I'm absolutely disgusted by what was done to you and I'm about to lose my motherfxxkin marbles everything. I'm not sorry I can't help you from where I am but the least I can do is send you books to read. If you can't buy the copies just tell me I'll send you bootlegs. I absolutely hate that this happens to people but don't worry with a little work everyday you can be better.
Here goes:
Edit: Oh and don't bother reading this, it's pathetic and has more sanctions for rape than cautions andremedies
Mr. LogTough:
First off, I want to congratulate you on having the courage to go to therapy, and to reach out to others for help. I can relate to everything you say, as I too was sexually abused by a much older man- my Grandfather- starting when I was around 4, and ending when I was almost 10 years old.
The only person here who should feel shame is your abuser. Full Stop. You deserve love- we all do. With time, and treatment, you can create the life you deserve.
I am going to recommend a wonderful, wonderful book, that has helped me immensely during my healing journey. It is called <em>Victims No Longer:The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse</em> by Mike Lew. He is a therapist specializing in male sexual assault trauma.
There has never been any book I have ever read that has made more of an impact on my life than this one has. I was where you are now- only I wasn't in therapy, was almost fifty years old, and had spent the previous 36 years trying to block out the pain of that event by consuming as much drugs and alcohol as I could lay my hands on. I saw a copy of this book in a bookstore, and was stunned that a book had been written about people like us.
You see, I thought I was alone.
To have the in-print proof staring me in the face that I was not alone, and that Recovery was achievable, rocked my world. I simply had to read it- but I was far too embarrassed and ashamed to buy it.
So I stole it. (I came back to the bookstore the next day, and slipped an anonymous note, with enough money to cover the cost, on the counter when the clerk wasn't looking)
What a game changer. When I finished reading it, I decided to make some changes in my life, and sought out treatment. After a drug rehab, a relapse, another rehab, and a bunch of good counselling and therapy, I now have a drug-free, clean, wonderful life- with a wonderful woman who I love more than life itself to share it with.
You have no need to feel shame for having been abused and traumatized by a predator, LogTough. I urge you to continue with your therapy. It helps.
Also, if you wish to talk more, send me a private message, for I now also have a career- and that career is supporting the Recovery of people like us. I would be more than happy to talk to you.
I believe in you, Mr. LogTough. You can do this.
It's Time.
Time to Walk in The Light.