What is Reddit's opinion of
Trauma Bond Recovery Journal: Narcissistic Abuse Recovery (The Trauma Bond Recovery Series)?
From 3.5 billion Reddit comments
By popularity on Reddit, this product is:
42 reviews of this product found across Reddit:
We don't tolerate abuse. It sneaks up on us, and we endure and survive it. But we don't tolerate it. Toleration makes it sounds like we're allowing it, but that's not how abuse works. You're suffering the damned trauma bond right now, but the good news is that it is breakable.
Here are people to talk to for emotional support and, when you're ready, logistical help for getting to safety and escaping.
You mention a therapist. That's good. Is your therapist trauma-informed? (If not, you need one who is.) What exercises are you doing with your therapist to help you get over this block? What homework has she given, and are you practicing it?
You know you are trauma bonded. What are you doing to break that bond? Here are steps to take to break it:
https://natashaadamo.com/trauma-bonding/
https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/traumatic-bonding-break-trauma-bonds.htm
You're being abused. Are you doing anything to try and recover from this? True healing is not possible until you escape, but you can start now. A workbook like Emotional Abuse Recovery Workbook is good because it is written to be inclusive of folk who haven't escaped yet. Healing From Hidden Abuse had a good foundational explanation to it, which can help you better sort through what you're suffering as well.
Here are tips on unlearning any gaslighting she's done, which will also aid your goal:
https://www.talkspace.com/blog/gaslighting-in-relationships-signs-how-to-spot/
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/what-to-do-when-youve-been-gaslighted
Abuse thrives on secrecy. What does your support system look like and have you opened up to what you've been suffering? It won't magically break the spell, but talking about it and getting more outside perspective can help change your perspective. If you don't have much anyone besides your therapist to talk to, contact your local DV org and chat with them whenever you could use some emotional support: https://nomoredirectory.org/
This is less about healing, but here's how to handle her coercive self-harm threats: https://betterhumans.pub/how-to-deal-with-coercive-suicide-threats-71a72e5cdab1
What have you lost due to her abuse? Friends, a job, hobbies, workout routine, diet, etc.? How about instituting a plan to start rebuilding and recovering these things? When she's no longer your whole life, that can help give you a lifeline to the outside world and the motivation to cut things off with her.
This is going to sound a lot like the unlearning gaslighting tips, and it is similar. What if you stopped being so mean and harsh and judgemental of your struggle to escape and instead put that energy towards boosting yourself up? https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/do-affirmations-work For you, I suggest you specially cater your affirmations (or just general reminders in some cases) for the things you feel incapable of doing or remembering when she starts manipulating you. "Her life and health are her responsibility, not mine. My responsibility is my life and health." "Someone can be upset; that does not inherently make me at fault, a bad person, or make it my job to fix." "I am a person, and I matter, too. I deserve to be safe and happy." "I want to leave this relationship, and I will soon." You think this sounds hokey, I know. Why do you think I am suggesting it? I'm suggesting it because it's literally what saved me. Focusing myself and how I wanted to be happy and wanted to leave and just spending weeks thinking that over and over again is what gave me the courage to try breaking up again and fortify me against of he kept trying to manipulate me back again.
Remember: you don't owe an abuse anything, least of all a face-to-face break up or even a conversation at all. Ghosting is absolutely acceptable. Texting or calling and immediately hanging up and blocking is absolutely acceptable.
Here are tips on breaking the trauma bond! Is your solo therapist trauma-informed? I'm proud of you for working on it and your progress. I'm glad they ended your couples counseling, as it is very dangerous in abuse.
You might also get a lot out of Why Does He Do That? (free pdf). I found knowledge empowering.
Help for breaking the trauma bond (I saw you mention it in another comment)!
The trauma bond (more and more).
Are you able to get into trauma-informed therapy? Attend a DV support group? Talk to supportive friends/family? Chat with a DV advocate?
Can you try books like Emotional Abuse Recovery Workbook, It's My Life Now, or Recover and Rebuild?
Keep trying. You will get there. On average, it takes a survivor 7 attempts to successfully escape. This of course means it takes some less - and others more. You are not alone. You are not allowing this. You have been hurt, traumatized, and abused. You just need some help and time.
Can she access trauma-informed therapy?
Can she attend a DV support group?
Is she working on breaking the trauma bond?
https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/traumatic-bonding-break-trauma-bonds.htm
Can she utilize this list of distractions any time she thinks of him? https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/distress-tolerance/distracting-activities/
Has she written a list of all the mean, hurtful, upsetting, cruel, manipulative, or otherwise abusive things he's ever said or done to her to reread anytime she's tempted to go back or talk to him?
Can she try a workbook like Emotional Abuse Recovery Workbook, It's My Life Now, or Recover and Rebuild?
Has she read Why Does He Do That?? https://tu.tv/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Can she talk to you when she needs someone to talk to and is tempted to reach out to him? Or can she talk with a DV advocate for support? https://nomoredirectory.org/
Can you work specifically on breaking the trauma bond?
Can you write a list of all the mean, hurtful, cruel, manipulative, or otherwise abusive things he's ever said or done to you and use it to help unlearn his gaslighting?
Can you attend a DV support group?
Can you get into trauma-informed therapy?
Can you try books like It's My Life Now, Emotional Abuse Recovery Workbook, Lose a Cheater, Gain a Life, or Healing From Hidden Abuse?
Can you pick some things from this list to do when you start to miss him?
You got this. <3
Yep, that's the point of gaslighting. :(
Here's how to be able to let him go.
It's extremely rare for abusers to change. Depressingly rare.
Here's how to break that trauma bond you're suffering. You're so young. I know that's so annoying to hear and even sounds pretentious. But you have so much life ahead of you. Don't waste the next five years just hoping you can get back together with him. Focus on your healing. Foster friendships. Take care of your education/career. Jump into opportunities. Don't limit yourself. Living your life on a deadline to talk to him again is going to cut you off from truly living your life. Break the trauma bond and let him go. You deserve better.
Can you get into trauma-informed therapy and/or attend a DV support group? Help definitely helps.
Here are tips on breaking the trauma bond, too.
There's nothing wrong with you. You're an abuse survivor who needs time and help to heal.
It is not your job to withstand abuse to protect your family. Your family is just as capable of blocking him and/or reporting his harassment/stalking to the cops as you are. In fact, they are in a better position to handle this abuse than you are. Block him and give your family a head's up. It's up to them to protect their own boundaries by blocking him. Here are tips on documenting abuse and digital stalking in case you need to pursue a restraining order to shut him down.
I'm not sure what your review is about, but you do want to be careful for a few reasons:
- If your review is based off personal beef rather than his professional conduct, he may have legal recourse against you for libel.
- Even if your review is based off personal information, he can still have recourse against you for libel. Publicly outing abusers can be really scary and risky because many are so good at manipulating the legal system (which is really built to protect abusers in the first place) to be on their side, thereby shutting you down/putting you at risk for fines or even jail time/probation.
- Engaging with him, even if it's negatively like this, is exactly what he wants. Abusers love control. They love controlling you. Knowing that they still have such a big place on your mind and can drive you to actions like this gets them off. Sometimes ignoring someone does cause their abuse to escalate - but rarely does engaging with them ever improve the situation, either. It may seem like it's keeping the abuser at bay, but it's really only ever keeping you subject to continued abuse.
- Engaging with him worsens the trauma bond, which judging from some other things I've seen you post, you haven't managed to break yet. Links will help you with doing just that.
Best of luck.
Here's tips on breaking the trauma bond:
https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/traumatic-bonding-break-trauma-bonds.htm
https://natashaadamo.com/trauma-bonding/
I also suggest Emotional Abuse Recovery Workbook which is written to be inclusive of people who haven't escaped yet and are still trying to get there.
Are you able to access trauma-informed therapy and/or a DV support group?
Can you call a DV org and make a plan with them that is considerate of your feelings?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_domestic_violence_hotlines
Best of luck.
Here's tips on breaking the trauma bond!
There's something a fitfluencer I follow said recently that I've been trying to internalize and follow. Often, we end up not doing things because we're waiting for some spark of motivation to start them. But often the motivation to do/continue them comes from starting even though we're not motivated. We must set an intention, and do. The motivation is created through that action. If we wait for the motivation to start, we will likely never start. Motivation isn't sparked through nothing. Motivation is sparked through action.
Even if you're not ready to leave, make a safety plan with a DV advocate or your therapist. Start slowly moving your things out. Take steps like creating your own bank account to squirrel money away in. Before you know it, you'll be halfway through the door and so relieved that you don't have to fight to leave anymore - you'll be ready.
Unfortunately, fact is that the longer you stay in this, the harder it is to leave. I wish there was some great way to just change that, but there's not. You kinda just gotta make a plan and start breaking it down into smaller steps and doing them even though you're not 100% ready. Future you will be so grateful, though.
Is your therapist trauma-informed? Are you taking specific steps to break the trauma bond?
https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/traumatic-bonding-break-trauma-bonds.htm
https://natashaadamo.com/trauma-bonding/
Remember that abuse isn't a mental illness. There is no cure to abuse. No medication that can magically disappear it. Abuse is a philosophy. A belief. A moral set. Just because he appears to be better, as you e experienced - that is only an act.
Have you read Why Does He Do That? yet? Knowledge can be power. Free PDF below.
https://tu.tv/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that.pdf
You've got this. <3
How to break a trauma bond. + professional help. DBT skills will likely be useful to utilize, such as this list of distractions and emotional management. A DV, child abuse, and/or child grooming support group(s) will probably be helpful, too.
It's called a trauma bond, and it sucks so much. Here's tips on breaking it. You deserve better, OP.
https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/traumatic-bonding-break-trauma-bonds.htm
Please keep trying therapy. Look for a trauma-informed therapist.
In the meantime, talk to a DV org for emotional support.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_domestic_violence_hotlines
A DV support group would also be good to attend.
Here is how to break the trauma bond:
https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/traumatic-bonding-break-trauma-bonds.htm
https://natashaadamo.com/trauma-bonding/
How to make friends is going to mostly involve interacting with people so you can make friends:
Join a hobby group
Ask coworkers out to dinner or the bar after work
Join group physical activity
Volunteer
Attend local events in your city
Go to things like Paint Nites by local art studios or game nights by a game library
Pick a new skill to learn via a class hosted by your local library, community center, or community college, etc.
What are you meant to do now? Something you haven't been given the opportunity to do the past few years: Take care of you.
Abuse is not a competition. You don't have to qualify the level of suffering you went through. Your experiences and feelings are valid.
Here's some tips that may help! Plus, there's a workbook. Trauma-informed therapy can help as well.
For myself, I think I mostly utilized mindfulness. I let myself be aware of my feelings and my unhappiness. I slowly stopped suppressing and denying this. The more I connected with my unhappiness, the more that created emotional distance between me and my abuser until I'd fallen out of love and was ready to leave and move on. There just came a point where I legitimately could not handle continuing to put my abuser's feelings and needs ahead of my own. It was too exhausting to keep up.
Best of luck to you!!!
In case these help you for letting go: tips on breaking the trauma bond + a workbook. <3
There's nothing wrong with you and you're not "ins*ne". You are a survivor. And you are struggling with a trauma bond. Here's tips on unlearning:
https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/traumatic-bonding-break-trauma-bonds.htm
https://natashaadamo.com/trauma-bonding/
Are you able to access trauma-informed therapy and)or attend a DV support group. You've truly been through a ton. You deserve help and support. <3 Your local DV org may be able to help guide you to or provide mental health resources as well:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_domestic_violence_hotlines
You can also call them instead of talking to him. Good self-help and workbooks may include It's My Life Now, Recover and Rebuild, or Emotional Abuse Recovery Workbook (which doesn't address the physical stuff but will still help you out, as physical abuse rarely occurs without emotional).
Here's a big list of things to do instead of engaging with him: https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/distress-tolerance/distracting-activities/
Are you able to get into trauma-informed therapy? Have you taken any specific steps to break the trauma bond? The "soulbond" you describe just sounds like the trauma bond, but rebranded in a way that you feel more comfortable with hanging onto. Like, you repackaged the trauma bond because you're afraid to let it go. Totally normal - but ultimately not the healthiest choice.
https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/traumatic-bonding-break-trauma-bonds.htm
These screenshots definitely show he's abusive.
Tips on breaking the trauma bond: https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/traumatic-bonding-break-trauma-bonds.htm
https://natashaadamo.com/trauma-bonding/
Best of luck!
Tips on breaking the trauma bond (plus this book) may help. Is your therapist trauma-informed?
It is hard to want to let go and then do the work of letting go. <3
A trauma-informed therapist and a DV support group would help!
Here's how to break the trauma bond:
https://harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/traumatic-bonding-break-trauma-bonds.htm
- Work with a trauma-informed therapist
- Attend a DV support group
- Break the trauma bond (book)
- If you're truly codependent, then unlearn codependency
- Read and do self-help and workbooks like Emotional Abuse Recovery Workbook, Healing From Hidden Abuse, When It's Never About You, Boundaries: Where I End and You Begin, Acceptance & Commitment Therapy in 7 Weeks, Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook
- Cut her off except strictly necessary communication (maybe filter her contact to a special folder and you only read it when you have the fortitude to)
- Spend time with friends/family. Foster healthy relationships. Build up your support system
- Spend time on hobbies (hobby groups are a good way to meet potential friends! try facebook or meetup.com for groups)
- Get into a regular daily routine that includes time for moving your body, relaxation, and self-care
- Write a list of mean, cruel, manipulative, hurtful, or otherwise abusive things she's done as a reminder why to not socially engage with her
- Write a list of distractions you can do instead of socially engaging with her
- Specially set some boundaries you want to enact so you can act with intention going forward. Physically write these down and post them up somewhere you can see to read every day (like near the bathroom mirror). Boundaries should focus on YOU, not other people. Examples: I will not stay in a conversation where the other person calls me names. I will not stay in a room with someone acting violently. I will not waste my mental health and energy engaging in conversations where I feel the need to JADE because this is a sign I am not being listened to.
Best of luck.
It's called a "trauma bond". You can learn tips on how to break it here or get a book like this one to help. The Emotional Abuse Recovery Workbook also has some helpful tips and will walk you through safety planning to leave.
Basically, the brain panics and assumes that we cannot leave, so instead it adapts to survive assuming we're staying, which also perfectly plays into the abuser's trap. The abuser may honeymoon us to create a false high and false hope that covers up for the bad times. The abuser gaslights us and tells us they'll change, they didn't mean it, they love us, and our brain goes "okay, yup, must be true because that makes this feel less awful". And thus we're trapped in the cycle.
We stay for many reasons, of course, which often include intimidation, lack of financial resources, lack of shelter to escape to, isolation, and threats. But a big part of what makes it so hard to believe is that lying, gaslighting shred of hope that tells us maybe it really can get better. "Sunk cost fallacy" can also play into it - you've spent so much time with them, you can't imagine being able to start over or do any better. May as well keep trying with this one. Amatormativity can play into it as well; society looks down upon single people and tells us that we can't be single, creating such a fear of breaking up and leaving relationships because now people feel like a failure and a bad person when they do so.
Then, of course, there's the fact that abuse is exhausting and it kills our self-esteem and self-confidence. The longer you stay, the more depressing it becomes and the less energy you have. Energy to care about yourself. Energy to accept you know better. Energy to pack your stuff. Energy to leave. Energy to tell others you've left. It all hardly seems worth it when we've been gaslit for so long to believe we're pathetic losers who don't deserve better and can't do better anyway.
A trauma-informed therapist, DV support group, talking to people at DV hotlines, and talking to friends can all help break this cycle and give you the motivation to leave, as well.
I also suggest making a safety plan. It's one step of leaving. Knock out what steps you can, one by one. Take your time. Soon enough, you'll see the only thing left to do is actually leave.
It's hard to leave. Don't beat yourself up because that's just a fact. If it was easy to leave abuse, it wouldn't be so prevalent. Here's things you can do to help:
- Get a trauma-informed therapist.
- Attend a DV support group.
- Work on breaking the trauma bond.
- Journal, just 5 - 10 minutes a day. Whatever you're feeling. Whatever is on your mind. Semi-regularly re-read these entries to help motivate you and sort through your feelings.
- Unlearn the gaslighting (I'm sure he's gotten abusive ideas in your head like that you'll never find anyone else or that no one else would put up with you or that he's the best you can do).
- Do a workbook like Emotional Abuse Recovery Workbook (which I suggest because it's specifically written for people who've left an abusive relationship and people trying to leave one - it includes steps on how to prepare to leave and how to make a safety plan).
- Make a safety plan. Planning how to leave or what to do before you leave can help leaving feel a lot easier.
- Read a self-help book like Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life.
- Do what you can to foster friendships/other relationships besides him. Even if that just means being friendly with coworkers or finding some online friends.
- Talk to someone at a DV hotline. They are there not only for practical resources but also emotional support. They can help you sort through some of your feelings.
- Make some lists. These will take time. Work on them over weeks if you need. The first list should be every hurtful, harmful, upsetting, cruel, and/or otherwise abusive thing he's ever said or done to you. The second should be everything you could gain by leaving. This list should include the obvious, including that you will be cutting an abusive person out of your life, you will be able to rebuild your self-esteem, and you will feel freer and more able to make your own decisions. This list should include the small things, such as that you'll be able to make decisions about what to post on your own social media again. This list should include big things like you'll be able to rebuild friendships and build new friendships and not be so lonely or dreams and ambitions like getting to travel and spend that summer in Paris. Refer back to these lists whenever you need motivation to stay the course on leaving.
You do deserve better. Best of luck! You got this.
Being traumatized and reacting like a trauma/abuse victim is not at all comparable to abusing someone. He chose to do what he did. You were manipulated, gaslit, and harmed into doing what you did. Very different.
Find out more about trauma bonds and how to break them. A workbook like this can also help.
It's okay to feel devastated and sad and need to grieve the relationship. Do you have a support system currently? Does it include a therapist or DV support group?
Here's how to break a trauma bond and here'show to in workbook form.
Here's how to break the trauma bond.
Have you read Why Does He Do That? (free online pdf)? It helps clear up SO many myths and misconceptions and helps you see his behavior for the truth of it. Lundy addresses addictions and the like in a couple of places.
Do you have a friend who can help act as your accountability friend? When you feel like going back, you can text or call your friend instead.
Do you attend a DV support group?
Copy your post here, maybe format it into a bullet point list, and print it out or save it on your phone. When you think of going back, read all these awful things you described and remind yourself why you're staying away.
Are you working on something like DBT with your therapist? If not, there's a workbook you can use that's available for free or for purchase. There's a lot of distraction ideas for things you can do when you start ruminating on going back to him. It also helps you build a plan for how to handle having the impulse to go back, starting with REST (relax, evaluate, set intention, take action) and building on that.
Are you fostering any fun/good/enjoyable things in your life? Have you reconnected with any hobbies or thought about starting new hobbies? Are you moving your body a couple times a week in whatever way you enjoy (a walk, hiking, yoga, dancing, weightlifting, muay thai, jiu jitsu, tai chi, qi gong, kickboxing, spin class, ninja gym, aerial acrobatics, rock climbing, skateboarding, rollerblading, biking, etc.)? Spending time with friends?
You got this!!!
I wish that leaving an abusive/traumatic situation was enough to automatically un-do/stop the long-term impacts of being abused and manipulated and gaslit, but unfortunately it's not. =(
Keep going to therapy. You're going to have to let it take the time it takes. You're going to have to put in the work. As long as you are willing to keep trying, you will get there. But these feelings are completely normal and just take time to work through. The damage done to you was done over an extended period of time. Un-doing it is going to take time as well. I'm sorry.
Here's ways to break the trauma bond if it's not something you've been specifically working on yet.
Keep on going. Just one day at a time. One foot in front of the other. You got this!
A trauma-informed therapist and/or attending a DV support group would be great starts!
Also, you can use these tips or a book like this for breaking that trauma bond.
I'm so proud of you for wanting to heal! Make sure you don't downplay how big of an accomplishment even this actually is. <3
You went back because you're trauma bonded. It occurs because our brains decided it was the best way to survive this sort of trauma. Tbf, it does help us survive short-term... but it's not very conducive to our long-term health or safety! Luckily, you can break the trauma bond using tips like these or a book like this. Also, he manipulated you! You didn't just go back to him. He harassed and pressured you.
You are not an abuser (abusers love "reactive abuse" because it gives them so many new opportunities to control and manipulate you!), and I'm glad you're looking for a new apartment to get out. <3
Are you working on breaking the trauma bond: https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/traumatic-bonding-break-trauma-bonds.htm
Do you have a trauma-informed therapist?
Are you attending a DV support group?
Have you been able to talk to any supportive friends about how you're feeling?
Can you try journaling 10 - 60 minutes a day on your thoughts, feelings, progress, etc.?
You got this. <3
It's called a trauma bond. Here's how to break it: https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/traumatic-bonding-break-trauma-bonds.htm
Oh, and definitely breaking the trauma bond will help you with wanting to move on.
Have you ever gotten to speak with a (trauma-informed) therapist to help you process your experiences?
Can you work on breaking the trauma bond with these steps or a workbook like this?
"Big T" trauma is Trauma because no, you don't just "move past it". You need time, support, and likely help in order to process it and move forward with your life. Trauma can psychologically, neurologically, and physically impact us. It has short and long-lasting impacts.
If you had a broken bone, you could just wait for it to heal... but if you do that, it's likely to heal crooked and leave you with chronic pain and difficulty fully utilizing your arm the same as you did before. Your brain and spirit need the same type of care you would give to a physical ailment. It can take time, guidance, and sometimes even medication. It doesn't always just heal on its own by leaving it alone.
Take care, dear antelope666. <3
You are 6x more likely to die by the hands of an abuser when they start choking you. Strangulation is a factor in 45% of all DV homicides. You are 750% more likely to die by an abuser who chokes you than the same one if they pulled a gun on you.
Read Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. There are free PDFs online. It will help you understand why his sweetness isn't sweet: just manipulation.
Break the trauma bond: https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/traumatic-bonding-break-trauma-bonds.htm
https://goodtherapy.org/blog/10-steps-to-recovering-from-toxic-trauma-bond-0110175/
Unlearn gaslighting: https://www.talkspace.com/blog/gaslighting-in-relationships-signs-how-to-spot/
Safety plan: https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-a-safety-plan/#gf_1
DV hotlines (call even if you aren't ready to leave yet): https://wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_domestic_violence_hotlines
I'm so sorry; I really would need a couple of paragraph breaks (two enters on mobile to get the formatting to work) to be able to read this.
Judging by your title, I think resources on how to break the trauma bond would be helpful to you.
Best of luck. You deserve better.
Please work on cutting the trauma bond so you can get him out of your life for good. You cannot truly heal until you've cut him out and walked away and gone no contact.
https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/traumatic-bonding-break-trauma-bonds.htm
https://www.amazon.com/Trauma-Bond-Recovery-Journal-Narcissistic/dp/B0946QH3KV
Do you have a trauma-informed therapist? How about a DV support group you attend?
Okay. Stop. Pause. Just breathe.
Feel better?
Okay. I'm going to tell you a lot of things you need to do and you're not going to like them because yes, they are going to take time and work and no, they don't involve getting back with your abuser. They are not magical solutions. There are no magical solutions. I very much wish there were, but until then, we have this.
- Get professional help immediately for your suicidal ideation if you don't already have it.
- Get a specific trauma-informed therapist to help process what you've suffered.
- Find/talk to your therapist about a DV abuse support group you can attend. Attend. Connect with other people who understand what you're going through and where you can talk about how it makes you feel.
- Find some sort of sobriety support group, whether that's a 100% sober or semi-sober group. The drugs, abuse, suicidal ideation... they're all linked up and feeding into each other. You need to start cutting out maladaptive coping and finding some good, long-term, adaptive coping methods instead. Check out NA, SAMHSA, SMART Recovery, Moderation Management, etc.
- Start work on breaking that trauma bond. Start here. Purchase this workbook and use it as a guide.
- Seriously consider pausing school. Maybe you can switch to part-time so you have more time to dedicate to your recovery and mental health. Maybe you need to just freeze everything and enter some in-patient program. Maybe you can't handle the demands of school right now but could handle some repetitive, menial job that allows you to support yourself while you otherwise focus on healing. Talk to your therapist about getting a letter for a mental health Leave of Absence from college and see if they agree. Be very honest with your therapist about your level of current active suicidal ideation.
- Stop dating. You're not in a place for dating right now. You need to focus on you.
- Block your ex if you have not already.
- Once you've finished the trauma bond workbook, start this one on recovering from emotional abuse (or the previous version is available here and is a little cheaper).
- Focus on therapy. Do the homework your therapist assigns.
- Okay, now that you've stemmed some of the crisis, you can start working on better long-term coping methods. Commonly (and you should learn this with your therapist, but there are also free online resources or workbooks you can purchase), this will at least include ACT or DBT techniques. (There is more and more evidence that CBT is not great for trauma, so you'll want to focus on one of the other two.) You may look into other techniques as well, including but not limited to: EFT/tapping, journaling, aromatherapy, energywork, acupuncture, neurofeedback, somatic therapy, craniosacral therapy, etc.
- Start building routine back into your life. Work on your sleep hygiene. Eat regular meals at regular times. Exercise/move your body a couple times a week. Foster a social circle with some friends and acquaintances that you spend time with. Set aside time for hobbies and things you enjoy. Get back into things.
You can absolutely, totally, completely do this. But you have to want to fight for yourself. I promise, you are worth it.
Popular alternatives to Trauma Bond Recovery Journa...
The Letters Of J.r.r. Tolkien
One Man's Wilderness: An Alaskan Odyssey
