Don't yell. I co-teach in a room with 50 kids. The other teacher yells frequently. I don't. I can control the room and she can't. She nearly has an anxiety attack daily because of it.
You have to come up with your own system of rewards and consequences that the students actually care about individually. I take my 8th graders outside once per week to just play sports or do whatever they want on the track. They know that when I ring my high pitched chime, they have three seconds to stop talking. If they don't, I write down the names of the offenders and they don't go out at the end of the week. You should get some kind of high pitched noise because everyone hears it regardless of volume. If you try to use your voice, you have to be louder than the entire class and it's hard to do that without yelling. I use this one
The trick is to not let anyone know who is on the list until right before you go outside. Otherwise kids who are on the list will just say fuck it and torture you all week. They won't remember talking at an inappropriate time, so I make sure to write down "Jeremias -- talking to Alyssa after chime," in case they accuse me of lying.
Also, and this is where I disagree with the top comment--do not use blanket punishments. If 20 kids are doing great and the same 5 kids fuck it up for everyone, not only is it not fair to punish the 20 kids, but they will stop caring because they'll know there is a high chance that they're going to lose their privilege anyway through no fault of their own.
I have seen teachers use a 3 pipe chime, I use a 1 pipe chime. I like the 3 pipe one, sweet variety of sounds, but the one with just one works just as well. Here is the link:
After my colleagues saw me using one, they bought their own. That price is really good! I paid double!
could get her a zenergy chime if she doesn't have one yet. my mom used to have one and they're only about $10.
"So my big issues are getting them to be silent, listen to me, stop verbally fighting with each other, being obedient, and respecting and seeing me as the authority without having to change my personality."
Let's unpack this together.
1.) Getting them to be silent/listening to me. At 4th/5th grade, students still really benefit from having an obvious cue from the teacher that "now I need you to focus on me and listen" is happening. Shouting is never a good way to get this, your voice is just adding to the overall chaos of the room. A lot of teachers at this grade level will do something that rhymes. "123, eyes on me" or something like that. You can find a whole list online and find one that appeals to you, or select another attention grabber. I have a chime I hit ( https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0000775G0/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o05_s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1 ) and you wouldn't think by looking at it, but it has a very powerful and clear-cutting sound that is an immediate attention-getter.
Whatever method you use, before you start using it explain to the students what they're supposed to do when it happens. "Hey everyone. When I ring this chime, by the time the sound ends, I want eyes on me, mouths shut, and ears ready to listen." And then PRACTICE this like it's a game. "Okay, now, turn to the person nearest you and tell them about something you're really excited about!" and then once everyone is talking, ring the chime. Praise them. "Jordan, you did a great job immediately turning around and looking at me. Michelle, I liked that when Emily tried to tell you something while you were looking at me, you quietly reminded her she needs to be focusing on me right now."
Be prepared to have to remind and re-teach them this for a few days while they adjust to this new rule. Be patient. But use lots of praise! During this praising time, do not call out the kids who did "bad". Never shame kids in front of their peers.
2.) Stop verbally fighting with each other.
What are your classroom rules? Do you have them posted somewhere? Have you taught the students any sort of strategy for what to do when something is happening that's bothering them? Even though you might think kids should just "know" how to behave, they don't. Having a short list of rules that's visible, that you've gone over with them, and that they helped you construct is a good thing to have.
But don't have your rule be "no arguing" because that's simply not going to happen. Kids have disagreements and arguing is a LOT better than physically fighting! But think of the reason behind it: bullying? not taking turns or sharing? disagreeing about an assignment? And then be prepared to teach lessons on how to handle those situations. Hell, this could even become a class assignment where students come up with their ideas in groups, share, and then you create a list of class rules and what to do when you feel upset from what they share.
3.) Being obedient. Students will listen to you when they respect you, and they will respect you when they feel respected by you. Right now you're focused very much on being an authority figure. You don't have to be an authority figure to get respect, but if kids don't feel like you respect them then they're not going to respect you back.
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I would recommend looking into positive behavior (PBIS) systems out there and start working on the things you like and know you can implement. Teach and practice this throughout the week with students. Be ready to pause your lesson until behavior improves. Additionally, you have this great resource in your classroom with you right now: the teacher's assistant! Work with her, get advice from her, and build a classroom behavior system that will work for the both of you.
The more thoughtful conferences all tend to use one of these instead of mic tapping. For $11, I'm starting to think I might have to get one for the gig bag.
Could be this.