You have to love yourself before you can really love anyone else. Otherwise you are like the kid who thinks driving is all about moving the steering wheel. Take the time to read this book. I would estimate it is around 40% bullshit, but the rest is solid gold. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004A8ZWM4/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
I would lead by example and find a therapist for yourself to do some personal work. If she sees a change in you, she might be motivated to try herself. No amount of discussion, logic, or pleading will make her do this. If it does, she will not be invested in the process. It has to be her idea. If you want to force the issue, do not do it directly, find a mutual friend to obliquely bring up the topic somewhere she feels safe. You have tried direct assaults on her defenses up to this time, change tactics and always use flanking maneuvers ;-).
What her family has done to her amounts to emotional abuse. She has internalized the feeling that she "will never be enough". The arrogance and hypersensitivity to perception would indicate to me that she is deeply insecure about herself. It is difficult to love someone when you do not love yourself.
You have to know calmly and coldly within yourself that you can walk away from this relationship. Until you can look her in the eye and calmly tell her that, she will continue to believe you will tolerate the current situation.
You may find this an interesting read while you are deciding your course of action: https://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Spiritual-Challenges-ebook/dp/B004A8ZWM4
The Way of the Superior Man
>This book will offend and infuriate some, inspire and test others, but challenge virtually everybody. I found it wise, insightful, occasionally brilliant, and always resourceful. To transcend the body-mind means to transcend and include its sexuality, not transcend and evaporate it. Few are the books that discuss strong sexuality within strong spirituality, instead of tepid sexuality diluted by a mediocre spiritual stance. This book steps straightforwardly into the challenge. Love it or loathe it, it is a shout from the heart of one perspective of the eternal masculine."
This post reminded me of the beginning of the book <em>Way of the Superior Man</em> by David Deida. I can't remember the exact phrasing but it's something like this:
You will always have some challenge calling you that demands you find your edge.
If you ignore that challenge, you will deteriorate spiritually. You need to face that fear and pain in order to be a whole person, even at the cost of the approval of family or friends.
You are dynamic, and your edge will change after you have achieved it. If your edge does not change, you are lying to yourself and settling into your comfort zone, which will bring the spiritual deterioration above.
So, OP, I think you have a good perspective for a positive outlook, but it will enable a pernicious and insidious weakness later on.
I think you owe yourself better.
Fuck that noise.
Get your goal.
Drag it kicking and screaming from the prison of your reluctant muscles and your stubborn adipose tissue.
Then, when you achieve that goal, look in the distance at some point you can barely see, point to it, and start walking.
Great work on the weight you have lost. Keep your eye on the prize.
Check out this book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004A8ZWM4/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
It basically told me to do what was most fitting at the moment and don't worry about whether's it's THE ONE. Because when I fizzle out of it, i'll find a better thing, each one closer to THE ONE (which probably doesn't exist).
TLDR: Pick one thing and go. Don't spend too long with analysis paralysis.