One of the cognitive tricks I used to avoid the pangs of prolonged grief was to visualize my mother as someone unrelated to me. To see her as a disordered stranger helped me to accept that she would never provide me with the emotional attunement that every child deserves. The more I practiced, the more I felt at home with my own company and the benefits of intrapsychic boundaries. It's the emotional incest that keeps you from feeling the fulfillment of differentiation.
https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/
https://www.amazon.com/When-Mother-Borderline-Personality-Disorder-ebook/dp/B07Y2F6147