I'll add one myself. Wild at Heart is a man's man book. It really helped me get motivated for life. Amazon has over 2,000 reviews at gives it 4.5 stars. He hits issues head on. I won't kid you this book jolted me. It's sold millions of copies for a reason.
It's OK to be a fuckin' man!!
It does have a Christian author but any man can get a lot out of this book. At the end of each chapter he lists some some versus that support his points. No biggie.
Consider audiobook if you commute.
If you want to understand your Dad read this book.
So I'm almost done with this book. I don't know where you are as far as spirituality but from what I've read that doesn't matter. Anyone can get useful information out of this book. Talks about what it means to be a man. That's what you are trying to raise is a good man. So 1st you need to know what a good man is. Check it out. I think it will have some answers for you. Parenting is about choices. You don't want to be a pushover but there is a way to be firm and not snap at your kids. He's a 7 year old kid, he's gonna do dumb shit but remember, he's 7. Good luck.
I suspect it also will have a heavy Christian theme. The father of the guys who made this movie is John Eldredge, who wrote, "Wild at Heart," which Amazon describes as a "best-selling, renowned Christian classic ... [that] invites men to recover their masculine heart, defined in the image of a passionate God."
Recommendation a la Wild at Heart: lead her on a mission. You guys have something in common, yeah? Make that the object of your interactions. Both of your individual growth will have context, with directionality, and will be easier to keep your relationship open to others (including "accountability") rather than it just becoming about you two.
I dated a girl a couple of years ago in a perfect setting, and felt the green light to date her. We were involved in music together, were in leadership, and cofounded a student organization. But once the semester changed, and all of that went on hiatus--it got physical pretty fast. I also hated to admit it to her, but we were pretty much friends with benefits, but no longer with the substance of friendship. We ended up splitting for other amicable reasons.
This wasn't necessarily a topic, but I hope it helps shape your thinking.
Read this book. Christ was a total badass. Basically, he told the Romans to go fuck themselves, knowing that they'd eventually execute him. https://www.amazon.com/Wild-Heart-Revised-Updated-Discovering/dp/1400200393/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1545367475&sr=8-1#
So I'm going to be honest and straightforward with you because I think you can handle it and you sound exactly like me.
Ever since I saw my first video online I was instantly drawn to pornography. I realized quickly though that what I found interesting in my porn was not the same that most of my friends enjoyed. I came to the realization that many of my friends used porn as a pure sexual release and for them they didn't mind the fake and overproduced videos. The women on screen were merely a collection of body parts.
However, when I looked for porn I invariably enjoyed the types that at least attempted to portray that they were enjoying it. That it wasn't some bang fest but that it was two people that genuinely wanted to be filming together. However, even this started to feel lackluster and I didn't enjoy it. Through out this time though, these videos failed to capture my attention for more than a couple minutes at a time.
However, I found that when I got the chance I loved sitting and watching cam girls. These girls that are fully clothed and just talk and do normal things like play online games and chat the users in their forums. I found this enchanting. I began to realize I didn't like porn because it met a sexual need but I enjoyed porn because it met an emotional need.
The reason I liked cam girls and things that had a more intimate feeling was because it felt like they were really my girlfriend. It felt like they trusted me and wanted me to experience life with them. It was a way for me to feel like I wasn't alone.
This is just a dangerous of a decision as watching porn (if not more) because you are emotionally crippling yourself to be involved with a woman that does actually love you and does actually want to share intimately with you. You are hurting your future wife and future marriage.
Moving forward.
>Many of the motivations for quitting pornography don't even come close to applying to me. I can't count the number of posts I've read on /r/NoFap, and sometimes here, telling us we shouldn't watch P because it's an inaccurate representation of sexual relations, because of the horrible conditions the actresses operate under, because...
>I don't care. I didn't watch that stuff. Chalk it up to very specific tastes, if you like, but that had nothing to do with the crap that I viewed.
Newsflash! You have wrongly convinced yourself of this and have been lying to yourself for a long time. These are excuses to disregard bad behavior. I convinced myself of this too. There is not financial slavery or physical slavery happening here but that is far from something being enslaving. You and I are still taking advantage of these women! Don't delude yourself. You are stealing something from them that you have no right to. You don't get to chalk it up to being voluntary. These are human women who are hurting. (All people are wounded and are hurting. Some more than others.) They have a burning desire for validation as beautiful women just as you have a burning desire for validation as man. They are turning to the internet to provide them with some sort of happiness but the truth is those comment sections will ultimately only hurt them more than help them. They are as emotionally dependent of fleeting words of affirmation as you are on their false validation of your masculinity.
The problem I see in your rationale is that you have decided that since your sin doesn't stink as bad as the next guy that you're for some reason ok. I believed this for a long time. The fact is sin is sin. Even if that girl was as emotionally stable as could be, you are still damaging yourself, damaging your wife, and damaging your relationship with God. You are turning to that girl to prove that you are a man. You are taking to her a wound that only God can heal. All she is going to do is scratch at it and keep it festering. It will grow worse and worse until you can no longer tell where the wound starts and you start.
Only can Christ's act of Grace on the cross ever heal our wound. No matter how much money we have, how big our house is, or how many wives we have it will all fall short in trying to fulfill our sense of validation. Ecclesiastes 1:2 pretty much sums it up perfect. "Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher. "Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless." That is pretty much the truth. Anything you find on this earth will never compare to the true love and validation you will find in the Lord.
Read below if nothing else.
My advice to you is to first truly dwell on your own wound as a man. A great book to read is Wild at Heart which discusses what a man's heart truly longs for. That is what you are describing here. You aren't longing for sex you're longing for validation. Figure out what it means to be a godly man! Read about Paul's life, read about Moses, read about David or Solomon. There are some incredible men in the Bible. None of them get it right all the time. Most of them screw up in huge ways but the life changing point is that these men do not turn to the world for their validation, they turn to God. When you finally find your masculinity through the Lord then an amazing woman will come your way, who knows she may be hiding right under your nose.
Prayers, lean on the Lord!
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1400200393/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
I am going to HEAVILY recommend you read this book, it answers everything you just asked.
I am about halfway done with it and it is impossible to put down.