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Yeah that's a good point - it's frustrating when people sexualise everything. Perhaps it's a symptom of their own sexual repression, which they project onto other people. After all, if they are thinking about sex all the time, they assume other people are too! I do also think our culture has retained some Freudian ideas even if they are not scientifically valid... the idea that nearly everything people do is motivated by sex.

You make a great point about child abuse and sexual shame. Shame about sexuality is one of the primary tools that religion uses to keep people coming back, as most people experience sexual fantasies and thoughts fairly frequently, thus they feel guilty on a regular basis and have to repent continually. You might find this book interesting if you want to explore this topic further: Sex and God: How Religion Distorts Sexuality

But yeah I'm in a partnership with a woman now and sometimes it's frustrating feeling like our relationship gets sexualised. I feel like my relationship with her is primarily based on a foundation of friendship, first and foremost. We have gone long periods without sex for health reasons, so sex to us is really just a nice bonus - but not a necessity. However, people act like it's the only reason we're together.

I am very late to this post, but I wanted to recommend Higher Ground by Caroline S. Briggs. It was made into a movie driven by Vera Farmiga. It is about a woman's conversion to Christianity and her slow deconversion. She and her family were part of a cult that was Pentecostal and she is from my home state. I recommend both the book and the movie. Sorry, I am not good at linking... Book: https://www.amazon.com/Higher-Ground-Memoir-Salvation-Found/dp/1442214384 Movie: https://www.amazon.com/Higher-Ground-Vera-Farmiga/dp/B006LMF4FC/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1493864578&sr=1-1&keywords=higher+ground

I don't have children yet, but I'm trying to anticipate these same situations you've shared. One book that I might use in place of a christian bible to teach morals and life lessons is The Good Book: A Humanist Bible.