I actually don’t blame the whole gender. There are men who are intelligent, admirable, understanding, and of excellent character. This was already stated, but you are weaponizing incompetence by pretending you didn’t hear it, or do not understand. You can’t even speak about exemplary men.
A man staunchly committing to showing that woman who the boss is, if she gets mouthy and dares to speak ill of his precious porn, it’s not new to me. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve seen a show of that kind of man throwing their whole heart into dominance, even if it means driving themselves into celibacy. And yes, that’s the kind of men who are constantly engaging because they cannot keep the dominance thing to themselves, they HAVE to do it to actual women. And yes, I would rather they leave women alone.
I don’t want me like this assaulted. I don’t want them robbed. I don’t have fantasies about them being raped, beaten, subjugated, or killed, like some top male-appealing porn category. I just want them to leave women alone.
You’re not here in good faith, willfully ignoring details. Because I don’t think you see me as a fully equal human. I leave you with a book written by your equal, a man, that’s the best I can do.
I strongly urge you to read and or listen to "Why Does he do That" by Lundy Bancroft. It tackles abuse pretty comprehensively and helps to validate a lot of concerns of the abused.
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0058R8AP2/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_CQM8SRW0J0BD47SYF55E
OP check out Lundy Bancroft’s Why Does He Do That?
It’s such an eye opener on the “why”. His blog is great too!
I've got the link to the audio on Amazon.
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0058R8AP2/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_D3FJRV8PPYKW4NWDE5MB
Lundy Bancroft is the author. Excellent book!
This is correct. It’s a strategy to deflect accountability and responsibility (so, “effort”, men are super good at conserving effort). This way, it’s framed as “other men, not me”, who are “outliers”, and it skirts having to face misogyny as a factor baked into our culture, particularly dating culture. It’s so pervasive, you can’t not bump into men who embody misogynistic attitudes. It’s like when I used to act and there were so many garbage, exploitative listings in Backstage/Village Voice. It wasn’t because I “chose wrong”, the listings were just there, existing, because it was culturally accepted and tolerated for them to exist. And you often didn’t find out they were trash until you went to the audition.
As far as I know- I assume you’re talking about an obstinate ass and not a man genuinely trying to learn- there is no verbal counter strategy because as you appeal to logic and empathy and complain and explain , the man will happily waste your energy because what isn’t important to him is fairness. What’s important to him is asserting dominance over you, because men love to be on top and you wasting emotional labor gives him power (do read that link). This drive especially applies when it comes to women, whom they crave but also do not see as all the way human. It’s no accident that there is so much porn dedicated to tearing down women who self-advocate.
The best I think you can do with men like that is drop the link for Why Does He Do That which is written by a successful man (more impactful than a woman can be with these guys), and call it a day.
"He never hid who he was and what he wanted."
Many abusers say this after the fact while they actively lie and manipulate. They just lie because they are comfortable lying and don't want to take responsibility. Objective observers to abusers and their victims observe this: https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-Do-That-audiobook/dp/B0058R8AP2/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=why+does+he+do+that&qid=1619062666&sr=8-1
Let me second this advice.
Also a couple of books that might help, "Why Does He Do That," by Lundy Bancroft and "Stop Walking on Eggshells," by Paul Mason.