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The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire?
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This book may be right up your alley. Check it out: The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire http://www.amazon.com/The-Way-Superior-Man-Challenges/dp/1591792576
As for Porn-Masturbation-Orgasm (PMO), NoFap can definitely help you out with that. But I wouldn't wait around wondering whether you think porn is bad for you or not, all the while you dig yourself deeper and deeper into the drenches of porn. There's only one way this can spiral if you don't stop it - down. So catch yourself now and commit to replacing PMO, or at least porn, with healthier habits. Execise, writing, wood craving, sports.
You don't need to suppress it. You can enjoy watching a beautiful woman, you can appreciate the beauty, the feminine energy, this is what we do. Then we go back to our partner and make her happy the best we can.
https://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Spiritual-Challenges/dp/1591792576
You might benefit from a read of this book, Way Of The Superior Man by David Deida: https://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Spiritual-Challenges/dp/1591792576
I'm simplifying this, but I find that if you put in work on yourself it acts as a vacuum and attracts people into your life. There needs to be a reason for people to become curious, to gravitate towards you because they are interested in the life you live. If you were to go around trying to maintain contacts with people strictly to find out what is going on with them in hopes that they start communicating with you and inviting you to more social events, most likely those people are going to wonder what you have been doing with yourself. If the answer is "much of the same" it doesn't give them incentive to keep in contact. No amount of social calibration can fix an uninteresting life.
In the past, if I had times when this was happening, it was a clear sign to me that I should not be concerned with what other people are doing with their lives, and that I should be paying attention to things that I haven't been doing for myself.
First, give yourself some grace. First way to get out of the prison is to be aware of the prison you are in. Thank yourself that you have come this far to be aware. Relax and realize you are on the right path. Even if you have failed, each failure is the product of you progressing towards a goal.
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Second, have an absolute abundance mentality. Know that your girl is out there and only time is waiting for that moment. Tons of girls are out there. Let women chase you. Let yourself find the good friend group because:
> "Waste No More Time Arguing What A Good Man Should Be. Be One." -Marcus Aureluis
Third: Get the book: The Way of the Superior Man You will thank me later.
This. Going into zen teacher mode when your SO is stressed is just going to come off as annoying. A lot of the time people don't actually want someone to try and fix their problems, but someone who will listen.
Recommended reading: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Way-Superior-Man-David-Deida/dp/1591792576
Has some weird parts, but definitely explains the correct way to deal with your partner :)
Achas? Porquê? Eu achei bastante bom. Não no estilo de aprender a seduzir pessoas ou coisa do gênero, mas pela conclusão da experiência, de que nada daquilo tinha valido a pena, até que ponto é que se tinham deixado de levar, o quão perdida toda a gente estava, etc.
Acho que é um livro muito interessante para se ler de forma geral e para aprender alguma coisa sobre a vida. Não é um livro sobre sedução ou relações, para isso recomendo The Way of the Superior Man ou a Art of Seduction do Robert Greene, nunca li mas já me disseram que é decentemente bom.
O Way of the Superior Man não dá nenhuma dica passo-a-passo, mas diz qual é o mindset que deve predominar nas relações ou no inicio das mesmas. Tanto em termos de começar e manter relações como de sensualidade é um dos melhores livros que já li.
I'll get slaughtered for this, but check out /r/theredpill.
Despite it's awful reputation, it is a philosophy on how a man can be more attractive to women. The basic premise is that society doesn't teach men how to be attractive to women, and there ARE things we can do to "up our game."
and for the haters: it is not a dogma aimed at picking girls up, or being a player. It's meant to teach men how to be MEN, in an increasingly feminine society. It taught me to be a better partner, boyfriend, and lover. downvote away
edit: slightly less controversial: I recommend reading "the Way of the Superior Man" http://www.amazon.com/The-Way-Superior-Man-Challenges/dp/1591792576
Read The Way of the Superior Man. I recommend it for all men, especially married men, particularly men in your situation.
I was in your situation and it has totally turned around. My relationship with my wife has never been better and sex is frequent and satisfying. It went from once a month to 6-7 times a week.
In short, focus on yourself. Make yourself better. Get in shape, eat better, quit bad habits, start good habits. Move up the chain in your job. Try to make yourself a better man. You will find that she will start to respect you more and treat you better.
It takes work, it takes time, but it works and it's worth it.
I cant offer you any real advice on your situation as I haven't experienced this for myself but I can recommend a book. What you are explaining, David talks about a lot in the book and I feel you both would really benefit from this.
The way of the superior man by David Deida
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Way-Superior-Man-David-Deida/dp/1591792576
Just don't give up and don't ever stop showing that you love her.
Understood. Also check out The Way of the Superior Man. The book's a little hokey and somewhat dubious in places, but it's worth reading for the good advice in there. There's stuff in there I wish I'd learned years ago, and my relationship with my SO has benefited immensely, especially in regard to sex frequency.
hey, you sound like a really nice guy. but it also sounds like you like your wife a lot (when she is not blowing up at you)
check out this book, its really really good (its not for men in particular, but its about the issues a man faces) http://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-David-Deida/dp/1591792576
You sound like you are throwing in the towel, which I did for two years after 22 years of no action and much, much frustration. So I'm just gonna recommend three books that helped me out. I highly, highly recommend the first. The second is what got me out of my funk. These two books helped me understand women where before I frankly didn't know shit. The third one is great for confidence/self esteem, which can help anyone.
I am aware of how cringey/snake oil'sy some of these books come off as(especially How to be a 3% Man), but they are good.
Edit: And if you aren't going to read any of this stuff, at least do yourself a favor and work on improving your posture. It makes a huge difference in how people respond to you.
Here are some books I like on general life advice:
I think the new agey: http://www.amazon.ca/The-Way-Superior-Man-Challenges/dp/1591792576 is better, personally.
Or:
If this resonates with you:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0zmfNx7OM4
Try:
http://www.theabsolute.net/misogyny/onwomen.html
the difficulty (or for Deida, the abstraction) of the concepts makes you slow down, and think about each thing. The modern examples don't allow intellectual exploration, because they're harder to generalize (imo).
I highly recommend http://www.amazon.ca/The-Way-Superior-Man-Challenges/dp/1591792576
I'm not Jeff, but I've struggled with this as well. Some books that have helped me were Way of the Superior Man, 50th Law, and Meditations. They're worth a read.
These books will change your lives. They're short and easy to read. They get kinda new agey, but if you can get past that theres alot of truth.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Way-Superior-Man-Challenges/dp/1591792576
Might I suggest a book. http://www.amazon.com/The-Way-Superior-Man-Challenges/dp/1591792576
Have you read "the way of the superior man"? If not, I highly suggest you do.
Hello, me, 20 years ago,
Nothing is easy... and conquering this won't be either. First, I'd like to recommend you read this book - I'm not into anything really spiritual, but I found this book to be an amazing intuitive explanation of maleness (it's heavy on the relating to women thing, but there's many other things in there too).
Second, I would strongly advise you to seek a safe way to talk out the issues you have - counseling if you can afford it. Start with internal problems you may have and work outwards from there. Once you identify a fear, your counselor can help you find a way to practice overcoming it. And it will take practice - saying 'no' will take a lot of practice for you to do in a way that feels safe and comfortable.
I have many many ideas I've played with that have helped me - almost mantras that help me remember how to behave in times of great stress. Here are some of them:
> Being a 'nice' guy means being nice to yourself first.
> Caring what other people think about you only comes from a place of insecurity
> It pays to have high evidential standards for the criticisms you accept about yourself and your actions.
> When figuring out how to feel about something make sure to think about your behavior and how it contributed to the circumstance. Were you honourable? Were you hypocritical? Would you wish to have done to you what you did to others? Feel good or bad based on your behavior, not on the outcome.
> What people say should be listened to in the context of their nonverbal language and other information, not as direct evidence of what they want.
> Emotions are never, by themselves, instructions.
> It's not how you feel, but how you feel about how you feel that's important.
> People that everyone likes all the time cannot be trusted - you know they deceiving someone.
I can tell you how these ideas help me, but otherwise I hope some will resonate with you.
check out Deida's Way of the Superior Man. It's a short book and will help you understand gender relations. It's not about men per se but masculinity and femininity.
Dude, what the fuck are you thinking? You're gonna double down on fucked up marriage. You're already fighting with your future ex. That ain't gonna work.
You aren't ready to get married. Get your head straight BEFORE you drop yourself into another serious relationship. If you're determined to go on, you'd better study hard or it'll happen again.
Best book I have read on what you are experiencing;
The Way of a Superior Man by David Deida
Seriously, it helped me hugely when I was in a similar situation.
What? You think the point of sex is ejaculation?! That's crazy, I suggest you look into seminal retention, there are some great books explaining it. Here's a start: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Way-Superior-Man-David-Deida/dp/1591792576/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1377202194&sr=8-1&keywords=the+way+of+the+superior+man
Seriously, this shit is powerful. Sex becomes so much better in every way (pleasure, intimacy, duration) once you learn to harness and control your sexual energy. Ejaculation for any other purpose than reproduction is a waste.
You need: The Way Of The Superior Man
This book helped tremendously as a guide for changing my behavior and some of my attitudes toward my wife so that, in the end, my wife and I improved our relationship and our sex life in ways that I think would work for you two. Strongly recommended.
Also, here's a link to the top-rated posts to [/r/sex](/r/sex) about being more dominant in the bedroom. Hope this helps.
Sometimes women/people want you to lead, rather than simply respond to their fears in such a way that those fears become validated. No harm from reading that book. You could also read this.
You need for him to man up and stop being so needy. Seriously, get him this book. If he'll read it and take half its advice, it will help him a ton.
> Maybe he just needs to date people with some of the same insecurities?
That made me laugh, because that's the last thing he needs. Then he and whoever will feed off of one another's insecurities until they eventually do something stupid -- like marry and make babies.
There is definitely a big emotional gap here, irrespective of the age gap. A 23-year-old man and a 30-year-old woman are worlds apart. What are you going to do at this point with Mr.-Please-Like-Me? Are you going to be his teacher or therapist? You're not going to like that.
Nevertheless, presuming he's a quick learner, you may be able to straighten him out. But, stop worrying about his feelings. A man shouldn't have so many feelings that a woman needs to worry about them in the first place. (Okay, I'm exaggerating here -- but I'm hoping you get my point.)
Buy <em>The Way of the Superior Man,</em> by David Deida. I think even your reading the reviews on Amazon ought to convince you that he needs to read it. (You read it, too, if you're at all interested in staying with this guy.)
He needs to get his shit together.
If you end up leaving him, getting him the book as a parting gift would be the nicest thing you could ever do -- though it might not seem like that to him at the time ;-)
He's alienated from his masculinity, with respect to his dealings with women. He needs to read <em>The Way of the Superior Man,</em> by David Deida.
Don't jump to any conclusions. It's not a "pickup artist" book, and it's not some kind of chest-thumping he-man woman-hater's book. It's very insightful, and it helps a man navigate the mixed messages that men get from society.
There are something like 160 reviews on Amazon, so read them to get a feel for the book. It's short enough, and it's cheap enough. I think if you read it, you'll like it too.
Please read The Way of the Superior Man now. I know, the title sucks. But if you can get by the title and a little bit of the language in the book, it is one of the best books for getting your head straight about how a man should be (esp. in relation to women).
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