WOTSM = The Way of the Superior Man. One of the most helpful and insightful of the Sidebar books, imo.
God wants to be first in your life. If He is not, then He sometimes allows things to get like this so you will cry out to Him for help. God is a jealous God, and is deserving of the first and foremost place in our lives. So I would start by focusing on that.
Also, focusing on your marriage like this is unhealthy. Now some people are going to read this and go "What?!?", so let me explain. I don't mean you shouldn't care about your marriage, but you are placing an unhealthy focus on it at the moment imo. You're thinking about it a lot, aren't you? It's on your mind every day, isn't it? What did Job say? "What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me." (Job 3:25) So it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you worry about it, the worse it gets.
So instead, focus on some other things. Stop trying to "fix" your marriage. Give it to God and let Him worry about it. He loves you, He loves her, and He hates divorce. Believe what the Word says, and stop doubting. This is having faith in negative things, and when you do that, you're believing for your marriage to fail, indirectly.
Go and do some other things for a while.
Get a hobby.
Go volunteer somewhere, and help somebody else.
Get a gym membership if you don't already have one, and start lifting weights. This will help how you feel inside more than you think. You'll feel better, and this will affect your marriage in a positive way.
Take a day and just go somewhere to be alone in nature, just you and God. Speak with Him, and listen so He can speak to you as well.
Set some small goals in your life, and accomplish them.
Take care of things around your house that you've been putting off. Maybe the garage needs to be cleaned up, maybe the dishwasher needs to be repaired. maybe those hinges need to be oiled. You will be amazed at what that will do for both of you.
Go camping for a weekend with some buddies.
Take a Vitamin D supplement.
I'm also going to suggest a rather unorthodox book: The Way of the Superior Man. It's not a Christian book. Not everything in it will apply to you. Some of it is complete nonsense. But I have found that this book was invaluable to helping me have a different perspective on my wife, and my interactions with her. God bless.
Welcome!
> PHYSICAL: I've been out of the gym for 4 weeks due to the flu, then disorganized agenda. Started alternate day fasting in the meantime.
You've had the flu for 4 weeks?
>Some PMO due to feelings of loneliness. Single, so I'm basically squandering my best opportunity to improve myself on pixels.
I've found the book The Way of the Superior Man to be a very helpful resource in this area. Here's an excerpt:
Turn Your Lust Into Gifts
When a man sees a beautiful woman it is natural for him to feel energy in his body, which he usually interprets as sexual desire. Rather than dispersing this energy in mental fantasy, a man should learn to circulate his heightened energy. He should breathe fully, circulating the energy fully throughout his body. He should treat his heightened energy as a gift which could heal and rejuvenate his body, and, through his service, heal the world. Through these means, his desire is converted into fullness of heart. His lust is converted into service. His desire is not converted by denying sexual attraction, but by enjoying it fully, circulating it through his body (without allowing it to stagnate as mental fantasy), and returning it to the world, from his heart.
If you are a man, you have probably found yourself inspired at some time or another by a woman. Such inspiration is usually temporary, because most men don't know how to cultivate their relationship to the feminine. They tend to be inspired, and then spurt it out, through spasms of thought and ejaculation. Then they seek inspiration again, through more women, or through other feminine sources, such as alcohol, drugs, or nature.
But if you learn to discipline your habits of building up and releasing mental and sexual tension, you can continually cultivate and magnify your inspiration. You can wean yourself from the addictive cycles of sexuality and intoxication. You can make use of the native force of sexual desire, for your woman and for other women, and convert your tendency toward fantasy and lust into the force of inspiration.
When you feel sexual lust or desire for any woman, breathe deeply and allow the feeling of desire to magnify. And allow it to magnify more. Don't let the energy become lodged in your head or genitals, but circulate it throughout your body. Using your breath as the instrument of circulation, bathe every cell in the stimulated energy. Inhale it into your heart, and then feel outward from your heart, feeling the world as if it were your lover. With an exhale, move into the world and penetrate it, skillfully and spontaneously, opening it into love. Through these means, allow women's sexiness to help you discover and give your gift.
>No reading books, just the Bible.
This is the best book you can read! Are you reading daily?
>Sloppy finances, a real mess.
You need Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover book.