I don't think you are being too sensitive. You're doing the best you can, and that's all anyone can expect from you.
However, your wife is overreacting to small mistakes. She may be tired and overwhelmed, but that's not an excuse for her behavior. She needs to learn some healthy coping mechanisms for stress - did the therapist she saw previously suggest any strategies? Maybe she needs a reminder?
Additionally, you may want to take a look at The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans and see if your situation matches what she describes. What you learn from the book will probably be helpful whenever you are able to see a therapist in the future. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004GUS7OG/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
Ooh... I'm so sorry. I have been there! It's so good that you left. The hard thing is going to be not to go back. Don't go back! My local women's shelter hooked me up with group counseling (on zoom now), Personal Empowerment Program (PEP) and also one-on-one counseling with a therapist who is getting her license. It's free and it's pretty amazing and very enlightening.
I told my ex to get three sessions of counseling before I would even talk to him. He did get weekly counseling and things were better for a couple of months but then he stopped and his behavior went right back to the way it was. So that's that and we're over. It's very hard. Very hard, to stay true to myself, and through the group counseling I see every other woman - all 8 of us - going through the same thing and worse. It's so important to have this support.
I hope you understand that your husband's actions are not borderline abusive, they are absolutely and definitely abusive. Yet it's natural to still love him and have compassion, while the healthy thing to do for all of you is to leave and not go back until (if ever) he is well-established in a program for abusive men and has proven, for a long period of time, that he is committed to real and profound change. And please document everything for legal reasons, and the PEP program looks very very good in court, especially if there are custody issues. It's a 10 week program, so you can start now. The women's center will also have free legal support.
I hope you can claim any good feelings and benefits you've ever had from your relationship and leave it behind. For example, you don't need to speak to him when you're upset and he has no right to try to control your behavior. You need your space and you're right to claim it. He should respect your right to take time to yourself to process what happened. You'll learn what a respectful response looks like in the PEP program.
There are two books I recently read that made a big impact on me. I think they should be required reading for everybody, women and men. I wish we'd all read them in high school!
The Verbally Abusive Relationship, Expanded Third Edition: How to recognize it and how to respond by Patricia Evans and Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger by Soraya Chemaly.
The first helped me to recognize the abuse I had not identified as abuse - until it turned into physical abuse - and the second is helping me realize how ingrained it is in society to keep women from taking our power, and it is helping me fight to (re)claim my power. The RAGE book also helps understand the psychology of society and the way it/we unconsciously keep girls passive. And I'll bet it will also help you teach your kids that what they have witnessed is not appropriate to base their future relationships upon, and if you have a girl, help her take her power, and if you have a boy, teach him to respect girls.
It's a process. You can stay strong with support. There is so much support for you, hotlines to talk to someone and that PEP program through your local women's shelter that you can enroll in now. I thought I was an empowered person, but my eyes were opened. Remember, every 1 in 3 or 4 women have been abused in some way in their life, so you are not alone. Seek help from your family, friends, and local women's centers. You're going to be okay.
Virtual hugs!