What is Reddit's opinion of Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain, and Illness?

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I am a marriage and family therapist and I am also a person who uses a motorized wheelchair.

This book was recommended to me by a friend and it really is a great resource for people trying to figure out the ins and outs (haha) of sex and disability, especially if it's something a person has not encountered before.

The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain, and Illness https://www.amazon.com/dp/1573443042/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_9v7QDbH49SAQ0

I started using a wheelchair as a fairly young child, so I was already intimately familiar with my disability by the time I was outwardly expressing my sexual identity, and I was fortunate enough to have open minded partners to explore ability and preference with.

To OP, disability does not necessarily have to mean the end of your plans and dreams for and with one another, especially if you love her as much as you seem to. Find a couples therapist or a therapist with experience with disabilities, and make it a point to go together. It may really help you two figure out if and how you can make your relationship work under these unexpected circumstances.

There's nothing wrong with being afraid of a situation you never foresaw for yourself, but be honest with your partner and yourself, and keep communicating honestly with eachother about your thoughts, fears, and needs through this. If you can turn toward one another instead of away, you may find that you are able to grow and change in truly wonderful and fulfilling ways.

If not, it's sad, but then it is best to let it go. It's unfair for both of you if you choose to stay out of a sense of pity or obligation and not because you truly love her and want to stay despite this change in expectations.

I'm incredibly sorry that your fiance was gaslit by the medical community like that for so long. I would recommend the book The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability. so understand what's possible after a big diagnosis.

It's a very inclusive book, written by a medical doctor, a sex educator, and a disability activist.

I sometimes wonder what toys he used on her. Null said that he had been spending a lot of money on sex toys before his arrest, also he bought this book. Wouldn't be surprised if he was toying her with a dragon dildo and pretending that they were having a threesome with Mewtwo. Food for thought.

Since the answers could possibly be read by future people, and you are obviously trying to approach this in a respectful way, I'm happy to leave this up unless someone has an issue.

As for resources, I recommend this book, for both of you: https://www.amazon.com/Ultimate-Guide-Sex-Disability-Disabilities/dp/1573443042

You might also benefit from reading subs that focus on disability, as those users may have more hands on experience, like r/stroke has a lot of great posts, and several users who have posted their journey, as well as caregivers dealing with what you are experiencing.

Hopefully, if our members have experienced this, they can share their thoughts with you on what might help. You can also consider individual therapy to learn better coping mechanisms and strategies for avoiding caregiver burnout.

Have you read this book and if so do you have opinions on it you'd like to share? It's been on my list to buy for ages and I'm finally getting it soon! (I'm also young-ish [25] and disabled)

Responded this to another comment, but going to post as an individual comment as well.

I am a marriage and family therapist and I am also a person (31/f) who uses a motorized wheelchair.

I started using a wheelchair as a fairly young child, so I was already intimately familiar with my disability by the time I was outwardly expressing my sexual identity, and I was fortunate enough to have open minded partners to explore ability and preference with before meeting my now-husband. Because of that, my husband and I have also figured out a sex life that is quite enjoyable for both of us (together 6 years, married 2). He is able bodied and had never dated a person in a wheelchair before, so our relationship has led to a lot of discovery for him as well.

I can empathize with how scary it must be to wake up one day and this suddenly be your foreseeable reality.

To OP, disability does not necessarily have to mean the end of your plans and dreams for and with one another, especially if you love her as much as you seem to. Find a couples therapist or a therapist with experience with disabilities, and make it a point to go together. It may really help you two figure out if and how you can make your relationship work under these unexpected circumstances.

There's nothing wrong with being afraid of a situation you never foresaw for yourself, but be honest with your partner and yourself, and keep communicating honestly with eachother about your thoughts, fears, and needs through this. If you can turn toward one another instead of away, you may find that you are able to grow together and change together in truly wonderful and fulfilling ways.

If not, it's sad, but then it is best to let it go. It's unfair for both of you if you choose to stay out of a sense of pity or obligation and not because you truly love her and want to stay despite this change in expectations.

She is likely still very much the same person she has always been, and that is something very important to keep in mind. Every able bodied person can become disabled in an accident at any point in their life, and most people become disabled by age if they live long enough. Lasting love is based in communication and mutual respect--the physical stuff is just another way to add fun and interest to the daily routine.

Lastly, this book was recommended to me by a friend and it really is a great resource for people trying to figure out the ins and outs (haha) of sex and disability, especially if it's something a person has not encountered before. You both may benefit from giving it a read.

The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain, and Illness https://www.amazon.com/dp/1573443042/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_9v7QDbH49SAQ0

Best of luck to you both, and if you would like to speak more on this, you are welcome to DM me. I can't speak for all women in wheelchairs, but I can certainly offer a perspective that may help ease your fears.

Hey OP! You and your girlfriend might check out a book called "The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain, and Illness." After I was disabled and trying to figure out how intimacy might work, it really helped me out.

Know that there are also assistive devices that might be able to help.

I'm not sure whether she has a spinal cord injury, but here are a few other links that might help.

https://icsny.org/from-injury-to-intimacy/

https://www.sexualitysci.org/

https://www.christopherreeve.org/living-with-paralysis/health/sexual-health/sexual-health-for-women

only 25 dollars on amazon for such useful knowledge

You may enjoy this book!

https://www.amazon.com/Ultimate-Guide-Sex-Disability-Disabilities/dp/1573443042

I don't have any answers, but this book http://www.amazon.com/The-Ultimate-Guide-Sex-Disability/dp/1573443042 covers a pretty broad range of stuff and I've seen /u/Maxxters recommend it a few times.

Maybe these?

http://www.amazon.com/Ultimate-Guide-Sex-Disability-Disabilities/dp/1573443042

http://backandneck.about.com/od/sexandbackpain/f/sexbackpainsijo.htm