{"product":{"product_id":"0743456084","title":"The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love","price":"15.99","image_url":"https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/41m3FniV0rL._SL500_.jpg","url":"https://www.amazon.com/dp/0743456084"},"comments":[{"body":"\u0026gt;why aren’t they reaching out to each other\r\n\r\n'cause that's gay sis and the privileges given to you by being a man can be revoked at a moment's notice, leaving you in a state of total social isolation and ridicule targeted at the very terms by which one has identified themselves. boys exist in this weird state where we're all holding a gun to each other's head waiting for a boy to blink and admit to having feelings, at which point everybody pulls the trigger. the reality **that i have observed** (please take what i say as anecdote, i am too inebriated to be up in my science tonight sis) is that boys actually then begin sharing and become healthier for it, but the real fear of being a man is that you're going to be excommunicated from the mancave collective for showing unmanly behaviour. \r\n\r\ni often think that i lucked out in being queer myself because it sort of forcibly ejects **most** of us from the man matrix, so you can see this performance bullshit for what it is. even then, you got gay boys desperately clinging to toxic masculinity, insisting \"i'm gay but i'm not a f\\*ggot,\" \"lisping queers hold us all back,\" whatever other dumbass dave ruben bullshit these bottoms do be on, but that's a loud minority and tbh they just seem kinda sad. like -- you want to slide in and be like, hey man, it's ok, you can cry, you can admit you're scared, you can experience the whole spectrum of the human condition; your dad's gonna disown you anyway so you might as well take **some** good with the bad, y'know? \r\n\r\nthis is what my babe bell hooks (love her) was on about in [the will to change](https://www.amazon.com/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084), a banger i 100% recommend to anybody and everybody.","subreddit_name":"TwoXChromosomes","author":"RXCC00N"},{"body":"\u0026gt; Would be good to start with reading the full sentence in context\r\n\r\nI did. my comments stand. Even in the context of the suggestion, all one has to do is google \"Bell Hooks Patriarchy book\" and the first result will get [an excellent introductory book](https://www.amazon.com/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084) about how patriarchy is perpetuated and what men can do to forestall that perpetuation. You dismissed the suggestion based on the original suggester's comments prior to the suggestion. You dismissed the suggestion not based on Hook's arguments, which you are ignorant of, but based on the commentor's own theories, which are unrelated to Hook's.\r\n\r\nI just have a personal bugaboo about people offering opinions on works that they have never consumed. if you have read Hooks, and disagree with their views, then that's great. But, you have \"not read neither Hooks nor Butler\" and you say you will *never* do so. So, basically, your opinion on them is worthless.","subreddit_name":"changemyview","author":"destro23"},{"body":"Actually, feminists do address them. Acclaimed feminist Bell Hooks has [an entire book](https://www.amazon.it/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084) on how misogyny and violence against women impacts men, their perception of themselves and their relationships. \r\n\r\nThe male victims of abuse you talk about are collateral victims of a system designed to oppress women. If you really cared about them you would be seeking to tear down said system instead of using their suffering and trauma as a gotcha in a Reddit comment section. If you are one of them and you genuinely believe that the indifference society has towards male victims of violence has nothing to do with the fact this same society specifically designed victimhood as a natural experience of womanhood then my advice is the same: the book I linked does a nice job explaining all of this, how it works and most importantly, how to stop it.","subreddit_name":"MurderedByWords","author":"usagi_in_wonderland"},{"body":"I’m exhausted. I don’t think men should feel guilty. They have been harmed extensively for eons by a model of masculinity that asks them to deny critical parts of human experience. It’s not our fault as men, but it is our work to learn and be creative and embrace our full humanity. It will be hard, the world is not nice to people who do things differently but I think it can be done. And I beg of you read bell hooks’ [The Will to Change](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0743456084/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_79TD4EY81FSB5Y5JAR5D)","subreddit_name":"WhitePeopleTwitter","author":"pathological_lyre"},{"body":"I highly highly highly recommend reading a book by bell hooks called “[The Will to Change](The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love https://www.amazon.com/dp/0743456084/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_HJVV8DDV3JV0S0HDWRQ6)” which more or less explores this topic from a feminist perspective. It also critiques a lot of radical feminist ideology and the way traditional feminists have responded to men and their emotions. It’s a good read but it’s incredibly hard to get thought the beginning as she talks about her brother whom she remembers being taught by their abusive father to not show emotions, seeing him enter teenage years convinced he shouldn’t show them whatsoever.","subreddit_name":"Damnthatsinteresting","author":"Latter_Lab_4556"},{"body":"I read this book before my son was born and it was exactly what I needed: [The Will to Change - by bell hooks](https://www.amazon.com/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084/ref=nodl_)\r\n\r\nFull disclosure, this book uses the word “patriarchy” every other sentence. If that’s not your vibe, then that’s cool.\r\n\r\nLearned a lot about how we raise boys and why. I suggest to anyone.","subreddit_name":"daddit","author":"driftwoodforever"},{"body":"While not quite a book, the /r/MensLib subreddit is very wholesome and I support it. It's *chef's kiss\".\r\n\r\nAlso it occurred to me you may be interested in [this book](https://smile.amazon.de/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084/) - **The Will to Change**: *Men, Masculinity, and Love* by Bell Hooks.","subreddit_name":"CPTSD_NSCommunity","author":"MasterBob"},{"body":"bell hooks wrote this(among other amazing works) incredible book that I have seen referenced in here often, \"The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love\" link here:\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=the+will+to+change+bell+hooks\u0026amp;qid=1639589658\u0026amp;sr=8-1\r\nI'm really hit hard by this. I read so much bell hooks in undergrad. This is quite the loss.","subreddit_name":"MensLib","author":"RogueW0lf"},{"body":"Remember the [book I suggested for you](https://www.amazon.com/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2A7PVAB999GSD\u0026amp;keywords=the+will+to+change+men%2C+masculinity%2C+and+love+by+bell+hooks\u0026amp;qid=1564014007\u0026amp;s=gateway\u0026amp;sprefix=the+will+to+change%2Caps%2C215\u0026amp;sr=8-1)? There is the link again...\r\n\r\nThat some/a lot/any women follow this content is a weak defense of the content. I'd argue many of the others referenced are different points on the same slope for their perpetuation of views. \r\n\r\nTry to go deeper in understanding this stuff if you want to get out of your cycles. Don't let what's popular by *any* third party -- including any of us -- dictate your _own_ assessments. But actually make your own assessments. Don't play ostrich and be passive. You can't. \r\n\r\nIt is 100% okay to enjoy lower brow, high brow, black, blue -- pretty much any -- humor.\r\n\r\nWhere lines gets drawn, however, is if something passes your own personal inbounds/out-of-bounds limits. Where are _your_ thresholds? Did you set them yourself? Or were they assigned to you and you went along with it? How aware of them are you?\r\n\r\nYou gotta not be passive in your life if you want to grow.\r\n\r\nThat's what UnPleasantStuff is asking is:\r\n\r\n\u0026gt; _\"Steven...are you saying this [A New Untold Story] quote is inbounds for you? And if inbounds, why do you think it is healthy for you or not?\"_\r\n\r\nThat's the question on the table: What's your take on _A New Untold Story_'s editorial policies? And how do you think those policies support or hinder you?","subreddit_name":"BennerWatch","author":"Glimmer_III"},{"body":"I started it last night.\r\n\r\nhttps://www.amazon.com/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084\r\n\r\n\r\nShe addresses the most common concerns of men, such as fear of intimacy and loss of their patriarchal place in society, in new and challenging ways. She believes men can find the way to spiritual unity by getting back in touch with the emotionally open part of themselves—and lay claim to the rich and rewarding inner lives that have historically been the exclusive province of women. A brave and astonishing work, The Will to Change is designed to help men reclaim the best part of themselves.","subreddit_name":"DecidingToBeBetter","author":"Franztausend"},{"body":"Cis-fragility is thing, not nearly spoken of enough.\r\n\r\nGood luck with your mother. \r\n\r\nFor what it is worth, someone told me accurately to remember, \"They're not responding to _you_.\"\r\n\r\nThere are decades of foundational inertia for parents to overcome, that their models of describing _and navigating_ the world...they're just dated. What is intrinsically known to you, our parents have things which are intrinsically \"known\" to them too...but it is the production of education and exposure.\r\n\r\nThe worldview of decades doesn't go away overnight. It doesn't excuse the behavior, but it does contextualize it. My grandmother is the most open, accepting person...she sometimes slips into articulations which, now, would be considered racist. Not often, but when you're \u0026gt;90, and the first 45y of your life established patterns of \"this is how the world is\", it can take a long, long time to unwind.\r\n\r\nWe have a lot, lot more information now about the nature of sex and gender than when even I was in school. The world was presented as a pure-binary. I had no reason to disbelieve my teachers, or my parents...\r\n\r\nAnd then, years later, I admitted how flawed that model was, how limiting, and how it effectively only severed a hierarchal patriarchy which used science as a fig leaf, cherry picking that which reinforced that model. \r\n\r\nEvery time I've encountered a parent with \"terfy tendencies\", it usually can be explained through this lens. Because for them to admit the validity of being transgender, to not easily dismiss it as \"they're cross dressing\", that requires them to revaluate their entire personal history of gender dynamics. Any beliefs they subscribed to about \"Because X was a boy; because Y was a girl.\"...those must be reevaluated.\r\n\r\nThe result is often \"Wow...how flawed were my reasons for doing things long before my kid ever came along.\"\r\n\r\nNo one likes to be a sucker, but to admit you got caught up as a pawn in someone else's patriarchal game...there will be internal resistance. And that's what it usually is. It actually has nothing to do with sex nor gender, but a lot more to do with ones unexamined participation in hierarchal patriarchal structures.\r\n\r\nSo...they're not responding **to you**, but you probably are shining a light on the fragility of their own world view.\r\n\r\n____\r\n\r\nIf helps, [this is the book](https://www.amazon.com/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084) which made a huge difference for me. It was the first which managed to describe behavior without invalidating how we got here. The connection to being transgender is not explicit, but it is an easy connection to make.","subreddit_name":"lgbt","author":"Glimmer_III"},{"body":"[My source is that I made it the f*ck up!](https://youtu.be/r7l0Rq9E8MY)\r\n\r\nAnd for real, it's my reflection on [\"Will to change: On men, masculinity and love\"](https://www.amazon.com/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084) by bell hooks.","subreddit_name":"bisexual","author":"Many-Leader2788"},{"body":"haven't read them yet so I don't know if they're good and if they are exactly what you're looking for but I have these on my list\r\n\r\n[The Will To Change](https://www.amazon.com/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084)\r\n\r\n[The Man They Wanted Me To Be](https://www.amazon.com/Man-They-Wanted-Me-Masculinity/dp/1640091815)\r\n\r\n[Manhood in the Making](https://www.amazon.com/Manhood-Making-Cultural-Concepts-Masculinity/dp/0300050763)\r\n\r\nAlso I recommend r/MensLib. A community talking about the issues of men in a patriarchal system.\r\n\r\nI am not a big fan of Peterson so these books won't really be like his stuff. In his earliest work he had some points but he gradually lost grasp of reality and logic through the years. I feel like many psychologists specifying on the problems of one gender only will be very biased.","subreddit_name":"BookRecommendations","author":"Defiant-Technology-6"},{"body":"tbh, the \"go to therapy\" refrain is some extremely white middle-class people shit. I'm saying this as a therapist, I am begging uninformed people to stop using \"go to therapy\" as some kind of thought terminating cliche mantra to call each other out, minimalize one another's issues, or in any way present an adversarial dynamic toward therapy itself. \r\n\r\n\"Go to therapy\" is applied like essential oils to the skin of an autistic kid. The way it's used ignores the vast and complex systemic issues that - ironically enough - contemporary feminism identifies as barriers to positive mental health for both men and women. Repeating it ad infinitum betrays an absolute lack of awareness of how underfunded, understaffed and potentially ineffective it is, or the dangers it can pose for some men. \r\n\r\nTo illustrate, black men, especially black men who communicate using AAVE, have natural hair, etc., are far more likely to be misdiagnosed with a [cluster B personality disorder](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320508) due to white therapists misreading their mannerisms as being \"overly emotional.\" This can lead to unnecessarily institutionalisation, which risks trauma, building an adverse relationship to future effective therapy, loss of employment, etc. \r\n\r\nAnother pertinent example, plenty of the dudes here are on the autism spectrum, and finding therapists who actually do know how to treat clients with ASD is extremely difficult, as most simply advertise they know what they're doing without any actual exposure or proficiency. People with ASD are at risk of harm due to inappropriate therapies. \r\n\r\n**This is not to say that these men should not be pursuing psychological treatment,** but rather that presenting \"go to therapy\" as some kind of obvious monosolution to extremely complex, nuanced issues isn't feminism, feminism involves reading and understanding shit, like [bell hooks' The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity \u0026amp; Love](https://www.amazon.com.au/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084). Berating men with some kind of easy one-size-fits-all live laugh love solution is just girlboss vogue magazine shit. Intersectionality requires an understanding of every possible facet of an issue before providing individualised, equitable solutions that are effective, realistic, and not liable to harm the person you're offering solutions to. \r\n\r\nIn short, \"go to therapy\" just radiates the kind of easy, casual privilege you expect of someone who's never struggled to get to therapy, as it implies the barriers there are a choice.","subreddit_name":"exredpill","author":"RXCC00N"},{"body":"https://www.amazon.com/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084/ref=nodl_?dplnkId=50336767-0c97-4281-be17-0399db6d6af2","subreddit_name":"AskReddit","author":"OtherwiseOption-"}]}