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Urban Tantra, Second Edition: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century?
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I'd look for some basic material on tantra in order to express a different perspective with her. Not the genuine spiritual practice, but the light westernized version. It's beautiful and approachable and offers a much healthier, more positive view on the connection between lust/sex and love. Try this - technically a book, but mostly just a collection of illustrated exercises.
Tantric sex starts with breath and mindfulness. Breath is understood as life-force (or energy, or movement, or however it's easiest to think about it). Every time you touch your partner mindfully, you're sharing and building and exchanging that energy. Tantric sex is mostly about making space to focus on each other, be present with your bodies and emotions and desires. It's a practice of selfless pleasure and utter vulnerability, beginning with breathing together, moving through different kinds of stimulation, rising to orgasm, and ending with closeness and joy.
Literally the opposite of the "pure hormones no emotions" emptiness the author of this piece describes.
Unfortunately, most books on tantric sex are garbage, for the reasons you describe as well as others.
We had a thread last month that asked about good resources:
The people who replied recommended websites and articles, but only one book:
- Urban Tantra, by Barbara Carrellas.
It's a classic. It confronted and rejected the homophobic ideas imported into modern Western tantra from Taoist sources.
I hope our readers can come up with more good suggestions.
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