What are /r/BDSMcommunity's favorite Products & Services?

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I'd recommend something like this: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00YFG1U86/ over a regular knife or other cutting implement, as they are specifically designed for cutting fabric off in a hurry.

Struggling against neckties often tightens knots to the point you can’t undo them. So I always suggest everyone gets a pair of these (or similar EMT shear), just in case:

Carabiner-Shears EMT Trauma Shears with Carabiner and Stainless Steel Bandage Scissors, Red https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DKDNLX2/

You can’t accidentally stab your SO with these, cut off their body parts, etc... and yet they’re strong enough to cut any fabric off of a body part.

When sleeping my mistress will often cuff my hands together and my feet together with these so I can still get out if needed but I get spanked if I try to remove them myself

> so I am just at a loss at how to help him

I'm very sorry to say, sadly, you can't.

He knows what the next step is, to seek counseling. He's chosen not to take that step.

You can't help those who don't want to be helped.

He has, effectively, chosen to end the relationship you used to have.

Your choices now, I'm sad to say, are A) accept the new relationship he's now offering, or B) mourn the ending of your relationship and move on.

I'm not religious myself, however I do find the serenity prayer fitting:

> Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
> Courage to change the things I can,
> And wisdom to know the difference.

If some support or counseling would be helpful, I can recommend https://www.7cups.com/ to you.

• puppy, pup
• cub
• boy (good boy, bad boy, dirty boy, little boy, big boy, baby boy, etc.)
• punk
• Here's a list of synonyms for brat that might give you something good.

Oh yeah, this has poor self-care written all over it. He’s repressing a lot of pent up shit to be more “Domly”, and the dynamic doesn’t lend itself well to a Dom that needs therapy, because therapy requires a level of vulnerability you can’t really access in that mental state. I’d suggest buying a DBT workbook

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & ... Tolerance (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245131/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_xmB2Bb0VBXTDT

Or looking for free at some of the DBT practice at ilovedbt.com

It helps a lot with self-care practices involving very intense emotional reactions, and it’s cheaper than seeing a therapist. Plus, it can be tough finding the right therapist anyway.

I’m a Dom myself, and I can tell you that it works. The toxic shame is so draining, and he’d be much healthier and happier letting it go, because the deed has been done. There’s no “de-kinkifying” oneself. What gets us off is what gets us off. Good luck!

If you're doing rope bondage, every single reputable source (in print, online, and in person) should note the importance of having a pair of bandage/EMT/safety shears to safely and easily cut ropes. Here's a completely random pair from Amazon for reference. You should be able to find some for a couple of dollars. Avoid getting them in black as it can make them harder to find in an emergency.

The New Topping and New Bottoming Books

The Loving Dominant

S&M 101

The Leatherman's Handbook

Screw the Roses Send Me the Thorns

Also, for Dominants, The Art of War is good for learning leadership.

The following is a presentation aimed at the medical community regarding understanding BDSM:

https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=explorer&chrome=true&srcid=0BwsV7HTKgBQSYmQ4MDUzYmUtZTg0My00NGFjLTg2NzctNDMwNjQ2Y2I3YTkx&hl=en

If you are looking to educate your doc, you could direct them to that. I have heard that doctors are actually required to report suspected abuse, so just saying nothing and letting them draw their own conclusions may not be the best idea. Regarding bruises, I've heard that pressing into bruises with a comb and "combing them out" can help them disappear faster, but it still takes a few days and they actually get bigger at first until they dissipate.

Yeaaaaaah that was my concern. She was part of why I wrote my piece about fantasy. People ABSOLUTELY go to erotica books and Hollywood movies and porn for their sexual/romantic education, and they do mimic what they see (think of all the people who hurt themselves doing viral youtube stunts?)

> Biotene Dry Mouth Oral Rinse

Looks like the formula was changed. looking at amazon reviews now. https://www.amazon.com/Biotene-Oral-Rinse-Mouth-Symptoms-33-8/dp/B002KAOAZ4/ref=sr_1_1_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1488319950&sr=8-1&keywords=biotene%2Bdry%2Bmouth%2Boral%2Brinse&th=1

Try this stuff, it's meant for jewelry and dries completely clear. It is a bit pricey but it does last a long time with lots of handling. I've used it on a steel water bottle, so something I was touching and stuff constantly, and it's been a couple years with minimal peeling.

Yeah, seconding the "don't do it" unless you really have the right equipment, and a plan.

If you get a sleepsack, and do a bunch of testing to make sure they can stay in it for extended periods reasonably while you're awake, and you are a light enough sleeper that they could wake you up in a crisis, then you could try it, but doing it with gear that could pinch nerves, and gear that could cut off blood flow, and having them be somewhere that they could not get help in a pinch, not safe, high likelihood of something going wrong, and nerve damage is not something to even flirt with.

Not vouching for this particular product, but just so you have a visual on what I mean by sleepsack, https://www.amazon.com/Bondage-Black-Leather-Sleeping-Mummy/dp/B072MPXTKD it's like that, it's a sleeping bag that is tied from the outside, but leaves their limbs free inside so they can change positions but not actually get free. You also could do this with a sleeping bag, and a simple order to not get out, so long as obedience is part of your dynamic.

St. Andrews Cross would do the trick. Just throw in some ratchet straps for joint control and you ain't going nowhere. Besides, the click-click-click-click of the mechanism makes for some great tension building.

Just be careful with how tight you go. It's very easy to cut off circulation and they can be tightened enough to cause bruising. Use common sense with 'em.

No, there's nothing super special about the anus that makes it immune to infection. The game gets more complicated inside the colon, but the cuts around the submitter's anus ("asshole") could become infected due to the e.coli naturally found in fecal matter.

That said, a million hemorrhoid sufferers get little tears around their anus all the time when hemorrhoids are injured, and they're usually fine. Still, it is worth keeping poop away from open wounds as much as possible.

Ranting that the US has it easy is unfair and inaccurate. The US is 9.147m km2 and the EU is 4.239m km2 in land area. The EU has over 181 million more people than the US. The US has an average of 36 people per km2, versus the EU which has 120 people per km2. (Source: http://www.worldometers.info/population/china-eu-usa-japan-comparison/)

The US has fewer people and a lower population density than the EU. From this we can theorise that there are statistically less chances to bump into kinky people in the US vs the EU. And the world knows that us European’s are the kinkiest fuckers on the planet 😉

I’m in the UK (which at the time of writing is still part of the EU 😂) and I’ve never had a problem meeting kinky people - even if I didn’t know (and on many occasions they didn’t know!) they were kinky. I just went on regular dates, got to know people, and explored from there.

You’ll find you’ll get more helpful replies if you tell us which country you’re from.

But, as another poster has said, if there’s no scene near you (there isn’t near me either!) then you’ll have to travel or create a scene. I don’t have a car and the nearest munch scene is an hour and a half by bus (one way!) but it’s still feasible.

As for dungeon/fetish events, it’s a similar story and if we were to go to one (not our thing however) we’d have to get a taxi (cab for our US friends) back late at night or stay in a local hotel.

You need to stop complaining and make more effort.

Ohh they don’t make mine anymore but this is similar. Cleanstream Silicone Comfort Nozzle Enema Attachment https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00767NASE/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_xLZMDbQ8DWZZQ The great thing about it is it cleans you out from the top down. Much faster and more through then shallow enemas. My doc recommended trying it.

Maybe you could check this out to start! The Lo•Bloo is made for martial arts and such, so it’s hard so you can’t touch, but still easy to remove so you can keep clean and use the bathroom properly! I’m a trans guy and ended up getting the athletic cup version because I wanted a bit of a bulge and absolutely LOVE mine!! Been caged now for a couple weeks!

A lot of choking is about having power over someone, not the physical force upon the throat. You can be fairly gentle and still make her feel controlled. You don't want to do real damage to her trachea, so it may be best to put most of the pressure on the side of the neck than the front under her chin.

Remember, there's no real safe way to choke a person. It's not just about them losing air, but choking can lead to Asphyxial Cardiac Arrest. This is a medical emergency you won't be prepared to handle, and it's more complicated than just her passing out and coming back around when she starts breathing again.

I love being choked. Just be aware of the risks.

Gay master here. The whole thing sounds incredibly suspect to me. Could be he's just looking for a place to stay. Or he's confused unhealthy co dependency with a healthy M/s relationship. If his previous Master abandoned him, he could be desperate to fill this emotional void.

I know this isn't very flattering to you but it sounds likely.

It worries me that he wants to jump into 24/7 set-up without:

A) Any kind of emotional bond together. BDSM partners don't have to be in love but there should be trust.

B)A proper discussion of limits, check lists, expectations

>I'm really into the idea of having a hot little sub boy living with me.

Reality and fantasy are very different.

The two of you need to discuss everything in detail. Go through a checklist, be clear on hard limits, put safe words into place. Remember, you will have to step out of roles and discuss many things as equals, especially in a brand-new relationship like this.

Here is a checklist http://www.cepemo.com/checklist.html It allows you and your play partner to go through the activities and decide clearly what are and aren't on the menu.

The second is a very good example of an Activity/Limit list by AeternaServus https://medium.com/p/b6e71d7663be

Have the two of you discussed the mundane "vanilla" aspects of this arrangement? Who will be paying for food? Will he pay rent? Or is seeking out a master a way of living rent-free in exchange for his submission? If this is the case, it sounds very unhealthy and not a good basis for any relationship, especially a M/s one.

>I thought he was too immature for the run-of-the-mill relationship I wanted at the time

Then I doubt he's mature enough for a 24/7 relationship.

>Well, he's coming back tomorrow, and wants to move in with me.

Did he just contact you out of the blue and ask to move in as your slave? Because that should raise red flags.

Edited for clarification.

How to Find Local Groups and Partners.

Have you tried classifieds / personal ads on FetLife? If you want a local partner, search for groups using the name of your city or a nearby city.

You can try local events such as munches and play parties (with you can find out about on FetLife), but you should probably be going with the idea to make friends rather than just to find a partner (the former can lead to the latter).

A kink-friendly dating site like OKCupid also works.

There's also /r/BDSMpersonals, /r/LittlespacePersonals and /r/ABDLPersonals (if you're into that).

Of course a lot can be said about constructing that perfect profile (or message), but I'll leave that for others to get into.

I usually buy toys on Amazon, but you have to be careful with that because sometimes the distributors well sell low-quality knock-offs instead of the item you expect.

The harness I use is the Sportsheets Design Diva. It's supposed to fit waists from 28-82 inch, and I could wear it at my largest (size 28/30, 340 lbs) and still have plenty of room to give. The padding makes it much more comfortable than the plain cheap strappy harnesses we tries in the past.

That harness will work with any dildo with a plain flared base. We use this one, which was a good choice for my husband because it's lengthy and I could go shallower as we worked up, but it's not too girthy. The flat/suction base just fits and works in the harness better than the ones with balls do.

I'm sure someone else can give you a run-down on the best/safest materials for toys and which lubes they work with, plus which are easiest to clean. I should know this but I don't, but there are several sites that give a breakdown of it if you want to google and choose based on materials.

If he hasn't done much butt play, you may want to start with a butt plug or two to get him used to relaxing and having the area stretched/filled some before moving on to pegging. Usually a small & medium size will work, as the large ones in many of the sets tend to be pretty huge.

That's great. Very kind of that person to donate to you in order to make this a reality.

For something to broadcast with, I would look to see if OBS works with YouTube. It's what most Twitch streamers use. Pretty nice program and completely free.

I recommend "The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Eaton and Janet W Hardy. The book is mainly geared toward partners wishing to explore open relationships, but deals with kink and some of the psychology and stigma associated with it.

Here's a WorldCat link, so that you can enter your zipcode and find the copy at a library nearest you. Why did I give this to you, you may ask? Because I'm a real-life naughty librarian.

If you're looking for male Dom, female sub erotica, I've enjoyed Cherise Sinclair's Masters of Shadowlands series; Shayla Black and Melissa Shcroeder are good, as well.

edit: spelling

A nice blanket or robe for aftercare time.

Wartenburg wheel

Not from amazon or etsy, but these suspension cuffs. I have these and they are the most comfortable suspension cuffs and worth every penny, IMO. I use them for most things, not just suspension. They're really nice when tied to a bed, for example. They keep your wrist in a neutral position even when you're struggling.

Look into a set of anal trainers.
We have this set and this one (they have a wider base and probably closer to what you're looking for).

Regarding the second set I linked to: the big one in the set is BIG. She told me once that she couldn't take it.
Never say that to your sadist. #ChallengeAccepted

She can take it. She whimpers and begs for mercy, but she can definitely take it.

Transparency: those are amazon links, but they're clean -- no affiliate stuff.

On the subject of auditory deprivation - It's easier to overdub ambient noises than to block them out. To do so, white noise is the thing - Either as a long mp3 file, or an app that generates this sound indefinitely (https://simplynoise.com/). My preference is a tiny mp3 player, since that's far easier to attach somewhere to the body.

There is also the Ganzfeld effect (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ganzfeld_effect), which may occur in prolonged sensory deprivation sessions. This seems to be much of the same that we describe as subspace. Note that outside stimuli, ie. playing with the subject, will cancel the effects.

On a practical note, all forms of BDSM sensory deprivation is enhanced by bondage - that the subject is unable to free themselves but are forced to adapt to the missing light or noise. in-ear buds with a bit of tape over them, in addition to a hood of some kind works very well to keep them in their place.

But again, type of play is done by leaving the subject alone (under supervision) for a prolonged time. It's true that skin touches feels a lot stronger after a time with no input, but it needs to come after a relaxation phase, and not immediately after turning on the white noise.

I love the inclusion of a 'game'.

Create an 'Acts of Service-non sexual' category that can include back massages, foot massages, applying body lotion, face massages, back scratches, etc. It can include 'manscaping' and probably 'femscaping' ?

Then create a 'Acts of Service - sexual' for more intimate things.

I would skip classic punishments like spanking, writing lines, etc. Keep these for the more intense power exchanges.

Create a 'sexual training' category: Deep throating a dildo for 5 minutes, Squatting over a dildo for X minutes vaginally or anally, A few dozen Keegles, Doing jumping jacks with ben-wa balls or a dildo inserted trying to clench, Licking the bottom of a shot glass for X minutes, Edging for X minutes, etc. (Use a dice to set the X number of minutes).

Not sure if these ideas are 'power exchange' enough but hopefully you can use some of these ideas.

I would include dice for the number of minutes or number of strokes. Use a coin for heads/tails to decide which opening gets the hot sauce. (They even sell special head/tails coins on Amazon to make the game more fun: Fun heads tail coins

First things first:

You're supposed to enjoy yourselves. It's not super serious. Laughing is a good thing. Sure, it might not bring the mood you're after, but that'll come along soon enough. For now, just go with what feels fun and good for the both of you, and the giggles will subside in time. Trying to be all serious business about it won't work.

Explore and get comfortable with things, and feel free to reach out to people online. Asking stuff on reddit is great, but keep it public, so you can get more than one answer. It can so very easily become a little one-sided if you find just one person and have them guide you exclusively. Keeping it public vets the answers a little, too!

There are a million books written on all this, and some of them are quite good.
The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book get recommended a lot, and are generally accepted as pretty good.

Just try and keep fiction out of your real life. 50 Shades of Gray does not portray a healthy relationship, for example.

Above all is communication and consent. Without good communication there can be no informed consent, and without informed consent there will be problems down the line with resentment and hurt. Be brave in your communication, and I assure you it will be rewarded.

I think the most important thing for anybody to know is that every relationship is different. You and your partner will find things that work for you and don't work for you. Take internet advice with a grain of salt and avoid absolutes.

I think you have a great foundation if you're starting from the place of 'and above all else it's about taking care of your partner and making them feel 110% safe at all times' -- While a lot of these ideas can be loaded you can do a lot worse than start off with safety.

I suggest you both think about what aspects of BDSM that you've seen/heard about/read about turn you on and look for intersections.

I also encourage you to get the following books. Read them together and talk about them!

https://smile.amazon.com/New-Topping-Book-Dossie-Easton-ebook/dp/B006T2ULTI?sa-no-redirect=1

https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B005HZ6GGU/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

i have a cabinet that hangs off my closet door with a mirror on the front. i think it was originally for jewelry but i keep everything from handcuffs to restraints to paddles and whips to collars in there. i think i originally got it from target but i found one on amazon that looks really similar https://www.amazon.com/dp/B074PS67LB/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_693MZ4KQD612MDJMSEED

I have kids, so I need something that they can’t get into. We have this and it’s perfect. It holds a decent amount, locks, and slides under the bed.

Vaultz Locking Storage Chest/Dorm Storage with Combination Locks, White (VZ00177) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00CXI2XB6/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glc_fabc_kHh.Fb69TD6H6?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

That's tough, I have had mine off twice in 3 years so I can empathize with how you feel about that.

My wife takes hers off fairly regularly for work, so it is an option.

You could order more set screws from them if you're worried about losing one. If you just want to try to find them yourself, I'm not sure the thread pitch but it's a 2mm hex and about 6mm long. I'm assuming since it's a metric hex it's a metric thread pitch but that's a guess.

For alternatives try Etsy. I've had good luck just cruising around and emailing people who's work looked good.

Or get an anklet or bracelet, I guess.

Good luck!

Edit: it's on their FAQ

For our rigid collars we use a 2mm Allen Key with an M4 (4mm), 0.7mm x 5mm cup point socket screw.

Our locking flexible collars (rope and chain) use a smaller .05" Allen Key with a 4-40 x 1/4" socket set screw.

Five of the hard collar replacements on Amazon. $7

Second edit: 5 tiny set screws for $7 is highway robbery they're probably like $0.10 ea in bulk if you buy a few hundred. But $7 is easier to spend.

I personally like argyle. I got her a 6pack on Amazon for $11ish

Women's Color & Fun Knee High... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01L28UX0U?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

As for stockings I do a lot of eBay. I put together different costumes for her because I’m a pervert. The only one she thought I was weird for was a Velma costume. Orange knee highs. Super hot.

You're totally ok! Severe bruising can be dangerous but you're at a level that is totally safe. For reference, I'm including a link (I've posted it here before, but it's relevant) of some very heavy bruising I received back in August. As you can see, these are much scarier in appearance than yours, and even they were totally fine and healed within two weeks. The big thing to watch out for is if things don't seem to be healing in a normal fashion. Also, arnica gel can really help bruises heal faster and be less painful, if you're worried. You can pick that up at the natural grocery store.

ah, well, now that that is clear ish, you can use stretch pvc vinyl, such as here: http://www.alibaba.com/product-detail/Glossy-4-way-stretch-PVC-Catsuit_110693592.html

obviously thats just a product example, not saying its what you are looking for. what are you looking for exactly?

> Screw the Roses and Give Me The Thorns (can't remember the author)

"Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism" by Philip Miller and Molly Devon (Amazon link)

There are a lot of fakes on Amazon but this is a real one. Top notch too

Magic Wand Original VIVA Kit Therapeutic Wand Massager Includes IntiMD Massaging Moisturizer 8oz https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01IAVNNU4/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_ewyQBbNMJ0NPB

You could look at Walmart 😝 (To be fair these are like $140 but I think it's fucking hilarious that Walmart even has them)

https://www.walmart.com/ip/BALLET-1025-7-apos-apos-Spike-Heel-Ballet-Ankle-Boots/126807873?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=2194&adid=22222222228045673557&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=m&wl3=95427039770&wl4=aud-261800282140:pla-21799...

look around for something like this perhaps? or like this?

Rope Cuffs. simple and crazy quick. Also quite satisfying to pull them tight and cinch them up.
Two Column Tie is useful for this as well, and a million other uses. Learn the one- and two-column ties, and you'll know enough about bondage to keep any partner happy... at least for a few scenes. ;)

This is going to sound like an ad, but I promise it isn't. The app / website is free, and I'm not affiliated in any way.

Tried Habitica? . It's a to do list that's been turned into a vintage video game. Basically, you tell it what you need to get done, as well as the habits that you want to learn, and it rewards you with free dopamine by giving you coins and XP for doing them. You can find items, pets and dress up your avatar by completing your IRL tasks, too.

No, it has no way of checking up whether you've actually done the things or not, but since you really get nothing out of it there's no reason to cheat.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00JE12P7M/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_RRWFZQ0JN15Z8VYAB7FX

These are what I have. Bought them from Lovehoney in the UK but they don't seem to be in stock anywhere.

There's lots of nipple clamps which look like jewellery too if you look at Google.

Just got this. Didn’t want the kiddo looking in our night stand by accident...what an interesting conversation that would have been.

Vaultz Locking Storage Box, with Key Lock, Mesh Pocket and Adjustable Interior Compartments, Square, 10 x 10 x 6.5 Inches, Tactical Black (VZ01036) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07DRZN8XN/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_2cedGbR2BPPZK?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

I wear my plugs around 10 to 12 hours daily.

The metal jeweled ones are great for insertion but I've often been left with chaff marks around the round flared base. It stings.

Because of that, I only wear the metal ones for decorative purposes if it's going to be short-term of a couple hours or less, or if I'm wearing matching ones with my girlfriends.

For long-term ones I use a long thin tapered base. These ones.

Have fun!

Oh! PJUR lube or coconut oil is best. :)

This is an old thread I actually made about 2 months ago about asking about sissification without humiliation if you want to check it out to get some ideas.

There are some pretty good (IMO) sissification dresses on Amazon if you're willing to pay up around $150 for them that could be fun. Then of course you could also get some wigs on Amazon for like $30 or less (depending on quality/color/length) if you wanted to go into it and have him fully dress the part.

As to what to say, once again it really varies on what you actually intend to do during the scene. You could make him watch you pleasure yourself while you tell him he's not allowed to touch, you could spank him and talk about how good of a girl he is and how he's yours, etc.

The one thing me and my girlfriend involve is pegging with it so I'll dress up and fully play the part while also getting fucked by her so I can fully go into the mindset of being a sissy girl. However that might be too much to do all at once if you're just getting into the world of sissification.

I could have sworn Eternity had collars like that at one point but I don't see them on the site anymore. Huh.

Amazon has some. No reviews so I don't know about the quality but Amazon customer service is great and I'm sure they'd help you if it was notably bad quality.

When this issue came up with my sub, I felt that in the heat of the moment, especially if we have music playing, something like dropped keys or clicking fingers could be missed. Or some other circumstance prevents a tap out / dropping an object, like when she's in a straitjacket and being facefucked... so I purchased a wireless doorbell from Amazon. It works great.

I got a tripod, it's actually a game hoist, that easily breaks down and can be stored in a 6' bag. When setup it takes up all of my small living room and when stowed it fits nicely in a closet. It works for an alternate to a cross or to hard points, and I absolutely love the cranking chink chink noise it makes when raising the hoist. I also love that it gives you access to all sides of your partner unlike a cross. I got mine from Amazon for $130 here:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PTW9OT2/

I did not read all the comments, but as a linguist I feel kinda urged to answer this question.

You see, English is one of those languages which have few gendered words. Many other languages, like Spanish have a word (or inflection) for each gender, so a table in Spanish is a she and a couch is a he because it's a gendered language just as a Doctor is a male and a Doctora is a female. Now, English is a different cup of tea. English is a mix of several languages, mainly anglo saxon (not gendered) mixed with french(gendered) and latin (gendered), therefore you've inherited gendered words in certain aspects, for instance Master and Mistress, I dont know how the reactions of the community are, but Master is male gendered and Mistress is a female gendered word, regardless of what is commonly understood in certain communities. So there isnt anything about being forward thinking or not about this subject. That's how language works!

Also, if you take the time to look up Domme in a dictionary it clearly says it's a female https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/domme

I hope my reply is an eye opener and Im sorry if this was answered by someone else, it's really late!

A Guide to Erotic Hypnosis by Mark Wiseman is really good. It's actually one of the more useful how-tos I've found for anything kink related.

It's also available on Scribd if you have a subscription, which is the best $8.99 or whatever it is I've ever spent. Unlimited books! Sorry, had to toss that in there, Scribd is freaking awesome.

Based on your use of the pronoun she, I'm assuming that your partner is a woman. I can't say if it's true of your situation but it may just be a case of a different style of sexual desire. It's estimated that maybe 30% of women experience responsive desire where they don't spontaneously get aroused, and its more driven by the situations around them. It's not about a lack of general interest, just a difference in how each person's brain is wired when it comes to sex. I'd highly recommend checking out Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski which covers a lot of the things about sex and sexuality from a female perspective that we just never learn about. It's a far from perfect book, but it seriously changed our sex life for the better.

Your choice looks elegant. I opt for the L track rails and ring anchors. I guess you can find in Amazon UK:

rail

and

ring anchor:

It's the modern variation of a medieval torture device "The Pear of Anguish" (google it)
and you can buy it in amazon if you are interested Amazon link

Going to paraphrase an answer I gave in a similar thread recently—

There's a really awesome book called <em>Enough to Make You Blush</em> that talks about why this question can be so hard for strangers to answer. One of the key takeaways from this book, for me, was that humiliation is extremely personal and individual. What one person finds humiliating, another may find liberating, or just boring. So while this group may have some great and inspirational suggestions, the best idea might come from turning inward and trying to understand what really would make you feel humiliated, or at least what areas might be in that zone.

Some broad questions to explore:

Are there specific words and phrases that would make you blush? Names that would feel degrading and hot?

Are there specific punishments, or the concept of punishment, that could make you feel humiliated?

Would having your control of your orgasms taken away from you be humiliating?

What about control of your bathroom privileges?

Would it be hot and embarrassing to be treated like an object? Or an animal? Or a child?

What about forced domestic service?

Are there bodily functions or fluids that make you squeamish, but maybe in an exciting or thrilling way?

What about forced nudity or something in public?

Hope it helps!

This is a copy of the one i have been using for years, and I require a survey from all new play partners.

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0AuEJJSkopM_ndERldXZMQjQzVkFOSkdrS1VROENJelE

feel free to copy and use.

The next generation of this is likely going to be the smartwatches currently entering the market, which are the first to include built in 3g modems. The Samsung Gear S is an example. Timex has another such product.

The upshot of this feature being that it will be possible to track location and travel in real time in the fashion associated with smartphone apps built for this purpose (mytracks and what have you).

This is nearly guaranteed, for any watch of this type hitting the market, as all of them have so far promoted fitness (running/cycling) features, the central one among which is run/ride/trip mapping/recording.

The aesthetic appeal of a smartwatch worn on the wrist or ankle may be greater, to many kinksters, than that of a smartphone, as a similar tool.

Updated link for the Beginning Domination article.

Also, on the boundaries point, look over some checklists. They're good for starting discussions about boundaries, as well as giving you new ideas to try out.

There are several more updates to this whole saga and it really does seem like this guy got blackmailed, the Drupal folks overreacted, and now are sticking to their guns instead of admitting their mistakes.

The non-update from the Drupal people: https://www.drupal.org/association/blog/working-through-the-concerns-of-our-community

The latest update from Larry, which points out that the above link adds no information, just more vague accusations. In covering up their mistake, they've continued to say there's some other thing he did that they don't want to mention. This makes it sound like he did something horrible, which hurts his reputation, which makes him keep replying and people keep asking questions, which keeps the whole drama alive, which is exactly what they were trying to avoid. A good lesson in PR for everyone.

Well, Scoot is a bit of a pussy, and seems to end up with strong, cold types.... And women who can "get into his head"! Emma has a definite "slutty" look, under-dressed for every occasion. And she DOES like to be in charge of people.

So what DOES Cyclops wear under his Boy Scout uniform? Ropes? Chastity belt? CBT cage?

I don't read X-Men comics, although I do know this canon well and read other comics (Vertigo, TYVM!) weekly. The subcurrents of comics interrelationships is fascinating.

And Xavier is a dick. It's Google-able!

Oh, and don't get me started on bondage queen Wonder Woman! Many fabulous and NSFW images!

There's an often recommended book called The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker. The tl:dr is that it's important to trust your gut and protect yourself. Here's Ch 1:
https://www.nytimes.com/books/first/b/becker-fear.html

So that fact that you're experiencing strange vibes from her? Listen to your gut, and move on.

It sounds like he's coming on too strong too fast. You haven't had much experience in BDSM and he wants you to become 24/7. He shouldn't be pushing for this so soon. How long have you two been dating?

And unless you have a need to submit to this degree, you'll probably become resentful and unfufilled. This isn't just about his needs. A good Dom tries to fufill his sub's needs as well.

If you want to try this, try some light BDSM sessions together first. See if it does anything for you and if you enjoy it. Some D/s couples are only into bedroom play and that's just as valid as 24/7. Make sure you go through a BDSM checklist so you know your limits. Here are some resources for you:

One is a BDSM checklist: http://www.cepemo.com/checklist.html It allows you and your SO to go through the activities and decide clearly what are and aren't on the menu. The second is a very good example of an Activity/Limit list by AeternaServus https://medium.com/p/b6e71d7663be

Have the talk, discuss your limits with him and get a safe word in place.

Don't do anything you don't want to just to please him. If he's a good man and a good Dom, he'll understand he has to take this at your pace.

You need to go through a BDSM checklist together. Here are some resources for the two of you

One is a BDSM checklist: http://www.cepemo.com/checklist.html It allows you and your SO to go through the activities and decide clearly what are and aren't on the menu.

The second is a very good example of an Activity/Limit list by AeternaServus https://medium.com/p/b6e71d7663be

Discuss limits. Some subs have triggers - it's seldom a good idea to spring new things on them without prior discussion.

Do not try extend power play outside the bedroom without discussion and consent. Be aware that your sub is first and foremost a person with his own wants, needs and opinions, Trying to change anything about your sub (unless he specifically asks your help in self-improvement) is a violation of trust and an abuse of the dynamic in my opinion.

The fact you posted here looking for advice shows that you are a caring Domme. I'm sure you want the best for your sub. Enjoy your journey into kink together.

Not my forte, but off the top of my head - http://www.ghacks.net/2014/04/25/manage-truecrypt-containers-android-device/

On computer, make a Truecrypt container that you can encrypt, put on your phone, put a keyfile on your phone, use that program (paid) to unencrypt it. Unless the program somehow steals your keyfile and truecrypt file there's no way any third party could open it.

Important: make the truecrypt archive then put your photos into it, don't turn a .zip of your sub into an archive or it will overwrite the photos.

It's the length of an average essay... reminded me of my college days, night before an essay is due! ;)

Also, Write or Die. Sadistic little thing to help you write non-stop.

Not a vibrator, but you might want to check into these types of eggs.

http://www.alibaba.com/product-gs/541391277/K89_212_Remote_Controlled_Egg_wireless.html?s=p

Edit: How long are your legs? A cherry picker might work for that.

http://www.gregsmithequipment.com/Folding-Cherry-Picker?ibp-adgroup=npadwords&amp;gclid=CPCrxsb4-bMCFal7QgodVxcAkA

May I suggest some simple noise? https://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/whiteNoiseGenerator.php?l=67625651454036322824&amp;m=&amp;d=0

You can also pre-program sets (use 'save in URL' and bookmark) for different emotional impact, or adjust on-the-fly.

I actually just set something like this up for my sub tonight, using an old Android phone and IP Webcam. It supports username/pass to view and various other security settings you can toggle to your liking. It can even run silently in the background (No notification) so if someone were to see or interact with the phone, there would be no immediate signs of what's going on. The advantage here is that I can place/move/dock the phone anywhere rather than being tied (pun intended) to a PC/notebook.

Also may I add that I like your style? ;)

I've made a couple of these of various thicknesses. The handle holds up great, once I finished it with a square knot and dabbed the knot with super glue. I've even used a similar wrapping for other toys.

I whipped the ends, but did so about 2.5 inches from the tip. When I did it nearer the ends they slipped off. I also brushed the whipping with superglue to give it a little extra hold.

The more falls you give it and the thicker the rope you use, the heavier/thuddier it will feel. I also find it easier to control a shorter thick flogger than a long one. That nylon is lightweight and spreads out easily, which can lead to some falls going astray.

"Dominant". "Dominate" is a verb, "dominant" is an adjective/noun.

Many people seem to make this mistake, perhaps because of mispronunciation. Double-check that and it might help make it more obvious.

Self bondage is something I’ve used in the past to help with that itch when it can’t be addressed other ways.

Time locks and ice locks can be used to keep you restrained for a specific period of time, and you can connect devices like TENS units to endure while restrained. Additionally there are automated spanking devices that aren’t too expensive that could be incorporated into a self bondage session.

https://www.spankermachine.com/index.php?lang=en

https://www.amazon.com/Display-Multi-Function-Electronic-Rechargeable-Padlock/dp/B08TV495HL/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_sspa?dchild=1&amp;keywords=time+lock&amp;qid=1627131546&amp;sr=8-1-spons&amp;psc=1&amp;spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEzUFJRTURFWTZYR0FFJmVu...

The bark is scarier than it's bite. The sound it makes is much more daunting than it's actual "Zap". When it hits a fly - "CRACK". When it hits my shoulder (for a test) - it makes the same "CRACK" - but the actual zap was not that bad. We have &quot;The Executioner&quot;

As for impact, the wire grill is pretty sturdy, but not enough for actual impact play. It will break. We put a little pressure on it, and it started to bend, so, it had been relegated to fly killing (It's Actual purpose), even though it was bought to zap me originally.

There is a paddle that can be electrified by Kinklab - Kinklab Thunder Clap Electro Paddle - that I've had my eye on... I own a Violet Wand, but have yet to actually play with it (I was actually thinking about breaking it open today...)

So, that's an alternative if you have that...

The biggest thing to keeping a plug in is the ratio from neck to flare. You want the thinnest neck with the largest flare you can take to make sure it stays in. This is one of my favorites: https://www.amazon.com/Dorcel-Geisha-Plug-Large-Ruby/dp/B017C8QCNG

There is a special type of riding crop that is used in gallop. They are shorter than regular riding crops, much thicker and way lighter, as the impact shaft (... I don't know what the actual terminology is, just making up words here!) is filled with foam.

It makes a lot of noise, but the impact is light.

It's usually referred to as a "Jockey crop" or "Gallop crop". Here is one on Amazon.

That's a lot of bark for very little bite, if it's the sound you're after.

I use something like this:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Popamazing-Hairdressing-Makeup-Cosmetics-Trolley/dp/B00MO1T9YQ/ref=asc_df_B00MO1T9YQ/?tag=googshopuk-21&amp;linkCode=df0&amp;hvadid=310446945021&amp;hvpos=&amp;hvnetw=g&amp;hvrand=2836988464141887074&amp;hvpone=&amp;hvptwo...

It’s got lots of different sized compartments and it’s looks pretty innocuous.

Nice job! This is not bad at all. Maybe explain how you did it? What materials? If others want to do it themselves.

What I like is that this is velcro so it would be super easy to pull on/off rather than have to unbuckle a cuff. Can switch positions quickly with more fluidity than having to uncuff then cuff again. And customized perfect for the wife!

What I would like to point out is that, you said it was super expensive but there are stuff that aren't. Amazon 4 Cuffs and 4 belts for $16. If the inside is uncomfortable you can add extra felt since you can DIY =P

Or a local flea market. The ones near me have cheap kitchen supplies and tool dealers.

Also Amazon

I ordered a cheaper harness bra ($10) on Amazon and was very happy with it! They have multiple styles: Jelinda Harness Bras

I have no experience in piss play but I can achieve some serious distance by squirting. My Dom and I have gotten a pretty good system of protecting bedding and surrounding areas. We have a Liberator Throe ($100), a waterproof yet absorbant blanket that is machine washable and velvety soft. It can hold quite a bit of fluid! We also invested in a couple of heavy duty shower curtains to place in strategic locations (under the Liberator Throe in case it can't absorb any more and leaks through) and at least one to cover the headboard because no matter how much I try, I almost always manage get a stray gusher that goes above my head and I end up giving myself quite the facial lol

A quick rinse of the shower curtains (like $10 a piece at Walmart) in the shower and hung to drip dry or thrown in the washer and hung to drip dry. I'm sure I don't have to say it but...DO NOT PUT PLASTIC IN THE DRYER! You could always go with the painting drop cloths from Dollar Tree for a super cheap option but remember that they tear easily so keep that in mind. There are speciality plastic sheets marketed towards the sex industry but they are exactly the same as a shower curtain. We bought the Lux Fetish vinyl bedsheet for $10 off of Amazon to try it out. Same exact thing.

I cannot tell you if this is of any worth (Ultimate Surrender Inflatable Wresting Ring)[https://www.amazon.com/Kink-Ultimate-Surrender-Inflatable-Wrestling/dp/B01MG8QOO9] but I found it the other day and it looked very interesting as a more comfortable alternative to a plastic kiddie pool.

For a reasonably priced non glove means to an end, look at metal banjo pics from someplace like guitar center. For a different but similar sensation, again reasonably priced, search amazon for meat pullers. Again on amazon garden gloves with claws

Second the makeup case!! We have a large one from Amazon that has a (albeit cheaper) lock with key, and plenty of customizable compartments of varying depth. Obv the one we have doesn’t hold as much, but holds my budding collection of 15-20 items plus spare lube/cleaner.

Amazon link

I bought a metal bed frame back in high school before I really was thinking about kink. It's still with me at 24 years old and actually has a ton of places to tie to unintentionally. It's not noisy in any way, even after 8 years, and was reasonably priced where I got it.

A bed frame like this one has a lot of little places you can tie to without modification. And it's metal so it tends to be pretty durable (I've had my bed frame for 8 years now, still holding up strong).

No bed should ever be squeaky out of the factory/box. If it is, something is likely not tightened quite right.

As to mattresses, I'd go to a store and just lay on some. Even if you don't buy one from that store. At least to get a starting idea of your preferences.

The cheaper you go, the faster that mattress is going to wear out. My partner and I got a cheaper memory foam one from Amazon. It is definitely fine but it's showing it's wear after only 2 years. Look for reviews of people who have used the mattress for awhile, not just for a few nights or a week.

You never heard of erotic romances? Some of them are kinky. Many of them are, in fact. They're written, not visual, but they are just what the doctor ordered. If I may toot my own horn:

Stolen Collar, Stolen Heart

Crazy Aunts and Scary Uncles

Both set on a world where everyone is into BDSM and vanilla sex is virtually unknown. There are other writers in this field who are much more popular than me. Just do a search for BDSM erotic romance or kinky erotic romance on Amazon. Happy reads!

Thanks for your reviews. The reviews on Amazon sucks. But I did find this one https://www.amazon.com/Utimi-Cock-Chastity-Device-Locked/dp/B075MCMM6N/ref=pd_aw_vtph_121_bs_1/146-3038315-2783444?_encoding=UTF8&amp;pd_rd_i=B075MCMM6N&amp;pd_rd_r=fa0709dd-8215-11e9-9c4a-ff62a9822dac&amp;pd_rd_w=eWwvT&amp;pd_rd_wg=YgXHn&amp;pf_r... I think it looks promising. My sub just put in the order so we shall see how good it is soon.

Hey! Welcome! There's a great journal out there called Where I Am Led that helps guide submissives on their path.

I've also written a book about my transition from a vanilla, egalitarian marriage to one of kink and power exchange. You can check the reviews on Amazon and if you/she would like a free author's ebook copy I'm happy as always to send one. Paperback is available there too if she'd prefer. Shoot me a DM with your preferred email and I'll get you an electronic copy if you would like.

Here's the link to both:

Where I Am Led: https://www.amazon.com/Where-Am-Led-Exploration-Workbook/dp/0578035952/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=where+i+am+led&amp;qid=1563535065&amp;s=gateway&amp;sr=8-1

Darling Discovered: https://www.amazon.com/Darling-Discovered-True-Story-Submission/dp/0997421916/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=darling+discovered&amp;qid=1563535127&amp;s=gateway&amp;sr=8-1

So have you looked at this one? This is the largest sized mass produced cage there is. It's really big to be honest. If you're saying your flaccid size is way too big for this (so probably 5" length x 5.25" girth flaccid) then you will no matter what need a custom cage.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07WT4GQ6L/ref=cm_sw_r_apa_i_9rsyFb3GZAT98

Is your flaccid size larger than that??

A few ideas, in case they might be helpful:

1. There's a BDSM obedience app (https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.obedience) which might make it easier for him to provide you with what you’re looking for without it being as time consuming.

2. Consider if it might work for you to ask him for rules to follow, and then you take more responsibility for following the rules yourself.

3. Possibly see if you might find someone else to provide you with the caregiver aspect (with his knowledge and consent), while continuing with him the sexual and other aspects that works well for him.

OMFG I love you (not really).

I have had a fantasy for fucking ever and you may be just the person to tell me how it works out.

Your going to be the one doing the writing for this, and you may want to get some of this for the more inaccessible places: https://www.amazon.com/Silhouette-MEDIA-TATTOO-Temporary-Tattoo-Paper/dp/B0043WJ3OA

Your free to use your own body as a canvas for instructions and offers for your partner... wrists, ankles (start showing them these messages in public) forearms, etc.... leave the intimate stuff for home and areas that remain more covered, and hide the best stuff under your underwear...

Your free to "map out" what you want under every layer, or just hide more explicit acts you want performed and simply point to them as a request rather than asking (dont speak). As an example, putting "kiss me" on your wrist and pointing to it makes a lot of sense for getting started. Bonus points if you start the game in public!

Master Series Pussy-Face Pussy Boy Mouth Gag https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0733XLCKF/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_8x.MBbWT0RS2W

Shod_kuribo made a lot of great points open jaw stretching. If your looking for a gag that can be worn longer with less jaw soreness than other open mouth gags I’d recommend this one.

It has a disadvantage of taking her lips out of the blowjob but really ups the humiliation factor. My sub has told me literally having a pussy strapped in her face sets the tone for face fucking/ deepthroat sessions. I’m the same size as you so you you shouldn’t have any issues there.

The good news is that the "fantasy sexting" (which is a great phrase, btw) gives you a great start as to what you're both into!

If you're looking for reading recommendations, might I suggest The Mistress Manual? It's got a lot of suggested scenarios that you can draw from in building scenes, and also a lot of "how do I cope with the anxiety/wtf am I doing??" helpfulness.

Start slow, is my other suggestion. If you're not sure about tools, implements, etc. then just add one new thing every time you play and have that be it, and don't be afraid to ask for feedback -- it doesn't make you any less dominant to want to know how he's feeling, etc.

A few tricks I picked up early on when I was much more anxious: one is blindfolds are a girl's best friend (or simply placing him where he can't look right at you) -- it's way more calming to dig through your stuff for that lost whatever-it-is, or accidentally get caught in your own shirt, or whatever, if someone isn't actively watching you do it, haha. Another is to not get too caught up in planning the intricacies of the scene; it's really tempting to plot the whole thing out ahead of time, and it may actually help you hypothetically (I still plan a whole scene when I'm topping someone new!) but but then if something goes wrong, you have to be able to think on your feet and react appropriately instead of just doing the whole scene at him. Both of you are involved. Also, personally, I tend to take my own orgasm out of the equation the first couple times I top someone -- either they get me off or I get myself off beforehand to take the edge off and then I can focus without having to worry as much about the sexy bits.

Also, if he's really into rope and would be open to teaching you, that's something you might have a lot of fun with out of character, so to speak. Just because he's tied up in a scene doesn't mean he can't help you get him tied up in the first place :)

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius The Way Of The Superior Man by David Deida (useful for any dom, XY or XX-chromosomed IMO) The Art Of Seduction by Robert Greene Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman

I came across these instructions for a home made rope flogger a while ago, and while I haven't tried to make it yet - I thought this might be something you're interested in. Enjoy! :D

A very easy and versatile thing to build yourself is a trellis. Placed a hands length away from a wall, it allows for a bottom to be tied in pretty much any flat position. Screwing a pull-up bar into the wall above the trellis increases the uses even further.

A trellis can be made out of wood, or out of metal piping. There's quite a community when it comes to making furniture out of plumbing supplies. Take this bed for instance. The link is SFW, but: you will instantly want to build it.

Some general advice: plastic mattress covers! If you were planning on any soft furniture, make sure you can wash it. Whenever considering buying something, ask yourself: "can this be power washed?"

Don't neglect adding some homely touches. A couch or some chairs to sit down an relax, a mini fridge for cold beverages

Facebook IS creepy as fuck and connects dots that you do NOT want connected, and USE them just as you describe.

I had some bad dealings on fetlife. But I did keep checking up on the person I had bad dealings with on Fetlife by looking at his page now and then to see if he was continuing the harassment.

then one day he was suggested on my facebook as a friend. I dont know how it happened. I am pretty careful not to cross the vanilla life and kinky life streams. But it panicked me. I deleted my Facebook account asap and waited 4 months. I made a more anonymous Facebook, locked it up tight with privacy settings and I use it only for family. But I was so squicked by that that I rarely use it at all. My family can call me. Facebook can go fuck itself.

Facebook keeps incredible track of you for advertising purposes to feed you targeted ads, and keeps track of your viewing after you close their site. it watches what you do ON THE web.

http://www.wired.com/2014/06/facebook-ad-tracking/

http://www.zdnet.com/article/facebook-to-unveil-new-ad-platform-to-track-users-across-multiple-devices/

> I'd also point to the fact that this generation, to generalize, is much more sexually aware, positive, and educated than older ones. You've had your fair share of freaks in older age groups, but compare the people who're willing to even consider, say, analingus between 20-30 range and 30-40 range.

I'll grant you that young people today appear more willing to speak publically about sex than previous generations, but not that they are more knowledgeable. Today's youth may be more sex-positive, but they are probably less sexually experienced.

Here's one affordable option. Just pop a padlock on there. Our swing is in a boring looking tote bag, but it could fit in the footlocker. (We've had hooks in the ceiling forever for the swing, but have attached children's swings to them in the winter.)

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Sterilite-Footlocker-Black/16415912

For the last question on non binary names, there was a post that got quite a few good sub names awhile back.

For top/dom names, a lot of them that I know of are gendered. I find if you look for outdated names, it's not so obvious that they are gendered. My liege or my emperor are examples of male names that don't feel super male anymore. Otherwise ruler, master, owner, key holder, controller. I also realized just now that you could throw master into a thesaurus and it gives you quite a few options too!

I don't personally feel confident enough to answer your humiliation question. What works for you is going to be personal and it's always hard to answer things like that. You might get more responses if you repost asking to hear other people's experiences rather than asking for ideas. People love to talk about themselves and generally posts that say "What does your top do to humiliate you?" with a little explanation of why you want it (aka not to masturbate to) are received much more positively in my experience.

I had DVNT Leathers to do my cuffs. He custom makes his stuff and can dye the inner surface and outer surface whatever color. I'm very happy with my cuffs and I will order from him again.

https://www.etsy.com/shop/DVNTLeathers?ref=pr_shop_more

I can't recommend these enough: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00CEQWP7Y/ref=cm_sw_r_udp_awd_P9Y4tb0HHAKYF

Fur lined leather, surprisingly well made and comfortable, ridiculously inexpensive. We had to poke another hole in them to get them super tight but that's easy.

my partner and i are long distance too, one of my favorite Little™ things we do is watch my cartoons together! also online games like scribbl.io have been lots of fun for us

rules and punishments are way more subjective, but maybe think about the kinds of things you want more structure with and build off of that? i dont do very well with thinking of things as strict rules and i definitely cant take punishment, so we use an app called Our Home to set up daily tasks for me to do (like drinking lots of water, taking my meds at the right time, stretching, exercise, etc) , and i can earn points and then spend them on rewards (like voice memos, drawings, etc) its been really helpful :o)