What is Reddit's opinion of Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage?

From 3.5 billion Reddit comments

Hmm. He should be taking your side/protecting you because you are his closest family, at a higher priority than them. At a minimum, I'd be limiting contact considerably.

And this needs to be taken seriously because bad inlaws can and have destroyed marriages.

Maybe check out this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

Your spouse should be on your side 100% because you are his/her family now, at a higher priority than his/her birth family (mom). If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths.

If the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Welp, there's a reason /r/JUSTNOMIL is almost 6 times the size of this sub. I never understand why some moms become so fiercely fixated on keeping their little boys close instead of sending good men out into the world.

The good news is he appears to be taking your side, which is exactly what he should be doing. And it may proceed to low or even no-contact to compartmentalize her and her antics. Once married, you two are your #1 priority and your birth families fall to #2.

You can't fix her, but both of you might find this book useful: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

Wow. We're hard core antismokers and they wouldn't be allowed to even enter our home if they're going to smoke in it. And our kids wouldn't be around them either. Light up just one time in the car with my kids and you won't see them ever again.

The problem is, your wife should be taking your side on all of this but she's not. You're supposed to place your family at a higher priority over the birth family. I suppose you could try this book with your wife for her to understand that this is serious: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

Don't engage with them directly, and support your husband in the background. Not everyone has a good family, so it's good that he gets your family welcoming him.

Some families quite toxic and frankly, it's better to limit, or even sever relations with the really bad ones.

Maybe take a look at this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

I don't have your answer but I have two resources: Because this problem occurs so much, there's a sub to commiserate with others at /r/JUSTNOMIL and second, there's a good book you and your wife might look in to:

Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

I haven't found a good video for this topic. But we do know that bad and narcissistic in-laws can and do destroy marriages.

Sitting him down was a very good thing to do, so don't fret over that. You did exactly the right thing.

So he has a dysfunctional relationship with his mom. He grew up with it so it feels "normal" to him while the rest of us see more red flags than a parade in China.

He made a big mistake telling her what you've said because for a dysfunctional person like her, she'll take it as a point of contention--which is exactly what she's done. She's now made you an enemy.

To be honest, he needs to have a second conversation with her that's very firm and strong, telling her to that she's continuing to be rude and disrespectful, proving it by attacking his wife. He probably won't or can't do that. But he needs to tell her to cut it out immediately and assuming she doesn't, move to low to no contact with her. Because here's the deal: his #1 family now is you, with the birth family falling to second place. Moms like this can't seem to accept that they are no longer the main priority to their children, replaced by a wife.

He needs to understand that overbearing in-laws like this can and have destroyed many marriages. Both of you might read this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Your wife grew up with this insanity so she feels it's a norm. I'm with you on going no-contact.

Maybe ask your wife to read this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward (that's a US Amazon link so you may need to find it in your country).

Neither one of them understands that at this point, you are at a higher priority than she when it comes to family.

Why he threw you under the bus is because he's weak and doesn't understand that, yes, mom is dead wrong and difficult. He's possibly afraid to tell her. He also doesn't realize that vindictive inlaws like this can destroy a marriage.

I don't know if it will help, but the two of you might benefit from reading this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

But he has GOT to start defending you and being on your side with his mom.

He's doing the right thing by taking your side over mom. Your family should be at a higher priority over his and your birth families.

Difficult inlaws can torpedo a couple so don't let her get to you and if it helps, limit or even stop contact. Maybe consider picking up this book, too: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

Just because they're older doesn't mean they're mature or even fair minded. There's a reason Reddit has the /r/JUSTNOMIL sub.

And there's a reason this book was written: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

That's a real shame to have such a crappy grandparent. Grandparents should be wonderful.

Your suggestion is more than I'd offer... I disassociate with people like that-permanently.

You and especially your husband might benefit from this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

There comes a time when we pivot from parent/child to adult/adult. If she says things that are a problem, you confront her as an adult and tell her to stop saying these harmful things. Maybe she needs comforting because of the sorry example of a husband she has, but that's not an excuse.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Be kind and feel empathy for the mom. She's married to this guy.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

How about a book? We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

I don't know that therapists tell you what to do as much as they guide you to your own solutions. And I do know that marriage counselors teach couples many skills like communication and problem solving skills. Family counselors may be helpful, but when you're interviewing them discuss your expectations, just like you would hiring a plumber or an electrician.

If mom's that bad, limit to even cease all contact. It's not that unusual.

You had a no-contact agreement. Stick to it.

If you're interested, we know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

As we become grownups, the time comes when our parents no longer tell us what to do. Sure, they can advise, but we are not children anymore.

For the worst parents, we see adult children shunning their parents, some even going zero-contact because of the parental abuse. Like telling this mom that she is not welcome to come visit is that is all she is going to do. But that's your partner's job to do.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Grandpa here and just because they're older doesn't make them wiser. For whatever reason, she doesn't see you being a member of her club. And that's not cool and terribly short-sighted.

I'd still keep going, but we as a couple might limit the times from where it is now and I'd ask your wife to continue to be on your side as she should be. In other words, be the better person.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward. And to be sure, we've seen a lot worse in-laws in this sub.

Oh, he can defend you. And he should. This is entirely his responsibility. But if he won't, if the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage. You better believe that this happens.

Do not marry into this unless he stands up and takes a firm stand. And yes, that may be cutting her out of his life. Some moms want to keep their little boy to themself for life and you're the Other Woman in this situation, an enemy who's taking him away.

We know of only one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

But again, you haven't married into this, and yes, this is serious enough for you to take pause.

Wow, such a tough life thanks to judgmental people who like to gossip and hurt others. In the west there's a saying, "People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" which means every single one of them has their own issues so they shouldn't cut others down.

a) Her friend is lying. She hasn't been hacked or anything. It's a pure lie that she didn't share it. Now you two know to never, ever share personal things with anyone.

b) Always be truthful and stand up for yourself and your wife. You two can and should have a fun life together in your own lives.

c) To a degree, yes. I wonder about you two moving to a new city to get some distance between these toxic people who have too much time to hurt others with their condescension.

Maybe this book might be helpful, although it's from a western point of view: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

It's a smaller sub, but you might also consider posting in /r/MuslimMarriage/ as well. I have no idea how they'll respond.

That's what I was saying. You don't have to bring mom into it, but you certainly can say, "Why are you treating me this way right now? You're hurting me and this is unacceptable."

Also, this book might be useful: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

What a selfish jerk she is. It's his job to put her in her place and defend you. Like if he gets an invitation to something and not you, he should ask about you and if you're not invited, probably decline it himself.

Why? If the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

He was going to have to cut her off anyway, sooner or later. What she said and did was very poor behavior.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

As if she was thinking girl, girl, boy, boy.

And all of it unnecessary. The car thing sounds like a mom who can't cut her apron strings. It falls on your husband to push back as they are his birth family. It's his responsibility to push back and create boundaries that would not be needed in a normal situation.

If the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Do they genuinely support the marriage? Do they give the marriage its own private time and space? Do they respect the marriage and both persons?

Or do they cause issues? Do they take sides? Do they interfere? Do they demand? Do they gossip? Do they reject?

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Common? I guess so, to a degree. Some moms never understand that their job is to deliver strong, independent people into this world--People who are capable of taking care of themselves and others. And when that time comes, treating them as adult peers and not children and letting go. If you confront them, they'll say, "Of course that's what I do," but their actions speak otherwise very loudly.

Instead, she sees the little boy and part (much?) of her identity is wrapped up in guiding him and keeping him close by. If he's gone, what is her purpose in life?, she worries. Her anger is about the potential loss of her identity. Also add on that she's also projecting her own hodophobia (fear of travel) onto him.

I had a friend who literally did 100% of her son's school homework for him, never realizing the damage she was creating (along with doing literally everything for him at hom). And she stayed tightly meshed in with him as he married, failed at both jobs and marriage and divorced, never realizing it was a self-fulfilling prophecy that she created.

In the west we say that these women need to "cut the apron strings." And your husband has to take the lead pushing her back and reminding her that he's a capable adult.

While this isn't as toxic as some in-laws we've seen in this sub, we know of only one book that may be helpful: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

He's got to stand up to them and firmly say "no." They're his parents, so it's his job to do the honors.

If the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Funny story: I know a mother-in-law who is genuinely a good, good, loving woman. But she had a fault of just walking into her grown kids houses, I guess thinking they're family and this is no different than my house. So one day the couple was having hard core relations in a very enthusiastic way and in a very compromising position when mom threw open the door and walked right into seeing her daughter getting absolutely railed. She skedaddled back to her car and drove off embarrassed, but she never barged in ever again.

Your husband needs to be right up front and managing (actually deflecting) because you are his closest family now, not his birth family.

Also, we know of one good book about this type of situation: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Is she a bad person? It doesn't sound like it.

Seems to me we can use all of the friends we can get in life. You don't want her barging in, of course. But having a second mom has its benefits. My mom died two years ago so the only mom I have left is my mother in law and she loves me as the son she never had.

To be sure, you're not going to change her. And the right boundaries are correct. I know another mother-in-law that would walk right into her grown kids homes as if she owned the place. Until that fateful day that she walked right in on her daughter having "relations" with her husband in the living room. And I mean, going to town hard core. It took that happening for her to stop that bad habit. And it's hilarious to us outsiders, but it was mortifying to all.

Anywho, I don't think this is a "toxic" person, just someone who loves and thrives on relationships. So while this is nowhere near as extreme as some we see in this sub, this is the only good book about this topic that may help: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

As for how they snubbed you, you don't want them as customers anyway.

I think most of us would advise you to increase the no-contact and stay away from all of this entire toxic family forever.

That's terrible to hear. Some people just have to go to no-contact when it comes to toxic family members.

Not sure if it'd help but we know of only one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

It's pretty presumptuous to westerners like me to have someone just say, "I'm going to come and live with you from now on but I promise I'll do chores there." -- family or not.

It's not your or your husband's job to solve his parents marriage problems. It's just not. We've had our MIL visit many times but never more than 6 or 7 days tops; usually a lot less. My grandmother liked to say the old saying, "Family are like fish: after 3 days they begin to stink." And grandma was very careful to never overstay her welcome.

Inlaws can really cause a lot of stress on marriages. We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

A critical question is, what does the spouse do about all of this mistreatment from his family? If he doesn't fiercely take your side at every turn, you're doomed to this treatment for life.

In-laws can and do destroy marriages.

We know of one good book about this that your SO might read: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Just because they're older doesn't always make them right. Grownups can fail at showing a high EQ.

It's cliquey, that's who they are, so you spending energy on wanting them to be empathetic and kind is wasted cycles. My FIL had a clear favorite in a brother-in-law and I never knew why. they went hunting and fishing all the time while I never went even once. Maybe I intimidated him somehow. I just didn't focus on it.

This book may be useful to you both:

Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

I kinda think he's still walking on eggshells, not sure what you're going to do or become. That's pretty common and may take time.

You said he's not been as affectionate, but that road goes both ways. You might need to prime the pump by giving kindness and affection.

You're rejecting the toxic label to everyone in this thread, but perhaps you still might find help in this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

Yup, it's another dig by insensitive inlaws. Yup, your husband needs to take your side as his closest family (they no longer are his primary family).

Both of you read this book:

Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriageby Susan Forward

As others have pointed out, your wife has to step up to her family in a united front. Like that valentine trip? "I'm sorry, we've already made plans. Best wishes to you, though!"

Maybe check out this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

Your spouse needs to be on your side 100% because you become his family, at a higher priority than his/her birth family. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths.

If the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Troubling mother-in-laws are such a problem that there's a reddit sub that's well over 400% larger than this sub at /r/JUSTNOMIL

You might look at the best book on this topic: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

I'm pretty sure that your husband needs to take the lead on all of the conversations and not put you in the middle.

>I don't particularly like spending time with my parents either, but they're my parents

They don't get a total free pass to be jerks just because they're your parents. I wonder if this book might be helpful to you:

Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

I know of one authoritative book on this subject:

Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

I also know that some people have limited or ended contact with toxic families. It's harsh, but it's the only way in difficult situations.

Man, what a toxic mess. So are they divorcing or not?

I know of only one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

I'd hate to keep grandchildren from grandparents unless they're a threat of any kind. She said the grandson would die? How is that going to happen?

But these two people obviously need to grow up (but they obviously won't). So the other siblings have gone no-contact with them? Maybe you need to too?

He has to stop caving in and stand up instead. If the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

And there's nothing wrong at all about choosing his family with you because that's how it's supposed to be. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together as a new family. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths.

Man, the many truly fake news websites and those two "entertainment" TV channels are poisoning so many people. We've seen it break up families in this sub when husband and wife are on opposite ends of the spectrum.

My wife was in charge of the entire COVID response for two hospitals in San Francisco and it she has zero tolerance for these conspiracy nuts. She saw it first hand for months on end, working 70+ hour weeks.

You might look into this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

Hell yes you take her side hard and strong. If they are racist, point blank tell them it's unacceptable behavior and to stop immediately. If they can't do that, you do cease contact with toxic people. She is your #1 family now, at a higher priority over your birth family.

This book may be helpful to you: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

You two might want to read this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

And some families are so bad that the best thing is to limit or even eliminate contact.

Your spouse should be on your side 100% because you are his family now, at a higher priority than his birth family. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths.

If he fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by this woman. Telling you to just ignore her isn't enough.

You might both benefit from this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Why? She's delusional.

Maybe this can help, from this sub's book list in this sub's wiki: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

A key piece of information we need is where your spouse stands on this.

Your spouse should be on your side 100% because you are his/her family now, at a higher priority than his/her birth family. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths.

If the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one god book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Please understand this: They cut you down because they have low self esteem. They do it to make themselves feel more important. However, it never really works yet they do it again and again.

Next, when a couple marries, they create a new family. This new family becomes a higher priority above the birth families. That means the two of you are family, more important to each other than the birth family. Which means he should be in your corner, defending you against them. Unfortunately, he's not doing the right thing and toxic families like this can destroy marriages. He needs to be listening to you.

You might look at this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

What she does with this money isn't the hill to die on. I'd let it go. Going your way throws gasoline onto the existing fire. I know you want to tell them off, but that accomplishes nothing and doesn't change them--so what's the point? To be as nasty as they are? Maybe toss it into a college fund for the daughter. After all, you have no idea what's coming when college hits.

And what terrible people! Bad inlaws are such a problem that the /r/JUSTNOMIL sub exists with almost ten times the members as this sub. Perhaps the two of you read this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Ohhhhh, so it's a base assignment and the orders have been cut.

Absolutely he needs to know the truth. You two are a team. You may choose to limit contact or even no contact them.

Inlaws can be so toxic that Reddit has a much larger sub than this just for bad mother-in-laws at /r/JUSTNOMIL .

I also know of a popular book about dealing with these people, Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

The marriage counselor shut you down, defending the narcissistic parents? The thing is, demanding parents like this will destroy a marriage. I hope you don't have kids and don't bring them into this mess.

Lemme add another book on you: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward. And that's if you want to stay with this man.

In-laws like this are such a problem that there's a huge subreddit devoted to the damage they cause at /r/JUSTNOMIL . They are the problem, 100% and they will demand and demand, destroying your marriage with each demand.

The fact of the matter is, your family should be the priority over the birth family. If you're religious, it's written many times that you leave the parents and cleave to your spouse as your own family. If not, clinical science is 100% aligned that you must prioritize your family over his birth family. His mom won't cut her apron strings and he's too weak to do it. Wise parents give their kids space to develop their marriages. They are not wise.

There's this book that maybe both of you could read: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Lots of people have kooky or even worse family members; so much so that /r/JUSTNOMIL is a very large sub.

What does your wife say about them? Does she see them as normal or does she understand the position they put you in? Spouses need to take the side of their mate over their birth family in these situations.

And there's this one book on point: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

Parents like his seem to be driven by a mom who can't cut her apron strings. The wisdom they lack is that it's critical to support the young couple and not smother them. The truth of the matter is, for the young couple's marriage to thrive, it must become the priority and the #1 family unit to the couple, above the birth family.

Conversely, we've definitely seen some parents smother a marriage so bad that it ends the marriage entirely. There's a reason the /r/JUSTNOMIL has over 1.7 million members--it's damage by inlaws.

The very important thing is that your husband must stand up to them and take your side over theirs. If he succumbs to mom's wishes, he just deprioritized his wife to the detriment of the family.

I can point to one book that may be useful: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward. Your inlaws aren't the worst, of course, but their incessant whining has a detrimental effect that they shouldn't be inflicting.

Love your username, by the way.

Does he truly understand that they're this toxic? Or does he see this as normal?

Does he also understand that his primary family is you, not them? That he needs to take your side over them? If he backs them, you're in for a rough time and they will quite possibly destroy your marriage.

These are difficult situations to manage, so I recommend that you pick up this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

This is such a prevalent problem that Reddit has a sub for it: /r/JUSTNOMIL -- with 1.7 million members!

You might look into this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

It's very good if your husband takes your side over her--believe it or not, that's the healthy way for all marriages because his closest family is you, not them any more.

Man, this sister is a piece of work. Normal people would have done whatever it takes to handle the dog--put it in a kennel in this situation. And most normal people would be gracious guests.

But these aren't normal people. so most redditors would say to just go no-contact with sister from now on, and holidays with mom become on our terms. We don't care if it hurts their feelings because they've clearly never cared about anyone else's feelings. And this requires husband stepping up--you are his primary family above the birth family now.

You two might benefit from this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward. And you'll discover that you're not alone by visiting /r/JUSTNOMIL which has 1.7 million others with family/inlaw issues.

>Anyone have in laws issues?

Oh yeah. This problem is so common that there's a huge (1.7 million members) Reddit sub for it: /r/JUSTNOMIL .

If all they can do is be jerks to you, why not limit or stop contact with them? Bad inlaws can destroy a marriage, and if they're truly evil and up to no good, then stop interacting with them.

Also, both of you might learn from this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

Just because they're old doesn't mean they have wisdom or kindness. They were a dick to you and your husband. Shame on her!

I wish he could've stood up to them instead of being "humiliated".

Life is what it is and you should be respected for living within your means, especially under tough times. This is the honest truth: When I was 10, Santa brought me 3 pairs of underwear. That was it. It was disappointing, but the money just wasn't there. I got over it within a day and am totally cool with it now. It hasn't stunted my development or life. In fact, it makes for a good story to scare the kids and now grandkids...

If they're this way often, I recommend this book to you both: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

So you married into a dysfunctional family.

Some people claim that it's healthy or normal to say rude or condescending things to others, justified with "I'm just being honest". No, you're just being an asshole. There's that centuries old saying, If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

The opposite is vastly superior, to have a culture where you support and praise each other creating an atmosphere of positivity instead of the drudgery of negativity.

This book might come in handy for you: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

And for toxic in-laws we limit our exposure and for the worst cases, we go no-contact. Also, your husband must take your side against them in every case. That's the way it's supposed to work.

The spouse should always take the side of his mate over his birth family. Once married, your spouse is your primary family. If you're religious, it says it many times that you leave your parents and join to your mate; if not, clinical science is definitively on the same side that a successful marriage has to be at a priority over the birth family.

You might take a look at this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward for both of you to read. And someone else mentioned /r/JUSTNOMIL which is a huge sub at 1.7 million people, which tells you that you're not alone.

We don't know where you're talking about but there are thousands of great places in every state.

You two both might benefit from this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

Man, some of that is really presumptuous. I think it has to begin with both of you aligning and saying a very firm "No." Like, "We're coming over and..." "NO, we already have plans so now is not the day." Protip: they don't care care about your feelings so neither should you care about theirs. They can get over it.

And if they complain about what they got? I'd tell them that until and unless they help or provide, they can shut their mouth and be thankful for what they got. My wife would rip their head off over that kind of stunt.

Perhaps this book might help: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Ahh! Okay. The truth of the matter is, your husband must take your side, overruling his mom and even putting her in her place. We're grownups now and not subservient children. That's probably going to be difficult for him, but he needs to be on your side. Hell, send him to us and we'll let him know.

Also, this problem is so pervasive that there is a reddit just for it: /r/JUSTNOMIL

And for the two of you comes this book recommendation: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Why? Because toxic inlaws have destroyed many marriages and your husband needs to know that.

Yes they can't be changed but that doesn't mean enable bad behavior. That means change how you respond to them. Which means no more enabling.

They're not doing this out of love, because real love means respecting you as an individual.

You might benefit from this book. https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853

I have great in-laws so I can't help. If they are truly bad people, one would think you're better off disassociating.

But I can direct you to this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

You’re not being petty, she’s lazy & is treating you like a servant. No is a complete sentence. “No MIL, as you take the candle from her, if you want one you will have to go to target & get one yourself”. Then change the subject.

You don’t have to be confrontational or aggressive you just need to be assertive.

This book may help you, it helped me with my toxic MIL. Tap on the read more that’s in blue.

https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853

She seems like a JN to me. If she's triggering literal physical anxiety in you, your body is telling you something akin to a trauma response. It's telling you to run, fight or flight. You are opting to flight, which is justified.

Your husband is a JNSO. The decision for MIL to be the granny nanny should not be taken lightly. If she never follows BIL's rules regarding his kids, she will never follow yours. Stand firm on this.

You may need to get this book. https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853

I would also look up the term "emotional vampire".

You are dealing with a highly manipulative person.

Read the books in the sub wiki asap before the baby arrives. Like Toxic Parents. Because your SO has been putting MIL's feelings and needs above his own and yours, and it will extend to your child. When MIL says jump, he jumps. Because it's easier to bow under her pressure than face her emotional blackmail.

Take away all sources of whatever she can hang over your head. The job is a big one.

https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853

It's not a quick fix, but there's a good book titled Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward that both of you could learn from. I think a big part about settling inlaw relations begins with the person whose parents it is--meaning your wife has to step up.

I'm also reminded of a couple I know whose mother-in-law would come over unannounced, open the door and walk right in as if she owned the place. They tried to tell her to at least call before dropping by so much, but she just kept barging in. Until that one fateful day that she walked in on them banging hard 😉 and she backpedaled in a hurry and never did it again. Not sayin' that's your fix at all, but....

Read this book. If your MIL is a master manipulator then get her out of your son's life while he's young. You can even google about "toxic grandmas" and there are checklists on the tools they use to brainwash your kid against you. It starts small but sometimes the adult child will grow up to greatly favor and follow grandma over their own mom.

Start blocking her on your phone. Don't respond to FM texts or calls either. Take their power away. What can they do to you? Ground you, take your phone privileges away, like you're some little child? They have nothing on you two.

https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853

You'll relate to this book. https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853

Don't engage anymore. Block her. She's mentally ill and if you want my armchair diagnosis likely narcissistic. My JNM has accused me of elder abuse before so this type of accusatory, emotional blackmail laden screed is a type of extinction burst to make you feel as awful as a person as possible because they love to assassinate your character and make up some sob victim narrative. If you fall for it, and crawl to them with apologies, it feeds into their ego and they know what buttons to keep pushing to get you "back in line", as in being a doormat.

You have a JNSO. You're right, nothing will make MIL happy. Nothing will please her. She does this because it's manipulation that works very well for her. So, my advice is to simply drop the rope and walk away. Don't waste anymore of your precious mental energy thinking about her.

It is not OK to tolerate verbal and emotional abuse. But your SO is so used to it because he's groomed to think it's a normal part of life. I'd be very very careful about starting a family and bringing kids into this dysfunctional dynamic.

She's extraordinarily toxic. Very much so. If you're feeling depressed because of her then listen to your body! It's screaming at you to keep her away.

I'd read books in the sub wiki as well like this one. Learn her tactics and how to diffuse her nastiness. Best course though is to avoid her altogether honestly. https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853

I see a combo JNSO issue as well. Sure MIL has this majestic martyr fantasy of being the granny nanny but obviously it's not realistic by any stretch.

DH is in the FOG. You might benefit reading books like this to understand how he was groomed to put his mom first. https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853

Her behavior around your baby is disturbing. She wants her do over baby.

Learn to say no and not feel guilty. You have nothing to feel bad about. MIL is mentally unstable to be around children period.

So what if she gets offended? Not your problem. Let DH handle that. Your child your rules.

Read books in the sub wiki like Boundaries by Dr Cloud. Maybe this one too. https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853

MIL also talks about inappropriate topics around you. It could be enmeshment or parentification. Either way that's wrong and gross.

Not overreacting. Textbook emotional incest and enmeshment. SO is deep in the FOG. Unless he can set that boundary and can say no guilt free I don't see how this can work out in the long run. Plus, this isn't a healthy dynamic to model for your kid.

I will also add read the summary of this book and the reviews see if that relates to you at all. https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853

Maybe read this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

He somehow needs to mature and become the adult, no longer this parent's child.

He sounds like a mama's boy. Emotionally still a child and haven't grown up to manhood. Look up FOG, fear obligation and guilt. He was groomed to make mommy happy above all... or else. That's how his brain was programmed from birth and it will take years to undo that cult level programming. That's why he puts you secondary to mommy. I would read books like this one.

You have a /r/justnoso issue. His priority is to make mommy happy and spoiler alert, these type of people like your MIL will never be happy. The game is rigged. It's designed this way so that whenever MIL says jump your SO doesn't even ask how high he just rushes in to do whatever she wants.

What's worse is that you're allowing this dysfunction to extend to your own mother. It's not anyone's job to manage an adult woman's feelings. I suggest reading books like this one and see if the summary and reviews resonate with you.

That's good, I'm glad I wasn't too harsh! Just remember that there are also a lot of successful interracial marriages where in laws don't respect the wife/husband or are flat out racist, but by the end of the day they don't put up with the disrespect and sometimes just cut them out entirely because who wants racist in laws. You definitely have to start giving no f's when it comes to your happiness and mental well being. And then having mixed kids you want them to grow up in a loving environment too. You may want to get books like this one to prepare for marriage.

I would start slowing down frequency of interactions with her. It seems like you two are seeing her frequently, like once a week or once every two weeks? Make that once every three months. Make it the same for texting and calling. She sounds way too enmeshed and involved with your DH and this will 100% extend to your LO. Does she fit into one of the categories in this book summary?

I have read three of Dr Forward's books, not this one in particular, but she has a great way of outlining the family dysfunction and even scripts you can use to diffuse attacks. Try this book, look through the reviews, it will probably help you with speaking to your DH about his childhood abuse/grooming.

https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853

Okay, so he's addressed this with the family taking your side, as he should. They have continued with the subterfuge, yes? Then you limit contact. Just because they're family does not make them right. And besides--it's past time for you to spend a holiday with your family.

This book may help both of you: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Take a look at this book maybe? Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

And here's the rule: your wife is at a higher priority than mom. She is your closest family. If you're religious, it's written multiple times in scriptures; if not, it's proven out in clinical science many times.

It wouldn't be the first time that inlaw interference has either damaged or destroyed a marriage.

This starts first with a discussion with your husband, that you've appreciated the help but now it's time to live on your own. I think that he needs to initiate the conversation. So long as he supports it, it's going to happen.

They may not be at the extreme end, but perhaps this book might help: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage.

You need /r/justnomil and the books in that sub wiki like this one. https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853

Hopefully they can be civil, but distant. Some are so bad they go no-contact.

Your spouse has to take your side over the inlaws or the relationship is going to be rocky at best; destroyed at worst. Why? You two must be the primary family, while his birth family fall to a lower level of priority. If you're religious, it is specifically laid out in biblical verses multiple times. If not religious, it is widely documented by psychologists and therapists (example 1), (example 2).

Perhaps this book might help: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

He's got to man up and dress her down that her inexcusable behavior must stop right now. It is his responsibility to be in your court, back you up as the most important woman in his life. His #1 priority family is you and the baby, with the parents in the #2 slot. Failure to do so can and does destroy marriages. I'd also stop answering the calls and limit to no contact.

Possible resources for both of you:

• This book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

• 6 Reasons Your In-Laws May Be Interfering with Your Marriage

• Leaving Your Parents Is a Balancing Act

• 12 Ways Your Parents (or His) Are Ruining Your Relationship

• How to Handle Your Monster-in-Law

You don't seem to know what your mom is doing and saying and we on the internet certainly don't know what your mom's doing and saying. But your wife is telling you.

It could be little things that add up, or your mom really could be laying into your wife in your absence. Unfortunately, it's not uncommon for some moms to be very vengeful to their daughters-in-law, upset that the daughter's replaced her as the #1 woman in her son' s life. It's such a big problem globally that the /r/JUSTNOMIL sub on Reddit is five times the size of this sub.

And you know what? That is exactly what should happen. Your relationship with your wife is supposed to go to a higher priority over your mom. Your primary family is the two of you and any children, more important than your birth family. If you're religious, it is specifically laid out in biblical verses multiple times that a husband and wife leave their parents and cleave to each other. If you're not religious, it is widely documented by psychologists and therapists (example 1), (example 2).

References for you:

• Leaving Your Parents Is a Balancing Act

• 12 Ways Your Parents (or His) Are Ruining Your Relationship

• Maybe check out this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

You didn't say what's going on. Ideally, you can be civil with them and them with you.

Guess which family is your spouse's #1 priority? The one between you and him. NOT his birth family. They fall to a lower priority and he needs to take your side over them at all times.

When a couple marries, they leave their parents and create their new family. If you're religious, it is specifically laid out in biblical verses multiple times. If not religious, it is widely documented by psychologists and therapists (example 1), (example 2).

So you need to have that crucial conversation with him and what his family is doing to damage your marriage. He needs to accept that you are his closest family now and that he and they need to be supportive of your new family. It's not nagging at all. It's adulting.

Resources:

• 6 Reasons Your In-Laws May Be Interfering with Your Marriage

• Leaving Your Parents Is a Balancing Act

• 12 Ways Your Parents (or His) Are Ruining Your Relationship

• Maybe check out this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

Maybe check out this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

Your spouse should be on your side 100% because you are his/her family now, at a higher priority than his/her birth family. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths (example 1), (example 2).

If the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage. He doesn't understand this important truth.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Just because they're older doesn't mean they're wiser, kinder or even more mature. These ones are not.

And your spouse should be on your side 100% because you are his/her family now, at a higher priority than his/her birth family. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths (example 1), (example 2).

If the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Your spouse should be on your side 100% because you are his/her family now, at a higher priority than his/her birth family. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths (example 1), (example 2).

If the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Your spouse should be on your side 100% because you are his/her family now, at a higher priority than his/her birth family. You shouldn't have to battle her--he should on your behalf. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths (example 1), (example 2).

If the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage. And he keeps this up, that's your path.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Your spouse should be on your side 100% because you are his family now, at a higher priority than his birth family. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths (example 1), (example 2).

If the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Is India or Pakistan involved?

Here's the deal in western thinking: The boyfriend must take sides with you over his mother. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths (example 1), (example 2).

If the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Your spouse should be on your side 100% because you are his family now, at a higher priority than his/her birth family. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths (example 1), (example 2).

If the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Your spouse should be on your side 100% because you are his/her family now, at a higher priority than his/her birth family. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths (example 1), (example 2).

If the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Your spouse should be on your side 100% because you are her family now, at a higher priority than her birth family. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths (example 1), (example 2).

If the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Your spouse should be on your side 100% because you are his family now, at a higher priority than his birth family. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths (example 1), (example 2).

If the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

But if your husband is going to attack you like that, one wonders about the viability of this marriage.

Your spouse should be on your side 100% because you are his main family now, at a higher priority than his birth family. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths (example 1), (example 2).

If the spouse fails to stand up for you, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

And about the baby? They're all different. They have different personalities.

You have awareness and do not plan to continue your mom's poor example and that's greatness within you. Break the cycle and don't be what she is. Millions before you have done it.

As for your husband, he should be on his spouse's side 100% because you are his family now, at a higher priority than your birth family. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths (example 1), (example 2).

If he fails to stand up forcefully on your side, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage. You have no reason to stay with an abusive, bullying husband who proactively enables both moms being abusive to you. And good for you not bringing innocent children in this because he won't protect them either.

We know of only one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward. But honestly, I don't see why you're with this poor excuse of a man.

We know of only one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Your spouse should be on your side 100% because you are his/her family now, at a higher priority than his/her birth family. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths (example 1), (example 2).

If the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

And to your question, since none of the above has helped, perhaps exiting is best. His family wants you gone, after all.

Your spouse should be on your side 100% because you are his/her family now, at a higher priority than his/her birth family. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths (example 1), (example 2).

If the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Your spouse should be on your side 100% because you are his primary family now, at a higher priority than his birth family-especially mom. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths (example 1), (example 2).

If the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

And the camera? I don't blame you one bit. They're useful technology.

Wow.

We know of only one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

She doesn't seem to realize that she's supposed to be creating her own new family with you, with all of its own traditions. Instead she runs to mommy.

Your spouse should be on your side 100% because you are her family now, at a higher priority than her birth family. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not religious, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths (example 1), (example 2).

If the spouse fails to stand up for her new family, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

I'm in agreement with you.

He should have told her, "Sorry mom, but both of us already have plans and we're both gone. You can't surprise us like this and expect us to drop existing commitments."

And if he can't be strong enough to do that, he should've cancelled his golf and go spend time with mom.

Your spouse should be on your side 100% because you are his family now, at a higher priority than his birth family. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths (example 1), (example 2).

If the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

Whenever I see someone bringing the term "respect: up, it often seems to be demanding respect that they don't really deserve. Respect is earned and granted, never forced or demanded.

To demand respect is to tell others, “You will respect me!” or otherwise threaten or punish those who do not act according to your wishes. To command respect is to have others observe and admire your actions of their own volition. (citation)

As to thein-laws, your spouse should be on your side 100% because you are his/her family now, at a higher priority than his/her birth family. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths (example 1), (example 2).

If the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

I'm the grandparent like your husband's parents and I would prefer a hotel room to this very uncomfortable arrangement. They're being very rude, staying so long and packing the place.

Your husband is incorrect. Send him to this thread and let him try to argue with us. Because your husband should be stepping up for his own family (you), at a priority over his birth family. Your spouse should be on your side 100% because you are his/her family now, at a higher priority than his/her birth family. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths (example 1), (example 2).

If the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

If they and him still insist on this, you know what I'd be thinking if I were you? I'd get a hotel for you, and I'd leave and not come back until they left. Sure, if there were any activities I'd come and participate. But not stay there so long as there are so many people in the tiny apartment.

>He is like a different person now.

It sounds like he tricked you into marrying, and now that he's got you, he lets his guard down and goes back to the lifestyle he previously hid from you.

This relationship is going to be rough on you so long as he prioritizes his mom over you. Which will likely be forever.

Your spouse should be on your side because you are his/her family now, at a higher priority than his/her birth family. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths (example 1), (example 2).

If the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

But from what you read, I don't see him changing at all, leaving you to decide what you want your life to be like.

Your spouse should prioritize you 100% because you are his/her family now, at a higher priority than his/her birth family. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths (example 1), (example 2).

If the spouse fails to stand up for this new family, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

But if he's chosen brother above wife, you sadly know where his priority is.

You're not wrong, he most certainly is.

Your spouse should be on your side 100% because you are his family now, at a higher priority than his birth family. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths (example 1), (example 2).

If the spouse fails to stand up (like he is now), you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

And there's the /r/JUSTNOMIL sub already suggested and I note that they have 1.8 million members to this sub's 500K, which tells us how big of a problem inlaws can be.

Older adults can be dead wrong, like in this case.

When you say you stand up for your wife, what are you saying and doing? You should be on your spouse's side 100% because she is your family now, at a higher priority than your birth family. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths (example 1), (example 2).

If you fail to stand up more forcefully, she's in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage, and yes it does happen. And yes, this means you stop going too because they are attacking your family.

We know of only one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

She's afraid of them. You are not.

The advice you were given was to be smarter, not harder. Harder means they will abuse your wife again, so now what would you have improved? Nothing. You only made it worse out of pride by stooping to their level. Never wrestle with a pig. You just get dirty and the pig likes it.

Take the educated route because none of this is new:

• How to Handle Your Monster-in-Law

There's more and even a subreddit at /r/JUSTNOMIL

• And this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

• 6 Reasons Your In-Laws May Be Interfering with Your Marriage

• Leaving Your Parents Is a Balancing Act

• 12 Ways Your Parents (or His) Are Ruining Your Relationship

• How to Handle Your Monster-in-Law

• Also check out this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

Your spouse should be on your side 100% because you are his/her family now, at a higher priority than his/her birth family. If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths (example 1), (example 2).

If the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.

We know of one good book for both of you about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

In addition:

• 6 Reasons Your In-Laws May Be Interfering with Your Marriage

• 12 Ways Your Parents (or His) Are Ruining Your Relationship

• How to Handle Your Monster-in-Law

Yuck. Are you sure you want to marry into this? Like it or not, they come with the package.

He should've gone with you and told them it's not their turn. But he didn't. And if you marry, later on you don't go to either one at all because you're creating your own traditions in your own family. They can come to you, if you choose to invite them. But he'll likely cave on that too.

Some reading for you:

• 6 Reasons Your In-Laws May Be Interfering with Your Marriage

• Leaving Your Parents Is a Balancing Act

• 12 Ways Your Parents (or His) Are Ruining Your Relationship

• How to Handle Your Monster-in-Law

• Maybe check out this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

Bad in-laws can and have destroyed marriages. Citations:

• 6 Reasons Your In-Laws May Be Interfering with Your Marriage

• Leaving Your Parents Is a Balancing Act

• 12 Ways Your Parents (or His) Are Ruining Your Relationship

• How to Handle Your Monster-in-Law

• As a last ditch effort, maybe ask him to read this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

As someone married to a Nursing Sr Director who lead COVID response at two hospitals for a couple years, this is absolutely horrifying to read. I'd be so far beyond furious with that MIL.

Anyway, inlaws have been known to destroy marriages. Here are several resources:

• 6 Reasons Your In-Laws May Be Interfering with Your Marriage

• Leaving Your Parents Is a Balancing Act

• 12 Ways Your Parents (or His) Are Ruining Your Relationship

• How to Handle Your Monster-in-Law

• Maybe check out this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

Guess who your #1 top priority family is? It's your wife and kids.

When a couple marries, they leave their parents and create their new family. If you're religious, it is specifically laid out in biblical verses multiple times that we leave our parents and cleave together. If you're not religious, it is widely documented by psychologists and therapists (example 1), (example 2).

And it's your responsibility to tell them to either step up and be kind and accepting to her or else you'll see no need to keep them in your life. Your wife shouldn't have to battle with them. You've already called them out, they refused and you stopped talking with them once. They didn't change. So why did you start going back?

So at a bare minimum, I'm thinking you start limiting these visits and put firm, non-negotiable boundaries. Chop the visits to monthly at most. If it gets really bad again, you go no contact. Or maybe go right back to it anyway. Just because they're older doesn't make them wiser.

More references:

• 6 Reasons Your In-Laws May Be Interfering with Your Marriage

• Leaving Your Parents Is a Balancing Act

• 12 Ways Your Parents (or His) Are Ruining Your Relationship

• How to Handle Your Monster-in-Law

• Maybe check out this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

So... he's in the FOG. Read books like this asap.

The rule in this situation is that he is supposed to stand up against them, making his own family (the two of you) the #1 priority above all of his birth family. If you're religious, it is specifically laid out in biblical verses multiple times that we leave our parents and cleave together. If you're not religious, it is widely documented by psychologists and therapists (example 1), (example 2).

Failure to do so can and does lead to failure of the marriage. Toxic inlaws can and will destroy marriages, and spouses like him allow it to happen. If (a big if) he's willing to learn and try, we know of only one good book about this: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward.

The problem is, he grew up with this and believes their toxicity is normal. He apparently won't stand up for you or his marriage when it counts. And maybe there was some bait-and-switch where he enticed you into one thing, and then pivoted to something entirely different, taking you for granted. So if he's going to allow, or even support all this, your decision is whether you want to live this way the rest of your life--or not. None of us would recommend it.

Is he willing to learn? Like from these types of resources?

• 6 Reasons Your In-Laws May Be Interfering with Your Marriage

• 12 Ways Your Parents (or His) Are Ruining Your Relationship

• How to Handle Your Monster-in-Law

• Maybe this book, too: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

Some potential resources:

• 6 Reasons Your In-Laws May Be Interfering with Your Marriage

• Leaving Your Parents Is a Balancing Act

• 12 Ways Your Parents (or His) Are Ruining Your Relationship

• How to Handle Your Monster-in-Law

• Maybe check out this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

You are not the problem.

One, your husband violated your trust telling things to his mom that were sure to put her into attack mode on you. She's an abusive narcissist and he just fed her ammo to come after you with. And you were left on your own to defend yourself, when a strong and supportive husband would have ripped her head off.

Two, his #1 family is you, not his mom. He should be backing you up 100%, taking your side and even shunning them if they're going to be toxic. If she's this toxic and abusive, he should've limited to even cut contact with her long ago. But he was raised with this and no doubt thinks all of this is normal. It is not.

Bad families like this have most definitely destroyed marriages before. Here are some things that both you should read:

• 6 Reasons Your In-Laws May Be Interfering with Your Marriage

• Leaving Your Parents Is a Balancing Act

• 12 Ways Your Parents (or His) Are Ruining Your Relationship

• How to Handle Your Monster-in-Law

• Maybe check out this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

Bad mother-in-laws are such a prevalent problem worldwide that Reddit has a sub for it -- /r/JUSTNOMIL -- and that sub is five times larger than this sub.

He needs to take your side in order for your marriage to be healthy and it sounds like he does. Without that, you better believe that toxic MILs have destroyed far too many marriages. The really bad ones have to go no-contact. Some resources for both of you to read (there are many more, of course):

• 6 Reasons Your In-Laws May Be Interfering with Your Marriage

• Leaving Your Parents Is a Balancing Act

• 12 Ways Your Parents (or His) Are Ruining Your Relationship

• Maybe check out this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

Maybe look into this book:

Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward

You will benefit from this book: https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853

No you are not wrong for choosing who your baby's caretaker is. MIL has already proven herself to be untrustworthy, especially unsupervised at her own home. Even if there was a significant financial savings it still won't be worth it, trust me I've been there done that.

How to say no? "No. LO is going to full time daycare." That's it. No JADEing, no explaining. Oh we all know what MIL is going to say or do, it's textbook. She will tantrum, call you names, enroll DH and everyone else as a flying monkey (I will get to DH later), call you a horrible mom, how can you hurt her like this.

As for DH, he needs to be a father and husband first. His days of being the dutiful son are long gone, but MIL is holding that string on him to control him and by extension control you and LO. He needs to read the books in the sub wiki asap. You need to read this book especially. https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853

Lastly stop the visits, don't go over to her house anymore, and only have DH communicate with her. You should block her number. You don't need this stress and anxiety she gives you. That's on DH to handle.

NTA. You will need this book. https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853

Read this book. Your wife is in "please mommy and daddy" mode because that's how she's been groomed her entire life. If she doesn't give into their wants, she gets punished for it (verbal, emotional, insults, shouting, belittling, generally abusive behavior). So her "normal" is to just let them steamroll over her, and now steamroll over you as well. Because if you don't allow your in laws to control you, she will get punished all over again.

There's a reason her siblings walked away. It's toxic and unhealthy. There's no way to have a healthy marriage (or kids in the mix) with this level of enmeshment. If you do confront them, they will deny or play victim with emotional blackmail (how dare you! after all we've done for you!). We've seen this time and time again here, it's textbook dysfunction.

She's in denial because it's really hard to admit to yourself that your parents are actually abusive people. Similar to how hard it is to escape cults. So she lives in denial because it's far more comfortable than reality. She will need years of therapy to get through this.

https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853

That’s just how they are is passive aggressive speak for, “ My parents are complete arseholes, they have no respect for other people’s boundaries & limits, so when they boundary stomp , completely ignore your reasonable requests & totally disrespect you as an autonomous adult you are supposed to suck it up because that’s how they are” . Errr, No. you have to stand up to your parents, do you want your children growing up watching you be a door mat to them? Do you want em boundary stomping all over your kids?

They may have ways been like that ( because no one will pull them up on their shit). That doesn’t mean your husband has to tolerate it.

I would have turned them away, No mask , no party for you. Hey can sit in their car until they put on a mask or they can go home.

Time for some serious counselling for you & your husband.

These books are for dealing with in-laws & toxic parents too.

https://www.amazon.com.au/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853

https://www.audible.com.au/pd/Difficult-Mothers-Adult-Daughters-Audiobook/1624615929?source_code=M2MORSH051016002X&ipRedirectOverride=true&gclsrc=aw.ds&&gclid=CjwKCAjw-5v7BRAmEiwAJ3DpuElf-cyMv3c0-5FjJG8UDPeQDW3HiPqyYAswEwZo85dCy2dm...

You also have a /r/justnoso. DH is in the fog. He sees nothing wrong with her behavior. I'd recommend severely limiting contact with MIL and read this book. https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853

There is no changing a JN. Otherwise we all wouldn't be here reading about the same pattern seen over and over and over again.

I would treat MIL like she has dementia or a mental illness. You cannot change someone's deeply embedded personality unless she wants to change.

He's frustrated because he's dealing with an extremely unreasonable person.

I would suggest this Captain Awkward blog post and see if that resonates, or even this book.

You have a bigger JNSO problem than a JNMIL problem.

You mention your MIL hates you and doesn't even acknowledge you. Imagine once you have kids with this man and she still treats you this way. That is absolutely unacceptable.

Second, your SO needs to stop the info train and curtail communication and visits, maybe like visit once every three months. If he doesn't truly stand up for you, then this relationship is not going to work long term. He doesn't have a backbone because he was groomed to put mommy and daddy first, always. If not you, it will be another woman I guarantee it. It's up for your SO to realize he's a grown man and he can make his own decisions without mommy to heck with her opinions.

Maybe this book will help you. Read the summary and reviews and see if that resonates with you. https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853

Your husband needs to stop having “Headaches” when his mother is boundary stomping, Swap his Wish bone for a Backbone & put her in her place.

She is His Mother so she is His Problem not yours.
You need to have a serious sit down with your husband & lay down some solid boundaries for his parents & especially his mother.

Any Boundary stomping will be dealt with by a timeout for grandma. I think 3 to 6 months no contact for this latest incident.

You need to Block Her, your FIL plus any & all Flying Monkeys ( people that are trying to gather information to report back to MIL) on your phones & all social media, you need to make sure she has no idea what your family is up to. Make it clear to hubby that any relaying of Any information about you/your son will be seen as a betrayal of trust.

He can visit his parents as often as he wants but every visit will be accompanied by 2 weeks self isolation in a hotel before he returns home, he Does care about the health & safety of his wife & child doesn’t he.

If they show up uninvited you will NOT answer the door, you will infact call the police. You Should make a police report about the attempted snatching from daycare. All No Contact Breaches will incur a Time Out starts over penalty.

Your Daycare provider should have a registry of everyone who is & IS NOT allowed to collect your child, there should be a sign in - sign out book & ID should be provided & recorded everytime your child is dropped off or picked up.

Get. A. Journal. Record. Every Incident. I can’t stress this enough. You need a timeline of her crazy behaviour & anyone else’s. If she calls CPS ( & I wouldn’t put it past her many meddling MILs do make false reports out of spite.) you need to have all your ducks in a row to prove she is off her trolley & just making trouble for trouble sake.

You need to get tough, pull up your big girl britches & lay down the law for MIL & Hubby too. P.S. in regard to husband Not answering his phone when you tried to call him. Tell him that he is Never to ignore your calls when he knows you are dealing with a crisis caused by His Parents.

This book may help you.

https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853

When dealing with my parents, my partner and I found this book, Toxic Inlaws, really helpful. I haven't read the prequel Toxic Parents, but I bet it'd be equally as helpful. It really helps outline the problems as being on their end, and what you can do to stop rewarding/enabling their destructive behavior. Sounds like typical manipulating-and-destroying-for-your-own-good.

I don't blame you. Bad inlaws are such a real problem that there's a much larger sub than this devoted to the moms in /r/JUSTNOMIL

A very important thing is that the husband must take your side in this. He has to break free from the subservient son and become the strong husband. The family that is you two must be at a higher priority over the birth family. And when it's really bad, breaking contact is often the best path. If you're religious, it's written many times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together forming their own family. If you're not, well, clinical science is strongly in favor of it too.

Perhaps to help you, look into this book: Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by Susan Forward. For both of you to learn from.

EDIT: Me being a little devious, I was thinking you could tell them you want to do something really dumb as a business and let them go off and do it, one-upping you again. Or maybe that's just something fun to think of....