{"product":{"product_id":"0060507853","title":"Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage","price":"16.99","image_url":"https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/41-2BTTQlCL._SL500_.jpg","url":"https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060507853"},"comments":[{"body":"Hmm. He should be taking your side/protecting you because you are his closest family, at a higher priority than them. At a minimum, I'd be limiting contact considerably.\r\n\r\nAnd this needs to be taken seriously because bad inlaws can and have destroyed marriages.\r\n\r\nMaybe check out this book: [Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage](https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853) by Susan Forward","subreddit_name":"Marriage","author":"betona"},{"body":"Your spouse should be on your side 100% because you are his/her family now, at a higher priority than his/her birth family (mom). If you're religious, it's written several times that the husband and wife leave their parents and cleave together. If you're not, clinical science also comes down strongly in favor of the same truths.\r\n\r\nIf the spouse fails to stand up, you're in for a lifetime of pain and heartache by a family that can destroy the marriage.\r\n\r\nWe know of one good book about this: [Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage](https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853) by Susan Forward.","subreddit_name":"Marriage","author":"betona"},{"body":"Welp, there's a reason /r/JUSTNOMIL is almost 6 times the size of this sub. I never understand why some moms become so fiercely fixated on keeping their little boys close instead of sending good men out into the world.\r\n\r\nThe good news is he appears to be taking your side, which is exactly what he should be doing. And it may proceed to low or even no-contact to compartmentalize her and her antics. Once married, you two are your #1 priority and your birth families fall to #2.\r\n\r\nYou can't fix her, but both of you might find this book useful: [Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage](https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853) by Susan Forward","subreddit_name":"Marriage","author":"betona"},{"body":"Wow. We're hard core antismokers and they wouldn't be allowed to even enter our home if they're going to smoke in it. And our kids wouldn't be around them either. Light up just one time in the car with my kids and you won't see them ever again.\r\n\r\nThe problem is, your wife should be taking your side on all of this but she's not. You're supposed to place your family at a higher priority over the birth family. I suppose you could try this book with your wife for her to understand that this is serious: [Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage](https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853) by Susan Forward","subreddit_name":"Marriage","author":"betona"},{"body":"Don't engage with them directly, and support your husband in the background. Not everyone has a good family, so it's good that he gets your family welcoming him. \r\n\r\nSome families quite toxic and frankly, it's better to limit, or even sever relations with the really bad ones.\r\n\r\nMaybe take a look at this book: [Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage](https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853) by Susan Forward","subreddit_name":"Marriage","author":"betona"},{"body":"I don't have your answer but I have two resources:  Because this problem occurs so much, there's a sub to commiserate with others at /r/JUSTNOMIL and second, there's a good book you and your wife might look in to:\r\n\r\n[Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage](https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853) by Susan Forward\r\n\r\nI haven't found a good video for this topic. But we do know that bad and narcissistic in-laws can and do destroy marriages.","subreddit_name":"Marriage","author":"betona"},{"body":"Sitting him down was a very good thing to do, so don't fret over that. You did exactly the right thing.\r\n\r\nSo he has a dysfunctional relationship with his mom. He grew up with it so it feels \"normal\" to him while the rest of us see more red flags than a parade in China.\r\n\r\nHe made a big mistake telling her what you've said because for a dysfunctional person like her, she'll take it as a point of contention--which is exactly what she's done. She's now made you an enemy. \r\n\r\nTo be honest, he needs to have a second conversation with her that's very firm and strong, telling her to that she's continuing to be rude and disrespectful, proving it by attacking his wife. He probably won't or can't do that. But he needs to tell her to cut it out immediately and assuming she doesn't, move to low to no contact with her. Because here's the deal: his #1 family now is you, with the birth family falling to second place. Moms like this can't seem to accept that they are no longer the main priority to their children, replaced by a wife.\r\n\r\nHe needs to understand that overbearing in-laws like this can and have destroyed many marriages. Both of you might read this book: [Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage](https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853) by Susan Forward.","subreddit_name":"Marriage","author":"betona"},{"body":"Your wife grew up with this insanity so she feels it's a norm. I'm with you on going no-contact.\r\n\r\nMaybe ask your wife to read this book: [Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage](https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853) by Susan Forward (that's a US Amazon link so you may need to find it in your country).","subreddit_name":"Marriage","author":"betona"},{"body":"Neither one of them understands that at this point, you are at a higher priority than she when it comes to family.\r\n\r\nWhy he threw you under the bus is because he's weak and doesn't understand that, yes, mom is dead wrong and difficult. He's possibly afraid to tell her. He also doesn't realize that vindictive inlaws like this can destroy a marriage.\r\n\r\nI don't know if it will help, but the two of you might benefit from reading this book: [Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage](https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853) by Susan Forward\r\n\r\nBut he has GOT to start defending you and being on your side with his mom.","subreddit_name":"Marriage","author":"betona"},{"body":"He's doing the right thing by taking your side over mom. Your family should be at a higher priority over his and your birth families.\r\n\r\nDifficult inlaws can torpedo a couple so don't let her get to you and if it helps, limit or even stop contact. Maybe consider picking up this book, too: [Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage](https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853) by Susan Forward","subreddit_name":"Marriage","author":"betona"},{"body":"Just because they're older doesn't mean they're mature or even fair minded. There's a reason Reddit has the /r/JUSTNOMIL sub. \r\n\r\nAnd there's a reason this book was written: [Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage](https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853) by Susan Forward.","subreddit_name":"Marriage","author":"betona"},{"body":"That's a real shame to have such a crappy grandparent. Grandparents should be wonderful. \r\n\r\nYour suggestion is more than I'd offer... I disassociate with people like that-permanently.\r\n\r\nYou and especially your husband might benefit from this book: [Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage](https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853) by Susan Forward.","subreddit_name":"Marriage","author":"betona"},{"body":"There comes a time when we pivot from parent/child to adult/adult. If she says things that are a problem, you confront her as an adult and tell her to stop saying these harmful things. Maybe she needs comforting because of the sorry example of a husband she has, but that's not an excuse.\r\n\r\nWe know of one good book about this: [Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage](https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853) by Susan Forward.","subreddit_name":"Marriage","author":"betona"},{"body":"Be kind and feel empathy for the mom. She's married to this guy.\r\n\r\nWe know of one good book about this: [Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage](https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853) by Susan Forward.","subreddit_name":"Marriage","author":"betona"},{"body":"How about a book? We know of one good book about this: [Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage](https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0060507853) by Susan Forward.\r\n\r\nI don't know that therapists tell you what to do as much as they guide you to your own solutions. And I do know that marriage counselors teach couples many skills like communication and problem solving skills. Family counselors may be helpful, but when you're interviewing them discuss your expectations, just like you would hiring a plumber or an electrician.\r\n\r\nIf mom's that bad, limit to even cease all contact. It's not that unusual.","subreddit_name":"Marriage","author":"betona"}]}