What are /r/IFchildfree's favorite Products & Services?

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Still reading Deep Work by Cal Newport. I usually read before bed and my schedule's been a little crazy with the holidays. We've been watching a LOT of Netflix/Hulu - Stranger Things, Portlandia, Supernatural, Fixer Upper. It's been so nice. We cooked a HUGE meal for Christmas so we've been eating on that.

We made a trip to IKEA and got some new stuff for our house. We're working on this little sitting nook and it's coming along nicely! Just need to find a good rug for it.

I'm sorry today has been rough. Anything you can do as a comfort or special treat for yourself? Or would watching a movie that makes you cry help? Sometimes that helps me get it out and move on, but it makes some people worse.

Also, have you heard of the book Sweet Grapes? I've just started reading it and find it somewhat helpful. (But wtf Amazon with the option to add this to a baby registry? Really?)

Hugs to you. Hope your day gets a little easier.

Currently reading Deep Work by Cal Newport and wondering how the heck I'm going to apply these principles in my job where I'm going a billion directions at all moments.

Made some easy bolognese last night and it was spot on. I used a couple different types of noodles to use them up and it tasted almost like a goulash. So comforting.

I'm not really watching a show right now.. I'll sit and watch Supernatural with my husband occasionally but I have a hard time focusing on shows unless they're documentaries or something like The Office or Portlandia.

Check out this amazing book, Infertility and PTSD, the uncharted storm, by Joanna Flemmons (Amazon link ). This book was one of the most helpful tools in my grief toolbox. Studies have shown that the grief from involuntary infertility causes a similar amount of stress as a cancer or HIV diagnosis, one such study. that book by flemmons was so helpful for me to understand the darker feelings that come with infertility. It’s a hard place to be in the grief cycle. That book was very validating for me that I wasn’t being dramatic and I really was/am experiencing trauma and grief.

It wouldn’t be so bad if it were only pink and blue cake reveals, but it’s almost always a “[aesthetic associated with femininity] or [hobby/profession associated with the father]” themed reveal, like the popular “Badges or Bows”.

Then let me rephrase.

He is not saying "if a woman gives birth, then she is saved."

Rather, he is saying "(if a woman believes), then she is saved when she (risks death by) giving birth."

Yes, that bit in the first parentheses is not in that particular verse. It is, however, what Paul said about salvation every other place. This is why no sound Biblical exegesis by any sound theologian operates by picking one verse out of context.

If you're actually interested in learning more, I'd recommend this book:

What Paul Really Said About Women: The Apostle's Liberating Views on Equality in Marriage, Leadership, and Love https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LTHXIN8/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_VB82MDDK6MKMC8VWEAS1

You need to know about this book:

He Remembers the Barren: Second Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/1934328154/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_XCYZAWZEZ6W2W81ZF02F

It's by a Lutheran pastor's wife, and is unapologetically Lutheran in its theology. But it is amazing.

Here’s the link to the article . And here’s the link to the book. I hate when people tell me to get over it. It’s only been six months since our last and final round of IVF and it’s still a raw wound for me. I feel like a family member died, or the hope of a family member and you wouldn’t tell someone whose family member died to just get over it. It’s hard living a life you never wanted or imagined if all you ever wanted was a family. I’ve said before “I’m sorry my grief is inconvenient for you,” but grief needs time to run its cycle. Sorry you’re having a difficult time. The more expedited veterans of IFchildfree say it does get better overtime. I’ve heard folks say it never goes away but becomes easier to deal with.

It’s hard planning for a life you never wanted. There are almost zero resources for people who are involuntary childfree, you too right about that. I’ve found that watching crime shows usually don’t have characters that end up pregnant and they don’t really have kids in them. Same with legal dramas like Law and Order. I realized like 90% of the shows I watched had some sort of baby/pregnancy/child in them. It’s seriously every single place you look!! There is one book that helped me understand the more complex and darker feelings surrounding infertility, especially the identity issues. It’s called Infertility and PTSD the Uncharted Storm by Joanna Flemmons (amazon link ). She should have me on her payroll with as much as I’ve recommended this book. It’s one of the VERY FEW books where not everybody’s story ends up with a miracle pregnancy/baby and their infertility is over. A medical emergency by itself can cause ptsd, then add infertility to that, and financial stress, it would make sense that you’d have some complex feelings about all of this shit. Our IVF failed recently and I’m struggling with many of the same feelings you are. And just one quick thing, if the weepy feelings don’t stop or get worse, check in with a doc, you don’t have to suffer alone or in silence. I’m in trauma therapy and had to start taking some anxiety meds, but hopefully only temporarily while I’m working through this raw period. I’m sorry you’re here but I think you’ve found a great sub for support. 💜

PTSD from infertility and medical trauma is very, very real. There is one book on it that I’ve found and man this book was amazing Infertility and PTSD the Uncharted Storm by Joanna Flemons. It’s the only thing that I’ve found so far to help me understand the more violent and darker thoughts and feelings that come from prolonged infertility. And it only helped so much but it definitely helped me put words to my feelings. I really struggle with ptsd from this bullshit jOuRnEy. I had a trauma in my 20s that I thought I worked through but after year two of infertility I started having trauma reactions again to life in general. I still don’t feel like the same person I was before infertility. Your feelings are super real, very valid, and extremely distressing. I struggle with this a lot. I don’t know if I’m doing things right either. Some days I feel ok but then this morning I saw a pregnancy announcement from a close friend on fb and I’m right back in it today. I know you’re on medical leave so if you needed, I can buy this for you or Venmo you so you can buy a copy. This author should have me on her payroll for as much as I’ve recommended this book! I am so sorry from the bottom of my heart that this bullshit has taken so much from you, physically and emotionally. I don’t know if it gets better but I’m really hoping it does. 💜

I use period calendar

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.popularapp.periodcalendar

It has a cat theme initially which you can change to blue, and choose what you want to be notified or show on your calendar in the settings.

Sounds like you're keeping busy in the best ways! I'm also in a reading slump.. I'm mostly into nonfiction. I did a stint about Everest/mountaineering, then one about death/grieving, and then one about hiking. Now I'm over all those topics... I have a couple book requested from the library, When Breath Becomes Air and All the Light We Cannot See. I haven't dabbled in fiction in awhile so we'll see how it goes.

We are about $2k away from being debt free (starting with around $62k, adding about $15k somewhere in the middle).. and then we'll be close to ready to buy a house. SO FREAKING EXCITED. And not having kids helps us get to this goal faster.

I'm reading this book about being infertile and living without kids!.. and so far it's pretty good. The author includes little writing exercises throughout, which I find very helpful because I love writing and it helps me process all the feels.

Definitely not reveling in others' misfortune. More like becoming more empathetic to others' struggles and realizing that suffering is universal, and most importantly, realizing that it doesn't have to break you. I am not religious, but Buddhism has some really great things to say on this topic. Peace Is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh was really helpful to me, along with a few other Buddhist books. How to Be Sick by Toni Bernhard has a lot of great tools and practical advice. I read it with someone else in mind but found it invaluable for myself.