy husband and I have taken a few courses (just weekend seminars) and found them refreshing and helpful. \r\n\r\nI will add, while his books don't reflect any religious content, he does recognize that for many couples, faith plays an important role in their marriage. Take that however you want.\r\n\r\nGood luck!\r\n\r\nEdit: I couldn't see everyone's posts when I posted. Clearly John Gottman is popular in marriage circles!","subreddit_name":"Marriage","author":"_OptimistPrime_"},{"body":"I recommend buying and reading this book. https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797 \r\nJohn Gottman is a genius when it comes to what helps a marriage last. It’s realistic and truly science based. Has helped my marriage a lot and I’ve only read a 1/4 of the book so far.","subreddit_name":"Marriage","author":"queenharatyk"},{"body":"Hi Spirit,\r\n\r\nI’m sorry you are going through this most common of marriage killers - benign neglect that turns into calcified resentments, animosity and worse. None of it is intentional, in fact most of it is rug sweeping annoyances because you don’t want to fight. In the end it can become insurmountable. \r\n\r\nFirst ask him and yourself, do you want to save this marriage? Remember, you both said “I DO!” Go some reason...\r\n\r\nIf both of you answer yes, then you’ve stopped well short of insurmountable. Can you ask parents or siblings to watch the kids for a long weekend or even a week? If so, can you s-end a weekend or week, just the two of you, spend the weekend/week talking, holding hands, cuddling, reminiscing on all of your great times. Maybe write each other a love letter. Tell each other why you life is better for your spouse being in it. Go to the Gottman institute website and pick a book to read together. I like the Seven Principles:\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797\r\n\r\nI think it would be a great basis for several dates nights as a marital book club. Read a section at a time and then do the exercises. Date night is discussion and comparing results.","subreddit_name":"marriageadvice","author":"FrankFlashman"},{"body":"Text her pics of baby. Text her saying you are thinking about her or that you love her. Text her that you wish you could hold her in your arms. Text her hieroglyphics made of emojis. Text her about some naughty plans you have for her when she gets home. Ask her how her day is going? Ask her what she is thinking of. \r\n\r\nThis is such an easy lift and the early child years can be so dangerous to a marriage because this is usually when one or both spouse take their eyes off of the ball and start taking each other for granted. Over time this can kill your marriage. Instead invest in your marriage. Court and woo your wife everyday, remember how you treated her when you were trying to attract her? Do that. I bet without noticing she will likely respond in kind. That is how you start a virtuous circle that will feed your marriage and will build up an emergency fund that will help you weather the inevitable turbulence all marriages have.\r\n\r\nFor bonus points check out the Gottmans 7 Principles of Making Marriage Work:\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797\r\n\r\nIt might be fun to read it together and to do the exercises. If you do, I’ll bet you will be her hero and will get incredible dividends for your efforts and very likely a much more resilient and fulfilling marriage.","subreddit_name":"Marriage","author":"FrankFlashman"},{"body":"I recommend the book \"Seven Principles Of Making Marriage Work\" by John Gottman. \r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797\r\n\r\nThis book is useful for anybody in a relationship, married or not. I read the book within the first month of meeting my boyfriend. Now close to nine years later, I still strongly recommend this book. ;)\r\n\r\n","subreddit_name":"singapore","author":"MissCreepyStories"},{"body":"But you're causing the very thing you fear the most. Don't you see that?\r\n\r\nIf this guy is so great, then this is a relationship worth fighting for. Have you done anything to try and get over this hump?  Marriage counseling?  Therapy? Read any books on how to build trust with your partner?  I feel bad for you but I also feel bad for your partner because it seems like he's giving 100% but isn't getting it in return. I'm not saying that is your fault necessarily. You've been through something traumatic and it has left its mark, but that's not because of him either. \r\n\r\nTry this. I still use this book to this day. \r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/dp/0609805797/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_8FG7AXV5Z4TB3VS955XG","subreddit_name":"BreakUps","author":"LoveLogic83"},{"body":"Well there’s a really amazing book I read senior year in college (Psychology) by Dr. Gottman. It’s highly recommended, but both people have to be open to reading it and working through it: https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797/ref=mp_s_a_1_4","subreddit_name":"Parenting","author":"MummyToBe2019"},{"body":"I know that books usually are not the answer to things but, this may help. My partner and I even made date nights out of the activities in the book. \r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797 \r\n\r\nI think you should also consider counseling to communicate better and fully put to rest all of the issues you were both having. and even actual therapy for the loss of your expected child.","subreddit_name":"relationship_advice","author":"eliwthyme"},{"body":"It’s a hard dynamic to break, especially if you grew up watching your parents speak this way to each other. [This](https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797) book really made the lightbulb go off for me — maybe you two could read it together.","subreddit_name":"AmItheAsshole","author":"amarylliseva"},{"body":"Ok, so communication is a real and persistent issue. Without effective, respectful, two-sided communication, you can’t really solve any issues. He can’t hear you — and maybe he also feels like he can’t speak — not because of anything you’ve done, necessarily! \r\n\r\nHow open would he be to couples counseling? I think y’all need it.\r\n\r\nRegardless, you should consider reading Gottman’s book, [The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work](https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797). It will clarify some things for you. I know two couples who found it really transformative for their relationships. Gottman is a bona fide academic, not some self-help guru, and the book is based on his research on which marriages last and and which lead to divorce, and the predictors for divorce vs longevity.","subreddit_name":"AmItheAsshole","author":"amarylliseva"},{"body":"You need to recommit to her and your marriage. If you want more sex, give her a reason to want that to. You do this the exact same way you romanced and got her to choose you in the first place. Marriage is not an end goal, it requires you to continue to commit to, love and romance each other. This isn’t lingerie gifts (that’s sex, which ok, but not in the absence of caring and love), this date nights you setup, C19 makes this more difficult but just means you need to be more creative.\r\n\r\nIf you pursue your wife the way you did when you first met her it is very likely you will get a positive response and will likely kindle desire on her side.\r\n\r\nIf you continue to neglect your relationship you can expect the quality of your married life to continue to degrade and this is often a way that marriages end in divorce because of the potentially years of resentments you will both likely build, don’t do it. \r\n\r\nThis is both a really easy fix and will reward both of you many times over with a much better marriage that is likely more sexual. Further, if she is feeling secure and loved by you she is far more likely to be more open to new sexual experiences with you.\r\n\r\nDo this, you have your life, your marriage and your families happiness in your hands.\r\n\r\nI suggest making changes unilaterally and waiting a few weeks to see if she notices a change. Then explain that you are recommitting to her and your marriage. If you might consider looking at some of the Gottman books like - [The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work](https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797). \r\n\r\nMaybe ask her if she is willing to read this as a two person book club. Do a section at a time and the exercises, then meet to discuss. This a bottle of wine and a pizza could be a fine series of date nights.\r\n\r\nGood luck Thomnolyn, you can do this, many before you have and it will pay incredible dividend to both of you.","subreddit_name":"marriageadvice","author":"FrankFlashman"},{"body":"Good things come to couples that work, not that wait.\r\n\r\nI suggest the love languages test (the book is pointless, just figure out how you both want to be loved) and this [Gottman book](https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797)\r\n\r\nAlso, picking someone that isn't completely fucked up and is willing to work on their issues helps as well (two way street for my relationships).\r\n\r\nBest of luck, but you're at the beginning, the ending depends on how hard the two of you work. Good relationships don't come easy, no matter how the movies portray them. And just remember the grass is greener where you water it, for an easy quip on marriage.","subreddit_name":"dating","author":"DieNachste"},{"body":"Hi Silver,\r\n\r\nAs an over the top romantic, this seems easy. When a got serious with my girlfriend and now wife, long before I said anything out loud, when I realized I loved her, I told myself one thing I need to do is ACTIVELY love her EVERYDAY. Sometimes it’s just remembering something that delights me about her. Other days it is random love bomb texts or hiding notes for her to find, or doing a chore she doesn’t like and having her find out by surprise. Its unlimited back rubs, snuggling and cuddling. It’s giving her a kiss or hug or just touching arm or leg just because. Remember falling in love, it’s all of those automatic and effortless things. Think about that time do those things.\r\n\r\nIt’s weekly date nights. With COVID, we have a weekly grocery run that I’ve come to look forward to - we hold hands, we talk and work together to provision for our family. It’s a small but awesome thing.\r\n\r\nI found that if you treat your spouse to a few little love gifts, unless things are bad, most spouses appreciate it and tend respond in kind. It can create a virtuous cycle. The other thing to remember is that you can only change you. You can change/improve how you behave, communicate, respond and even fight. Making changes here will influence how they respond and act with you.\r\n\r\nI’m going through Gottman’s 7 Principles:\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797\r\n\r\nright now, it’s great and could be a great couple read. Sort of a couples book club - each of you read a chapter, discuss, do the exercises, discuss. If you guys are in the right spot, this could be great and marriage enriching.\r\n\r\nGood Luck Silver, I know you’ll both great.","subreddit_name":"Marriage","author":"FrankFlashman"},{"body":"John Gottman is pretty much the leader in the field. He has done decades of interesting research. \r\n\r\nThe Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert https://www.amazon.com/dp/0609805797/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_o6flDb22B83PG","subreddit_name":"suggestmeabook","author":"AnonymousSneetches"}]}