So there’s about a half dozen red flags in your post. The funny thing about not feeling confident with red flags is that we know that they’re there but we think for some reason we are at fault. This happens when you are raised around someone who doesn’t respect boundaries. We learn early to sense ways that we can keep the peace, expending ourselves and our natural ability to protect ourselves for the “greater” good. The problem is that while oftentimes successful most of the time we are unsuccessful and have no control over much. We learn a dysfunctional way of analyzing situations and to keep the peace at the expense of others and last but not least we are fair game for narcissistic people.
I say this with as much compassion as humanly possible. You are in an emotionally dangerous relationship. There is not a healthy explanation for what your SO is asking of you. While it is realistic to wait a few months before a new girlfriend is introduced to a young child a few years is unacceptable to anyone. While it is ideal to have a congenital relationship with the mother of your child it is very destructive to garner such control to anyone other than your wife.
I would urge you to seek out counseling so that you can see how enmeshed your boundaries have become and to reassert your ability (or establish) to trust your instincts.
A very good book to read is women who love to much. Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change https://www.amazon.com/dp/1416550216/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_02ANR0VFRW0CZPKEY8M9
Hugs
There’s a classic self help book called Women Who Love Too Much and in there the author talks about the feeling of “butterflies in the stomach” actually being a trauma response rather than a sign of healthy love, I definitely recommend that book, it’s still relevant today. As for the answer to your question, I think sometimes even if our intuition is trying to warn us of something possibly bad, there’s something about soul contracts and karmic debts and even if we know with our brains or someone we trust tells us that a match isn’t right for us, there’s a kind of magnetism that compels us to see the relationship thru, like twin flames, you just have to let it unfold and learn what you’re going to learn from the situation and even if it turns out bad or you’re embarrassed because the person isn’t into you, it’s still something that will benefit you in the long run by showing you your value or the things you dont want from a partner. Don’t overthink it too much, because “whatever will be, will be”. I hope this helps and that you’re safe. Always trust your gut and keep your plan B so you are able to walk away when it’s time.
There is also a book "Women who love too much" explaining why some women tend to be a fixers and to be attracted to people with problems, and so on. It's really a nice book to understand somethings about each person self and find a way to overcome it. But I totally agree with you, you should always trust your instincts and guts, they are always telling you the truth.
Yes, that what I was thinking of. And it's your right to be upset, because you don't stop loving a person so fast and forgetting everything about them. If he had some feelings yet, he would have helped you instead of showing that he is fine and just enjoying time (maybe to make sure you will be jealous and upset or just to make you depressed). I don't know if he is a sadist. That's the bad thing to do, to make your lover the center of everything that you do, that's bad. You should have your life, your friends and family... And he needs to have the same. I would recommend you to read this book women who love too much maybe it will help you to see things about yourself. I know it sucks, it will hurt for sure, you might do into depression because of it, but if you did, it would be best to go to a therapist and you should also talk with you friends, go out with them just keep your mind busy.
Hi! It's called Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood. It was originally published in the 80s but was re-released in the early 2000s.
Here's the link on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Women-Who-Love-Too-Much/dp/1416550216/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=women+who+love+too+much&qid=1559757262&s=gateway&sr=8-1
You may also be interested in other books that focus on codependence if you relate to this book. I have found that it really helps to be able to acknowledge, identify, and use strategies to help me get out of the cycle.
I hope this helps!
I know the feeling. I can recommend a book that helped me, ”Women Who Love Too Much” by Robin Norwood.
https://www.amazon.com/Women-Who-Love-Too-Much/dp/1416550216
Yh been there. Then I read this book https://www.amazon.com/Women-Who-Love-Too-Much/dp/1416550216 Then I threw the whole dude away. Never felt better.
No srly tho, that's not how relationships work. You don't have to accept this behavior. This is not acceptable.
"we accept the love we think we deserve"
Hope you'll see the light soon :) 💙
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change https://www.amazon.com/dp/1416550216/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_T9THR3AQ39H11D4FYHAZ
Two books I recommend: Women Who Love to Much, and How to Do the Work
here's the link
https://www.amazon.com/Women-Who-Love-Too-Much/dp/1416550216
The "honeymoon" phase where abuser shows remorse is A PART OF the cycle of abuse. It is not absence of abuse. https://affaircare.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/abuse-cycle.jpg
If you have already read the Bancroft book then check this one out: "Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood http://www.amazon.com/Women-Who-Love-Too-Much/dp/1416550216/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8
The drinking is a problem. Please consider attending Al-Anon for support for YOU regarding his drinking.
We cannot change people. We CAN NOT change people.
"When people show you who they are, believe them. The first time." -Maya Angelou
http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/When-People-Show-You-Who-They-Are-Believe-Them-Video
This book is a wonderful resource as well: http://www.amazon.com/Women-Who-Love-Too-Much/dp/1416550216/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8
Peace to you.
Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change
-The Situational Therapist
Haha, sounds like your friend needed to learn something about not trying to control lives of others - also a pretty popular thing in psychology. This affects mostly women due to their emotional nature, but many men are like that as well (You know, marry a girl and then she tries to 'fix' you). There's great book on this by Robin Norwood "Women Who Love Too Much".