I like this one and a lot of people recommend it. https://www.amazon.com/dp/073520019X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_XBSBXSAPS6CXXTSSAQVF?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
I think yall inspired me to start working in it again.
I think your reaction is quite reasonable. I’d be super nervous too if the quality of my art was directly tied to my self-worth. The pressure is even higher, given the expectations you were given when you were young too.
I’m going through something similar, and am still figuring out my way around my own anxieties, but perhaps this book I read recently on procrastination could be helpful for you. It dives fairly deeply into personal motivations for procrastinating, and I found it very helpful.
I would recommend reading Cal Newport's book So Good They Can't Ignore You: Why Skills Trump Passion in Your Quest for Work You Love.
Kindle version (which can be read in any browser) is just $2.99 right now.
In the interest of getting myself a routine and working on being healthier, I have set up Habit Hunter (link IOS or link Android). It’s really very cool - it completely gamifies your life. It takes a bit to set up, but once it’s going, it’s very cool. Basically, you become the hero of your own life. You set up things you do every day, habits you have, and To-Do lists. As you complete them, you mark them off. You will receive experience and money to advance your character, buy equipment, etc. If you don’t complete your daily tasks, you will take damage.
I tried Ashwagandha for about a month and while I did seem a bit better I was unsure of it being a placebo effect. This was the brand that I used.
Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Children and Adults is a very relevant book about many health issues gifted people face.
I'm late to the post, but I think a really good one, that has helped me a lot when my "smarts" just didn't do well enough is Atomic Habits. It's all about how to actually create habits that stick instead of relying on willpower (or just natural intelligence) to bring you through issues.