What is Reddit's opinion of What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety (What-to-Do Guides for Kids Series)?

From 3.5 billion Reddit comments

> He was basically ok in that he’s got anxiety,

....you do know that "anxiety" is a diagnosable condition just like OCD and autism, right? It sounds like he has generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and maybe some specific phobias as well, though of course I'm a random stranger on the internet not a doctor. Did the doctors give him a diagnosis? Did they recommend a specific type of treatment? CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) is the gold standard treatment for anxiety disorders in both kids and adults. I highly recommend you look for a CBT therapist who specializes in childhood anxiety.

edit to add: I also recommend the book What to Do When You Worry Too Much, both to help explain anxiety to him and his siblings and to give you some strategies as you're getting started with a therapist.

You and your SS might check out the book What To Do When You Worry Too Much, which has lots of age-appropriate strategies for defeating intrusive worry thoughts. (There's another one in the same series focused on OCD, but since your son's issues seem to be pure obsession rather than compulsions, I think it would probably be less helpful.)

My daughter also has a mild anxiety disorder. We got her to play therapy and it helped her tremendously. She only had to go for maybe 6-8 months before we got to go ahead to stop bringing her regularly. Also I recently got a workbook from Amazon called What To Do When You Worry Too Much that she and I have been going through together chapter by chapter. It speaks plainly to the kids and has some good ideas for how to handle and address anxiety

What kind of therapy is he receiving, and how often? Is the therapist working with you to come up with strategies and “homework” in between sessions? He should be working with someone who specializes in childhood mood disorders and uses an evidence-based treatment like cognitive behavioral therapy. There are lots of good CBT resources out there that you can draw on as well, such as the book What to Do When You Worry Too Much or apps like “Stop Breathe & Think Kids” and “Mindful Powers”. His school counselor may be able to direct you to other resources as well, or there may even be a group for kids at his school dealing with similar issues.

Check out the book What to Do When You Worry Too Much - it’s based on cognitive behavioral therapy which is the gold standard treatment for anxiety. There’s another book in the series focused on perfectionism that might be helpful too. Seeing that other kids struggle with these issues too, and that there are specific skills she can learn to overcome them, might be really helpful in itself. It also might help her be more open to having a professional “feelings doctor” work on these skills with her if things get to that point.

What To Do When You Worry Too Much is a great book for her to read together with you. There's another one in that series that focuses on anger as well.

When my 8 year old daughter was having issues with this, We got this from a school psychologist, that my wife works with. It has really helped with here anxiety and worries. Its something we have been reading regularly with her.

https://www.amazon.com/What-When-Worry-Much-What/dp/1591473144

I hope it helps.

My five year old has found this book/workbook to be really helpful. It’s recommended for ages 6 and up so would depend on your child’s maturity:

What to Do When You Worry Too... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1591473144?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

It sounds like counseling is definitely a good idea, but I'd be wary of online counseling services. It depends a lot on who the provider is - there are plenty of regular old therapists who are now doing telehealth appointments due to the pandemic, so in that case, I'd say absolutely go for it! But there are also companies that just warehouse tons of barely-accredited "counselors" and use them to offer pretty much one-size-fits-all online counseling, often not covered by insurance, and often minimally effective in my experience. I think it's really important to give your daughter a positive first experience with counseling, so I would be more concerned about vetting the specific therapist regardless of whether your daughter sees them in person or online.

In the meantime, there are also resources that you and she can explore together at home. Highly recommend the book What to Do When You Worry Too Much, although she's at the older end of the age range so you could also check out the sequel for older kids, Outsmarting Worry. I've also heard good things about the book Superpowered for tweens. If she's into creative expression, you could also check out an interactive journal like Put Your Worries Here or The Unworry Book. Lastly, she might enjoy learning some mindfulness and relaxation techniques with a book like Mindful Me or Just Breathe, or with an app like Smiling Mind (free) or Calm (some free content, fee to get more).

I suggest reading up on social anxiety in children - check out this website and this article for example. Lots of good children's books that address anxiety as well - What To Do When You Worry Too Much is one I recommend here all the time, it's based on cognitive behavioral therapy which is considered the gold standard treatment for anxiety disorders. Your daughter is at the younger end of the book's age range but it's something you could explore with her together. There's another book in that series that focuses on social anxiety specifically, What To Do When You Feel Too Shy, which I'm less familiar with but it seems to have great reviews.

Picture books can be helpful for showing kids they aren't alone in their struggles and modeling positive coping skills; for anxiety more generally, I'd recommend How Big Are Your Worries, Little Bear?, Ruby Finds a Worry, and [Jonathon James and the Whatif Monster](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/161067118X; that last one has recently been turned into a series of early reader books, which might be worth checking out too (this one is about a dyslexic child who's anxious about reading aloud, for example). There are some books about shyness that might be relatable for her as well, such as Too Shy to Say Hi and Too Shy for Show and Tell. I Talk Like a River is also a beautiful story about stuttering.

Lastly, as suggested in the other reply, you try teaching her some calming techniques like mindfulness and deep breathing - some great resources for that include Breathe Like a Bear, Mindful Moments at Bedtime, and the Mindful Kids card deck.

Hope something in there is helpful to you and your daughter!

Have you talked to a mental health professional about his anxiety? If it's to the point of interfering with his quality of life, then it's time to seek professional guidance. That could mean a therapist working with him directly, or possibly just coaching you on how to help him. I would start by asking his doctor for a referral to a therapist who specializes in childhood anxiety.

In the meantime, there are some good books you might check out - What To Do When You Worry Too Much is one I recommend here all the time, it's based on cognitive behavioral therapy which is considered the gold standard treatment for anxiety disorders. Your son is at the younger end of the book's age range but it's something you could explore with him together. The picture books How Big Are Your Worries, Little Bear? and Jonathon James and the Whatif Monster both offer helpful strategies in the context of a story. You might also work with him on some calming techniques like mindfulness and breathing - some great resources for that include Breathe Like a Bear, Mindful Moments at Bedtime, and the Mindful Kids card deck.

Highly recommend the interactive book What To Do When You Worry Too Much; there's another in the same series focused specifically on OCD as well, called What To Do When Your Brain Gets Stuck. The UnWorry Book might be another good one if she likes doodling, coloring, etc. You could also think about something focused on mindfulness and relaxation, like the book Mindful Me or these Meditation Cards.

Or, if you were thinking more along the lines of a fiction story that touches on these themes, I know there's a new middle grade graphic novel called Roll With It about a girl struggling with anxiety and OCD. You might find some other good options on this list.

Definitely a good idea to talk with a professional, and in the meantime there are some good resources out there for helping kids deal with anxiety, such as this website and accompanying free online course for parents, or this list of coping skills for kids. I also highly recommend the book What To Do When You Worry Too Much, both for helping her understand anxiety and for providing specific strategies to try. You might look into resources about health anxiety related to COVID too; even if she's not specifically focused on that, it seems quite possible that the general atmosphere of anxiety around the pandemic is contributing.

And the most important thing is to not blame yourself - you didn't cause this, and in a way you are actually better equipped to help her than many parents who wouldn't understand what she's experiencing. Just make sure you are taking care of yourself and processing your own feelings about this too!

What To Do When You Worry Too Much

There are a lot of other books out there. My daughter is in second grade And I had to go through the book with her. There are a ton of workbooks on Amazon about how to deal with anxiety and other big emotions, for all different ages.

I also saw this book And it looked like it may be age-appropriate as well. It's not a workbook, it's a storybook and it looks like there's a whole series of these books. Actually I might be ordering the little spot of anger one for my little guy heh

My daughters went through the exact same thing. It started all of the sudden when one of them was afraid for us to leave them at age 7 for the first time in her life. Then it turned into "bad thoughts" and not wanting to go to school, etc. I have twins and both of them went through this at different times but it seems like it is something about 1st grade - 3rd grade where this is really common. Out of sheer desperation, I bought the book "What to Do When You Worry Too Much" on Amazon. It is an interactive book for kids that talks about strategies for not letting their worries grow, saving their worries for one 15 minute time period in the day and resetting their system. It really helped both of my girls, and pretty quickly because they felt like they finally had a strategy or something that could help them. I hope that this helps you!

https://www.amazon.com/What-When-Worry-Much-What/dp/1591473144/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=Worry+book&qid=1574100550&sr=8-3

You might like the workbook What To Do When You Worry To Much. It's based on CBT and designed for parents to work through with children with anxiety. It's 8 bucks on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/What-When-Worry-Much-What/dp/1591473144

What kind of therapist? Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is the gold standard treatment for anxiety in both adults and children; you really want someone who specializes in doing CBT with young kids. They should also be working with you as much as her, giving you strategies to practice at home and helping you gauge how much reassurance to give without enabling her fears.

This book is written for slightly older kids, but might still be a useful place to start - https://www.amazon.com/What-When-Worry-Much-What/dp/1591473144

And there’s a version specifically for separation anxiety as well, though I haven’t read it personally - https://www.amazon.com/What-When-Dont-Apart-What/dp/1433827131

Seconding the suggestion of therapy, specifically CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) which is the gold standard for anxiety treatment. There are also some great CBT-based books for kids, such as What To Do When You Worry Too Much or the version for slightly older kids, Outsmarting Worry. There are also some great apps out there such as "Smiling Mind" and "Stop Breathe & Think for Kids"

>My work schedule changes every week and my husband’s is also subject to change so between that and the kids activities we just play each day by ear.

I have a kid with pretty severe anxiety and it is (was) often difficult for him to cope with the unpredictability of 3 others in his family - I can't imagine how he would deal in a family of 5 others. Predictability and routine was one of the things that helps him the most (I realize that is hard in a family of 6 but he needs this). When he was the age of your child - we would talk A LOT about how things may or may not go BEFORE they happened. Not only to share our expectations of how something may go but also to get his expectations so we could help manage them. In your dinner example - I would have said that morning "here is I think our day will look like. These are the things that will definitely happen. These are the things that I am not so sure about (dinner)." and then I would remind him throughout the day. We used a lot of "remember when..." statements when he would get anxious about the same things. "Remember when you were worried about going to the state fair last year? How did that turn out?" If he commented with something negative - we would say "That did happen and that was a bummer. Remember how much you loved XYZ there?"

Therapy has helped my son a bunch but it took three therapists to find the right one and progress was pretty slow going. One thing that we learned from an earlier therapist (and one thing that was really hard for me - a fixer) was to let him feel it and not to say things like "don't worry" or "it's no big deal". Instead she taught us to listen to the worries and lead him through reframing the worries. (This was actually pretty difficult for my son at 6 but just letting him vocalize the worries without us trying to "fix" them was helpful). We also heap on a shit ton of empathy (we still do this - even though my son is doing much better).

This book was helpful but he might be on the young side for it.

Mental health and addiction usually go hand in hand. There are no many who have an addiction who don't have a mental health challenge.

I have anxiety and my childhood was similar to what you are writing. I was a horribly anxious kid, and when I felt totally out-of-control that sometimes led to anger/frustration. I couldn't stay home alone, go to parks, or "scary" places even with a parent without freaking out. I did okay socially, but worried a lot about rejection and was never a social butterfly. That being said, I was ultimately really well behaved. I've never been formally diagnosed on the spectrum, but I definitely present with some mild sensory-related symptoms - likely related to the anxiety. I needed to learn how to effectively communicate worries and have a parent who listened without enabling. Self-awareness of emotions has been life changing.

While I don't think medication is a terrible thing, it should be a last resort. How is her diet? How is her sleep? Are you supplementing her diet at all - omega, magnesium (Natural Calm for Kids) and vitamin d can be helpful for anxiety? What coping mechanism is she practicing? How self-aware is she of the anxious feelings/emotions? How well does she communicate? How well do YOU communicate and work WITH her to solve "problems"?

Have you considered introducing her to a book-club or similar extracurricular to promote social exchange and keep her busy? The less-busy (and I don't mean relaxation time)I am, the more time anxious thoughts have to set in.

Since she loves reading, I suggest:

• https://www.amazon.ca/What-When-You-Worry-Much/dp/1591473144/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1526504920&sr=8-1&keywords=kids+worry+book
• https://www.amazon.ca/Please-Explain-Anxiety-Me-Solutions/dp/1615992162/ref=pd_sim_14_12?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1615992162&pd_rd_r=MGWA305R66YTXVN7R5AN&pd_rd_w=43PZS&pd_rd_wg=yp1Ol&psc=1&refRID=MGWA305R66YTXVN7R5AN

Remember she is also going through puberty, which is a particularly rough time for us clinically anxious folks. Hormones still make me go from mentally-healthy to mentally-ill for a couple days every month.

Maybe instead of asking what she's afraid of, try asking "What do you think will happen if we go to __ ?" or even "What's the worst thing that could happen if we go to __ ?" Definitely sounds like some anxiety around separations (school, bedtime, etc) and being away from home more generally. The security bucket makes me think it could be related to a fear of throwing up, as you suggested; I wonder if it would help to come up with a specific plan for "what to do if I feel sick at school", at a friend's house, etc? And then maybe you can convince her she doesn't need the bucket now that she has a plan? Similarly, whatever her worst case scenario is for school, for bedtime, etc - come up with a plan together, and then tell her, now we have a plan so we don't need to worry about it anymore!

You might check out the book What to Do When You Worry Too Much - it's written for slightly older kids, but might give you some good ideas for strategies. Even if she denies being "afraid of" anything, she might respond better to the idea of worries, and getting some "special powers" to make her worries go away. edited to add: A couple picture books about worries you might try discussing with her as well - The Huge Bag of Worries, Something Might Happen, or Don't Feed the WorryBugs - always easier to talk about a character's problems than your own! :)

The book mentioned above https://www.amazon.com/What-When-You-Worry-Much/dp/1591473144

This absolutely sounds like separation anxiety, which is a legitimate anxiety disorder. Check out this link about separation anxiety and this link about treating it. Poor guy is trying his best to "be brave" and do what he's supposed to, it sounds like, but his brain is just in overdrive. The combination of a new school, the marriage separation, and his pre-existing tendency to have trouble with separations probably just pushed things over the edge for him.

The good news is separation anxiety is totally treatable. It sounds like you're doing all the right things, keeping a consistent routine and encouraging him to talk about his feelings, but it might be worth consulting with a professional who specializes in childhood anxiety. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is the gold standard treatment for anxiety in both kids and adults, and it involves gradually facing the feared situation as well as learning coping tools to handle the anxiety more effectively. There's a great CBT-based book for kids called What To Do When You Worry Too Much, it's about anxiety more generally but might be worth checking out a copy to see if there's anything that might be relevant. I think it helps kids a lot to know they're not just being bad or weird or crazy, they are experiencing very real fears and there are other kids out there who feel the same way. And there are tools they can learn to help them feel calmer and safer when they need to be away from Mom and Dad.

> If he has OCD, he will likely need talk therapy for a long time.

Just to clarify what some other posts get into in more detail below - talk therapy is NOT the best treatment for OCD or other anxiety disorders. CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy) is widely considered the gold standard treatment for anxiety in both adults and children. Even if medication does eventually turn out to be necessary, studies have shown that medication in combination with CBT produces better, longer-lasting results. If it were my son I would absolutely make sure he is seeing a professional who specializes in CBT for children with anxiety disorders.

In the meantime you might also check out the book What To Do When You Worry Too Much, which presents CBT-based strategies in a kid-friendly way. The Anxiety Workbook for Teens would be a good one too.

Obviously professional help is going to be key here, and working closely with the school counselor. But since it sounds like this is a pretty urgent situation, here's what I would suggest - you want to start pushing her to step outside her comfort zone, but SLOWLY, and with empathy and understanding for how difficult this is for her. This is an anxiety disorder, not within her control, and she deserves patience and support rather than just being forced (not saying you are, but I'm sure it's getting hard as this becomes more and more disruptive to your family).

That said, help her start taking baby steps toward returning to school. Drive to the school and have her sit in the car outside for a couple hours - promise her she won't have to go in, she just has to sit outside and do schoolwork on her tablet. When she's comfortable with this, the next day have her try visiting a safe place inside the school (counselor's office, nurse's office, school library, wherever). Ideally have a "safe person" at this place to meet you guys and help her establish that relationship as someone she can go to while in school. Maybe she only has to stay there a few minutes the first day; that's fine, whatever she can manage without getting to the point of total panic. The next day she can stay a bit longer, and try to get some work done on her tablet. Then start working on leaving her there without you or a parent - at first something like, Mom is going to run to the grocery store and then will be back to pick you up. And stick to your word!! Come back in an hour or whatever was agreed to, praise her like crazy for making it through, and take her home. The goal is to keep pushing her comfort zone without completely overwhelming her. Eventually you can work up to being back in her regular classroom, at first just for an hour, then a half-day, etc. If you can get the school counselor on board her teachers will be more likely to agree to this plan.

Edit: You might also check out this link about separation anxiety and this link about treating it - again, you definitely want to work with a professional on this, but it's some good reading in the meantime. Also the book What To Do When You Worry Too Much might help your sister understand what's going on and give her some strategies to cope.

Sounds like you're doing all the right things, getting her into counseling and working with the school. What type of therapy is she receiving? Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is the gold standard for anxiety treatment, including separation anxiety - the therapist should be doing more than just talking with her about the issue, but working with you and her to gradually expose her to the feared situations.

In the meantime this website is a great resource for dealing with separation anxiety, and What to Do When You Worry Too Much is a fantastic little CBT-based workbook for kids with any form of anxiety (aimed at kids slightly older than your daughter, but I think she could benefit from reading parts of it with you).

If she's a fan of Daniel Tiger, definitely watch the episode about how "grown-ups come back", and Sesame Street has some great separation anxiety resources too - http://www.sesamestreet.org/toolkits/challenges. Maybe try watching the video clips with her and talking about how the characters feel just like her, and the ways they learn to cope with that (and maybe try implementing some of those ideas, whether it's a special goodbye secret handshake, or taking a photo of you with her, etc). Also some good stories on this theme are The Kissing Hand and Llama Llama Misses Mama - again, it may help her to see that other kids have the same feelings, but it always works out okay.

Lastly, make sure both parents and her teacher are on the same page with whatever you are trying - consistency is super important for a kid struggling with anxiety issues.

Best of luck!

There are some good books for helping kids deal with anxious thoughts (which this sounds like) - a good one for her age might be What to Do When You Worry Too Much. There's also one in that series about perfectionism that might be relevant too, What to Do When Mistakes Make You Quake. If she continues to be upset and it's interfering with her daily life, I would definitely talk to her doctor about a referral to a counselor - can't hurt, and might help prevent any longer-term issues.

You might check out a book like What To Do When You Worry Too Much, Stress Can Really Get On Your Nerves or The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook for Kids that can help him learn to identify worries and combat them with cognitive-behavioral strategies (positive self-talk, reality-checking, relaxation techniques, etc). Meditation is a great idea too; there are some great guided meditations for kids online that might be a good starting point if you can't find a local class.

As others have said, it sounds like this may be a phase or just who he is. If it's causing problems in his daily life though (i.e. he's constantly anxious or avoiding things that he actually needs to do, rather than optional things like roller coasters), you might check out a book like What To Do When you Worry Too Much or this website for some tips about helping kids cope with their fears and worries. If it's not causing him distress or disrupting his everyday life though, I wouldn't worry - keep offering him opportunities to try scary things, but don't push him, and make sure you share in the non-scary things he does enjoy!

Not sure why this hasn't gotten more replies...

I'd suggest checking out this website which has a lot of helpful info about dealing with separation anxiety. You might also think about getting her a book like What To Do When You Worry Too Much and reading through it together, practicing the different exercises. If it continues to get worse, you might think about consulting with the school counselor or another professional to get more specific suggestions.

You might check out this book - http://www.amazon.com/What-When-You-Worry-Much/dp/1591473144 - it translates some evidence-based cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) strategies into language that kids can understand and relate to. In the longer term, finding a CBT-trained therapist or psychologist might be a good idea; it's really the most well-established treatment for anxiety disorders of all sorts (generalized anxiety, separation anxiety, OCD, etc) in both adults and kids.

EDIT: Looks like there is an OCD version of the book as well: http://www.amazon.com/What-When-Brain-Stuck-What/dp/1591478057/

My son is 7. We have had some success with this book. http://www.amazon.com/What-When-You-Worry-Much/dp/1591473144