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https://www.amazon.com/Miscarriage-Map-Expect-Longer-Expecting/dp/1082191353
Not very long and VERY helpful. Includes a lot of ways to ask for help and see how youre already supporting yourself. Also not full of bullshit silver linings!
Doing an RPL panel helped me a lot.
Is Your Body Baby Friendly?: How "Unexplained" Infertility, Miscarriage and IVF Failure Can Be Explained https://www.amazon.com/dp/0978507851/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_4MO9Eb1E24Q4M
COMPLETE LIST OF TESTS FOR RPL PANEL - Activated partial thromboplastin time (aPTT); - anti-thrombin III activity - beta 2 glycoprotein1 IgA, IgG, IgM; - dRVVT - Factor II - Factor V Leiden - Factor VIII - MTFHR Mutation - Natural Killer Cells - Protein C activity - Protein S (total) - Protein S antigen (free) - Protime (prothrombin) - Partial Thomboplastin Time - Rh blood type
Hormonal - Thyroid Stimulating Hormone
Immune - AntiOvarian Antibodies - Antiphospholipid Antibodies: anti-phosphatidylserine (IGG/M/A) - Antiphospholipid Antibodies: anti-cardiolipin (IGG/M/A) - Antiphospholipid Antibodies: Lupus anticoagulant - Plasminogen activator inhibitor-1 (PAI-1) activity;
I feel the same way. It makes it so much worse. I think our society pushes it "under the rug" because it's uncomfortable, leaving those of us who have had miscarriages out to dry and isolated. I was recommended a book on this subreddit, called "The Myth of the Perfect Pregnancy" by Lara Freidenfelds, that gets into all this and how it's been "taboo" in American society at least. Since I'm a nerd, I found reading a kinda scholarly book about these feelings and issues helpful for me to processing what I was going through (especially since there's not much information in the general public culture about it). Here's a link to the book:
It’s supposed to specifically helpful for recurrent miscarriage but who knows!
Here is the red string: The Kabbalah Centre Official Red String Bracelet I Red String Bracelet for Protection Against Evil Eye I Evil Eye Bracelet with Blessing & Instruction Included https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B081K8QTL2/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_NZ14ZF0YH391N9WS4QVQ?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Hopefully this all does the trick for us and we have a nice 2022 ❤️
I have found The Miscarriage Map to be extremely extremely helpful.
I also took time off to be in my grief and tune back into myself. Its moment to moment. But im glad I’m not trying to work my very demanding job right now
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DOJG6RA/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_dDkfFbTVPJ6Z2 I use these they're super cheap and the key it using it around the same time each day so for me afternoon pee is the go to and I got pregnant first go using them. Pregnancy didn't last but it definitely helped me time it right and with an irregular period for you it's going to be really hard to time it without help. I'm a RN so data is my go to. I would definitely encourage you to try the cheap strips and if that doesn't yield any luck for you it's definitely worth seeing what the underlining factors are for you. Best of luck!!
I have one A1298C variant. Have had 2 consecutive MCs. Both times I’ve had a strong fetal pole heartbeat in the 7th week (but measuring in the 6th week) and then have lost the pregnancy with no explanation. We did identify a subchorionic hematoma this time, which could be caused by the MTHFR mutation.
I take methylated folate and B12, and have methylated folate in my prenatal. This is the prenatal I’ve been taking: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01CQ3E4AK/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_EZP82G33P3J2ZVXTDX6Y?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Note that it does have biotin which can cause hCG to report low both in urine and blood. Just something to be aware of.
You could also talk to your doctor about taking baby aspirin to prevent blood clots. I started taking that this pregnancy but I worry it may have been too late. I will be testing the POC/tissue this time and hope to get answers re: why this MC happened.
I’ve been reading through Lamentations, and that has really comforted me as I’ve walked through the grief process. A friend of mine also recommended the book below, which discusses biblical lament. It’s comforting for me to know how to put my feelings into words when reading through books like Lamentations and Psalms, especially feelings that are messy.
I’m sorry for your loss. ❤️
I’ve always believed this ❤️. I read a book that had a lot of mention and personal accounts of it happening in it - “Cosmic Cradle”
https://www.amazon.ca/Cosmic-Cradle-Revised-Spiritual-Dimensions/dp/1583945520
I just had a miscarriage as well - and a friend who is a psychic medium told me the same thing. That the baby will be back. I love believing this. Thanks for this post.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s ok to feel blessed by your living child & sad for the one you lost. Those two things can exist in the same space without being the same thing. When I had my loss, my 3 year old niece knew I was pregnant & we had to tell her that Auntie wouldn’t be having a baby anymore. We got her this book.
I also found an organization called National Share that offers support groups, literature, therapists, etc… to moms like us.
Hang in there 💕 feel your feels. You can survive this, but it’s ok to be real sad.
https://www.amazon.com/Mommy-Crying-explaining-pregnancy-children/dp/1632993775/ref=nodl_
Yes, I really like this brand! It’s only one pill per day. I did a bunch of research and this seemed to fit the bill nicely.
Actif Organic Prenatal Vitamin with 25+ Organic Vitamins, 100% Natural, DHA, EPA, Omega 3, and Organic Herbal Blend - Non-GMO, 90 Count https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LVYT5RL/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apip_NyDeGpYpJYOgR
TW: living child
I’m so sorry you are going through this. It is so hard, especially multiple MCs back to back. I have had one miscarriage at 12w in 2020, but I thought I’d share some thoughts with you:
My mom had 3 miscarriages before having me at age 31 and my brother at age 42. My brother is smarter and calmer and fitter than I am. I hope this reassures you a bit that you still have time and you can have very healthy babies.
Please ignore if you’re not looking for advice - if you haven’t read this book, I highly recommend it:
It Starts with the Egg: How the Science of Egg Quality Can Help You Get Pregnant Naturally, Prevent Miscarriage, and Improve Your Odds in IVF https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0999676180/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_7GZY475T4KV62EDJCQAS
I read it kind of too late (after one child and one miscarriage and successfully progressing to 2nd (now 3rd) trimester in current pregnancy) but really wish I had read it before. It is written by a scientist, sources all referenced (the last 1/4 is all citation), and no BS or jumping to conclusions from just anecdotes. Really opened my eyes to what I previously thought was pseudoscience. Also strangely made me feel better about my miscarriage. I’ve recommended it to people who have had miscarriage or are going through IVF and they’ve all liked it. The title is kind of scary and gives pressure but I promise the content is much better - reassuring and practical.
———————-
I absolutely agree with people who talked about strengthening the communication and relationship with your partner beforehand. Pregnancy is a marathon and parenting is ultra ultra marathon. Age 0-2 we needed couples therapy but were so busy and exhausted we didn’t have time and our relationship was hanging by a thread. Finally went, kid is bigger/easier now so now we’re good. This is assuming you don’t have TTC marathon beforehand, which is even more emotionally draining (makes me cry thinking about it).
It’s been six months since my MMC. And I still get angry. I’m not sure if angry is the right word, tbh it’s more avoidant - like if I see a pregnant woman, or a friend sends me a photo of an ultrasound or of their baby, I just make a cursory remark (“oh cute haha”) and immediately delete it. If it’s a group chat I don’t even comment on them, just let the other people in the group do it.
I’ve been forcing myself to watch sitcoms that have storylines with babies - it’s hit and miss. Sometimes I’m fine, other times I just have to fast forward through it.
It’s almost impossible sometimes to logically remember that someone else’s pregnancy story has NOTHING to do with ourselves. We know this obviously. But the resentment is not a rational thing, is it.
Short answer - it comes and goes. When it comes, indulge it. Write about it. Give the angry feeling a name - like a monster’s name - treat it like an unwanted guest who comes to you, you talk to it, it goes away eventually. When it goes, let yourself feel free.
Speaking of which - I found a book from this subreddit (or might have been r/ttcafterloss) - I don’t read self help books and I’m not the kind to indulge in self pity. But I did find this particular book to be a deeply empathetic read.
And this anger that you speak of - ohhhhh it’s all captured in here. The universality of this emotion - it is just so comforting to know how normal it is ... I promise you will find so much catharsis in this 2-hour read. I was so touched by the book that I actually emailed the author to say thank you for writing it (and she is lovely, she wrote back).
So should you find yourself wanting to kill a couple hours, I highly recommend The Miscarriage Map by Sunita Osborn. Should be on Kindle or Amazon or any other bookstore wherever you are in the world.
Take care ♥️
Link to book - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Miscarriage-Map-Expect-Longer-Expecting/dp/1082191353
Hi there - I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s been 4.5 months since the procedure for me and I still can’t stand looking at pictures of my friends’ babies or even young kids. I just delete their pictures when they message them to me and make some cursory comment like “oh cute” … or if it’s a group chat I say nothing and just delete the pics / videos. If they come on a group video chat, I find a way to excuse myself. These are my closest friends - of course it’s not their fault and of course it’s not their kids’ fault.
IT IS OK TO FEEL THIS WAY. It is ok to delete and ignore these messages. It is ok to feel how you feel and believe me I can fully empathize - you have every right to feel this way. Give yourself permission to feel this way, it is ok.
And here’s something that really helped me - a book that took about two hours to read and I felt a weight lift off my chest. I swear I don’t read self-help books - but this one is different. And the author talks a lot about this exact feeling that you’re having - that I had, still have. It doesn’t make you a bad person.
Just take your time with it. I hope this helps.
Link to book -
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Miscarriage-Map-Expect-Longer-Expecting/dp/1082191353
For many of these, infuriatingly, it takes as long as it takes. Railing against it wont make it happen faster. Im inbetween waves of severe depression myself, right now. One of the other comments had it right: be kind and gentle with yourself. Feel all the things, wrapped in a big blanket, with your partner or support person, maybe with some tea. I have found this workbook to be especially helpful in my healing process. Be good to you.
I totally hear you on that and thank you for asking about me. My bleeding is getting lighter and lighter. Leaving some space to feel stuff I guess. Got a book to help I hope. The Baby Loss Guide: Practical... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1409185451?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
Ohhhh, how painful...forty years ago the neurosurgeon who performed emergency surgery on our twenty seven hour old newborn twin son explained "anniversary syndrome" to me. He assured me that for many years I would most likely experience the same emotions I felt when our tiny son was fighting for his life. And he was right...and that's what you're experiencing now. You can tell your family that story but more importantly, you can acknowledge your grief and sadness and then write a poem or draw a picture or take some meaningful photos to help you process this sorrow. Let your family wrap their arms around you and cry alongside you as well...a good cry is very therapeutic. Reading Jack Hayford's I'll Hold You In Heaven will encourage you as well.
Ask for a fetal biopsy. And Blood levels for TSH, testosterone, progesterone, Vit D, Folate
Read this book and take all these tests
Is Your Body Baby Friendly?: How "Unexplained" Infertility, Miscarriage and IVF Failure Can Be Explained and Treated with Immunotherapy https://www.amazon.com/dp/0978507851/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_4MO9Eb1E24Q4M
LIST OF TESTS FOR RPL PANEL - Activated partial thromboplastin time (aPTT); - anti-thrombin III activity - beta 2 glycoprotein1 IgA, IgG, IgM; - dRVVT - Factor II - Factor V Leiden - Factor VIII - MTFHR Mutation - Natural Killer Cells - Protein C activity - Protein S (total) - Protein S antigen (free) - Protime (prothrombin) - Partial Thomboplastin Time - Rh blood type
Hormonal - Thyroid Stimulating Hormone
Immune - Antiphospholipid Antibodies: anti-phosphatidylserine (IGG/M/A) - Antiphospholipid Antibodies: anti-cardiolipin (IGG/M/A) - Antiphospholipid Antibodies: Lupus anticoagulant - Plasminogen activator inhibitor-1 (PAI-1) activity;
Would definitely recommend getting a heating pad or even better, a heated blanket. That was so much more helpful than anything else. My doctor prescribed norco and ibuprofen, I was fine with just regular Tylenol and ibuprofen though (but am used to bad cramps). Definitely second getting either the depends or these (this is what I used and they were amazing): Always Extra Heavy Overnight Maxi Pads with Flexi-Wings - 20 Count https://www.amazon.com/dp/B002KAL6NI/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_D3GLFbB5D9N9B?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Don’t be surprised if the cramping gets better after a day or two and then ramps up again on days 4-5. That’s what happened with mine despite having passed the sac in the first day. Also, worth getting some mindless distraction-movie marathon, new book, anything that you can get buried in to pass the time. Keeping some snacks and lots of fluids around is important too. The best advice my doctor gave me was to keep taking my prenatal (that had iron) to help cope with the blood loss. I was able to bounce back pretty quickly from the initial bad day and the on and off heavy bleeding that followed the next week, and I think that had a lot to do with it. Thinking of you, whatever option you pick is right for you.
Check out “Not Broken” by Dr. Lora Shahine. It covers every known cause for recurrent loss and explains all of the tests REs typically run. It’s thoughtfully written, really easy to read, and based in science and medicine. I had been (erm...have been) obsessing about my unexplained RPL and read this book in a day. It was fairly comforting.
So sorry for your losses, hope this helps.
I miscarried at 6w3d. The ER saw a very small fetal pole, but no heartbeat and three days later at my OB’s office there was only a gestational sac with a small yolk sac.
Take time to grieve. Let yourself feel your feelings. I found reading stories online and sharing with family and friends comforting. Journaling helps me too so I did that and wrote a letter to my angel baby.
After a few weeks I purchased some books on Amazon including, Loss Mom to Loss Mom and Saying Goodbye.
My mom and I also planted some flower bulbs that will bloom in the spring/summer around my estimated due date.
I am so sorry for your loss 💜
My list is not an Amazon list per se but I imagine some items can be found on Amazon.
My mom bought me some nice pajamas which were very welcome.
My best friend ordered me some ginger chews. These are a bitch to get out of the wrapping but so good. They are strong and distracting, it that makes sense.
Purchased my favorite bubble bath for when I could take a bath - had to wait a week with the D&C.
Cold compress for my eyes - I did cry a lot.
I don't know if you plan to do anything but I bought a wooden box off amazon to put all my pregnancy related stuff in. Ultrasound photo, hospital wrist bands, appointment papers. I also wrote a letter to LO that was my way of saying goodbye.
Outside of things to buy when I was omw home from my D&C my husband made sure to order my favorite take out food. I changed into pajamas we sat on the couch cry/ate talked then watched old shows that we could talk over.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I found comfort in this book. Its a compilation of stories from parents who have lost children of all ages, including in utero. It really helps to show you are not alone.
Woah that is just awful!! I'm so sorry the people that are supposed to be closest to you have been so unfeeling. My loss was nearly 2 years ago and it still hurts to this day. From my own experiences and in talking to others who are more years out than I, the pain never goes away but your ability to manage life with that background of pain improves.
Some things that helped me: going to a support group run by my maternal-fetal medicine department. My main doctor and delivery had been through a different hospital, but they welcome anyone in the community. They were so incredibly nice to me.... and after a traumatic experience with my delivery/horrible hospital stay/staff, they were just what I needed. The simple kindness and warmth helped immensely. I'd recommend talking to your nearest maternal-fetal medicine department because they'd likely be able to point you in the direction of a support group, if they don't run one themselves.
Additionally, this book was helpful. It is a compilation of stories of people who have lost children of all ages. It helps to show you are not alone.
I agree with distancing yourself from them for the immediate future. Give yourself the space and quiet time you need.
I agree with everything u/j_tracy said. The pain will always be there but your ability to manage life around that pain improves. I am a year and a half out myself and have spoken with several people who were years out who have all echoed this.
I found solace in a child loss support group through the hospital affiliated with my maternal-fetal medicine department (the hospital where I actually delivered was horrible). They were extraordinarily kind and it helped to see that I wasn't alone.
This book was also a good read, it is stories from 30+ families who lost children of all ages. It also helps to show that you are not alone, especially since your boyfriend doesn't sound to be very supportive (side note, - my husband got numerous emails and phone calls asking how I was but people forgot he lost a child too. Guys are expected to be strong for the woman, so he may be grieving differently, including anger.)
I used email to communicate to my coworkers what had happened (since they all knew I was pregnant), so that I wouldn't have to talk about it in person, and excused myself to the bathroom when someone from another department started talking about their kid. Regarding how to function, what worked for me was to totally bury myself in work leaving not one second for my mind to drift otherwise I knew I would fall apart. I ran myself absolutely ragged but you do what you have to do to get by. On that note, sleeping was extremely difficult. I found the radio (or tv talk show that I listened to with my eyes closed) helped distract my mind on a low level so that my body to relax so I could fall asleep. I still need that crutch to this day.
Its an awful road to be on. Be kind to yourself.
One of the things that helped me a lot was going to a support group. The hospital that I delivered my daughter at did a horrible job of supporting me (so many staff said the wrong things) or giving me information on how to move forward with my grief. My maternal fetal medicine doctor was with another hospital group, and they run a support group. I went to their meetings and they were so welcoming and kind to me, even though my daughter had been lost at a different hospital. I'd recommend reaching out to your nearest maternal-fetal medicine department as they'd have knowledge of support groups that they can refer you to. Its nice to know that you are not alone and, they can help answer some of the tough questions you may have of what to do moving forward. I was incredibly traumatized by what happened at the other hospital. It was so nice to be around kind people that I could open up to, who truly cared.
I'm a year out from my loss but from talking to others who are further out it seems that the pain will always be present in your life, but you learn how to manage life around that pain. hug
Additionally, this book also was helpful to read. Its a compilation of stories of people who have lost children of all ages.
Personally, I don't think the pain gets better, only that we learn how to live with it. This book helped me out a lot. Its the story of 35 parents who lost a child of all ages. Time helps us learn how to deal.... it does not heal the wounds.
There are a lot of childrens books available (several on Amazon) that help explain what happened. You can suggest this, but really it's up to your in-laws with how they choose to handle it. Make sure you allow them to work through it on their own.