What are /r/LowLibidoCommunity's favorite Products & Services?

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Here's a really good book I'm reading that sounds like it could be very helpful for your situation. "The Deadbedroom Repair Manual" by Melody Parker. I wish I had read this book early in my own relationship with my wife. I would have had a different understanding of the approaches to our sex life and our respective needs which would have been so helpful.

Good luck to you and your partner both!

Here's an article about mindful sex.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/stress-and-sex/201711/mindful-sex-is-mind-blowing-sex

There's also a book, Better Sex Through Mindfulness by Lori Brotto.

I'm not sure you really need a book, though. The basic idea is to focus your attention on the physical sensations you are experiencing, without any expectations or judgements. Take a mindset of openness and curiosity, to allow the experience to be whatever it is, and not to have any goals such as achieving arousal or orgasm.

At times you will notice that your focus has wandered away from the physical sensations you are experiencing in the moment. When this happen, gently redirect your attention back to the sensations. That's about it! It's simple, but not easy.

>I know people who have sex every day for 10, 15 days straight while TTC; I could barely do 3 without feeling overwhelmed.

Yikes, this seems to indicate a complete misunderstanding of how conception works. Obviously there is nothing wrong with having sex 15 days straight if you want to, but this is far from necessary if you are trying to conceive.

I give a strong endorsement to the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. This book will help you to get in tune with your body and to identify when you are most likely to be fertile.

https://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Reproductive-ebook/dp/B00QFOP45Q/

Women are only fertile for 3-5 days per menstrual cycle. Having sex at any other time will not lead to conception. If you can identify your fertile days and have sex once or twice per cycle, that would give you as good a chance of conception as having sex on a random 15 days per cycle.

In addition, DIY insemination is a simple process. If this is less troubling than actual intercourse, it is another option. Again, identifying your most fertile days would be helpful.

There's a book called The Pleasure Gap: American Women and the Unfinished Sexual Revolution, by Katherine Rowland. I'm not sure whether she invented the term, but I learned it from her writings. I like it because it acknowledges that orgasms aren't the only thing that matter, even though the orgasm gap already suggests that sex tends not to be as good for women as it is for men, in heterosexual relationships.

From the book blurb:

>Up to 40 percent of American women experience the sexual malaise clinically known as low sexual desire. Between this low desire, muted pleasure, and experiencing sex in terms of labor rather than of lust, women by the millions are dissatisfied with their erotic lives.
>
>For too long, this deficit has been explained in terms of women's biology, stress, and age. In The Pleasure Gap, Katherine Rowland rejects the idea that women should settle for diminished pleasure; instead, she argues women should take inequality in the bedroom as seriously as we take it in the workplace and understand its causes and effects.

You also received some input from u/myexsparamour elsewhere in this thread. Her advice is usually excellent.

She doesn't mind if I out her (I've asked) as she wrote a book called The Deadbedroom Repair Manual. I purchased this book about a year ago and have read it several times. As I continue to work on improving my sexual relationship with my wife, this books gives me a much better understanding of the situation and helps me, as the sex-seeking partner, to see things much more clearly and accurately from the point of view of my wife, the reluctant partner. I had to stay open and loving as I read the book, but it helped me see how I put undue pressure on my wife, as a high libido person that was trying inexpertly to get his needs met. I can relate to that sullen, distant attitude that your husband gives you when he hasn't had sex in a while. I'm not saying it's right, just that I understand it better now.

There are several excellent books recommended in the resource section of r/DeadBedrooms and The Deadbedroom Repair Manual is one I recommend highly.

Best of luck to you and your husband and your relationship.

Practising Sensate Focus to practice mindfulness and to enjoy the intimacy of touch (pleasure, sex and orgasm is not a goal!).

Let your body get aroused withouth pressure and anxiety if it is feeling like it. :-)

https://www.amazon.com/Sensate-Focus-Sex-Therapy-Illustrated-ebook/dp/B06X9VH2D5

I just saw your comment. You would like a dildo shorter than 6 inches. I found a 5 inch long dildo on Amazon. I have no experience with dildos so I have no clue how to evaluate if it is a good one.

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IDK if this books recommended in this sub, but something I learned a lot from is Come As You Are by Nagoski. She writes about "brakes" and "accelerators" to libido. There are some good exercises and tips on how to reduce the breaks and add accelerators. It's usually not a single "magic bullet" but rather just thinking about things like you already are in a more systemic fashion. Hopefully that helps.

Good luck! 🍀

1. I can sense the anxiety and possible OCD and intrusive thoughts you have just from reading the first paragraph. Any of these things can prevent you from focusing on being in the moment and enjoying any activity, let alone sex. I hope you have a therapist or doctor to help with this. Since as you said, weed helps, but you don't want to have to always use weed as a crutch.

2. To help with getting in the moment, maybe try sensate focus. There may be other things getting in the way, but we are not trained therapists. You could try seeing a sex therapist, try reading books on sensate focus, or try reading this recently published book on db. It gives perspectives from both sides. I am so glad you have such an understanding partner. He may be happy to read the book with you and work on the exercises together. That will better your chances as success. I wish you two the best.

This book, right here. Read it. Then read it again. Then again. And memorize it. Take the quizzes. Do all the things. This book is a complete game changer. https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform-ebook/dp/B00LD1ORBI/ref=sr_1_1?crid=IGMDXT4CZE8E&dchild=1&keywords=come+as+you+are+by+emily+nagoski%2C+ph.d&qid=1611848989&sprefix=come+as+you+are%2Caps%2C175&sr=8-1

If you want to try sea sponges, these are really nice.

https://www.amazon.com/Natural-Sea-Silk-Sponges-12pk/dp/B01GGT6G24

You do need to be comfortable with putting a finger into your vagina to remove the sponge.

Since the answers could possibly be read by future people, and you are obviously trying to approach this in a respectful way, I'm happy to leave this up unless someone has an issue.

As for resources, I recommend this book, for both of you: https://www.amazon.com/Ultimate-Guide-Sex-Disability-Disabilities/dp/1573443042

You might also benefit from reading subs that focus on disability, as those users may have more hands on experience, like r/stroke has a lot of great posts, and several users who have posted their journey, as well as caregivers dealing with what you are experiencing.

Hopefully, if our members have experienced this, they can share their thoughts with you on what might help. You can also consider individual therapy to learn better coping mechanisms and strategies for avoiding caregiver burnout.

I'm in a similar boat. I found this book helpful to explain why I'm not broken. She talks about responsive desire as opposed to spontaneous desire, and that it's quite common in women. I would recommend reading it. come as you are