What is Reddit's opinion of Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds, Revised Edition?

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Hey, so this will be probably buried - but you should check out the phrase "Third Culture Kid." I think it will maybe help you parse some of what you're feeling in regards to having multiple cultures form your identity. It essentially describes a person who is influenced by both their parents' culture(s) and the culture in which they are raised. There's a large community of us!! There's even several books written about us.

I understand that a lot of people feel the need to police or gatekeep cultures as a way to prevent cultural appropriation. But I think the pendulum can swing too far and create segregation and stereotyping and just as much racism. E.g. person thinks you "don't look Korean enough" to enjoy Korean culture... this is racist bullshit no matter how you slice it. If we are to combat harmful cultural appropriation, we have to do so with a great deal of nuance and appreciation.

Thanks for your feedback!

Well, it's hard-going in the beginning because of the stigma associated with dating sites in general, but we hope our reputation will speak for ourselves over time.

As to your suggestion: the quiz / site is inspired on work carried out by Reken and Pollock and the question is "where did you spend most of your *childhood*", as that has an incredibly deep impact on forming one's culture. Does that make sense to you?

>ser platforms, you'll be under constant critique but it is for the overall good. And like I mentioned, I am glad someone is trying to build a platform like this, it's an uphill battle that I think you'll have to climb differently. Anyways, good luck and PM me if you should have further questions.

Hi there,

Many thanks for the feedback, much appreciated!

OK, so our quiz measures the quiz taker's exposure to outside cultures, with a special emphasis on his or her formative years, which is the period during which one shapes his or her character. It is based on research carried out by David C. Pollock and Ruth E. Van Reken (authors of Third Culture Kids) and it is a quick way to accesses whether an individual can be considered to be a TCK, and to what degree. It is by no means a complete and comprehensive assessment.

We had simplify things in order to be able to assign "grades", which in turn allows us to qualify the results as a way of ensuring that people who sign up have, indeed, had the TCK "experience" as it were.

There's another set of questions that the user needs to fill out on the website, which will provide further information about the person, what he or she is looking for in a partner, etc.

As to the site name: "vibes" denotes a certain energy / aura which we believe a TCK experiences when they are in the company of another TCK.

We are very excited about this project and we look forward to all and any feedback, so thanks again!

I'd suggest first off making sure that you and your children are familiar with the relevant TCK literature. There are a number of books on the topic. Hopefully at this point you've read https://www.amazon.com/Third-Culture-Kids-Growing-Revised/dp/1857885252. Beyond that see what else is relevant-or what there will be in a year or two, especially focusing on re-entry or transition, or whatever term is being used.

I'd also recommend, if possible, trying to find a re-entry program. I know of a few and the people who have done them (including my brother) have highly recommended them. They can be organization specific though, so it may take asking some people.

Beyond that, as long as your kids know going into it that things are going to be tough, but that you have their back they should be OK. It might not hurt to set them up with some sort of counseling (hopefully with someone who has international experience).

Anything else is really going to be up to your kids. If you've raised them well, they'll do fairly well in the end.

If you have any specifics I can try to answer more. I think that given you're already here and asking these questions I think you and your kids are going to be in a pretty good place.

1 - I like travelling.

2 - I guess I understand "wander lust", never heard "anchor lust" before.

3 - Hard to say. I would probably say TCK culture, (i.e. the whole idea of a "third culture" which is distinctive both to the parent culture and the host culture).

4 - Yes.

5 - Also yes in general, but less than (4).

6 - Hard to quantify.

7 - It's been okay.

8 - Yes, but more in the sense of visiting than moving there, though this is mainly because the place has changed and isn't the same as it used to be.

9 - Most places.

10 - I guess it makes me think, but then again I've been around people who've talked about TCK-ness, so these questions (except for this last one), aren't realy new.

Btw, if you're doing this for some sort of class/assignment, read http://www.amazon.com/Third-Culture-Kids-Growing-Revised/dp/1857885252 - they pose some very similar questions, and have done reasearch in this field.

Btw, could you number your questions above (Does reddit let you edit self-posts?), as it makes it easier to see what question people are answering.

I found this book helpful: Third Culture Kids: The Experience of Growing Up Among Worlds https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1857885252/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_08PDJQQ55JQG7CPQ2NF8

I would never establish a routine where my child was living outside the US with another parent. That gives legal precedent to his residency with them instead of you. I'm guessing Italy will favor a resident father rather than an abroad mother?

The child is too young at this point to understand the distance he is traveling, but it won't stay like that for long. This is bigger than attachment issues and confusion. I grew up a 3rd Culture Kid in KSA (Saudi) in the 70's, and am on the extreme side because of other factors, but it hugely impacted my life in a bad way. In those days people didn't understand how they were affecting their children by raising them abroad. A friend of mine is also a 3rd culture child schooled in Beirut in the 70's; 10% of her class was dead of suicide, drugs or alcoholism 20 years ago. The outcome for my peers is comparable, but I don't have the #'s as she does.

You can raise a kid, shifting him around the world, very successfully but you need to be aware of how he will be impacted by moving between family groups, countries, cultures etc. It is no small thing.

Check out this book and be aware of the challenges and blessings your child is going to be shaped by. Like all children, because of the parent's life choices, he will carry particular burdens. Acknowledge that and help him as much as you can.

I'm a little late to comment on this, but as another mixed race person, I feel like I can relate to your feelings.

My dad is Japanese and my mom is Danish. They divorced when I was a baby, and the rest of my childhood became a strange mix of different cultures where I never quite fit in. I spent most summers in Japan with my dad, but for the rest of the year I was mostly raised as a Danish/American girl. My identity was formed in this fluid, weird kind of environment, and I kind of flowed with it not really thinking about it until about the time I went to college.

Then, I had a huge identity crisis. This is pretty common for mixed people, from all backgrounds. For the first time, I really came to grips with the fact that most of my Asian peers saw me as "white", and most of my white peers saw me as "exotic". I suddenly became very self-conscious about expressing my culture because my identity was constantly getting policed by people who would tell me I'm not "real Asian", people who called me a "weeaboo" because I look white and am interested in Japanese culture, or weird fetishists who would pursue me because I'm mixed. It was all confusing and upsetting, and I became hyper-aware of the visible markers of my culture, and very overly concerned with what other people thought. I became preoccupied with who I "should" be, and what was "acceptable" for me to do regarding my heritage. I was miserable and I felt like a stranger in my own life.

Anyway, I went into all of this because if there's one lesson to be taken away from my own identity crisis, it's this: at the end of the day, the only person who really matters in deciding how much you want to explore and embrace you and your family's culture is you. Try not to let what you imagine other peoples' expectations are of you dictate how you proceed. If you want to learn more about Filipinx culture, definitely do it; but don't do it just because you think it is a "problem" that you don't know enough to be 'officially' Filipino. Simply put, you are and will always be Filipino by blood, regardless of what you know or don't know. There is no problem with you identifying as Asian (as you mention in your post), because you are Asian (you are also white, but the two don't negate one another). With that in mind, feel empowered to learn more about your heritage without worrying about whether you are 'right' to claim your identity one way or the other. When I stopped worrying about this and started embodying both Japanese and Danish culture without shame or embarrassment, I was so much happier because I was being myself. Figure out the balance that would make you happy, and run with it.

Another important thing that I sort of always knew but have now really internalized is that there is no such thing as one, overarching, all-inclusive "Asian-American experience". We are an extremely diverse group, and by nature of you being part Asian, your experience---regardless of how connected you are to your family's culture---is a type of Asian-American experience. Period. Don't try to compare it to or value it according to someone else's experience of being Asian-American or Filipinx because it's not, and will never be, the same. And that is perfectly OK. You, your family, and your life experience are no less valid for it. From this point on you are free to continue to shape your life and your experience however you please, and try to be empowered by that instead of intimidated by it.

In your post you also asked how to even go about exploring Filipinx culture--- I think a great place to start is to try and seek out the Filipinx communities where you are. Through cultural centers and events, churches, meetups, language classes, and similar. Volunteer, sign up for things, talk to people. Get to know people in the community and be open with the fact that you are trying to learn more about your heritage. Don't be afraid to ask questions and be enthusiastic. Many people will embrace you and appreciate that you are making an effort to connect with your roots.

Also, a huge help for me has been tapping into the mixed race community. Our experience is somewhat unique, and it can really be helpful to connect with people who understand where you're coming from. A good place to start is /r/mixedrace, but also keep an eye out for similar communities where you live. One of my best friends is black and white, from South Africa---and even though our backgrounds are really different, there was a shared understanding between us from the beginning that just comes from growing up and having to balance very different familial cultures and sometimes ambiguous identity markers.

I know some of this easier said than done, but I hope something in what I've said proved helpful to you. Best of luck with however you go forward.

Edit: I just reread your post, and I think you might also benefit in looking into what it means to be a 'third culture kid'-- it essentially means that you moved around internationally growing up. This was another aspect of my own identity crisis, and it is helpful to learn about the ways in which this kind of lifestyle impacts your identity and how you see yourself. Plug for /r/TCK and this book.

Also, since I may have misunderstood your post from the outset, I'm sorry if some of what I wrote above seems irrelevant to you--- I'm not going to change it, but I hope there's still something in there that resonates.