What is Reddit's opinion of The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse?

From 3.5 billion Reddit comments

> Do you think I am under the illusion of love and can’t really process with him next to me every night, or do you think there is a chance that if I stay his remorse is enough?

I'm of the opinion that just about any relationship can be saved if both people are willing to put in the work. Loving someone means letting your guard down and being emotionally vulnerable, and sometimes the people we love will hurt us. If the pain is met with empathy and love then there's a path forward, if it's met with dismissiveness or contempt then it's time to leave. Remorse is a great starting point for being motivated to make the changes that could lead to a stronger relationship, but it's not enough on its own. Communication can be hard; it's a skill that gets taken for granted but it can be improved with deliberate practice and mindfulness.

If you both want to continue the relationship I would recommend couple's therapy. You can work out strategies for communicating about sexual and emotional needs without either person feeling awkward or defensive. At the very least, it sounds like he needs education about consent, freezing response to trauma, and checking in throughout the sexual activity. You can also address the trauma that you're carrying from the experience and figure out what you can do as a couple to overcome it. PTSD sucks and it's something that needs to be taken seriously by you and your partner.

> going forward there is no room for sex without foreplay/communication, as to put my foot down about my dissatisfaction with our sex life

Clearly stating boundaries and limits is a great start! There are communication and intimacy exercises that you can discuss with a sex therapist or pick up from a self-help book that might help you communicate about what you want. Recovering from traumatic sexual experiences isn't automatic, and wanting things to go back to normal and trying to 'fake it until you make it' isn't a good basis for a relationship. If he's willing to address whatever it was in the relationship or in his own life that led to him 'checking out' and put in real effort, then you might be able to make things work in the long run.

If he's not, it's probably best to make plans to break up/move out. Relationships can't work with just one person putting in all the emotional work.