Have you checked the sub wiki? There are several books in there about how to have better sex.
I see that u/DB_Helper already mentioned The Five Sex Languages. Another one that might be more what you're looking for is When Your Sex Drives Don't Match by Sandra Pertot. This book promotes the idea that there are several different "libido types" such as "sensual", "erotic", or "stressed" libido.
Your wife sounds like she’s more of a sensual lover while you prefer a little more passion, exploration and performative sex.
> Is there any coming back from this or fixing this because I’m literally at my wits end because of it
There’s a book that explains and explores your exact issue. It also provides exercises you can both use to help you build a mutually satisfying sex life. It might be worth reading.
It’s not easy when two people have completely different wants, needs, and ways of expressing their sexuality. Good luck!