What is Reddit's opinion of Urban Tantra, Second Edition: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century?
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#120 in Popular Psychology of Sexuality books

8 reviews of this product found across Reddit:

(I just commented above, but...books. No joke. There are SO MANY great books on sex. I can vouch for this one, as the example I had closest to hand.)

The link works for me, it goes to good reads.

Here is the link for the book in amazon: Urban Tantra

I've been in pretty much the same situation. I was almost completely asexual and aromantic through my teens and most of my 20s. During my junior year in college I talked my best male friend into ditching our virginity and learning about sex together (for science!), which was surprisingly fun and interesting, but it didn't make me feel horny. I did have two actual boyfriends in my early to mid-20s, but it was their initiative, asking me out and wanting sex, and I was mostly just going along with it because I wanted to experience this thing called "having a boyfriend." I still never got spontaneously horny. (Well, I still don't, but it turns out that that's not the obstacle to good sex that you might think it is.)

At 28 I was pretty resigned to being single forever and never experiencing real romance or great sex. Then I met my personal Mr. Right, fell head over heels in love, and everything changed. (If you want to read about one gray-A/demisexual's journey to romance and sexual fulfillment, I wrote about it here.)

Based on my experience, I have two bits of advice: First, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being asexual or aromantic, and it has tons of practical advantages. Not taking part in the dating game will save you a lot of time and energy that you can devote to education, career, self-improvement, and fun. And judging from the comments of the 20-something single women I know, you will also avoid having a lot of bad sex with ignorant, selfish young men whose false ideas about sex come mainly from bad porn.

Second, even if you really want to experience sex and romance, there's no hurry. You're young, and some women take much longer than others to connect with their own bodies in a sexual way. There are ways to help the process along, but there's no rush, so you can take it slow and just do things that feel good without any need to force the pace.

So there's no reason to jump into dating or sex just out of FOMO. However, if you want to work on this, there are ways to do it beginning with self-exploration and connecting with your own body. That's well worth doing even if you never go any further than that and decide eventually that being asexual/aromantic is who you truly are.

To start with, I strongly recommend learning to meditate and then combining meditation with self-stimulation. There are huge benefits in terms of mental and spiritual well-being if you learn to do a tantra-style energy expansion during "mindful masturbation." The sensual pleasures you can experience this way are not the sole point, but they are an important part of what refreshes your spirit and gives you more energy for daily life.

Here's a simple prescription for "mindful masturbation":

At least once a week get some really good exercise, take a nice relaxing shower or bath, and then take some time to combine meditation with a long, relaxed masturbation session. After you towel off, rub yourself down with coconut oil (or your favorite massage oil or cream). Explore your whole body and focus on all the complex sensations and the pure sensual pleasure of it, not just the sensations in your genitals.
Put a towel down and get comfortable. Drop into a deep meditative state if you can, while slowly rubbing oil into your entire genital and pelvic area. Stroke your breasts, abdomen, and vulva with open hands. Massage your outer labia, stretch out your inner lips if you can, rub your inner thighs, taint, and ass with your fingers. Work your way back up, and experiment with different patterns of strokes on your clit, savoring the sensations. Repeat, without rushing.
Use soft fingers and/or an open hand for all touches and strokes. Don't use a vibrator or a fast, hard hand motion until the very end.
Don't watch porn or fantasize about having sex. Try to stay in the present and be mindful and fully aware of all the physical sensations. Let them build slowly and naturally.
The real tantra here is to rid yourself of stress and to celebrate and enjoy the splendor of the human body. Love your body. Make it your temple. Tune into it and let yourself perceive the subtler sensations of surface texture and deeper pressure as you touch it. Thank it for all it does for you, in spite of a lot of abuse and neglect.
When you feel ready, reward your body and yourself with an orgasm, or a series of orgasms, if you are able to do so. However, don't worry if you are not orgasmic. The goal is sensual pleasure and bodily self-awareness. Orgasms can come much later. (Some women never have them and still have great sex.)
Stay mindful and perceptive throughout and for at least 10 minutes after you stop, so you can experience all the subtle pleasures and the complete relaxation that happens in the aftermath of a session.

Being fully present and attentive while loving your body calms you, reduces stress and anxiety, renews your life force, and increases your energy. With time and patient exploration, it also helps prepare you for transcendental experiences during sex, either solo or with a partner.

Here are a couple of books that could help you put the sexual side of tantra into context:

Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century is somewhat on the edgy side, but it's a classic at this point for good reason.

My own guide, Extraordinary Passion - The Art and Science of Modern Tantric Sex, is free online; it's great for couples learning tantra together, and can at least give you an idea of what real tantric sex looks like and what it can achieve in a long-term relationship. It's not as good for single people as it is for couples, but it does have some relevant sections with specifics on tantric/mindful masturbation:

If you haven't had an orgasm yet, and want to work on that, I recommend the sub /r/BecomingOrgasmic, starting here.

I hope this helps. Have a great journey of exploration!

Best place to start, especially if you have a partner:

Extraordinary Passion: The Art and Science of Modern Tantric Sex

It's free online. The first 60+ posts are a detailed book-length guide to learning tantric sex.

If you're single, this recent post has links to a bunch of good resources:

Solo practices to prepare for tantric experience with a partner?

For actual books, I recommend Barbara Carrellas' Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex For The Twenty-First Century,. It's a bit edgy and kinky, but does a great job of conveying the energy and intensity of tantric sex.

I've jokingly said that if we wanted another name for "tantric sex" we should call it "lesbian sex for straight couples." My husband and I have been practicing tantric sex for over a decade. It's wonderful, SO much better than anything I experienced with any male partner before I met him. But easily the next best thing to tantric sex was sex with girlfriends I had while I was in college.

Anyway, based on my experience with tantra and my limited bi-romantic career, I think your best bet would be to dive into Shakti's guide to tantric sex. It's free online. It's mainly addressed to straight couples, but everything in it should be easy to adapt and I don't remember anything that would be a problem for same sex couples.

For a different perspective, I recommend Barbara Carrellas' Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex For The Twenty-First Century,. It's a good look at tantric sex with more of a spiritual element to it, and it is notable for being very gay/lesbian friendly.

For learning on your own try this

https://www.amazon.com/Urban-Tantra-Second-Twenty-First-Century/dp/0399579680/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=urban+tantra&qid=1638007729&sr=8-1

its a very good guide book for techniques.

but unfortunately the best way that is tailored to you and your partner is self discovery, but with the internet is easier than ever. Be prepared to sort out what isnt right for you, go slowly and with intention good luck

Hi! We don't allow referral codes in URLs on this sub. Please edit the Urban Tantra link by removing everything starting with "ref=". Or use this:

https://www.amazon.com/Urban-Tantra-Second-Twenty-First-Century/dp/0399579680/

Thanks!

> Most resources for sexual tantra focus on men not orgasming, but I'd like to learn more about guidelines for women. I saw an offhand comment somewhere that women don't lose as much energy during orgasm as men do, but I want to find resources to confirm something like this.

Those sources that advocate for "men not orgasming" are not authentic tantra. The tantric approach was the reverse: using extended sex to generate large amounts of sexual energy and employing that energy to create "siddhis" and "bhoga" – "powers" and "pleasure." The point of extending sex and delaying orgasm (especially for the man) was to create stronger and more intense arousal states and orgasms for both parties.

> I'm interested in learning more in harnessing power through tantra. I'm currently starting up a practice where I fast and abstain for a few days a month to work on kundalini.

That's absolutely on-target as far as it goes, but you don't want to take abstinence too far. Delaying orgasm is not the same as denying it. And Kundalini is the yoga that developed out of tantra. The modern Westernized version has gotten a bit abstracted and focused on things unrelated to tantra, but the fundamentals are still sound, especially learning to expand energy from your pelvic base and genital region during sexual arousal and extend it upward throughout your body.

In this regard, I strongly recommend learning to meditate and then combining meditation with self- or partner-stimulation. There are huge benefits in terms of mental and spiritual well-being if you learn to do a kundalini-style energy expansion during "mindful masturbation" or while receiving a long, sensual yoni massage. The incredible orgasms you can experience this way are not the sole point, but they are an important part of what refreshes your spirit and gives you more energy for daily life.

Here's a simple prescription for "mindful masturbation":

At least once a week get some really good exercise, take a nice relaxing shower or bath, and then take some time to combine meditation with a long, relaxed masturbation session. After you towel off, rub yourself down with coconut oil (or your favorite massage oil or cream). Explore your whole body and focus on all the complex sensations and the pure sensual pleasure of it, not just the sensations in your genitals.
Put a towel down and get comfortable. Drop into a deep meditative state if you can, while slowly rubbing oil into your entire genital and pelvic area. Stroke your breasts, abdomen, and vulva with open hands. Massage your outer labia, stretch out your inner lips if you can, rub your inner thighs, taint, and ass with your fingers. Work your way back up, and experiment with different patterns of strokes on your clit, savoring the sensations. Repeat, without rushing.
Use fingers and/or an open hand for all touches and strokes. Don't use a vibrator or a fast, hard hand motion until the very end.
Don't watch porn or fantasize about having sex. Try to stay in the present and be mindful and fully aware of all the physical sensations. Let them build slowly and naturally.
The real tantra here is to rid yourself of stress and to celebrate and enjoy the splendor of the human body. Love your body. Make it your temple. Tune into it and let yourself perceive the subtler sensations of surface texture and deeper pressure as you touch it. Thank it for all it does for you, in spite of a lot of abuse and neglect.
When you feel ready, reward your body and yourself with an orgasm, or a series of orgasms. Stay mindful and perceptive throughout and for at least 10 minutes afterward, so you can experience all the subtle pleasures and the complete relaxation that happens in the aftermath of erotic release.

Here are a couple of books that could help you put the sexual side of tantra into context:

Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century is somewhat on the edgy side, but it's a classic at this point for good reason.

For specifics on tantric/mindful masturbation:

And this post has an excellent collection of links under "Resources":