This sucks... I'm so sorry it's been this difficult for you. Your partner should really be guiding you during sex.
Her pleasure is her responsibility, by that I mean that you're not able to read her mind so if she doesn't tell you that she'd like more of something that you're doing that she likes, or less of something else then there's no way of knowing in the moment. If you talk about it afterwards that's totally fine, but it doesn't do anything to help you in the moment.
Do you listen to podcasts? Queer/wlw podcasts that I've been listening to have all been saying the same thing: consent is important and communication is what leads to great sex.
This episode of open wide say ah talks about communicating during sex in a way that's sexy
we're having gay sex is an absolute gem as well, they share their sex stories and talk about safe sex practices
There are many more queer pods that I listen to if you're interested, but hopefully these would be of some help to you if you're able to listen to them
First I wanna say, do whatever makes you happy with your own body hair. Anyone who doesn't like your choices doesn't matter. But if you feel the hair gets in your way, I bought this electric trimmer for my underarms and bikini areas and I'm loving it.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00TYSQXIC?psc=1&ref=ppx\_yo2ov\_dt\_b\_product\_details
It has 5mm guard that makes everything neater without hurting my skin or making the hair too short and pokey, and a narrow head so it's nimble. Sorry if you didn't want a recommendation, just ignore this
I don't know if you have heard of the concept of compulsory heterosexuality, (that society's presumptions restrict and resist our self actualization), the same presumptions exist around monogamy.
Watch http://www.tvmaze.com/shows/46662/trigonometry and see if that liberates your potential.