This amazing book explains very well how a Child’s brain developed and what they need from us to support healthy development

The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0553386697/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_K88K39J62D4NRB3HBTGA

If it's a tantrum, the child's exhibits goal-seeking and intentional behaviours, and their behaviour can be modified by reward / punishment.

If it's a meltdown, it's a symptom of anxiety which interplays with sensory overload. It involves amygdala hijack in the brain over which, as described in the whole brain child, children only have a rudimentary regulation ability. The child's behaviour can be modified by soothing them, relieving them from triggers, and teaching them self-regulation and self-monitoring skills.

Knowing this, with careful observation and judicious response, it's possible to distinguish between tantrums and meltdowns.

Knowing what we now know about these matters, every parent and teacher should feel a strong obligation to exercise extreme caution and discriminate between tantum and meltdown.

The consequence of mistaking a meltdown for a tantrum is that one takes a child who is essentially crying out for help, and labelling their behaviour as wilfully bad. The resulting trauma is easily predictable and is a feature of too many autistic childhood experiences.

Scientists have actually written it. Looks legit for sure. Its about child psychology. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553386697/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_CtebGbR4P76F3

So, I believe a lot of people interpret the left right brain thing as they like, but it's real to some extent.

Learn some practical psychology and apply it:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Whole-Brain-Child-Revolutionary-Strategies/dp/0553386697

Dan Siegel is one of the foremost authorities on neuropsychology and psychiatry (he is a clinical psychiatrist and researcher).

The Whole Brain Child

It’s pretty short but very valuable.

Love and Logic has been the most valuable resource I’ve found, especially for children ages 4+. There’s books, an online seminar, in person seminars, whatever, but the principles are very positive and very supportive.

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Your mother seems horrible and a kid should not be in a situation were she witnesses abuse towards you and it is something very wrong when she is obsessed and worried about adults. It is never a kids job to feel responsible for grown ups. This might be a sign of covert incest: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/covert-incest

You will need to remove her from your abusive family, but I do not know how to best do this.

If you can afford therapy that would probably be the most effective. There are also a lot of good books on parenting from a scientific perspective that will tell you how a kids brain and emotiobal systems develop. This was one of my favourites: https://www.amazon.com/Whole-Brain-Child-Revolutionary-Strategies-Developing/dp/0553386697

It might be better ones for older kids though. Make sure you pick books written by someone with a relevant degree. There are also a lot of misinformation out there as anyone can call themselves an expert on rasing kids.

Book recommendation that's fitting with this sub! Whole Brain Child, Dan Seigel.

I've read that the way a toddler's brain develops, they focus on a specific area or skill they are learning so exclusively that others can appear to have regressed. She's not forgetting speech, but she's not growing it. She must be focusing on something else. I've been looking for a source to share with you but I can't find one. I'd recommend this book as well, it was a fascinating read: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0553386697/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

The books I highly recommend would be:

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The Whole-Brain Child

Raising Freethinkers

Parenting Beyond Belief

Check out this book first:

The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553386697/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_navT_a_2QAQ79GA4PGKAJCPH4BD

This is important -

If it's a tantrum, the child exhibits goal-seeking and intentional behaviours, and their behaviour can be modified by reward / punishment.

If it's a meltdown, it's a symptom of anxiety which interplays with sensory overload. It involves amygdala hijack in the brain over which, as described in the whole brain child and no drama discipline, children only have a rudimentary regulation ability. The child's behaviour can be modified by soothing them, relieving them from triggers, and teaching them self-regulation and self-monitoring skills.

Knowing this, with careful observation and judicious response, it's possible to distinguish between tantrums and meltdowns.

Knowing what we now know about these matters, every parent and teacher should feel a strong obligation to exercise extreme caution and discriminate between tantum and meltdown.

The consequence of mistaking a meltdown for a tantrum is that one takes a child who is essentially crying out for help, and labelling their behaviour as wilfully bad. The resulting trauma is easily predictable and is a feature of too many autistic childhood experiences.

Props to u/frikilinux for already speaking up, this distinction is so important that I felt compelled to reinforce and expand.

I would recommend this one:

https://www.amazon.com/Whole-Brain-Child-Revolutionary-Strategies-Developing/dp/0553386697

There's an excellent book by Dan Siegel and Tina Bryson called the Whole Brain Child that discusses youngster's brain development and how to help them learn to navigate big and challenging emotions. In the book, they suggest to let your child talk about traumas and put them in context. I can't remember if they discuss anything as big as suicide, but it may be worth checking out. They discourage parents from avoiding topics because that may unintentionally teach the child it's not ok to feel big emotions and create a whole different set or problems for later in life.

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Here's a link to the book on amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Whole-Brain-Child-Revolutionary-Strategies-Developing/dp/0553386697/ref=sr_1_3?crid=NKHEH3NMWMIQ&keywords=the+whole+brain+child&qid=1566087190&s=gateway&sprefix=the+whole+%2Caps%2C197&sr=8-3

Also, if you're looking for more of the non-medicine aspects of raising a child, I love the books by child psychiatrist Daniel Siegel. He presents information with how's, why's and examples. Very logical and simple enough for a sleep-deprived new parent to absorb. I preferred his style to all other books I've tried reading on the subject.

Understanding how a child's brain works (or doesn't!) and how to be a nurturing/supportive parent: Whole-Brain Child

Got some baggage of your own? Maybe want to do parenting differently from how your parents did? Parenting from the Inside Out

The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553386697/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_XuYyDb8CZ38YB

The Whole Brain Child

Unconditional Parenting

I understand your point, and it seems it stems from a place of love and from the need to protect children. Still please consider you might be wrong, there are plenty of non-violent and more effective actions to keep a child safe and educate him or her while at the same time not scarring their little mind and their future selves and propagate violence in society. if you beat your child, even a light spanking, YOU become the danger in their eyes, but at the same time you are necessary and loved, so this cause a deep conflict that will very likely bring to anxiety, trust issues and possibly depression. This has been proven over and over, a quick scholar google search will confirm all this. One good starting book can be this one: https://www.amazon.com/Whole-Brain-Child-Revolutionary-Strategies-Developing/dp/0553386697/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1496839146&sr=8-1&keywords=whole+brain+child